Always Tried and Proven (31 page)

    “And Callie, He has wonderful plans for you!  He wants you to sing your little heart out, and He’s going to ask you to do it.  He has forgiven you, Callie.  And I have forgiven you.  Will you please forgive yourself?”

    Tears poured over the hands that covered her eyes.  Her shoulders shook with the sobs that she couldn’t stop.  Sam resisted the urge to gather her in his arms.  It wasn’t easy.

     “Callie; Jesus died on the cross to take these burdens from you.  Recognize your weaknesses and your sins and repent for them, by all means.  Change what isn’t right in your life.  But don’t stay in condemnation or shame.  Keep walking forward; don’t let the past hold you back.  When you stay in the past, you can’t be effective, and you make everything that Jesus died for, to be in vain.  You prevent Him from being your victory.  Take those things that you did and hang them on the cross, like Jesus did.  Then you can walk away, free and clean.”

     “But I…”

     “Callie.  Do you know about the Blood of Jesus?”

     She shrugged.  “A little bit.”  She admitted in a small voice.

    “You can’t ever work hard enough; punish yourself enough; or do anything to make yourself become worthy of Him, Callie.  It is necessary for you to
accept
that He died for your sins.  All of them.  He went to the cross to atone for those sins.”

     “You see, to atone for sin, the shedding of blood is required — innocent blood.  You could shed your
own
blood and it would do nothing to atone.  You have to be willing to simply accept what He did for you, and believe that it is true.  He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.  Just receive what He did for you, and set your heart not to discredit Him again.”

     “Receive His grace and mercy.  Then you can extend grace and mercy to others, and share His miracle love with other people.  Nothing else will change the hearts of people but the love, the grace, and mercy of Jesus.  The forgiveness.  You have to just get up and go to Him in repentance when you stumble, and then you have to walk on. He's washed you clean.  Don't put on the rags you left behind, ever again.  Callie, do you understand?”

     Callie looked up at him, her eyes full of tears.  “I think so.  You have to accept what He did for you, and then be the same way toward other people.  You turn around and hold out your hand in grace and mercy.”

     “
Exactly
.  And unforgiveness kills grace.  If you don’t forgive others, you can’t be forgiven for your own sins.  You must be willing to forgive yourself as well, you see.  You have to choose the one standard that you will live by; it’s either judgment; or grace.  For yourself, as well as others.”

     “The Lord makes it clear which we are to do.  So, go to the Lord and deal with these things.  And be who you are.  Be who He made you to be.  There is no other way to be happy, Callie.”

     She nodded.  “Thanks.”  She said quietly.

    “There’s one last thing I need to mention.” He added gently.  “While you are working in the tent ministry, I’m your pastor.  So, you need to tell me if that is going to work for you.  I need to know if there are any problems that arise, or if you see anything that needs to be dealt with.  I need to know if anything is bothering you.  I am specifically going to ask you not to leave the tent site without letting me know first.  I take my job pretty seriously, and it’s real tough on me when people disappear.”

     Callie gave him a tortured look.  “Of course.  Sam, I am sorry.  I’m so sorry for everything I ever said and did.  I’ll never give you another lick of trouble.  I promise.”

     His eyes softened and he gave her a crooked smile.  “Thank you.”  He said quickly.

     Tears filled her eyes, and she got up and ran back toward the tent.  Sam realized he’d hurt her feelings, but he had to make it clear.  He couldn’t be responsible for her if she kept disappearing.  And he just didn’t have the time and energy to deal with the challenges she had presented in the past.

     Sam went looking for Clyde.  He found him in the camp's washroom, shaving.  He was alone.

     “Well good morning, Sam.”  Clyde said merrily, keeping a close eye on his mug in the mirror.

      “Clyde.” Sam acknowledged.  “I think you have something to tell me.”  he nudged.  He waited, and although Clyde's razor hand slowed a little bit, there was no change of expression. 

        “Not that I can think of.  What'd you have in mind?”  he fished lightly. 

        “You and I have certain agreements between us, Clyde.” Sam hinted.

        “Uh, huh.  'Course we do.  What of it?”

        “When you stop talking to me, Clyde, I'm concerned.  When you stop telling me the things I need to know, we have an issue that needs to be dealt with immediately.”  Spoken quietly, the words were still clear and forceful.

       The 'mug' in the mirror had become numerous shades of red suddenly, and the razor hand developed a tremor.  Clyde blinked several times quickly, and tried to clear his throat.  Finally, he put the razor down, recognizing that he was in danger of slicing his throat.

        “Why don't you just say what it is you need to say then, Sam?”  he suggested in a choked voice.

       “Innocent to the last, Clyde?  Yesterday, you said you had no idea who the young lady was I asked you about.  A local volunteer, I believe you imagined her to be.”

        “Oh.  So … she wasn't?” Clyde grumbled.

       Sam smiled slightly.  “No.  She wasn't.  I met her this morning by the stream when I took my walkabout.  She ran out on me before I could make her rat you out, Clyde, but I really find it hard to believe you didn't know she was here.  Did you?”

       Clyde was wishing there was a rock somewhere to crawl under.  No such luck.  He couldn't raise his eyes.  “Well.  Yeah.” he admitted grudgingly.

        “And you knew she's been sleeping in Steve's truck?  A lovely, single young lady?”

         “Well.  Um.  Yeah.”

         “I thought that we were all very clear about such matters, Clyde?”

       “Well, doggone it, Sam!  She was
cryin'
, for heaven's sake.   I knew it wouldn't last very long, and I didn't know how you'd feel about her bein' here.  She just begged me, Sam.  Those big, doe eyes a'cryin', and her little hands tremblin' and all.  She was all het up about it, Sam, so I thought maybe I'd just park that truck
right outside
my trailer, where I could hear any ruckus in the night, and it would only just be for a little while, after all.   She put a blanket up across the windshield, and Steve's got good locks on that truck, too.  And the side windows are all tinted dark, so nobody could see in there.  She was real careful, too, about gettin' in an' out of there, and making sure no strangers were around, and ...”

        “And who else knew about this extraordinary arrangement?”

        Clyde actually shuffled his feet.  “Nobody.” he moaned.

        “Nobody?”

        Clyde managed a weak nod.

       “So, let's think this through.  Nobody else knew.  So if by some chance she needed to get in and out of that truck and you weren't available to escort her, nobody would have known where she was.  Nobody would have have known if harm had come to her, for quite some time, then?”

       “Doggone it, Sam!  We was real careful!  I wouldn't let nothin' happen to that little singin' angel, for cryin' out loud!”

       “You bet her life and safety on it, did you?” Sam cut in coolly.

       Clyde's eyes filled with tears.

       “You bet her life and safety on nothing but your knowledge that she was doing it?”

        The tears began to roll.  Clyde could only nod his acknowledgment.

       “Clyde, what is it about the young lady that made you want to help her break one of our ironclad rules, and not even let your wife in on the secret?”

       “Now see
here
, Sam!  What are you tryin' to insinuate?” Clyde blustered angrily.  “You know I love Bonnie, and there ain't nothing ever gonna come between us!”

      “Secretly scheming with a lovely young singin' angel to sleep right outside your trailer seems to me a very quick and sure way to sow seeds of mistrust in the mind of the woman you claim to love.”  Sam pointed out gently.

       Clyde's face went deep scarlet, and his jaw worked up and down without any sound being generated.  He dropped his hands to the sides of the sink in front of him, and shook his head.  “She was cryin' and beggin'.”  he managed.  “But you're right, I had no business lettin' her do it.”

       Sam nodded.  “The ladies who serve this ministry are already more at risk than I care to have them be, sleeping in trailers, hanging around the tent at night, in the vicinity of thousands of vehicles and remote areas; using restrooms that are public.  Clyde, there is no undoing something tragic that happens to a lady.  You can't take it back.  I would never forgive myself, if anything happened to any one of them while they were under our care.  When you're on watch, there is no room for negotiation.”

        Clyde swallowed hard.  “It'll never happen again.  I promise.” he grunted.

        “Clyde, that is a promise that you've already broken, now.  Don't let us down that way, again.”

        Clyde nodded.  Sam patted his arm, and left him there, alone.

      Callie went off by herself and cried for a long time, when she left Sam.  She didn’t blame Sam for telling her to behave, but the words had stung.  She felt like a selfish child being reprimanded.  And it hurt!  It hurt because he was telling her how badly she’d let him down, over and over.  Yet, he did say he’d forgiven her.  She sighed.

     “That may be,” she said quietly.  “But he’s still about as close as the moon,” she lamented.  “He never once even touched me.” 

      When she went back to the camp, she came face to face with Sadie.  Callie smiled tightly, and held out her hand.  “Hey, Sadie.  Plane just come in?”

     Sadie’s smile faded and a mask of rage engulfed her face.  “Callie Wilson!  What are
you
doing here?”

      Callie took a step back.  She was in no shape to face this one right now.  “I’m just working in the tent, thank you.  Nice to see you, too.”

      “You pack your bags and get out of here.”  Sadie snapped.

     “Sadie, please.  You don’t understand.  I just talked to Sam; he wants me to stay.  Maybe you and I could take a walk.” She suggested wearily.  “Please?”

     Sadie set her lips together tightly and nodded.  Hostility was heavy in the air between them, but she turned and began to walk out toward the highway.  Callie followed. They walked in silence until they were fairly sure they wouldn’t be disturbed.  “So, when did you arrive?”  Sadie asked shortly.

     “A few days before the tent left Vermont.”  Callie answered listlessly.

     Sadie shot her a disbelieving look. “Well, well.  You didn’t waste any time, did you?  Just after I left, and just before Sam left.  I suppose he’s
delighted
that you’ve been hanging around for a whole two weeks.  How nice of you to come.  How long are you planning to stick it out
this
time?”

     Callie winced.  “I want to be a part of the tent, Sadie.  I want to help.  I’m not looking for anything more.”

     Sadie snorted.  “You’ve worn out your welcome here sister, big time.  I don’t suppose it occurred to you that it might be easier on Sam if you’d just stay away.”

    Callie gave Sadie a wide-eyed look.  “I don’t understand.  I’m here to help Sam with the tent. That's what he's always asked me to do. What do you mean?”

     “I’ll tell you what I mean, Callie, and I’ll try to be just as nice as I possibly can.”  She snapped, setting her jaw as if to bridle her tongue.  “I used to trust you.  I brought you into the tent.  These people are in essence
my family
, Callie.  I thought I knew you.  If I had ever dreamed that Sam would fall in love with you, or that you would treat him so callously, I would never have done it!”

     “I’m going to tell you this once.  I am sick and tired of watching you flit in and out of the tent, playing havoc with Sam’s affections.  I can’t believe I facilitated you getting to know Sam.  I’ll tell you what, Callie.  You had better decide real quickly, once and for all just what it is you want, and what you’re going to do.  If you take one more rip at Sam’s heart, I will take you limb from limb.  He’s a fine man and he does not deserve what you’ve done.  Furthermore, he can’t take it!”

     “You are messing with my pastor, little girl. When you wipe him out, the fallout hits the entire tent crew
and
ministry.  And when we can’t be effective, you hurt every single person who comes here, looking for a touch from God.” 

     “Now, maybe that doesn’t mean squat to you, but it means a lot to me!  And I have had it with you and your sick, little games!”

    Callie felt like she’d been slugged in the stomach. “Sam … you mean, Sam has been having a tough time?  He seems … seems fine to me.”  Callie protested uncertainly.  “He didn’t even seem to mind when I brought Gregory to the tent.  I think that perhaps he didn’t even know.  Sadie, either he didn’t notice, or he didn’t care.”