All's Fair in Love and Seduction (16 page)

Nicholas turned and looked up to view his aunt. He became wide-eyed and began frantically tugging on Charlotte’s hand resting on his shoulder. “Mama, she looks like you,” he exclaimed in a high voice.

With her eyes, Charlotte pleaded for her sister’s understanding and cooperation. The last thing she wanted was to have this particular conversation in front of her son, her maid, and anyone else whose interest was piqued by a salacious bit of gossip.

Katie acknowledged her silent request with a brisk nod, before doing just as Alex had done, and going down on her haunches in front of her nephew.

“Do you remember when mama told you that I had a sister who looked exactly like me? Well, this is your Aunt Katie. Now be a good boy and say hello,” Charlotte urged gently.

Tears gathered in her sister’s eyes as she stared at Nicholas with a focused attention.

“Hullo, Aunt Katie,” he whispered, staring at her with the same sort of fixation.

Her sister’s fingers skimmed his face in feather light brushes. “Hullo, Nicholas,” she said in a choked voice. “Would you mind terribly if I gave you a hug?”

Perhaps it was the familiarity of the face that eased Nicholas’s usual reticence with strangers, for he gave a shy nod of assent without seeking the assurance he’d sought from her when Alex had offered him his hand. Quickly he was enfolded in her sister’s arms, his own trapped at his side like a toy soldier. Nonetheless, he permitted her to hug him for a very long time.

~*~*~

The next hour passed in a blur of activity. Katie enthused over her nephew as if he were the greatest archeological find of all time. She hugged and petted him as much as Nicholas would permit, which was considerable given her son too seemed enthralled at the living and breathing creature whose face was the mirror image of his mother’s.

Charlotte introduced Jillian to her sister. Relieved of her bonnet, the full glory of her maid’s beauty caused Katie to halt and stare. A discernible blush appeared beneath Jillian’s
café au lait
complexion. And Charlotte knew precisely what her sister was thinking; a servant that uncommonly pretty would be trouble in deuces and spades. But they would cope. They’d had to cope before.

Two footmen clad in liveries of the family colors, gold and green, were dispatched to collect their bags and trunks from the hackney. Nicholas would sleep in the nursery, and Jillian would sleep in the room next to the nursery until the children and their nanny returned. Charlotte was assigned her former bedchamber.

After they’d all eaten, Jillian volunteered to put a sleepy Nicholas down for his mid-afternoon nap. Charlotte dearly wished she could follow, but the look on her sister’s face told her an explanation would not wait until after she’d rested.

Jillian and Nicholas had barely departed the dining room before Katie marched her down the hall and into the morning room. She steered her past the piano and harp, and dragged her down onto the chintz settee to take a seat beside her.

“You left because of what we discovered about our mother, didn’t you?”

Charlotte took a deep fortifying breath, for she had to be convincing above all else. “That might have played some part in my decision to leave, but it wasn’t the whole of it. I met a man two months prior to the wedding. We fell in love.”

Katie’s jaw came unhinged, but soon shock gave way to disbelief. In the narrowing of her eyes, suspicion dawned clear and blue.

“I know it sounds extraordinary does it not? I mean Alex had been the love of my life. But I realized what I felt for him was a blind devotion. A case of mad passion. Perhaps even the want of something I believed I could never have. I mean truly, Alex interested in me? I was not at all the kind of woman who could hold the attentions of a man like him for long. Neil—that was his name—was more…accessible. ”

The disbelief faded from her sister’s eyes and the puzzlement returned.

Charlotte pressed on, relieved at the progress she’d made. “In the end, although, I cared deeply for Alex, a marriage between us would have been a mistake. But I should not have waited so long to tell him and should have had the courage to tell him to his face. For that I will always be more ashamed and sorry than you can ever imagine.”

“But how could you leave me? Have you any idea what we—what I went through these past years without you, without being able to even write to you? One-sided correspondence might suit your purposes but it didn’t mine.”

Upon her return to England, Charlotte had planned to tell her sister about the letter threatening to expose the truth about who their mother was. But with the dowager gone, what good would it serve? Whose good would it serve? Katie had had a difficult enough time in society.

“If you knew how much I regret what I did but it had to be that way. I knew if I told you of my plans, you would tell James. And if James knew, it was only a matter of time before Alex discovered. That wasn’t a risk I could take.”

“But even if Alex did discover you’d fallen in love with someone else, it wouldn’t have been the end of the world. You didn’t have to run away.”

Charlotte couldn’t very well tell her it would indeed have been the end of the world as they all knew it. Alex would have seen right through her lies and gently coerced the truth from her. Following would have been a Rutherford family scandal far eclipsing the revelation of two illegitimate daughters. And Alex’s titles would have been tarnished by his association with her. Everyone would have suffered. And then of course there was Nicholas…

“But why—”

“Katie darling,” Charlotte implored, taking her sister’s hand in hers, “no more questions on this subject for now. Please.”

“Forgive me if I assumed as your sister, your twin, I would receive more consideration.”

“Later, I will explain it all. Why I allowed so much time to pass. Why I didn’t tell you about Neil and Nicholas earlier. I promise I will.” Charlotte gave her twin’s hand a gentle squeeze. “But please don’t press me on it now.”

“From your maid’s accent, I gather you’ve been residing in America?”

Charlotte gave a brief nod.

“James had investigators throughout the Continent but I don’t believe he ever thought to look there.” Katie spoke as if she were speaking to herself. “Have you come to stay?” she then asked, her cerulean blue eyes intent.

A heavy sigh escaped Charlotte’s lips. That was a question she had yet to answer herself. She would like nothing better than to remain. The only person she would truly miss if she left America was Lucas, and he traveled to London on business often enough for them to remain in contact.

“I’m not certain.”

Katie opened her mouth, and then quickly snapped it shut. Silence dragged for several long seconds before she spoke. “Whatever your reasons for your continued secrecy, I hope you know there is nothing you cannot tell me.”

But there were also things that would only cause her sister needless distress, and Charlotte wouldn’t inflict that pain upon her. It was enough that she knew and carried the shame of the secret.

“Katie, will you tell me about Alex?” Charlotte asked in an abrupt change of topic. The question had festered inside her for too many years. She had to know.

Her sister’s gaze sharpened just enough for Charlotte to don her mask and exclaim defensively, “What? I might not have married him, but I did care for him deeply. Naturally I care how he fared.”

After a pause, Katie’s mouth softened. “Well, to say your leaving hit him hard would be a vast understatement. He was like—well like I’d never seen him before. Frankly, he turned into a man I never care to see again.”

A needlelike sting of pain accompanied every beat of Charlotte’s heart upon hearing her sister’s words. She’d wanted to know but now she wasn’t certain. But her insatiable need to fill the gaps of those years without him urged her to delve in true masochistic fashion.

“What did he do?”

Katie swallowed, briefly looking down at their joined hands. “The truth isn’t pretty and may be difficult for you to hear. Are you sure you want to know?” she asked, looking Charlotte in the eye.

Charlotte held a breath and nodded, steeling herself for what was to come.

After a prolonged sigh, Katie began. “He was already at the church when James told him. He left soon after, no doubt in shock and grief. James was left to inform everyone the wedding was off. Of course, he was also frantic with worry. We all were.” Censure was blatant in her sister’s tone. Charlotte squeezed her hands, attempting to convey just how sorry she was to have caused them even a moment of distress.

“After a day or so Alex joined James, Thomas, Mr. Wendell and Lord Bradford in the search for you.”

Charlotte briefly closed her eyes. These were the things she’d tried so hard not to think about. Her family, her friends searching for her. Worrying themselves over her. Only the knowledge that she’d saved them from certain social ostracism and grief made the ordeal bearable. And of course, then Nicholas had come, needing her just as much as she’d needed him.

“Oh, they were all quite discreet about the matter. To this day everyone believes you’re residing somewhere in the north of England. James wanted it so. The gossip surrounding your departure must have kept every printing press running non-stop for well over a year. He had no desire to feed the frenzy by admitting that we had no idea where you were. Anyway, when your first letter arrived two weeks later, Alex abandoned the search. I believe it was then he was convinced you had left of your own volition. It probably would have been easier for him if he thought you’d been taken by force.”

Katie sighed and extricated her hand from hers. Charlotte instantly missed the warmth of her touch. “After hearing you were settling into your new home, he seemed to close himself off entirely. He wasn’t sad anymore he was just…empty. Then he started drinking. And carousing.”

Charlotte bolted to her feet, her moiré silk skirt sweeping the low center table of knotted pine. She simply couldn’t bear to hear anymore. The pain inside her was excruciating and blinding. “I see. You needn’t tell me anymore,” she said, trying not to choke on her words. She failed utterly.

Katie arose, treating her to a look of concern. “It is difficult to hear is it not? It was even more difficult to watch, and I didn’t witness the half of it. You have no idea how many years James and Thomas spent beside themselves trying to save Alex from himself.”

Charlotte closed her eyes, willing away the images of Alex lost in the stupor of drink as he caroused about town in quest of a warm willing female. And he’d no doubt found them to be had by the droves. But the images persisted with unforgiving relentlessness. She bit back a wave of nausea.

“Darling, you look pea green. Are you all right?”

Determinedly, Charlotte mentally shook it off, opening her eyes to take in the worried expression on her sister’s face. “You did warn me it would be hard to hear.” Agonizing, excruciating were more apt terms.

“Alex loved you. He took it exceptionally bad.”

“And now? How is he now?” Silly as it was, what she really wanted to ask was did he ever talk about her? When had he stopped missing her? Within weeks, months, years?

Her sister gave a sad smile. “Well, he doesn’t drink anymore. Not one drop. Gave it up entirely.”

Thank God! Her guilt was suffocating enough. “Has he married?” Charlotte hadn’t meant to ask, in her heart was afraid to know. But there it was, her insatiable need to know everything about him exerting its control.

“Would it assuage your guilt and make you feel better to know he’s married with a brood of children?” Katie asked, compassion in her eyes.

God no. It would destroy her. But she had no claims on him. She was the last person who should begrudge him happiness, even in the arms of another woman.

Turning from her sister, Charlotte advanced to the bay window. “Perhaps a little.” This time she couldn’t look her sister in the eye when she voiced the lie. Anyway, it was how her sister would expect her to feel given she’d just admitted she hadn’t truly been in love with him.

“Then you’ll be disappointed to hear he remains single. But all signs indicate it won’t be for much longer as it appears he intends to ask Lady Mary, the Earl of Cranford’s daughter, for her hand. The ton is expecting a betrothal announcement before the end of the Season.”

Charlotte couldn’t see the beauty in the profusion of budding daisies and violets landscaping the front lawn for the pain and grief swelling her heart. Ready to send her to her knees. But truly, it was a small miracle he wasn’t already wed with several children by now.

“I see.” Charlotte paused. “Well I wish him well.”
And she did. She sincerely did.
It would be utterly selfish of her to begrudge him happiness with someone else. And by God she wasn’t selfish. Her absence from his life attested to the fact. Marrying him would have been selfish.

“Charlotte, do you know what I believe?” Katie said softly from behind. She hadn’t even heard her approach.

Charlotte turned. Her sister took her cold hand in hers and looked her in the eye. “I don’t for a moment believe there was ever another man—this husband. And I don’t believe you left because you didn’t love Alex.”

Stunned, Charlotte went stiff, her spine ramrod straight, feeling vulnerable and exposed. “What?”

Katie’s mouth curved into a sad smile. “My dear, do give me some credit. I’ve known you all your life. Perhaps, the story you most convincingly spoon-fed me would have fooled strangers, acquaintances, and perhaps even James and Missy. But this is me. We occupied the same womb for nine months and bedchambers for fifteen years. You would have walked barefoot across the desert for Alex. And as for finding someone else? You had eyes for only him, which would have made that impossible. You loved him then and I’m quite convinced the years apart haven’t changed that one little bit.”

It should have been a diatribe, for Charlotte had lied to her, but it was not. Katie had exposed her web of well-rehearsed lies in calm, gentle tones, her only proof being her twin’s intimate knowledge of her.