An Amish Match (8 page)

“I'm Alexis Granger,” said the girl. “Hey, Tim, move back so I can see your new mom.” She laughed, and Timothy did, too. Leaning her elbow on the car's open window, she said, “You must be Joshua's new wife.”

Startled by the
Englisch
girl's effusiveness, Rebekah smiled. “
Ja
, I am Rebekah.” She looked at Sammy who was eyeing the girl and the car with the same interest Timothy was. “And this is my son Samuel.”

“A big name for a cute, little boy.”

“We call him Sammy.”

The pretty brunette chuckled. “Much better. Hi, Sammy.”

He gave her a shy grin but didn't say anything.

“He's a real cutie,” Alexis said before holding out a stack of envelopes. “These were delivered to our mailbox by mistake, and Mom asked me to drop them off over here on my way to work.”

“Where do you work?” Rebekah asked to be polite.

“At one of the diners in Bird-in-Hand where the tourists come to try Amish-style food.” She hooked a thumb in Timothy's direction. “
He
thinks I got the job because my boss was impressed my neighbors are plain, but it was because I was willing to work on weekends.” She rolled her eyes. “Saving for college, y'know. Anything I can pick up for you while I'm in town?”

“
Danki
, but we're fine.”

“Okay. See ya, Tim!” She backed the car out onto the road. Small stones spurted from under the back tires.

Rebekah half turned to protect Sammy. Even though the tiny stones didn't come near them, a dust cloud billowed over them.

The glow that had brightened Timothy's face while Alexis was there faded. Without a word, he walked back to the house. As he did, he tucked his fingers into one side of his suspenders and tugged at them on each step, clearly deep in thought.

“Don't mind him,” Deborah said, warning Rebekah she'd stared too long. “He's like that when Alexis stops by.”

“She comes often?”

“
Ja
, but not as much as she used to. She's always got something going on at school or at work. Timothy misses having her around. He thinks she's hot.”

Shocked, Rebekah began, “Deborah—”

“Will you call me Debbie as Sammy does?” the little girl asked with a grin.

“We'll talk about your name in a minute. You shouldn't make such comments about Alexis. It isn't nice.”

The girl frowned. “Timothy said it was a compliment.”

“I'm sure he did, but your brother hasn't learned yet that what's inside a person is more important than the outside.”

“But
Daedi
said
you're
pretty when he told us he was going to marry you.”

Rebekah ignored the delight that sprang through her, but it wasn't easy. “He and I have known each other for years. He didn't marry me for what I look like.” She put her hands on her distended belly. “Certainly not now!”

That brought a laugh from the little girl, and Rebekah changed the subject to the chores they had left to do before Joshua and Levi got home.

As Deborah turned to head back to the front porch, she asked, “Will you call me Debbie?”

“As long as your
daed
agrees. He'll want you to have a
gut
reason.”

The little girl considered her words for a long minute, then said, “I want to be called Debbie so Sammy feels part of our family.”

Unbidden tears filled Rebekah's eyes. What a
wunderbaar
heart Debbie had been blessed with! As she assured Debbie she would speak with Joshua about the nickname after dinner, she had to keep blinking to keep those tears from falling. She hugged the
kind
.

Dearest God,
danki
for bringing this little girl into my life.
Sweet Debbie was making Sammy a part of her family, and Rebekah, too. For the first time in longer than she could remember, Rebekah felt the burden she carried on her shoulders every day lift. It was an amazing feeling she wanted to experience again and again. Was it finally possible?

* * *

Joshua heard the screen door open after supper, but he kept reading the newspaper's sports section. The last light of the day was beginning to fade, and he wanted to finish the article on the new pitcher who had signed with the Phillies. He'd been following the Philadelphia baseball team since he wasn't much older than Sammy. His sons were baseball fans, too, and he'd expected Timothy or Levi to come out and ask for an update before now.

When a question wasn't fired in his direction, he looked up. His eyes widened when he saw Rebekah standing there.

Alone.

The last time she'd spent any time with him without one of the
kinder
nearby was the first evening when they'd tried to work out aspects of their marriage. How guilty he'd felt afterward! Though he knew his life was now entwined with Rebekah's, his heart belonged to Tildie. He wanted to be a
gut
husband, but how could he when he needed to hold on to his love for the first woman he had exchanged vows with?

My brother, do you take our sister to be your wife until such hour as when death parts you? Do you believe this is the Lord's will, and your prayers and faith have brought you to each other?

The words Reuben had asked him at the wedding ceremony rang through his head. They were identical to the vows he had taken with Tildie. Why hadn't anyone told him how he was supposed to act once death parted him from Tildie? The
Ordnung
outlined many other parts of their lives. Why not that?

Renewed guilt rushed through him when he saw Rebekah regarding him with uncertainty. She must be enduring the same feeling of being lost without Lloyd, though she never gave any sign. Perhaps she was trying to spare him.

“I'm sorry if I've disturbed your reading,” she said. “The
kinder
are practicing their parts for the end-of-the-school-year program next week. Sammy is their rapt audience.”

He chuckled. “The end-of-the-school-year program is important to them. It's hard to think how few more Levi will be in. At least there will be others with Deborah and Sammy.”

“I thought you should know Deborah wants to be called Debbie now.”

“Why?”

Her soft blue eyes glistened as she told him how his daughter longed to help Sammy feel more at home with his new family. Were those tears, or was it a trick of the light?

His own voice was a bit rough when he said, “Debor—Debbie has always been thoughtful. I wish I could say the same for her older brother.”

“May I talk to you about Timothy?”

He lowered the newspaper to his lap and lifted off his reading glasses. “Has he been giving you trouble?”

“No,” she said as she sat in the rocker. “He treats me politely.”

“I'm glad to hear that.” He didn't add he'd worried his older son would take out his frustrations with his
daed
on Rebekah. He was jolted when he realized that unlike his younger siblings, Timothy had perceived the distance between the newlyweds.

Was it obvious to everyone?

He didn't have a chance to answer the unanswerable because Rebekah said, “But I have noticed something about Timothy that concerns me.”

“What?” He silenced his sigh. After trying to motivate his son to do something other than mope around the buggy shop, he didn't want to deal with Timothy again tonight.

Instantly he chided himself. A parent's job didn't end when the workday did. Because he was worried about his failure to reconnect with the boy who once dogged his footsteps was no reason to give up. His son was trying to find his place in the world, as every teenager did.

“Have you noticed,” Rebekah asked, drawing his attention back to her, “how Timothy stops whatever he's doing whenever Alexis Granger and her snazzy car goes by?”

“Snazzy?”

“It's a word, right?”

He smiled. “It is, and it's the perfect description for the car. I know Brad wishes he'd gotten a less powerful one. Letting a new driver like Alexis get behind the wheel is like giving Sammy the reins to our family buggy.”

“I'm not as worried about the car as I am about Timothy's interest in it...and the girl who drives it.”

“They've been friends since they were little more than babies.”

“But they aren't babies any longer.” She sighed. “I don't want to cause trouble, Joshua, but Timothy lit up like a falling star when she was here, and I noticed him watching her go the whole way up the Grangers' driveway tonight. As soon as supper was over, he was gone.”

“Saturday nights are for him to be with his friends.”

“I realize that, but Alexis fascinates him. If you want my opinion...”

“I do.”

She met his eyes evenly. “He'd like more than a friendship with her.”

Joshua folded his glasses and put them on the windowsill by his chair. He did the same with the newspaper as he considered her words. Maybe he had been turning too blind an eye toward his oldest's friendship with the neighbor girl. He didn't want to do anything to cause his son to retreat further from the family. To confront Timothy about the matter could create more problems.

When Rebekah didn't say more, he was grateful. She wasn't going to nag him about his son as his older sister Ruth did. Ruth's
kinder
didn't seem to have a rebellious bone in their bodies, so she couldn't understand what it was like to have a son like Timothy. But he'd think about what Rebekah had said.

“
Danki
for caring enough for my son to be worried about him,” he said, reaching out to put his hand on hers.

She moved her fingers so smoothly he wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't seen her flinch away too many times. As she came to her feet, unable to hide that she wanted to put more space between them, she said, “I'm not Timothy's
mamm
, but I care about him.”

Do you care about me, too?
The question went unasked, and it would remain unasked, because he realized how much he wanted the answer to be
ja
and how much he feared it would be no.

Chapter Seven

T
he yard of the simple, white schoolhouse at the intersection of two country roads was filled with buggies, and more were pulling in as Rebekah climbed the steps after Joshua. She was glad Sammy could manage the steps on his own, because it was more difficult each day to pick him up and carry him. Inside, the schoolroom looked almost identical to the one she had attended. The same textbooks were on the shelves at the back of the room, and the scholars' desks were set in neat rows with the teacher's desk at the front of the blackboard.

An air of anticipation buzzed through the room. The scholars were eager to begin their program as well as their summer break. Younger
kinder
looked around, excited to get a glimpse of where they would be attending school. Parents used the gathering as a chance to catch up on news.

Most of the
mamms
sat at the scholars' desks, but Rebekah decided to remain at the back with the
daeds
and grandparents and other relatives. She was unsure if her ever-widening belly would fit behind one of the small desks.

The room was filled with sunshine, but its glow wasn't as bright as the smiles on the scholars' faces while they stood near their teacher's desk. On the blackboard behind them, someone—probably Esther Stoltzfus, their teacher—had written in big block letters: HAVE A FUN AND SAFE SUMMER!

Joshua's younger sister looked happy and harried at the same time. Levi and Debbie talked with fondness and respect for their teacher who was also their
aenti
. Now Esther was trying to get each of the scholars in the proper place for the beginning of the program. The youngest ones complied quickly, but the oldest ones, knowing this was their final day of school, seemed unable to stand still or stop talking and giggling.

But Esther treated each
kind
with patience and a smile. When two of the younger scholars went to her and whispered below the buzz of conversation in the room, she nodded. They ran out the side door and toward the outhouses at the back corner of the schoolyard.

After she turned to scan the room, Esther smiled warmly when her eyes met Rebekah's. She went to her desk and pulled out her chair. She rolled it to the back of the room and stopped by Rebekah.

Esther motioned at the chair. “Would you like to sit down?”

“I don't want to take your chair.”

“I won't have a chance to sit.” Her dimples rearranged the freckles scattered across her cheeks and nose. “Please use it.”

“Danki.”
She wasn't going to turn down the
gut
-hearted offer a second time.

Joshua took the back of the chair from his sister and shifted it closer to the last row of desks. “You should be able to see better from here, Rebekah.”

“Danki,”
she repeated as she sat with a relieved sigh. She settled Sammy on her knees. While the men talked about farming and the weather and the latest news on their favorite baseball teams, she pointed out the posters and hand-drawn pictures tacked on cork strips that hung about a foot below the ceiling. He was delighted with each one and asked when he could come to school with the older
kinder
. With a smile, she assured him it would be soon.

When the two young scholars returned, they took their places. Rebekah smiled when she saw Debbie at the far right in the front row of girls while Levi peered over the head of the scholar in front of him from the other end of the back row.

“Debbie! Levi!” called Sammy as the room became silent.

Everyone laughed, and Rebekah whispered to him that he needed to be quiet so he could hear the songs.

Sammy bounced on Rebekah's knees as the
kinder
began to sing. He clapped along with the adults at the end of each song. The recitations made him squirm with impatience, but each time another song began, he tried to join in with a tuneless, “La, la, la.”

Rebekah enjoyed the program and was pleased when Debbie and Levi performed their poems without a single hesitation or mistake. She glanced up to see Joshua smiling. Though pride wasn't considered a
gut
thing among the Amish, she could tell he enjoyed seeing his
kinder
do well after their hard work to memorize each word.

Sammy grew bored during a short play performed by the oldest scholars. Other toddlers were wiggling and looking around, as well. Even a cookie couldn't convince him to sit still.

“Down,” he said. When she didn't react, he repeated it more loudly.

Not wanting him to disrupt the program, she let him slide off her knees. She whispered for him to stay by her side.

“Hold hand?” he asked.

She nodded and held out her hand. She was astonished when he took Joshua's fingers. Leaning his head against Joshua's leg, he smiled when her husband tousled his hair without taking his eyes off the program.

Sammy obviously had changed his mind about Joshua. A warm glow filled her. She'd seen signs of the change in recent days, but her son had remained tentative around Joshua in public. For the first time, he wasn't clinging to her.

Her joy disappeared when Sammy suddenly darted past her as the
kinder
began to sing again. She jumped to her feet, but he grasped Debbie's hand and announced, “Sammy sing, too.”

Rebekah's face burned as she started toward the
kinder
who were giggling at her son's antics. Her sneaker caught, and a broad hand grasped her shoulder, halting her. Time telescoped into the past to the night Lloyd had kept her from leaving the house by seizing her from behind and shoving her against a wall. Her reaction was instinctive.

Her arm came up to knock her captor's hand away. “No! Don't!” she gasped and whirled away so fast she bumped into a desk and almost tumbled off her feet.

Hands from the people around her steadied her. She was grateful, but as panic drained away, she saw startled and alarmed expressions on all the faces around her.

No, not
all
the faces. Joshua's was as blank as the wall behind him. He stood with his arm still outstretched. To keep her from falling, she realized. His eyes contained a myriad of emotions. Mixed in with confusion and annoyance was...hurt. A new wife shouldn't shy away from her husband's touch. She had embarrassed him in front of his family and neighbors. If she could explain without risking Sammy's future...

Esther's cheerful voice sounded forced. “Let's start over with our final song of this year's program. Sammy and any of the other younger
kinder
are welcome to join us.”

While more little brothers and sisters rushed up to stand beside their siblings, Rebekah groped for her chair. Joshua steadied it as she sat, but she couldn't speak, not even to thank him. She lowered herself to sit and stared straight ahead.

Sammy now stood beside Levi in the back row with the other boys. As the
kinder
enthusiastically sang their friendship song, he looked up at Levi with admiration and tried to sing along, though he didn't know the words.

It was endearing, but she couldn't enjoy it. Adrenaline rushed through her, making her gasp as if she had run a marathon. Her pulse thudded in her ears so loudly she had to strain to hear the
kinder'
s voices. She clapped along with everyone else when the song came to an end.

The
kinder
scattered, seeking their parents. Hugs and excited voices filled the schoolroom.

Rebekah pushed herself to her feet again when Levi, Debbie and Sammy eased along an aisle to where she and Joshua waited. She hoped her smile didn't look hideous while she thanked the
kinder
for a
wunderbaar
program. If her voice was strained, the youngsters didn't seem to notice.

However, the adults around her must have. More than one gave her a smile. Not pitying, but sympathetic, especially the women who carried small babies. Their kindness and concern was almost too great a gift to accept.

And, she realized, nobody looked toward Joshua with censure. None of them could imagine him hurting her on purpose. That thought should have been comforting, but who would have guessed Lloyd could be a beast when he drank? She certainly hadn't.

She'd made one mistake. Now she wanted to avert another, but would the mistake be trusting Joshua or not trusting him?

* * *

The schoolyard was filled with happy shouts and lighthearted conversation. Everywhere, including where Joshua stood with his family. The noise came from the
kinder
, who were as agitated as if they'd eaten a whole batch of their
grossmammi'
s cookies. But he was glad no one paid attention to the fact neither he nor Rebekah said anything as they walked with their
kinder
to the buggy. Everyone was too wound up in happiness to notice his misery.

And Rebekah's?

He wasn't sure what she was thinking or feeling. She hid it behind a strained smile.

What happened?
he wanted to shout, though he seldom raised his voice. Nothing could be gained by yelling and things could be lost, but his frustration was reaching the boiling point.

He hesitated as he was about to assist Rebekah into the buggy. Would she pull away as she had in the schoolhouse? Humiliation burned in his gut as he recalled the curious glances aimed in his direction, glances quickly averted.

But stronger than his chagrin was his need to know why she'd acted as she had. Until she'd pulled away from him, he'd thought they were becoming accustomed to each other and had found a compromise that allowed them to make a
gut
and comfortable home for the
kinder
. He had dared to believe, even though theirs was far from a perfect marriage, it had the potential to become a comfortable one.

Now he wasn't sure about anything.

God, help me. Help us! Something is wrong, and I don't know what it is.

Wondering if he really had anything to lose, Joshua offered his hand to Rebekah, and she accepted it as if nothing unusual had happened. As the
kinder
, including Sammy, scrambled into the back, he stepped in, as well. He picked up the reins and slapped them against the horse.

Rebekah remained silent, but he doubted she would have had a chance to speak when the
kinder
chattered like a flock of jays rising from a field. Sammy was eager to learn the words to the final song they had sung, and Debbie was trying to teach him while Levi described every bit of the program as if none of them had been there. They kept interrupting each other to ask him and Rebekah if they'd liked one part of it or another.

He answered automatically. Every inch of him was focused on the woman sitting beside him. Her fingers quivered, and he was tempted to put his own hand over them to remind her, whatever was distressing her, she wasn't alone in facing it. He resisted.

The
kinder
rushed out of the buggy as soon as it stopped beside the house. When Rebekah slid away and got out on her side, he jumped out and called her name. She turned as he unhooked the horse from the buggy.

“Come with me and Benny,” Joshua said simply.

“I should...” She met his gaze and then nodded. “All right.”

She walked on the other side of the horse as they went to the barn. She waited while he put Benny in a stall and gave him some oats.

He stepped out of the stall. “Rebekah—”

“Joshua—” she said at the same time.

“Go ahead,” he urged.

“Danki.”
She paused so long he wondered if she'd changed her mind about speaking. He realized she'd been composing her thoughts when she said, “I don't know any other way to say this but I'm sorry I embarrassed you at school. I will apologize to Esther the next time I see her.”

“Rebekah, if I was embarrassed or not isn't important. What's important is why you said what you did. Tell me the truth. Why did you pull away like you did?”

“Haven't you heard pregnant women often act strangely?” Her smile wobbled, and he guessed she was exerting her flagging strength to keep it in place.

“
Ja
, but...” He didn't want to accuse her of lying. Not that she was, but she was avoiding the truth. Why? “I was trying to prevent you from falling.”

“I know.” Her voice had a soft breathlessness that urged him closer, but her face was stiff with the fear he'd seen at school. “I need to be careful I avoid doing anything that might injure my
boppli
.”

Maybe he'd misread her reaction, and her anxiety about the
boppli
had made her words sound wrong. He hadn't always been correct in his assumptions about Tildie's reactions, either.

The thought startled him. Since Tildie's death he hadn't let such memories into his mind. At first he'd felt ungrateful if he recalled anything but the
gut
times they'd shared. Even a jest from his brothers about married life had fallen flat for him. He didn't want to admit, even to himself, his marriage to Tildie had been anything less than perfect.

But that was the past. He had to focus on keeping his current marriage from falling apart before it even had a chance to thrive. He refused to believe it was already too late.

“One of the reasons I asked you to be my wife is to make sure you and your
kinder
are taken care of,” he said as he walked with her out of the barn. “I told you that right from the beginning.”

“I know you did.”

“Do you believe I was being honest?”

When she paused and faced him, he was surprised. He'd expected her to try to keep distance between them. Now they stood a hand's breadth from each other. She tilted her head enough so he could see her face beneath her bonnet's brim. Even as she drew in a breath to speak, he wondered if he could remember how to breathe as he gazed into her beautiful blue eyes.