Among Wildflowers (13 page)

“Hi, I’m Macy, and I’m an alcoholic.”

“Hi, Macy,” everyone in the room said in unison.

“Um… I guess I don’t really know where to begin. This is actually my first meeting outside of Tall Oaks.”

“How do you feel being out of Tall Oaks?” Jackie asked.

Macy was so glad that Jackie was running the meeting tonight. Having at least one familiar face was enough to maybe give her the strength to get through this.

“It’s hard. Much harder than I had anticipated. A lot has happened, and I don’t really know what to do with myself. I broke up with my boyfriend.” Macy’s eyes flicked over to Jackie briefly to find her smiling kindly and nodding encouragingly. “I finally realized that he truly was not onboard with my recovery. He didn’t think I had a problem, he thought I was just careless and selfish and was using the term alcoholic as a crutch for my behavior. I think he thought I just wanted attention.” She laughed. “It’s actually the opposite. I wish I had a little less attention.”

“How are things now that you’re single?”

“It’s okay. I just signed a lease on a tiny little studio apartment. But it’s perfect for me. It’s my own so I’m proud of myself for that...for going out on my own after letting Logan take care of me for so long. But it’s also terribly frightening. I’m on my own so much. I’m so afraid I’m not going to be strong enough and that I’ll fall off the wagon. I feel so alone.”

“That’s natural. But remember, you’re not ever alone. Don’t ever forget about all the resources that you have available for recovery,” Jackie said.

“That’s right,” a man said beside her. “I kind of know what you’re going through. My wife left me during the worst of my alcoholism. By the time I went through treatment and came out the other side, I had no friends left. I was all alone. But I leaned heavily on everyone here. We’re here for you. Use us.”

Macy smiled. “Thank you, that means a lot to me.”

“I know you feel alone right now, but you won’t forever,” said Jackie. “You’ll meet someone again. Logan wasn’t the right person for you. But one day, maybe not for a while, but one day, the right person will walk into your life. Someone you can be partners with, someone who you can support and they can support you. But for now, you have got to stay focused on Macy. Get Macy right. Love Macy again.”

Macy felt the immediate stab of sadness in her chest at the thought of Ryland. Maybe Jackie was right. Maybe one day she
would find love. And as much as her heart told her that she was falling for Ryland, she knew it wasn’t real. It was only her
desperation for acceptance and his desperation to heal his broken heart that had pushed them together. It wasn’t real. That’s what she had to tell herself over and over. Maybe forever.

***

Macy sat at her computer looking at the photos from her shoot with Ryland. She’d finished editing them a while ago and had already submitted them for publication, but sometimes, as she sat at her desk, she couldn’t stop herself from pulling up the file again. She clicked through the photos. Her favorites were of him sitting in his living room. She loved the natural, beautiful smile he wore as he looked into the camera. She fantasized that she was the reason that he was smiling like that.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on the door and she slammed her laptop shut quickly, guilt settling in the pit of her stomach again.

“Yes?”

Lane stuck his head in. “Hey, girl.”

“Hey, have a seat. I’ve hardly had a chance to talk to you lately. What’s up?”

“Just checking in on you. How’ve you been?”

She looked down at her hands. “I’m good.”

“Really?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m sober. That’s good right?”

“You look sad. You look like something’s missing inside you. Are you missing Logan that much?”

She stifled a laugh. “Nope. I’m definitely not missing Logan. Maybe the idea of Logan. Maybe what I wished Logan would have been. But no... I don’t miss Logan.”

“That’s good. He was kind of an ass.”

She smiled despite her mood and nodded, leaning back in her chair. “True story.”

There was another knock at the door. “Yes?” Macy called.

A young man entered carrying a small box. “I’m looking for Macy Ferris.”

“I’m Macy.”

“Sign here. I have a delivery.”

Macy signed the slip quickly before snatching the box out of his hands. “What in the world could this possibly be? There’s no return address.”

Lane shrugged and craned his neck to see what might be inside.

Macy finally ripped the tape off the flaps and opened the box, pulling out an even smaller box with the
Baked
logo printed on the top. Thoroughly confused, she opened the flap open to reveal brownies inside.

“Huh?” Lane said, peering over her shoulder. “What the hell?”

“I have no idea.” She glanced at the shipping box. “I can’t tell who it’s from.”

“Brownies... why would someone send me brownies?”

“Look, there’s a little note sticking out,” Lane said, pointing to the little piece of paper that was protruding from beneath one of the brownies.

Macy yanked it out and read it aloud. “I thought these might remind you of your first horseback ride. Thinking of you always.” Her heart seemed to stop completely for a moment and then do a complete flip flop. “Oh my.”

“Ryland?”

Macy nodded, smiling.

“Why would brownies remind you of horseback riding?” Lane asked.

“Because the horse I rode was named Brownie,” she said wistfully. Macy looked up from the note to see the irritated look on Lane’s face. “What?”

“It’s not a good idea to get involved with Ryland, Macy. Especially after the fit that Brandon threw over you going out with him.”

“I’m not involved with him,” Macy said.
Not really, anyway.
“I’ve barely spoken to him since we got back.”

Lane sank back down in the chair. “But you
have
talked to him since we got back.”

Macy rolled her eyes. “Yes, fine, I have. Once. He came here to see me.”

“What? Ryland came here?” Lane whispered. “Does Brandon know that?”

Macy smiled to herself. “No, he doesn’t.”

“Macy, stop it.”

She blinked, her face straightening. “What?”

“The mere thought of Ryland makes you go all gaga. Stop.”

“Why do you hate Ryland so much?”

“I don’t hate Ryland. He’s fine. He actually seemed like a really decent guy in the end. But he’s not good for you.”

Macy frowned, looking down at the gift from Ryland. “Or do you mean I’m not good for Ryland?”

Lane stood and pulled Macy in for a hug. “No, I don’t mean that. He’d be lucky to score such a great girl. You know I adore you. But Ryland’s lifestyle does not mix well with sobriety. I got word they’re scheduling his new tour soon. He’ll be on the road constantly, surrounded by hot groupies and alcohol while you’re stuck here at home. It’s just not realistic. Don’t do anything to jeopardize the success you’ve had so far. Don’t backslide now.”

Macy sighed. “I know... That’s exactly what I’ve been telling myself every time I think of him.”

After Lane left, Macy read the note from Ryland over and over. He was thinking of her. Her heart ached at the thought of just how damned close she was to finding love. Actual
love,
and yet she couldn’t have it. It was being dangled in front of her face, but it wasn’t hers to take. Lane had been completely right when he’d said that Ryland’s lifestyle couldn’t meld with Macy’s. It would cause too much conflict. But he’d left out of the worst part. The part when Ryland would realize he didn’t want Macy anymore, couldn’t handle Macy anymore, and would break up with her. Would that be the last straw for the tiny piece of sanity that she was so desperately trying to hang onto? She knew it would be.
Oh, Ryland. Please, for both our sakes, please leave me alone.

When Macy returned from completing a shoot
with the actors of an upcoming action movie, she slid into her computer chair heavily. She was so relieved to have steady jobs beginning to roll in, but was thoroughly exhausted. She stared at her screen as she sorted through the photos, but she was having a hard time keeping her mind from wandering off. She decided to go get a coffee, hoping that the caffeine would aid her attempt to focus.

“Ms. Ferris?”

She whipped around to find the same young man standing in her doorway who had brought her the brownies two weeks ago. Her heart began to pound excitedly in her chest.

“Yes?”

“Please sign here.”

She signed quickly and took the box from his hands, her own hands trembling. “Thank you.”

She watched the man go before she sat back down at her desk again, opening the box. She peeked down inside and laughed when she saw a six-pack of old-fashioned glass Coke bottles. She could remember just how humiliated she’d felt to have to tell him that she was sober, but he’d responded so graciously. She had expected him to act much like Logan had about that stuff—uncomfortable, awkward, callous. But he didn’t. That night would be one she would cherish for the rest of her life.

There was another little note tucked beside one of the bottles. It simply read
Always thinking of you.
Macy sighed and clutched the note in her hand, trying in vain to cast aside the emotions that were flooding her system.

Just then a quiet knock on her open door jarred her from her thoughts.

“Ms. Ferris?” Another man stood in her doorway holding a huge bouquet of roses.

“Oh, for Pete’s sake,” she said, taking the flowers from him.

“Have a nice day,” he said with a nod.

Macy looked for a note but she couldn’t find one, not that she needed it to figure out who the flowers were from. Shaking her head, she put them down on the squat bookshelf against the wall, willing herself to forget about it. Somehow.

***

“Got a minute?” Brandon said.

“Sure.”

“So I just got word from Ryland Quinn’s people that he’s going to be performing at the Manhattan Recovery Now Coalition charity event in four weeks. Apparently, their original performer has pulled out and they’re filling the spot with Quinn. His manager told me that they’re hoping this will be a good way to announce his upcoming tour and showcase a couple of new singles.”

Ironic,
Macy thought, nodding, trying her best to look nonchalant. “Cool.”

“Yeah, well, we all got invited to be there. So it’s four weeks from Saturday. Keep your night open.”

Her stomach lurched. “Oh... are you sure you want me there? After the picture?”

“Eh, you were right. No one put two and two together. That’s a moot point by now and the story we got was great. I especially loved the part about him hanging out at his little podunk country bar. Lane told me you saved his ass on that one by going. So don’t worry about it now. You’ve really shown me just how dedicated you are to your job lately. I’m proud of you, and it’d mean a lot if you’d make sure you attend this event. Show everyone how far you’ve come.”

Macy forced a smile. “Thank you so much. It’d be my pleasure to be there for you.”

“Excellent.”

After Brandon left the office, she packed up her stuff and headed out. Just when she thought she was beginning to get ahold of herself, something else threw a monkey wrench into everything—and Ryland threw a giant wrench into her attempts to right herself.

She made her way down the street towards the subway. Passing a newsstand, she caught a glimpse of their magazine, Ryland’s face smiling brightly on the cover. The headline read
BACK ON STAGE - Exclusive story about America’s favorite country music star and why he’s decided to start performing again.
Macy absentmindedly ran her fingers over the cover, touching his face. She’d taken that picture. She’d taken the picture that was plastered on the cover of
Celebrity News.
Eventually tearing her eyes away, she went on her way.

Brandon telling her about the charity event had cemented her fears about even coming in contact with Ryland again. Macy had been ignoring Ryland’s gifts, hoping that he would eventually give up and move on. But now she was totally screwed. She just prayed that there would be too much going on, too many groupies, so much press fighting for Ryland’s attention, that she would disappear into the crowd.

Clutching her briefcase against her chest, she reflected on where life had taken her. She was so very close to having her life straight. Frustratingly close to getting her act together, and yet here stood the very last thing in her way—Ryland Quinn. He was so clueless as to what he was doing and the agony he was putting her through. He probably thought his little gifts were cute gestures of affection to get her attention. For most people they would be. But for Macy they represented something wonderful that she couldn’t possibly have. She only prayed that it would all stop before she lost herself again.

***

Ryland sat on the porch bundled in his jacket. As usual, his mind was on Macy. She hadn’t responded to the gifts he’d sent, but he hadn’t thought that she would. He had intended on just reminding her that he was thinking about her. He wanted to make sure that she never forgot about him.

Taking a sip of hot coffee from his mug, he stretched his legs out in front of him. He knew that he was at a critical place with Macy right now. He had to play his cards just right or he’d scare her away for good. Robbie had been bugging him for a long time to get hooked up with a gig soon to start stirring up interest in his tour, but they’d been having trouble finding anything that seemed to work for them. Robbie mentioned the MRNC charity event in passing along with a long line of other possible venues, and Ryland had jumped at it wholeheartedly.

Robbie was pretty reluctant about doing it. It wasn’t the type of event Ryland typically did. It was small, much smaller than Ryland was accustomed to, but eventually he’d been able to sway Robbie, telling him that performing at such a small charity fundraiser might make him look really good in the public eye. Of course, he didn’t really care about any of that stuff. He’d just wanted to get Robbie onboard. His actual motive was, of course, to win Macy over. His thought was that if she saw that he was supporting such an event, she would realize just how supportive of her sobriety he was. She would see that he was strong enough to handle whatever came their way, whatever was thrown at them, including her constant struggle with alcoholism. He desperately wanted her to see that he was there for her.

“Can I get you anything else, Ryland?” Helen broke him out of his thoughts.

He rose from his seat, turning around smiling. “No thanks, I’m good. You headed to bed, Helen?”

“If that’s alright. It’s been a long day.” Helen looked weary. She’d been busy cleaning and organizing the house. All the excitement of him working again had made her antsy to help do something, so she’d decided to do a deep clean.

“Of course, thank you.” He wasn’t sure what came over him but he leaned down and hugged her. Her frail arms circled his waist tightly. “Thank you for everything, Helen.”

He heard her sniffle as she buried her face against his shoulder. “I’m just so happy to see light in your eyes again, young man.”

He released her, smiling down into her kind face. “Good night.”

“Good night, Ryland.”

Ryland stuck his thumbs through the front loops of his jeans and leaned against one of the posts, looking out into the dark. It was incredible to him how suddenly he felt alive again. He almost felt like a whole person. Macy had shown him there was still hope left in this world. There was just one thing left that he wanted, and he prayed every day that one day she’d be his.