An Elderberry Fall (14 page)

“Nadine, I am so glad you decided to visit me; now I feel I know you. You are a miserable person. You used what your so-called husband said to you in order to pay me a visit. All of it was because you have a thing for my husband. Leave him alone! He is married to me. He don't want you. Find someone you can have for yourself!”

“If I wanted him, I would have him,” she quickly shot back. “Do you think I want a man who is gone for weeks at a time? He is good-looking and all that, but he is a roamer. He probably has women all over town and a few down in the country, too. You know any man who is away from home as much as Simon has another woman somewhere. The colored baseball players are famous for having more than one girl, a country girl. So, the truth is you are just like me, lonely. Your man is gone and so is mine. We are stuck at home with the children while they have a life of their own. I don't want Simon. He is too busy in the street. All men are damn liars anyway.”

I added, “And don't forget, Nadine, he is also married.”

“Before I go, let me just say it. If you ever need someone to go to the club with or hang out with, I'm right across the street. I get tired of men fooling around. We got feelings too. Damn it.” She got up and headed to the door.

G
ray smoke billowed from under the train's wheels, as it screeched and came to a halt. Adam Murphy stood waiting right beside me. He showed up when I crossed the street in front of the rooming house where he stayed. “I'm going with you to Petersburg,” he boldly stated. Petersburg was right next to Richmond. I wanted to say no, but instead I said, “It is nice to have some company with me. I've been a bit nervous thinking about taking this trip alone. I don't know what to expect.”

“I thought you could use a friend on the first day,” he said. I peered over at his wide smile and grinned.

My hands had been trembling all morning. When I took Robert down the stairs to the Halls, I tripped and grabbed the balusterade just before I started to tumble. It was a miracle I'd maintained my posture with Robert on my hip. He grinned, thinking the shaking was fun. Mrs. Hall had been up early, making sure everything was in place for Robert. She had been sipping on black coffee since four a.m. When she opened the door and saw us, her blue eyes danced with joy. Robert reached for her as soon as he recognized her standing in the door. We walked into her family room. It was a clean place, though somewhat boring. The furniture was simple, a paisley davenport and the typical high-back chair. She didn't
have a lot of anything in the rooms. Actually, it was a bit mundane. The furniture was simple. Unlike the walls of colored folk, her walls had pictures of fruit baskets. Even I had a picture of Jesus Christ on my kitchen wall. Everybody I knew had one. On her mantle hung an oil painting of her and Mr. Hall. They were in their thirties, maybe forties, both of them with smiles across their faces showing all of their teeth. They looked as happy in 1900 as they did now.

“I've been waiting for you.”

“Yes, ma'am,” I said. “I feel guilty leaving Robert here while I'm gone. You know this will be the first time since he has been born that I was not with him at night. It seems sort of wrong.”

“Sit down,” she said as she handed me a cup of coffee I never asked for.

“You are a child yourself, and you have a life. Robert will never remember you being gone. He is still young. By the time he is old enough to remember, you will be finished with your education. Don't feel guilty about progress.”

I sipped the black coffee. It was strong and bitter. I wanted sugar and cream. However, I never asked. Listening to her speak about life surprised me, since white people always had it so easy.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure,” she said, rocking Robert back and forth. He snuggled close to her chest, with dreamy eyes, wanting to go back to sleep.

“Why do you know so much about guilt and taking chances?”

She chuckled. “In case you haven't noticed, I live with a colored man. We have been together for over thirty years. I met him when I was a young girl. I knew it was forbidden to fall in love with a colored man. However, I believed in progress. I felt all people were created to be happy. Why should I live my life being miserable
because nobody understands my life? It is up to us to change the world.”

“Mrs. Hall, my life has always been complicated. I have a baby. I'm too young to be a mother, and I don't have anything to offer my child. My husband is away chasing his dreams, and I daydream about a better life for me and Robert. Simon is a good man, though. He wants to take care of us, but I see more. He wants me home and pregnant, and my momma will be angry because I left Robert with you. I feel bad about what I am doing.”

She shook her head. “Listen to me; you're young. You have a right to be happy too. Don't feel bad about taking care of you. Simon is off taking care of his self. Is it wrong to love yourself? Back in 1913, women marched down the streets of Washington, D.C., for women's rights. I went up there and walked right past the White House. It was the Women's Suffrage Movement. Colored women from Howard Normal School marched right beside us. They were in a sorority for colored girls. They took a stand for you. Most of them were in school to be teachers too. There is nothing wrong with progress.” Then she patted Robert on the back. “You see, Robert is already asleep on my shoulder. He'll be fine, and we will take good care of him.”

I took the sleeping Robert out of her arms. I kissed him and he opened his eyes and smiled. I put him back on her shoulder and he fell right back to sleep.

“Thank you for what you are doing for me.”

“It is for your family. You will be happy when you feel better about where you are going in your life. What you are doing is the beginning of something good and new.”

For a moment, she reminded me of Mrs. Gaines, a white woman I had found refuge with while working in a job I despised. Working
as a white woman's maid bothered me, and is why I wanted to teach. Education seemed to be the only way a colored person could gain an ounce of dignity. Even yet, the lifestyles of most colored folk were not any better than those who worked as servants. The excitement of knowing things gave one a sense of freedom.

I didn't believe white people could be good until I met Mrs. Hall. Her courage in marrying a colored man, had inspired me to do the thing not necessarily popular, but what was the best for me. The only other person I knew who had a relationship with someone of another race was Miss Topsie. She loved white men, but mainly for the money. I can remember the way Mr. Ferguson stared at her when he came into the Feed and Seed store, and she was there purchasing her rosewater perfume. She'd smile and he would tip his hat. Momma would tell me, “Come on, chile, white men are out of order.”

I'd respond, “What do you mean?”

And she would say, “Just don't go around no white men when you are alone.” I knew exactly what she meant. None of them would be seen with Miss Topsie in public, yet at night when the field animals were sleeping and everybody else was supposed to be asleep, she had a visitor.

“Mrs. Hall, I'd better go now. I'll see you in a few days. By the way, Robert loves mashed potatoes.” She softened her eyes, stared at me and smiled.

When I walked out of the door, tears welled up in my eyes. I tried to bat them away, yet they just leaked down my cheeks. I struggled to keep from looking back. I walked down the road toward Adams Street, past the nightclub and crossed over to Broad Street. In my hands were all the things I thought I'd need at the Normal School, a suitcase filled with three dresses, a pair of shoes, underwear and a cloak to stay warm.

In a few weeks, the landscape would change and snow would be on the ground. And, to imagine neither Simon nor I would be home with our child. Both of us harboring a compulsion to make something exciting and worthwhile happen in our lives, everything self-serving.

Adam Murphy surprised me by showing up. He was all dressed up, wearing a dark-gray Sunday suit with a black bow tie. He was almost dressed like an undertaker. He appeared handsome and strikingly manly for someone in school.

“I thought I'd ride down to Petersburg with you.”

“But, you don't have to do that.”

“I know, but your husband is gone away and you'd be traveling alone. A woman don't have no business making her first trip without a man.”

“Adam, I went down there before alone. It is too close to Richmond to worry.”

“I know, but today is different.”

“How is that?”

“Well, you are leaving home for the first time and you are not coming right back.”

“I'm coming back in a week or so,” I said, teasing him, and admiring his gentlemanly ways. “I'm glad you decided to come with me. Now I don't feel so alone.”

He smiled. “This is the beginning of something good. You know how many people are scared to change?”

“What do you mean by scared?” I asked him as we waited for the conductor to let us board the train.

“Colored people want to do good too. Colored men want good-paying jobs. My uncle works for the government. He is a janitor, but he gets a pay check every week. Some colored men can't do anything but farm. They sell vegetables for a living. It is a hard
job, slaving out in the heat, the sun hovering above their heads, beads of sweat rolling down their cheeks. The sun kills.”

All of a sudden, I was sad. “I know my papa died from being in the sun way too long.”

“Colored men can use their minds too. We have used our backs for too long. I want to be a doctor, or maybe a preacher. Teaching is an honorable job. Everybody wants to do better, but some of us will never get the opportunity. They are afraid of change, and the unknown.”

“You are right.”

“This is your chance, Carrie,” Adam said as if he'd known me for a long time and knew I had always desired to teach school.

“All aboard!” the conductor yelled.

All of the colored people made their way to the last car on the train. Adam and I got on. I panned around looking for Nadine's husband, and was extremely happy when I didn't see him anywhere. The man was creepy. His stares were more than I wanted to handle.

Adam lifted my bags onto the train and then sat down beside me. I couldn't believe he was going with me to Petersburg, just to be friendly. I didn't have men friends and was ashamed I had not encouraged Adam to stay in Richmond. Besides, he was not my man.

We talked about family, children and school the entire ride to Petersburg. One lady made a comment and we both laughed. She said, “You two are the cutest couple.”

We didn't tell her the truth. Both of us replied with a simple “thank you.”

As we exited the train, we heard someone from a distance calling, “Carrie!”

I turned in the direction of the sound and there stood Nadine's husband waving and grinning like a Cheshire cat. Adam picked up my luggage and began to coax me toward the school.

“Carrie, wait a minute!” Nadine's husband yelled, walking toward me.

I stopped and waited as he approached us.

“What are you doing back in Petersburg?” he asked, even before I could say hello.

“I'm here for school.” All the time he was staring at Adam as if he was someone to reckon with. Adam peered at him as well, so serious, I thought something might happen.

“We've got to get going. I have to be somewhere by noon.”

“How's your husband?” Nadine's husband asked in a suspicious tone.

“He is doing well, real well. He may end up in the big league one day,” I answered.

“I'm sure he will,” he mumbled, and cut cold eyes in my direction.

As we walked away, I could feel him still peering at us, but neither of us turned to take a look.

Adam and I walked side by side toward the boarding house I would be staying in. He didn't say anything about Nadine's old man, and neither did I. The fall breeze was just brisk enough to shake the leaves on the trees. It felt good on my skin. I felt free. Adam appeared a bit rattled, but the breeze appeared to relax his face. I was not sure if it was the man at the train station or the mention of my husband, Simon, that made him shiver.

In a platonic way, he grabbed my hand. I didn't pull away. I let him fill in temporarily for my husband who was off chasing balls on the baseball field. Adam escorted me to the house and sat in the sitting room until I had unpacked my clothes. I shared a room
with two other college students, women also inspired to educate colored children.

•  •  •

Adam stood as straight as a soldier, his brown face smiling at me as we waited for the evening train to come around the curve. I expected him to be tired or anguished after walking side by side with me around the small country town, familiarizing me with the life at a secondary education school. Along the way, we met two well-dressed girls who were also enrolling in school. Both of them smiled at us, and we introduced ourselves. Surprisingly, they were from a small town too, and being at the Normal School was also their first time away from home.