Always Been Mine (7 page)

Sunday was another lazy day with Matty. He woke me up early, with all the excitement of a little boy on Chri
stmas morning, and convinced me to go for an all-day motorcycle ride. I had a great time, but was exhausted when Matty dropped me back at the hotel late in the afternoon. I stripped off my clothes while walking to the bed, planning to fall in and stay there until morning. Half way across the room, Matty’s blue bag caught my eye. I stopped, rummaging through until I found one of his shirts. Lifting it over my head, I smelled him on the fabric. Smiling, I crawled into bed. I didn’t think about Will once.

I felt like I’d only slept a few minutes when a knocking on my door pulled me out of oblivion. I stumbled toward the sound, realizing at the last minute that it was probably Will. I didn’t want to see him and hesitated as I reached for the handle.

“Jo? Are you up?” Matty’s voice called quietly. I flipped the lock and yanked the door.

“Were you sleeping?” he asked at the exact same time I asked him what he was doing there. I nodded, stepping back to let him into the room. He was wearing the same jeans and shirt from earlier and had a garment bag folded over his arm. He shook his head at me. “I’ve been gone for like a half hour.”

I shook my head, trying to clear the fog. “Really?” It felt so much later. “I didn’t know you were coming back.” I rubbed my eyes. Grabbing my purse off the table, I pulled out a keycard and laid it down. “Take this. It’s my spare. That way, you can come anytime you want. Without waking me up.”

“Thanks.” He smiled. “Taylor’s sisters are in town. I didn’t want to deal with them all when they got back.” I didn’t blame him, one Taylor was enough, but two more would be too much for any one person to handle. He opened the closet door, hanging up the bag, which I assumed contained tomorrow
’s work clothes, and turned back to me. “Is that my shirt?”

It took me a second to remember, but then I smiled, nodding. Putting my hand on my hip, I tipped my head and teased, “Is this where you tell me I can keep it because it looks so much better on me?”

A slow sexy smile grew on his face and he shook his head at me. “Nah. It looks better on me.” He tipped his head, mirroring mine. “This is where I tell you I want it back.” He lunged, grabbing the hem.

I jumped back, completely surprised and ran giggling. There weren’t a lot of places I could hide in a little hotel room, and I never had a chance to out run the daddy long legs. He caught me as I was trying to get into the bathroom. I turned, back to the wall, putting my hands to my sides. I didn’t have anything on under his shirt and I’d be damned if he was getting it back. He leaned into me, laughing back, hands fighting with my own. I froze as three fingers made it past the cotton and up onto my hip.

I could see the shock on his face when all he felt was bare skin. As if double checking, he traced along the side of my hip and down on to my backside. I didn’t move; his fingers were as light as a feather and incredibly sensual. His eyes focused on mine, head moving toward mine as his fingers explored more of my body, looking for something they wouldn’t find.

“I could be wearing thongs, you know.” The hand stopped moving, but his face was dangerously close.

“Are you?” His voice broke, making me smile. I shook my head. Nope. I was completely bare. He inhaled sharply, and his eyes dropped to my mouth. He moved his head toward me and I leaned back to meet his kiss. He didn’t touch my lips, moving his mouth to my ear instead. His breath tickled my neck as his fingers moved down my thigh. “Do you always go commando?” I groaned as fingertips crossed my leg, headed for my inner thigh. He snatched his hand away suddenly. “What are we doing, Joes?” His voice was low and husky.

I didn’t know. But I didn’t want him to think about it, and I didn’t want him to stop. I lifted my arms, putting them around his neck, trying to pull him closer.  He moved in, kissing my neck lightly. His hands grabbed fistfuls of the cotton around my waist, pulling it closer to him. I leaned into him, biting my lip to keep from making any noise. I wanted to beg him to touch me again, to kiss me, but I was afraid I’d ruin the spell.

“Christ!” Matty shoved away from me, his breath coming fast and hard. “Jo?” His voice plead with me, begging me to help him. But I didn’t know what he wanted me to do. He sighed. “This isn’t…. Jo, we can’t… this isn’t right.” Yes it is! I wanted to yell, to push him to the bed, to kiss him down his tattoo.

I only sighed. “We’re both exhausted, Matty. Can we just pretend this didn’t happen?” Easier said than done, considering I was dripping wet and wanted nothing more than him to come kiss me as he ran his fingers over my entire body. He eyed me wearily, taking a few more steps away from me, and then nodded. “Do you really want your shirt back?”

He looked away suddenly, as if refusing to meet my eyes. “Nope. In fact, you keep it.” Walking to the bed, he grabbed the pillow from the side of the bed he’d been sleeping on and threw it on the couch. “I’m gonna sleep on the sofa tonight. Tomorrow I’ll go home.”

Seriously? “Sharing a bed with me isn’t a big deal Matty. We share the same tent all the time.”

He didn’t look at me as he grabbed the spare blanket and settled on the couch. “I should have been on here all weekend, anyway.” He sighed. “And, I don’t trust myself right now.” The last part I almost didn’t hear because he said it so softly.

I stomped to the bed, frustrated. I listened to him toss and turn and sigh half the night. Each time I was tempted to beg him to come cuddle me. He had slept so well curled up in the bed and I knew we could keep it PG if he would just crawl in with me. After each of his sighs, I mentally cursed Will. It was his fault I was here. It took me forever to fall asleep.

I was late to work the next morning. Matty was already gone when I finally woke up, and was out visiting with clients by the time I got to the office. I didn’t know if he was avoiding me or if he was really busy, but I didn’t see him all day. The hotel room was deserted when I got back. The only thing that told me he’d been there was his shirt, the one I’d worn last night, folded neatly on my side of the bed. I’d taken it off and shoved it into his backpack this morning. Even his toothbrush was gone from the sink. Putting my purse on the table by the door, I realized that the extra keycard was missing. I smiled, half tempted to call him but I didn’t want to bother him if he was with Taylor. We’d talk later. Or, at least, I assumed we would.

Tuesday I was out of the office all day, visiting foster homes and kids on my caseload. Usually when I was driving I called Matty. Even if he was in the office, we’d chat and it would keep me awake. I wanted to call him, but was worried that it would be too weird. Instead, the long drive gave me plenty of time to think. By now he knew I was attracted to him, and while it didn’t change how I felt about him—he was still my best friend, I wasn’t sure how he would handle it.

There was casual flirting, where two people could laugh and have fun, stealing glances, having inside jokes, exchanging innocent touches. And then there was full on flirting that was more like foreplay, where if you weren’t careful you ended up half naked in each other’s arms ready to have sex any minute. We’d spent years in the first category. Maybe we hadn’t meant to be there, but after one of us got the other through a serious situation, we always ended up back there. The last few days though, had been a whole new thing. Holding hands in public, just so I could touch him, spending the nights wrapped up in each other, my fingers trailing over every part of his upper body, and then last night. I would have slept with him if he hadn’t stopped it.

What kind of best friend did shit like that? I’d held Matty’s hand and took away the alcohol when Becky left, and he’d held me while I cried over Will, trying to make me laugh. Sharing joys and heartache, being honest with the other even when it hurt, supporting their decisions, having their back even if you disagreed. That was what a best friend did. That is what Matty and I had done for years. We didn’t screw with the other’s emotions or confuse our relationship for something it wasn’t. Until last night. I wished that I could rewind and do the last few days over.

I could still see him, coming around the corner into our cubicle my first day of work. He looked like hell, as if he’d been out all night partying, but he’d still been breathtaking. The way he sauntered to his desk gave the impression that he was much older than twenty-five. When he’d seen me, his eyebrows raised. “Well, hello.” He’d given me a smile that would melt most hearts and drop most panties. “Matthew Murphy.” He’d held out a hand, but when I put mine in his, he lifted it to his lips.

Offering me that signature smirk I’d grow to love, he added, “I think you’re at the wrong desk, Sweetie. First day?” I’d nodded, completely unfazed by his dazzling looks, but confused because my boss had brought me to this desk herself. “I’m getting a new trainee, some middle aged man named Joe.” I’d laughed, explaining that I was Jo. He’d been taken aback, assuring me that no one would have him training a fresh-out-of-school kid and that I’d be moving soon. The office scuttlebutt was that he was a chauvinistic pig that thought every woman worshiped him (he wasn’t far off, of course) and although he flirted shamelessly, he avoided office romance like it was the black plague.

They didn’t move me, telling Matty that he needed to suck it up and deal. None of his charms worked on me, and he was miserable to work with. I hated him for weeks, dreading going into work. Finally, I freaked out and informed the King of Hearts that I wasn’t going to quit, and if he called me Sweetie one more time I would get creative and do something so horrible that he’d shudder every time he thought about me. Not a great way to make friends at a new office, but Matty had just looked at me and laughed.

Over the next few months, we’d spent hours on the road together and I learned there was more to him than just a slutty, pretty, party boy. He was funny as hell, most of his humor was dry or self-deprecating, but hilarious. He was surprisingly sweet, once you got past the beautiful exterior, and he was an exercise junky because he’d been the ‘fat kid.’ He was also a major geek, just like me. When I told him about my weekend marathon of the five Star Wars episodes, he’d looked at me doubtfully and asked me if I knew what a rancor was, other than the name of his first band. After I answered, he got all excited that a girl actually could appreciate the concepts of the movies. I confided that I’d always wanted to get a Jedi symbol tattooed on one shoulder and a Sith symbol on the other, my version of an angel and a devil. He’d looked at me like I was crazy, and then told me he had those exact tattoos. We’d been best friends ever since.

Friend. That’s all. Suddenly Taylor’s words came flooding into my mind. “Have you seen yourself lately?” She was right. I couldn’t turn on my own husband, there was no way Matty would rather share my bed than hers. I’d seen the women he loved, and I wasn’t even close to being in the same league. I had never needed to be. I had a part of Matty no one else got. Realization sank in. The last few days had been about him supporting me, nothing more. He would never leave me when I needed him, because I had never left him. I felt like an idiot. I’d been throwing myself at him, and he’d been catching me and trying to stand me back up on my own two feet.

I sighed at the long stretch of road in front of me. I’d been so upset over Will, that Matty had let me use him as a distraction. My stomach churned; I disgusted myself. Sighing again, I pulled over, texting him.
I’m sorry for being an asshole.
My phone buzzed back seconds later.
Why? That’s why I like you.
I laughed, looking over my shoulder as I pulled out onto the road. I adored him.

Wednesday we were both back in the office for part of the day and things seemed like they were back to normal between us. It was as if the weekend hadn’t happened, like I got the do-over I so desperately wanted. He didn’t mention anything about it, so I didn’t either. I was just thankful that I had my Matty back. He didn’t look miserable and his mood wasn’t all over the chart, so he and Taylor must have worked out their problems from last week. I wondered if she had taken off her engagement ring or if he had caved, but I was too afraid to ask. We went for a run in the afternoon and then talked on the phone for almost an hour that night.

I woke up in a good mood the next morning, knowing that it was my full day with Matty. He strolled in to the office right before nine, humming. I smiled up at him, knowing how he felt. We were back to normal, things were good. It was a whistle while you work kinda day. Before he could sit down, our boss came out of her office. Connie hadn’t been our supervisor for very long, but we both had great things to say about her so far. She was easy to read, and right now something was very wrong.

“I need you in my office,
Matt.” He turned and followed. “You come, too Jo,” she called over her shoulder. “This concerns you both.” She closed her door behind me, sitting down on her desk, her face somber. “The Todd TPR is being appealed.” Matty gasped. I turned to him as I fell into one of Connie’s chairs.

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.” I had no idea that a signed TPR could be appealed. In all my years with the department, I’d never heard of one. Not one. “How long does that take. What will happen with the adoption?”

“He can’t be adopted right now. We have to wait to see if dad will win the appeal, and if he does, he can get Todd back.” The blood had drained from Matty’s face; I thought he might faint. “I just told them…” he trailed off, but I knew that he was talking about the Smith’s.

A swift knock landed on the door before it opened. Ali, one of our clerks, peaked her head around the corner before anyone had a chance to tell her to come in. Her eyes landed on Matty and she smiled flirtingly, before moving on to me. “Jo. There is someone downstairs for you. They say it’s urgent.”

I straightened up. “Is it a client?”

She shook her head, turning her gaze back to Matty. “I don’t think so. They asked to speak to Mrs. Walker and they need you to go down now.”

Twenty different things ran through my mind as I bounded down the stairs. However, being served papers showing that Will had filed for legal separation was not one of them. I walked back to my desk in a daze. First Matty’s TPR, now this. Could this day get any worse?