Always I'Ll Remember (51 page)

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Authors: Rita Bradshaw

BOOK: Always I'Ll Remember
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‘It’s not like me and James.’ Abby’s voice had risen.
 
‘You’re the only one with the right to fall in love then?’
 
She was doing this all wrong. Oh, what could she say? Abby bent her head, her teeth nipping at her lower lip. ‘It’s not that I dislike Jed,’ she said as she looked at Clara again. ‘Far from it. And I like Bruce and Leonard too.’
 
‘But not Uncle Ivor.’
 
Abby didn’t reply to this. ‘Does he, Uncle Ivor, know about you and Jed?’
 
‘He will do later today when we tell him.’
 
‘But he hasn’t known you’ve been . . . seeing each other?’
 
Clara frowned. ‘You think he’ll object? Well, let me tell you, he likes me. He likes you too for that matter although I don’t know why when you won’t give him the time of day. But no, as it happens, no one knows we’ve been seeing each other. With you being the way you are we thought it was best not to cause waves, and if we told the others it could have got back to you. I . . . I didn’t want to upset you when you’d just found James again, but considering you couldn’t care less about my feelings I don’t know why I bothered. You’ve changed, Abby, and not for the better.’
 
‘There’s a very good reason why it’s impossible for you to marry Jed.’ She had to tell her. Right now.
 
‘Mammy, I can’t undo Henry’s pyjama buttons because he keeps wriggling and saying he wants you to do it.’ John appeared round the corner of the large L-shaped room, red-faced and disgruntled at his brother’s lack of co-operation.
 
‘How could you say such a thing?’ Clara hissed. ‘That it’s
impossible
,’ and she turned and exited the room in a swirl of outrage, banging the door behind her.
 
‘Is Aunty Clara cross?
Mam?
Is Aunty Clara cross?’
 
‘Yes, John. Yes, she is.’
 
‘So am I, with Henry. He’s being very naughty and won’t get out of bed, and he says he’s the king of the castle and I’m the dirty rascal.’
 
In spite of the awfulness of the situation a glimmer of a smile touched Abby’s lips at her son’s indignation. John was the most fastidious of little boys and clearly considered this below the belt, which was exactly why Henry, who loved nothing more than getting thoroughly dirty and messy, had said it.
 
‘That
is
naughty,’ Abby agreed gently, ‘but thank you for trying to help. I’ll come and see to Henry right now.’
 
When they went down to breakfast, Clara was nowhere to be seen, and she did not answer her door when they went upstairs again after breakfast. Abby couldn’t eat a thing, her stomach had twisted into a giant knot and her mind was racing. Before she and James had been reunited she’d thought she could never tell anyone about her mother and Ivor and what their affair had led to, but more than once it had been on the tip of her tongue when she and James were alone. Now she knew she had to tell him and ask his advice. This was too huge with too many repercussions not to face it together.
 
He arrived to pick them up promptly at ten o’clock for the day out on Roker Sands that they’d planned. Fortunately they hadn’t mentioned this to the children in case the weather should prove inclement. James’s wide grin of welcome and his, ‘It’s a fine day for it,’ changed immediately he saw the expression on her face. ‘Abby, are you all right, darling? Whatever’s wrong?’
 
She had wanted to cry when she saw him come smiling towards her but conscious of the boys she bit back the emotion, saying, ‘The plans for the day have changed since last night. Can we walk to Mowbray Park so John and Henry can kick a football about while I talk to you?’
 
‘Of course.’
 
They didn’t say much on the way to the park, the four of them walking hand in hand, with the boys between Abby and James. Once the children were playing with the ball, James said, ‘Is this anything to do with us?’ He lifted up her hand with his engagement ring and kissed her fingers.
 
‘No. Yes.’ She shook her head. ‘Indirectly, only in as much as it affects Clara, Wilbert and me. James,’ she looked into his eyes now, ‘you’ll find this shocking.’
 
‘I gave up the ability to be shocked years ago, sweetheart. Go ahead.’
 
She had thought about what she was going to say so now she was able to tell him the whole story quickly and concisely. She kept her gaze on him as she spoke, and although his face was deadpan throughout, Abby felt that in spite of what he’d said, she had shocked him. When she finished she dropped her eyes to their joined hands, her voice small as she said, ‘Do you still want to marry me? Knowing I’m - that my mother and father were not married?’
 
‘What do you think?’ Careless of onlookers he drew her to him, kissing her hard. ‘And I don’t want any more of that talk. You’re not a stupid woman so don’t act like one.’
 
She bit on her lip. ‘I feel I ought to go and see Ivor and tell him what’s happened if Jed and Clara haven’t already done so. I would have liked to have seen Clara first but she was in such a tear there’s no knowing if she’ll be back before we have to get the train home. She’s going to be broken-hearted on top of finding out about Mam and Ivor. She’s absolutely convinced Jed is the love of her life.’
 
With little stroking movements James rearranged the smooth sheen of her fringe which their embrace had ruffled. ‘We’ll go in the car. I’m sure there’s someone at the hotel who could take care of the bairns for a while.’
 
‘No.’ Now she knew what she had to do she felt better. ‘I have to do this by myself and I wouldn’t want to leave John and Henry with a stranger. If you’ll stay here with them, I can go now. You can take them to the museum for a while, they’d love that, and perhaps buy them an ice cream. I’ll be as quick as I can but if I’m more than two hours I’ll see you back at the flat.’
 
‘Are you sure?’ He looked worried.
 
‘Quite sure.’
 
 
When Abby reached Rose Street it had the sleepy air she remembered on Sunday mornings. There was the normal quota of bairns playing their games, but quiet games, no kiss chase or mount-a-kitty, not on the Sabbath. She walked straight past number twelve, hoping she wouldn’t be noticed, and knocked on Ivor’s door. It was a moment or two before she heard footsteps and then the door opened and he stood looking at her. He didn’t seem surprised. He stood aside for her to enter the house and this she did, being very careful not to let her body come into contact with his. Right at this moment she hated him and her mother for what their affair was going to do to Clara more than she would have thought possible.
 
‘Has Clara been here this morning?’ she said without preamble after turning to face him in the hall.
 
Ivor said nothing. He passed her and walked through to the kitchen, leaving her no option but to follow him. The kitchen was a shambles; even Audrey, who had not been the most houseproud of women, would have been itching to set it right. ‘Well?’ Looking straight into Ivor’s face she said again, ‘Has she been here?’
 
‘Aye, she’s been.’
 
‘And?’
 
‘They told me they’re going to get wed.’
 
Don’t lose your temper, keep calm. ‘And what did you say to that?’
 
‘I wished ’em well and gave me blessing. Clara’s a grand lass.’
 
Abby stared at him. Was he mad? Had her aunt’s passing turned his brain? ‘You know as well as I do they can’t marry. They’re not cousins, they are brother and sister.’
 
‘Half brother and sister.’
 
‘In this situation it’s the same thing.’ She wondered if he realised what they were discussing here and forced herself to say the word which had haunted her all morning. ‘It’s incest.’
 
‘I don’t see it like that.’
 
‘It doesn’t matter how you see it, that’s what it is.’
 
‘They’re just two bairns who think the world of each other.’
 
‘
Stop it!
’ Her voice startled even herself and it silenced Ivor. ‘They’re not bairns,’ she went on more quietly. ‘They are a man and a woman who intend to marry and have bairns of their own. What might be the result of such a union? You know full well such children can be born damaged. You can’t let them go on thinking they are cousins. And what about my mam anyway? Do you think she would keep quiet? Think again. The world and his wife would know the minute after she does, if not to hurt Clara then to get at me.’
 
‘I’ll take care of your mam.’
 
‘No one can take care of my mam,’ Abby returned bitterly. ‘You of all people should know that.’
 
‘It’s her word against mine that you three aren’t Raymond’s.’
 
‘Mud sticks, you know it does. And if all this comes out publicly, you won’t be able to lie convincingly, and what about Jed and Clara? It might break their hearts to be told now, but it would be a million times worse in the glare of publicity.’
 
Ivor slumped onto a kitchen chair. ‘I can’t tell our Jed, I just can’t. Him and me, well, we’re all right together, always have been, an’ he was close to his mam an’ all. If he knows I went with your mam . . . I can’t do it, lass. An’ he’s set his heart on Clara.’
 
Abby looked at him, long and steadily. ‘Then I’ll tell them.’
 
‘No.’ He wiped his hand across his face. ‘Look, no one has to tell ’em. They think they’re cousins, same as everyone does apart from you. And what about your Clara - you love her, don’t you? Why do you want to tell her something that’ll smash her life, eh? And as to their bairns, who says they’ll have bairns anyway? An’ if they do, ten to one they’ll be all right. By, if I had a bob for all the bairns that’ve been born round these streets who’ve been fathered in that way I’d be a rich man.’
 
They were going round in circles here. Abby forced herself to keep her voice calm and reasonable when she said, ‘If they had really been cousins I would have been more than happy for Clara to wed Jed, and I’m not saying I don’t believe they are really in love. But the facts are the facts. Not only would this thing be illegal, it’s . . . unclean.’
 
‘Two youngsters who think the world of each other are unclean?’
 
‘Not them, you know I don’t mean them.’ Her voice had risen and she fought to keep control. Nothing would be gained by a shouting match. ‘You have to tell them and if you won’t, I will. They can’t marry and that’s the end of it. I’m not standing by and seeing Clara’s name dragged through the gutter by all and sundry. And it would come to that, I know it.’
 
Ivor remained silent for a moment and then he said, ‘You mean your mam.’ It was a statement, and Abby did not dispute it.
 
Ivor did not look at her now. He sat staring straight ahead, his face pallid. The ticking of the clock on the mantelpiece above the kitchen range seemed to fill the room, and just when Abby couldn’t stand it any more and was about to speak, he said, ‘I don’t want you to say anything, I want to do it. But not the pair of ’em together. I couldn’t cope with that. I . . . I want to tell Jed private like, just the two of us. Will you allow me to do that?’
 
Abby’s body relaxed with relief. ‘If that’s what you want.’ He still did not look at her and she waited a moment before she said, ‘When will you tell Jed - because it’s cruel to let them go on thinking everything is all right.’
 
‘Tonight. I’ll tell him tonight. Likely he’ll come down to see you tomorrow morning to break the news to Clara. He’s . . . he’s a good lad. He’ll feel he’ll want to do that if I know anything about it.’
 
He rose as he spoke and the two of them appraised each other in silence for a moment. ‘I can trust you to do this?’ said Abby, knowing he wouldn’t like her doubting him.
 
If he minded he showed no sign of it, however. ‘Aye, lass, you can trust me to sort it,’ he said heavily. ‘An’ for what it’s worth I think you’re right about your mam. She wouldn’t keep quiet. If ever there was a she-devil walking this earth, it’s that woman.’
 
And yet he had fathered three children by her while being married to a woman who was worth her weight in gold. The words hovered on Abby’s lips but she did not say them. Somehow the situation had gone beyond such retorts. She hesitated for a second, then she said, ‘I’ll be going then.’
 
‘Aye, lass, you get along. I dare say that young man and the bairns are waiting for you.’
 
She turned and walked to the front door without saying anything more but she was conscious of Ivor following her. After opening the door and stepping down into the street, she turned, her voice flat as she said, ‘Goodbye then.’

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