Almost an Angel (28 page)

"—ly?” Someone had said something. She couldn't make out the words or even the gender of the speaker, but someone else had made that sound.

"Help!" she screamed. "I'm down here." The darkness on the left side of the tunnel was definitely growing lighter, gradually becoming a murky grey.

Then she heard it. James's sweet voice edged with panic. "Carolly! Where are you?”

"Here. Right here. Can you follow my voice? I'm alone. Hurry."

Then suddenly the grey murkiness burst into a bright glow of light. James rounded the corner, keeping his back to the wall, scanning the tunnel before entering.

"Right here!"

"Carolly!"

He was beside her in a moment, wrapping her in his arms, kissing her face even as he scanned her for injuries.

"I'm fine. Mostly. But we have to get out of here. Garrett is going to kill you."

He didn't answer, didn't even recoil at her statement. He simply leaned her forward so he could begin work on the bonds around her wrists. She shifted to accommodate him, realizing as she moved that he must already know about Garrett. She glanced at him, noting the grim lines on his face.

Yes, he already knew.

"We've got to get out of here, James. And he wants you, not me." She waited, but the only response was a taut silence. "James, please."

"What did he say to you?” His voice was low and urgent.

"Just what I told you: That he's going to kill you."

She gasped as he finally loosened her bonds. The rope slipped undone, and her hands began to tingle as the blood flow returned. She tried to move her fingers and nearly cried out at the pain, but her thoughts were on James.

"I can untie my feet. Go now, before he comes back."

He looked up from the bonds around her ankles. Beside them, on the floor, the candle threw wild shadows across his face.

"Do you want to die, Carolly? Do you want to become an angel?”

She heard the dread in his voice, but she also heard belief. He understood her now, and the knowledge spread like a warm glow through her body.

"No, James. I want to live my life with you."

She saw joy flash through his eyes; then he leaned forward, giving her a swift and thorough kiss. She arched into it as best she could, then she pushed him away.

"Go now. I can't marry you if you're dead. Go!"

But he only shook his head. "I will not leave without you."

"Well, isn't this a touching scene?"

Carolly froze at Garrett's voice, but James didn't seem to react. He merely bent his head to work at her bonds, his fingers working with lightning swiftness. Still the ropes did not slacken. Carolly looked up. Garrett stood well down the tunnel from them, his pistol in his hand. He looked mussed and slightly battered, but his hands were steady and his gaze firm.

"Get away from her." Garrett's voice was deadly cold, but James ignored him. "I will shoot you now, James. I swear it."

Carolly flexed her fingers, feeling pain shoot straight up her arms, but at least they moved. She leaned forward, quietly lifting James's hands from her bonds, then bending her own fingers to the task, gritting her teeth against the pain. After a quick glance at her face, James slowly twisted around, keeping his back to her feet, thereby shielding Garrett's view of her actions.

"You don't want to kill me, Garrett."

Garrett shrugged, the movement oddly elegant. "True. I find myself strangely reluctant to watch you die."

Carolly worked feverishly at her bonds, but her fingers were still too clumsy and the ties desperately tight. Meanwhile, James continued to speak with Garrett, his voice smooth and calm.

"Then release us. We can find a solution together."

"A solution?” Garrett mocked. "I have already found my solution, I assure you. I just do not intend to watch it happen. Call it squeamishness." He smiled. Then he bent down, putting his candle to a long thin string.

Carolly felt James tense, and she knew he was prepared to jump his cousin despite the enormous distance between them. She looked up and frowned, knowing she needed to distract Garrett somehow while still working on freeing her legs.

"What are you doing?” she asked, her voice shrill despite her attempt at calm.

Garrett looked up, smiling as he gestured to a dark fissure in the wall. "I am lighting this wick. As you can see, it leads to a rather large pile of gunpowder in that crack. When it explodes, the walls will come down."

"On us." James's voice did not betray any fear, only logic.

Garrett shrugged. "An unfortunate accident."

"Murder." Carolly was grim, and she was pleased to see Garrett flinch. Apparently he wasn't as sanguine about this whole affair as he wanted them to think.

But he still bent to light the wick. And in that moment, James launched himself at his cousin.  He didn't have a chance. The distance was too large, the odds too great.

Garrett raised his gun and fired.

The explosion echoed through the tunnels, reverberating like pounding hooves. Carolly screamed as she saw James fall, his head cracking painfully against the wall and a crimson stain spreading about his chest.

Her legs still bound, Carolly began crawling as best she could to James's side. The rock scraped at her knees and bit into her aching hands, but she thought of nothing except his life.

"Yes, hurry, Caroline," commented Garrett. "You shall wish to spend your last moments at his side."

"You monster!" she screamed, frustration curling into a hard knot of anger. Her hand fell upon a rock, and she grabbed it, throwing it with all her might. It hit James's cousin in the face, cutting a gash in his forehead, and blood spilled into his eyes. But it did not stop him from lighting his makeshift fuse.

"For God's sake, Garrett," Carolly begged. "Think what you're doing."

He looked up, his expression slightly haunted. "My apologies, but I am trying my best not to." He bowed formally to her, one hand still trying to brush the blood from his eyes. "Good day, Miss Handren." Then he was gone, disappearing down the tunnel, his erratic footfalls quickly fading into silence. Carolly paid no attention, focusing her efforts on scrambling the last distance to James. When she got to his side, she wadded up her skirt, pressing it where blood oozed sluggishly from his chest.

"James! James, can you hear me?"

He groaned and opened his eyes, his hand going to his head.

"Oh, thank God," she breathed.

He blinked, then his eyes widened. The gunpowder! Can you stop it?"

Carolly looked toward the tiny glowing light as it wound its way toward the fissure. She already knew the answer. She had, in fact, known the answer when Garrett first lit the fuse. There was no way, even if her legs were free, that she could stop the coming explosion. There was barely an inch left in the wick and even that was disappearing fast.

They had only seconds.

Looking down into his eyes, she bent over him, shielding his body as best she could. "I love you," she whispered.

Understanding and pain mixed in his eyes. But with both those emotions, she saw an overwhelming love. "I love you," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "I want to spend eternity with you."

She smiled. "Eternity."

Then she bent to kiss him. Their lips touched, and the world shattered in a deafening explosion.

***

No stranger to death, Carolly recognized the process. She felt the glorious lightness, the freedom from body as if an enormous weight had simply faded away. She was familiar with the brilliant light surrounding her and the memories of her incarnation as they reeled past her like scenes in a movie.

 As she watched, she fell in love with James all over again. She kissed him, loved him, and married him all in the space of a heartbeat.

Except she had no heartbeat with which to measure the time.

When it was over, she stopped and waited for James to join her. She waited, unable to measure the time except in the aching loneliness of his absence.

Where was he?

He will not come. It is not yet his time.

Carolly lifted her awareness to the one she called Master. She did not know if it was God or Jesus or any of the human terms for the Infinite. She only knew the soul was her teacher and her guide.

"Can he not come, Master? Can he not be with me?"

It is not his time.

"Then am I alone?" Even in the midst of eternity, she felt an expanding emptiness, a hole that even God could not fill.

You have done well, Carolly. You have learned to love, learned to embrace the sacrifice and the pain as well as the joy. I am pleased.

Carolly accepted the statement with conflicting feelings, her satisfaction with her success coming only in the midst of despair. She had lost James.

You have a choice now.

"A choice?” She had difficulty focusing her attention. It all was happening too fast. She had no time to comprehend the Master's words when her heart and mind were still bound to James.

He will live.

Beside her the light changed, coalescing into a grey blanket that shifted into distinct forms and shadows. She saw the mine tunnel choked with dust and debris, rubble everywhere. In the center was James, crouched over her body. His chest still bled, yet he paid no attention to his own pain as he bent over her. She'd been crushed by falling rocks.

James released an anguished cry, and the sound echoed in the shifting light, surrounding her with his torment.

He grieves for you.

"He loves me." And she realized it was true. He had said the words to her, but never before had she felt it so fully. It was like a wall crumbling away from her heart. "I pushed him away for a long time," she said softly.

Yes.

"I didn't believe he could love me. Not who I truly am. I was so prepared for his rejection, I never gave him a chance. I just left." Her words were only an echo of what was happening inside her. Understanding poured like a benediction into her soul as she accepted the truth. She had not allowed him to love her fully, totally, and yet he had done it anyway.

He loved her.

Do you feel his love?

"Yes. Yes!" And she did. For the first time ever, she felt truly and completely loved, without reservation or doubt. She had never thought it could happen, not without conditions, lies, or disappointments. But now she knew James loved her totally, no matter who she was or what she did. "He loves me," she repeated. It was a miracle all its own, and she cherished it with her whole being. "And I love him."

You understand now.

"Yes."

Then you may choose.

She shifted her attention away from James, her mind still reeling from the enormity of feeling loved. "Choose what?"

You may continue on your path. You may become an angel and help others learn as you have learned.

"I can become an angel?” Hope surged within her. Finally her hoped-for fate was a possibility. But even as her mind embraced a future of guiding others to the joy she had just discovered, her attention returned to James and her soul still ached for him. "What happens to James?"

He will continue, will find love as Margaret's father
.

The scene shifted, showing her glimpses of James with Margaret. As she watched, time sped away. She watched his body age, his hair lighten to gray then white. She saw James give Margaret away at her wedding, saw him cradling his first grandchild. She saw so much, but through it all, he was still alone. "He will never love another woman?"

Not in this lifetime.

She turned to the Master, sadness filling her at the thought of James spending years alone—a sadness matching her own at the knowledge she would forever be apart from him. "Will he ever find someone? Maybe in another lifetime?”

Perhaps.

She frowned, a thought coming to her. "What about Garrett? Is he going to torment James and Margaret for the rest of their lives?"

Up until now, the Master had never shown an emotion other than loving concern. But this time, his words seemed edged with sadness.

Garrett was caught in his own deceits. The placement of his explosive was ill conceived.

The scene shifted, this time to another part of the mine where she saw only part of Garrett's coat beneath the rubble. Oddly enough, Carolly felt a deep sadness.  Nothing more, just an aching disappointment.

"He did not understand."

No. He will have another chance, in another life, but he will have many reparations to make.

Carolly understood the wisdom of the Master's choice. It was time for Garrett to start over, to try again to learn the lessons she was only now beginning to comprehend.

Then, as she watched, she saw a slim foot appear. It was Margaret, picking her way through the rubble of the mine. Behind her came Wentworth and Mrs. Potherby and many of James's servants.

She will find the collapsed cave and help the others open a passageway for James.

Once again the scene shifted, and Carolly found herself watching James as he held her lifeless body. The ache in her soul, never quite gone, cut at her with renewed vengeance. She tried to turn away from the sight, unable to watch his pain, but she could not do it. She could not abandon him, even though she saw him as if through a thick curtain of glass.

"What is my other choice?” she asked softly.

You may return to him as Caroline Handren. You will remember nothing of your other lives.

She looked back to the Master, hope and surprise flooding her. "I can go back? I can be with him?" She moved forward, already straining toward James.

You will remember nothing. You will be Caroline Handren.

"I will be with him."

Afterwards, you may return as an angel.

She barely heard the words, for she was already pushing through the heavy veil separating her from James. It was a difficult and agonizing process, for with every inch she felt her soul take on weight, limitations, frailty. But she didn't care. She would be with James.