Along Came a Cowboy (36 page)

“I was gone off to take care of Tammy.” She glances up toward the house. “She was a grown woman, I know, but losing that baby almost killed her.”

“You can't watch a kid every second, Mama. I was responsible for my own actions that night.”

She shakes her head, and I get a brief glimpse of her eyes, filled with tears. “You were always responsible. Almost too responsible. Tammy needed me. But you never seemed to. So
I didn't think about you getting into trouble. When I think about you having to go through that. . .”

“I didn't
have
to go through it.” Has she thought all these years that Brett forced me? “I made a terrible choice, but it was my choice.”

She draws in a breath through her nose and looks toward the sky. “I'm not talking about that night. I mean after. You kept that secret all by yourself then went off and never came back. And you just a baby yourself. I knew I was to blame, but there was no way of undoing it.”

I reach over and take the brush from her hand. “Let's sit for a minute and talk.”

“No.” Her breath is coming in gasping sobs. “I don't want your pity.”

“My pity?” How could two grown women be on such totally different wavelengths? “Come sit down.” I check to be sure Lady is secure then pull Mama over to the wooden swing right outside the barn.

She sits but still won't look at me. “I'm not sure this is ever going to work—you and me.”

Defeat seeps into my heart. If my own mother can say that, maybe she's right.

“Too much water under the bridge,” she mutters.

Bridge
. The word slaps me in the face. “That's not acceptable.”

“What?” She looks at me. Finally. Even though she's looking at me as if I'm crazy.

“That's not acceptable. For it not to work out for you and me.”

She chuckles, sort of a sick frog chuckle, but a chuckle nonetheless. “Not acceptable?”

“You're my mother. We're family. And I love you. Do you love me?”

Her eyes fill with deep horror. “How can you ask me that? I love you more than life itself.”

I think of yesterday when I used those same words to Jenn. And how much I meant them. “You do?” My voice squeaks.

“Of course I do.”

Wow. I never knew.

“Let's take this in small steps, Mama. We can make this bridge strong.”

“What bridge?”

I reach over and take her hand. She lets me.

“Never mind. Just trust me. We love each other, so we've got a foundation. The rest of it we can build as we go along.”

“Okay.”

“We've had so many misunderstandings. Maybe if we just ask each other a question now and then. . .” I just don't know how much more drama I can take all at once.

“Did you set out to just sleep with a boy because you were mad at me for being gone on your birthday?”

Okay, that's a question. Not the one I was expecting, but a question. She starts to pull her hand from mine.

I hold on. “No! I had a huge crush on Brett all summer. All the girls did. Whenever he walked by, they'd bump against each other and giggle to get his attention, but I just stood by the gate or made a point to go up to the concession stand when he was up there getting something. One night I even bought a soda and got up the nerve to offer it to him. He tossed me the bandanna he had in his hand and took the drink but didn't even glance at me.”

“That's that old blue handkerchief in your box of trophies?”

I nod. “But he never really noticed me at all until that night of my birthday. Then he turned his blinding smile on me, and I finally had him all to myself. The next thing I knew, I was
in the dressing room of his horse trailer. And by the time I realized it wasn't what I wanted, it was too late.”

She covers her face and starts to cry again.

I put my arm around her. “I'm sorry, Mama. I'm sorry I did it. And I'm sorry we lost all these years.”

She nods. “I should have been here.”

“Even if you had been, it probably still would have happened.”

“I'm thankful for Jenn—don't get me wrong. But in all the years since, it's ended up feeling like we traded our baby girl for a granddaughter.”

“You didn't, Mama.” I reach over and hug her lightly then stand. “Let's get poor Lady finished and go up to the house. Our family has a rodeo to go to tonight.”

“Are you riding?”

“No, I didn't register.” I might still could, but after all these years, I think I'm chicken. “It'll be up to Jenn to uphold our barrel-racing reputation tonight.”

We walk slowly up to the house. Tammy is waiting in the door. She reaches toward us, and the three of us hug briefly. Mama quickly pulls away and hurries into the kitchen. We've come a long way, but there are still links to add to our bridge. As Lark's granny used to say, “Shady Grove wasn't built in a day.”

My phone rings. I glance down at it. Lark. I haven't talked to her since Jack made his comment to Jenn yesterday at my house. I should have checked on her. “Tammy, I have to take this call.”

“That's fine. I'll go help Mama. . .do whatever she's doing.” She smiles and steps inside.

I sit down on the white chair on the tiny back porch. “Hello?”

“Rachel? Rachel?”

I hold the phone away from my ear a little. “Lark, you don't have to yell. I can hear you. What's wrong?”

She laughs. Or cries. I'm not sure. But I think laughs. I hope laughs. “Nothing's wrong.” I hear a deep voice rumbling in the background. “Oh yeah. Craig says to tell you we won't be able to come to the rodeo tonight.”

“You're kidding! Why not?”

“We're out of town.”

“Out of town?”

“Well, on our way out of town. The children's home representative called us this morning.”

“They want to meet with you again?”

“Sort of. They want us to come get our baby.”

“What?” I thought I was all out of tears, but I'm apparently a tear machine, because they're pouring down my face. “Lark, I don't believe it.”

“I don't believe it, either. It's a girl! She's a girl.” She's laughing and crying at the same time. “What an idiot I am. I knew we were on the list. But I rushed ahead.”

“You're not the first person to do that, honey. Look at Sarah in the Old Testament.”

“Oh yeah, and look how that turned out.”

“Well, thankfully you didn't end up in that mess. So, can you tell me about the baby?”

“She's fourteen days old. They have a policy that you can't get them before then. And the lady called and asked if we wanted to pick her up Monday, but we talked her into letting us come today.”

“I don't blame you.”

Craig's voice rumbles again. “Oh yeah. I'll call you later and tell you her name. We haven't decided yet.”

“Name her after me.”

She laughs. “I just got off the phone with Vic and then Allie, and they both said the same thing.”

“Looks like you've got your work cut out for you figuring that one out.”

“We have a two-hour trip to discuss it.”

“Lark, I'm so happy for you.”

“Your happy ending will come, Rach.”

I laugh. “You and Allie! Y'all don't have to say that. I'm happy with my life.” Or I was until it blew up in my face twenty-four hours ago. But making up with Daddy and Mama was almost worth it. Almost.

“Um-hum. Whatever you say.”

“I love you guys!”

“We love you, too, honey. I'll call you tonight when we get home with her. Y'all pray for us.”

“Definitely.”

I flip the phone closed and bow my head. Some prayers can't wait. Just as I say, “Amen,” Tammy pecks on the glass.

“You okay?” she mouths.

I nod.

I am.

Or at least I will be.

When we get home, Daddy and Russ show us the new fence they built. While Tammy is still out admiring it, I walk into the kitchen and come face-to-face with Jenn for the first time since Jack brought us home from the ranch yesterday.

She looks at me, and I see something in her eyes that startles me. Something that's not hate. It might not be love, but it's at least. . .curiosity.

“Jenn?”

“This is kind of weird, isn't it?”

I nod. “Kind of. Do you want to talk about it?”

“After the rodeo's over, okay?”

I sink onto a bar stool and try to look casual instead of letting her see that my legs are weak with relief. “Sounds good.”

“Daddy's bringing Sweetie, so all we have to do is show up, right?” Tammy follows me out to the car.

“Right. Actually, I'll be back before it's time to go. I'm just running out to the arena to take care of something.”

“Rodeo business?” She reaches up to adjust the collar of my bright green Western shirt.

“No. Knowing Jack, he'll have that all under control. I've got some personal business to take care of.” I wink at her. “Mister-Cowboy-in-Control is in for a surprise tonight.”

She laughs. “It's good to have my little sister back in the game.”

I give her a quick hug. “Say a prayer for me.”

“You got it.”

When I get to the Shady Grove Rodeo Arena, I pop my CD out of the car player and slide it into a plastic case.

Stock trailers are everywhere, but only a few early birds are milling around the arena. I know one bird who's always early—so keeping an eye out for Jack, I walk around to the announcer's stand. So far, so good. I slip up the stairs and tap on the door.

“Come in if your nose is clean,” a voice yells.

I push the door open. “There isn't going to be an inspection, is there?”

Slim Bewell swivels around and lays his half-eaten sandwich on the table. “Rachel Donovan, as I live and breathe.” He jumps to his feet, amazingly agile in spite of his three hundred–plus
pounds. “You're a sight for sore eyes.”

I shake his hand. “Good to see you, too, Slim.”

He steps back and looks at me over his bulbous nose. “Not that I'm complainin', but what are you doing here so early? Committee business?”

“I need a favor.” “Anything for you, doll. Name it.”

I hold up my CD. “I need you to play a song dedication for me during the rodeo.”

“Oh. Can't do that.” He shakes his head, his puffy, purple-veined cheeks jiggling. “Shoot me another one, honey.”

“Are you kidding?”

“No, I'm sure not kidding.

I put my hands on my hips. “You can't play a song for someone?”

He puts his huge fists on his own ample hips. “Only way you get to pick a song is if you're ridin' in one of the events.” He fixes his rheumy gaze on me. “You ridin' in an event?”

I force myself not to back down from his stare. Considering that the old rodeo announcer has tried to talk me into entering the barrel-racing event every year since I moved back to Shady Grove, I have a right to be suspicious.

“You ridin' in an event?” he repeats.

If I don't, my grand plan is shot. If I do. . .actually, if I do, it might be fun. Deep down, I've always known that I quit barrel racing as punishment for what I did with Brett. But how long do I have to pay for one sin? A sin I've already been forgiven of? “Is it too late to register?”

Slim's gap-toothed smile lights up his face. “Nope.”

I make a split-second decision. “Then sign me up for the senior barrel racing.” I slide my CD across the table and explain to him exactly what I want to do.