Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy (18 page)
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Authors: Donald B. Kraybill,Steven M. Nolt,David L. Weaver-Zercher
BOOK: Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy
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A remarkable thing about Amish society is its relative lack of formal religious education. While a few subgroups have Sunday schools, there are no Amish summer church camps, vacation Bible schools, colleges, or seminaries. Even Amish schools like the one at Nickel Mines do not teach doctrine in any formal way. True, the school day does include Bible reading and the recitation of the Lord’s Prayer, and the reading books include stories that teach Amish values. But there is no explicit instruction in the Amish faith. Leaders place the responsibility for religious education primarily on the parents, not on the school or the church.
Because Amish parents have no formal curriculum to follow (only the Bible, prayer books, and various Amish magazines), we asked the obvious question: How do Amish people learn to practice forgiveness? The answer we received was a simple one: “That’s just the way we are taught.” When we probed for details, parents had no single answer. Typically they turned to examples about resolving sibling conflicts. Mary, a thirty-eight-year-old mother of young children, said, “My children learn forgiveness when they are fighting. If they are fighting, I teach them to say ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I forgive you.’ It’s just our routine.”
Other mothers emphasized the importance of teaching their children submission and self-control from an early age. “Children need to know that they cannot wiggle around when you are changing their diapers,” explained one. Some parents stressed the importance of children learning to fold their hands and keep them still for the silent prayers before and after meals. One grandmother said, “It’s important they learn [to do] that while they’re still on your lap [and] before they sit in a high chair.” With sizable families and a half dozen children eyeing the same piece of apple pie, a lot of yielding and forgiving is learned around the kitchen table.
The importance of deferring to others is also learned through singing. During the Christmas season children at the West Nickel Mines School sometimes sang a song called “Joy,” to the tune of “Jingle Bells.” The lyrics are “J-o-y, J-o-y, / J-o-y for Joy, / Jesus first, / Yourself last, / And Others in between.”
For the most part, however, learning the habits of yielding and forgiving happens through cultural osmosis, in which stories and examples are more important than formal instruction. It’s what educators sometimes call “the hidden curriculum”: values that are not often verbalized but are taught by example in daily living. A writer in an Amish periodical recalled the hidden curriculum from his own childhood. “When I was growing up,” he wrote, “my parents taught me by example to think of others before myself.” In particular, “my father and mother always tried to make sure the other person got the best end of the deal.” With God’s help, the writer concluded, “we hope to pass this [attitude] on to the next generation.”
Parents generally suggested that the first step in the practice of forgiveness is learning to yield to authority. Learning to accept the collective wisdom and authority of the church is a major challenge of living in community. In contrast to mainstream American culture, where the rights of individuals are esteemed and even celebrated, Amish culture emphasizes the primacy of the community over the individual. “
Uffgevva
means giving up self and accepting God’s will,” said Mose, a cabinet-maker. “That’s what our life is all about. It’s the biggest thing about being Amish.” In the words of a young mother, “
Uffgevva
is the opposite of ‘me, myself, and I.’ It means letting go of self-will.”
Uffgevva
means giving up self and accepting God’s will,” said Mose, a cabinet-maker. “That’s what our life is all about. It’s the biggest thing about being Amish.” In the words of a young mother, “
Uffgevva
is the opposite of ‘me, myself, and I.’ It means letting go of self-will.”
Minister Amos described the tension between self-denial and self-assertion: “It’s like two forces at war. It’s always a struggle to give up [to accept the community’s authority].” Comparing the Amish way with that of other churches, he noted, “A lot of churches don’t have anything to give up [have no rules]. Each [person] is on his own, and there’s nothing to give up. The giving up is the bottom line.” For most Americans, who relish their array of choices, it seems a strange bottom line. But Amos was thankful that he was “brought up to learn to give up myself.”
If the Lord’s Prayer motivates the Amish to forgive, and their martyr heritage inspires them to forgive,
Uffgevva
orients them toward forgiveness as a way of life. The father of a girl who died at Nickel Mines linked forgiveness directly to
Uffgevva:
“Forgiveness means giving up your right to revenge.”
Uffgevva
orients them toward forgiveness as a way of life. The father of a girl who died at Nickel Mines linked forgiveness directly to
Uffgevva:
“Forgiveness means giving up your right to revenge.”
Uffgevva
undergirds all of Amish life, ensuring its survival from generation to generation. In their late teens and early twenties, Amish youth face a monumental decision: will they join the church or not? This voluntary decision is central to Amish theology. Those who decide to join the church must humble themselves at the time of baptism. Kneeling before God and their fellow church members, they vow to serve Jesus Christ and to uphold the
Ordnung
for life, a vow that subjects their personal desires to the authority of the church.
undergirds all of Amish life, ensuring its survival from generation to generation. In their late teens and early twenties, Amish youth face a monumental decision: will they join the church or not? This voluntary decision is central to Amish theology. Those who decide to join the church must humble themselves at the time of baptism. Kneeling before God and their fellow church members, they vow to serve Jesus Christ and to uphold the
Ordnung
for life, a vow that subjects their personal desires to the authority of the church.
In most Amish communities, 90 percent or more of young adults join the church, pledging to turn from sin, from the Devil, and from the world. The decision to be baptized and to join the church is the ultimate
Uffgevva
: giving up self to God and the church, forever.
Uffgevva
: giving up self to God and the church, forever.
Twice each year, during their spring and fall communion seasons, Amish church members renew their pledges to submit to church authority. The month-long communion season, consisting of four Sundays, culminates in Communion Sunday. In this eight-hour service, church members listen to sermons and participate in the Christian ritual of eating bread and drinking wine in remembrance of Jesus’ death. Following the command of Jesus in John 13:14, they also wash one another’s feet as a ritual of humility and servanthood. In Sylvia’s words, “I don’t think there is anything comparable to the sacredness and holiness of our communion service.”
Unlike most Protestant and Catholic observances of communion, which focus on an individual’s standing before God, the Amish observances carry a deep communal dimension. For the Amish, communion is essentially a celebration of the unity of the church as the people of God. For that reason, the communion season stresses the importance of forgiveness and right relationships within the church, which the Amish consider necessary for personal harmony with God.
On the second Sunday of communion season—two weeks before Communion Sunday itself—the Amish participate in a worship service they call Council Meeting.
6
This important service marks the beginning of preparation for the holy moment when Amish church members will drink from a common cup of wine, eat from a common loaf of bread, and wash one another’s feet. In Council Meeting, ministers admonish members to forgive those who have wronged them and to abandon grudges so that the community can celebrate the Lord’s Supper in unity.
6
This important service marks the beginning of preparation for the holy moment when Amish church members will drink from a common cup of wine, eat from a common loaf of bread, and wash one another’s feet. In Council Meeting, ministers admonish members to forgive those who have wronged them and to abandon grudges so that the community can celebrate the Lord’s Supper in unity.
The centerpiece of Council Meeting is Matthew 18, a chapter containing thirty-five verses. In the first cluster of verses (1-14), Jesus reminds his disciples that in order to enter the kingdom of heaven they must humble themselves and become like small children (Matthew 18:3). Bishop after bishop we talked with underscored this verse, which is one of several that the Amish cite for their belief that humility is a key virtue of Christian faith.
The second section of verses (15-17) outlines a four-step process for resolving disputes within the church. First, the offended member is to confront the offender privately. If that is not possible or does not result in reconciliation, then the offended person should take two or three others to meet with the transgressor. If that fails, the church is to call the offender before the entire church for public reproof. If the wayward member still shows no remorse, the church, according to Jesus, is to consider that person a “heathen” and outside the community of faith. We explore the Amish application of this section of Matthew 18 in Chapter Eleven.
The last fifteen verses of Matthew 18 focus explicitly on the theme of forgiveness. First, the disciple Peter asks Jesus if forgiving a person seven times is enough. Jesus replies that forgiveness should be offered “seventy times seven.” Jesus then tells a story, as noted earlier, about an unforgiving servant who refuses to extend mercy (vv. 23-35). When the king learns about his servant’s lack of grace, the king hands the servant over to “the tormentors” (v. 34). The chapter ends on this somber note: Jesus warns that the unforgiving servant’s fate describes anyone who does not forgive others their trespasses.
With these scripture passages providing the biblical basis for Council Meeting, it is hardly surprising that forgiveness is a central concern in Amish faith. “Forgiveness is
always
the theme of Council Meeting,” Bishop Eli told us. “If anyone has an unforgiving attitude, they can’t partake in communion.” Even ordained leaders, setting an example for others, ask to be forgiven for their shortcomings and invite their fellow members to show them where they have erred. The leaders also urge members to seek forgiveness for any shortcomings through the love of Christ. Using a metaphor he hoped an outsider might understand, one leader explained it this way: “The emphasis on forgiveness in the Council Meeting is like a search engine, searching for any unforgiven thing.”
always
the theme of Council Meeting,” Bishop Eli told us. “If anyone has an unforgiving attitude, they can’t partake in communion.” Even ordained leaders, setting an example for others, ask to be forgiven for their shortcomings and invite their fellow members to show them where they have erred. The leaders also urge members to seek forgiveness for any shortcomings through the love of Christ. Using a metaphor he hoped an outsider might understand, one leader explained it this way: “The emphasis on forgiveness in the Council Meeting is like a search engine, searching for any unforgiven thing.”
These biannual Council Meetings are not empty rituals. In fact, they are taken so seriously that a church district will sometimes delay communion for weeks or months until it can achieve unity. A delay of the communion service could happen for a number of reasons—for example, disagreements over an
Ordnung
regulation or a dispute over how to discipline a member with a rebellious attitude. A delay typically happens only when serious discord occurs. If only one or two members disagree with the rest, they may attend the service but not participate in the Lord’s Supper, thus enabling the rest to proceed. The goal, of course, is for everyone to participate in unity.
Ordnung
regulation or a dispute over how to discipline a member with a rebellious attitude. A delay typically happens only when serious discord occurs. If only one or two members disagree with the rest, they may attend the service but not participate in the Lord’s Supper, thus enabling the rest to proceed. The goal, of course, is for everyone to participate in unity.
Council Meetings encourage deep soul-searching as church members ponder the heavy teachings and as leaders encourage them to forgive one another and purge their hearts of bitterness. Members are urged to confess their sins, to forgive others, and to give themselves up completely to God and the church so they can celebrate harmony in the communion service two weeks later.
Despite all the teaching and preaching on the topic, forgiveness within Amish communities is sometimes like forgiveness in the non-Amish world: more of an ideal than a reality. Living within a mile of fellow church members presents a special challenge for the Amish; with that proximity, everyone’s foibles and transgressions are well-known. No one is easily avoided either, because everyone is expected to attend every worship service in their district. In fact, some Amish people attend Sunday worship in the same church district with the same people for their entire lives.
In these tightly knit communities, indifference to ordinary disagreements is hardly an option, and grudges often linger. An Amish shop owner reflected on the suicide of his father-in-law: “It was very hard for us to forgive, but each of us decided that we have to forgive him for committing suicide. That’s the only way we could go on, and so all the family members forgave him. It was a big relief, and we realized it was the only way for healing and for us to move on.”
“Sometimes it’s easier to forgive the big issue, but you might have a little issue that you just can’t forgive,” said Mose, a grandfather surrounded by stacks of Amish newspapers in his spacious kitchen. “We have our own petty grudges,” a minister admitted. “We can forgive Roberts in a heartbeat, but we can’t always forgive our [Amish] neighbor.” “Some Amish people have a hard time forgiving,” a retired farmer explained. “We have a battle with forgiveness. It’s hard to forgive, but we can’t be forgiven if we don’t forgive, so we really try hard to overcome that. We’re very human, you know.” These words were repeated time and again in our conversations with Amish people: “We try to forgive, but we are human too.”
A mother whose daughter died in the shooting also acknowledged that forgiveness is an ongoing struggle. “Forgiveness stretches out over time, but you have to start out with the will to forgive. But the bitterness may reenter your mind from time to time, and then you have to think about forgiveness again.”
As we asked Amish people about the
reality
of forgiveness in their lives and in their churches, we heard many stories about failed grace. One man noted, “I have a brother-in-law who harbors grudges against other people. . . . He just won’t let the grudges go.” One of the slain girls’ parents found it harder, in some ways, to forgive a family member who fed information to the media than to forgive the killer. Family feuds, sour marriages, and disputes over inheritances emerged as other examples of failed forgiveness.
reality
of forgiveness in their lives and in their churches, we heard many stories about failed grace. One man noted, “I have a brother-in-law who harbors grudges against other people. . . . He just won’t let the grudges go.” One of the slain girls’ parents found it harder, in some ways, to forgive a family member who fed information to the media than to forgive the killer. Family feuds, sour marriages, and disputes over inheritances emerged as other examples of failed forgiveness.
Still, despite their ongoing and very real struggles to forgive, the Amish work hard to keep personal disagreements from severing relationships. Indeed, the ritual greetings before the beginning of each church service keep everyone, even adversaries, in touch. As the women gather in a circle, they greet one another with a kiss. The men, gathering in a separate circle, shake hands. These rituals help to maintain relationships that may otherwise rupture. “It’s rare,” said Mary, “for Amish people to stop talking to each other” even if they strongly disagree or are at odds.
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