Alter Boys (20 page)

“So what show is it going to be?” This was Judy Zimmer.  She was hoping to hear “The Miracle Worker” or “The Diary of Anne Frank” the female lead starring roles of Helen Keller or Anne Frank would suit her just fine.

Ms. Bagner smiled and said:  “We’ve chosen ‘You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown.’” 

The entire class was thrilled.  Well almost.

Ms. Bagner had hand selected Charlie Brown for several reasons.  First, it had a small cast and very fundamental dialogue.  Second, it relied on filling the roles with children who looked like children.  God knew she had enough of them in this bunch.  She wouldn’t dare take on something like “Pirates of Penzance” knowing that her supply of mature looking males was vastly limited.  Then there was the matter of stage and scene production.  Charlie Brown could be pulled off with a couple of sawhorses and cardboard boxes.  And most important was the matter of image and draw.  The Peanuts bunch could only be viewed as wholesome by the fussy school board and ticket sales could draw all ages.

Judy Zimmer was fuming.  A stupid baby show from our stupid new drama teacher.  She ran the potential cast of characters through her mind and landed on Lucy.  It wasn’t much but it was the best there was.  That would be her role.  Not a theatrical masterpiece but maybe a chance to be a show stealer.  Other class members were busying themselves trying out their best Snoopy expressions or sucking their thumbs while clutching imaginary blankets.  Greaser was sitting quietly, feeling nothing, knowing only that he would have to read for a part; whatever that meant.

It meant a lot more than he imagined.

2

Janice Bagner told more than one white lie that day.  Sure anyone from the student body could audition and each member of the drama class would read for a part, but in her mind her cast was already selected.  Christopher Millers naturally long shaggy
hair made him the perfect Snoopy; if only he didn’t have those damn braces on his teeth.  Judy Zimmer (cringe) would be her Lucy if only to put her obstinate sass to good use and appease her daddy who sat on the school board.  Schroeder, Linus, Peppermint Patty, check, check, check. 

And then there was one.  Charlie Brown.  The sad quiet kid who just couldn’t get a break.  The boy who exuded innocence and you just couldn’t help feeling sorry for. 

A Charlie Brown cast member that she could rely upon.  A student who was orderly, sat in class quietly, who never spoke out of turn, and who could read. 

And God how that kid could read.  She hadn’t heard more than two unprompted words out of him the entire semester but when called upon to read before the class he was golden.  His voice came from somewhere deep inside.  A frantic yet strong voice begging for recognition. Almost like he had been coached to be a TV announcer; reading a script soliciting donations for Feed the World or UNICEF; tugging at your heartstrings, making you
feel
the words, putting all of the right inflection in all of the right places. 

Yes, you’re a good man Charlie Brown.  If only you weren’t so wishy-washy.  

Janice Bagner frowned.  ‘
Wash.
’  There was of course, that one little detail.  Certainly the boy’s mother would have him wash his hair before getting on stage in front of all those people.  But that was for later.  For now there was a whole class of readings to go through and plenty of disappointment to be handed out.  

The obligatory call for auditions was posted, the expected non-response from the general student body satisfied, reading day arrived.

“Okay, for this reading I need a Linus, a Snoopy and a Peppermint Patty.”  Three students came forward but two of
them were
Snoopy’s
.  After a moment of lobbying one of the
Snoopy’s
traded his bone for a blanket.  The reading commenced; but it mattered not.  None of them were on the ‘A’ list. 

The readings proceeded unremarkably.  Not surprisingly each of the pre-selected cast members choose to read the part for which they had been pre-ordained.  There had been several Charlie Brown wannabees including a four year thespian who stood 6’ 3” and shaved daily.  He read the part with the smug attitude that he had ‘earned’ this role through his faithful service to the program.

But the real Charlie Brown had yet to step forward.  “Has anyone not had a chance to read?” The rhetorical question was aimed at one.

Greaser left his chair and came forward slowly.  The class was lethargic.  The last few groups, the stragglers, had been pathetic, they had no chance.  This was just one more person going through the motions. 

“Are there any others?” 

The class shifted in their seats but didn’t leave them.

“Well then, which part would you like to read?”  And without waiting for a response:  “How about Charlie Brown.”  Not a question, but a statement.  

Ms. Bagner paged through the script to the opening playground scene; by design.  Here is Charlie Brown eating his lunch and soliloquizing as he admires the little redheaded girl from afar.  It’s a scene that establishes the round-headed kids humility and humbleness, and culminates in humor as he covers his head with his oversized lunch sack. 

Ms. Bagner conveyed no emotion as she listened to the monologue, but inside she felt victorious.  The kid had had nailed it.

The readings now complete, the final piece was to visualize cast members together on stage.  Across the top of the blackboard were the names of each character.  In groups of 7, the students came forward to stand under the name of the character to which they aspired. 

“Snoopy can you switch with Linus.  Let’s see how that looks.  Can I have all of the Schroeder’s come up and each take a turn with this group.” 

And on it went.  A student would be asked to sit (Just for now, mind you) and another would take their place. 
Reading
was important, but the way a cast looked and acted together on stage was of more importance.

Ms. Bagner toyed with having Judy Zimmer stand in the little red headed girl position. She wondered what kind of reaction the sass-pot would have at the possibility of a role with no lines and limited stage presence.  ‘No, best not to screw with daddy’s darling  daughter.’  Judy had been holding fast in the Lucy spot going on 10 minutes now and was looking just a little too smug for the teachers liking.  But working and drawing a paycheck is better than the alternative. 

“Now, the same group please stay there but could I have all of the Charlie Browns each take a turn.”

Six Charlie Browns moved forward including Greaser.  He had been directed to read for the part and he had read.  He had been directed to move forward and so he did. 

Each Charlie Brown stood with the group, was scrutinized for a few moments, and then asked to re-take their seat.  Greaser was last.  He stood like the others and then waited to be dismissed. 

He stayed.

A few cursory calls were made to individuals for a final appearance with the group.  But the core group itself remained the same.

Finally, Ms. Bagman fell silent.  She made notes on a yellow legal pad, occasionally looking up to examine her cast and confirm that what she was seeing and writing were congruent.  She listed 7 names next to seven characters.  Had anyone seen one of the previous sheets of her legal pad, they would have discovered the same set of seven. 

The two minute charade was for the purpose of class edification.  The cast would be officially posted tomorrow, but they knew today that unofficially, the decision had been made. 

No big surprise, no big disappointment.   

And for an astute few, there were no
surprises.  They knew that the G
reaser kid was a shoo-in for the role.  Many however thought that the kid was merely getting a little sympathy attention in front of the crowd; that it was cool of Ms. Bagner to help the kid feel like he fit in.   Plus, it helped to add to the anticipation.  The supporting cast members were all lined up in front of them, the announcement of the leading role would take place tomorrow.   

3

If it is possible for a person to feel elated and mortified at the same moment, well that was how Judy Zimmer felt when she saw the cast list with her own two eyes.  “Congratulations Judy, or should I say Lucy, you’re in the show.”  Vicki Thiesen, her on-again, off-again friend since eighth grade had caught Judy between classes.  “The cast list is on the wall outside Ms. Bagner’s room.” 

Judy was not at all surprised by the revelation, she
knew
that she had the part.  She was twirked though that Ms. know-it-all Vicki
spoiled the discovery of seeing it for herself.  “Really?  Moi?  In a show?”  She turned and darted off toward fine arts. 

Most of the crowd that had gathered for the posting had already drifted away, denying Judy of her highly-deserved applause and accolades.  She was virtually alone as she quickly scanned the list. 

“Lucy Van Pelt – Judy Zimmer.”  There, that made it official and she treated herself to a few moments of elation before scoping out the rest of the cast. 

The punch to her gut came hard and fast. “Charlie Brown -- …what, who is…?  No.  Nooo.  That
can’t
be right!  That
G
reaser kid?!        

Judy Zimmer looked at the list again.  The list had not change.  “Oh Gaaaawd!  Fuck -  Me - Sideways!”  What a disaster. 

First, Vicki Thiesen steals her thunder.  But it was more than that.  Vicki Thiesen had
known
.  She knew about the
G
reaser and had been oh so happy to share the news with Judy.

“Meddling bitch.”  Under her breath. 

Second, the stupid new drama teacher didn’t know shit about acting.  You had to look like a star to be a star.  The
G
reaser kid looked like filth with a capital “F.”   

The thought of declining the part and resigning her position as vice president of thespian troupe 87 crossed her mind.  But then more sensible thoughts prevailed.  She would not only be a star,
she would be a hero.  When the G
reaser butchered his lines or froze in his shoes, it would be her, Lucy, who would ad-lib “What a blockhead!” or “If only you weren’t so wishy washy” to make the audience laugh and carry the show to the next scene.  

Yes, maybe this could work out after all. 

Then she panicked:  “I don’t have to touch him do I?”  It was a frightful concept that required pondering.  She headed to the girls bathroom, sat on the toilet fully clothed and sucked down half a Winston.  She scanned her mind through the script trying to think of any references to physical contact.   

‘No, no touching.’  I think I’m safe.’

Ssssssssss!  The butt hit the water between her legs.  She rose, waved away the evidence, and exited the bathroom in her new role as star and hero.

4

Greaser hadn’t anticipated the posting of the cast list.  Had no need to.  Mrs. Bagner had broke the news to him an hour ahead of time.  Her reasons for doing so were completely selfish.

Having observed the boy in the cast lineup, she began to speculate that the kid might get cold feet or totally freak out.  She was sure of his presentation ability, what she was not so sure of was his emotional stability or maturity.  During tryouts he hadn’t put a single ounce of interest into landing the role.  He approached like a duty.  As if he didn’t care. 

Breaking the news to him in advance would determine if he was the chosen one.  If he took the news alarmingly, looked scared and wanted out, that would be fine.  It would buy her an hour to re-type the cast list, and save a lot of potential future grief.

But the kid had taken then news as flatly as if she had asked him to pick up a gum wrapper off the floor.

“I’ve cast you as Charlie Brown.”

“Ok.”