Alliance Forged (16 page)

Varian’s heart twisted as Kymora’s declaration played over in his mind. How could nine simple words have the power to breathe life so quickly into a desire long suppressed?

How many nights had he stared up at the sky and wished for a life where enduring loneliness wasn’t a daily struggle? And how many times had he denied any of it even mattered because he knew the impossibility of his dreams, instead forging on, ignoring the longing, burying the emotion so deep he’d thought it’d died in the darkness?

Kymora understood.

Varian let her go and sank to his knees on the leaf-littered ground, head bowed, hands clenched on his thighs so hard his knuckles turned white. He shuddered, throat so tight he could barely breathe.

While their upbringing had been entirely different, some of the events in her life mirrored his own. Some good, more than a little of it ugly, and she’d refrained from censoring any of it.

She. Really.
Understood
.

Her hand brushed the crown of his head.

“It’s all right. I’m here.” Her hand squeezed his shoulder. “You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

The bag on her shoulder slid to the ground a heartbeat before she knelt in front of him. She stroked his bowed head; the simple gesture and warmth of her touch provoked a peculiar yet strangely familiar feeling within him. What was it?

Trawling through his memories, it took going back over a decade to discover the answer.

“Why don’t our mothers want us, Hesia?”
The echo of his own voice as he saw a younger version of Hesia’s care-worn face in his mind.
“Why are the
Na’Reish
trying to kill us?”

Beyond the darkened entrance to the cave where they sheltered and hid from the patrols, the winter wind carried the cold breath of first snow. Huddled around a small fire, he and half a dozen other
Na’Chi
children waited for the healer to answer.

A tiny cry came from inside the small basket sitting beside Hesia. She reached in to comfort the newest member of their small group.

“The why isn’t important, Varian.”
The newborn settled, and she placed her arm around six-year-old Fannis.
“You need to remember the Lady considers each of you as precious as any
Na’Reish
or human child. She loves all of you.”

Her gentle blue gaze linked with his and her smile warmed him more than the flames of the fire between them.

“She loves your markings”
—she ran a finger over Fannis’s temple—“
the color of your eyes
,
even your need to drink blood.”
Her expression became more serious.
“The bond you all share is unique. You might have different mothers and fathers, but you’re like a family now. You need to be there and care for one another. Don’t forget that.”

Varian shared a look with the others seated in the circle, the significance of Hesia’s words sinking into his ten-year-old mind. The
children around him, and those Hesia would bring to live with them, were his brothers and sisters.

Lisella’s hand crept into his and squeezed, then she’d reached to take the hand of the person who sat beside her, until eventually each of them were linked together. They were bound by blood and had to look out for one another. They accepted one another. That was all that mattered.

The connection between them then was the same sensation warming Varian now. For the first time in a very long while, he felt a sense of belonging.

Of recognition and acceptance.

Every part of him fed on the sensation, savoring it until he floated like he was on a blood-high. He had trouble swallowing. The muted greens and dappled shadows on the leaves beneath his knees blurred.

Varian sucked in another uneven breath, the scent of spring flowers and sunshine filling his lungs. Blinking against the burning in his eyes, he lifted his head. While Kymora’s deep green eyes were unfocused and fixed to the left of him, they sparkled with life and a quiet strength very few probably recognized. The peaceful expression on her face was compelling, exquisite.

The ache in his chest to feel even a fraction of what she was feeling stabbed so hard he winced. How did a person find such calm? He couldn’t remember a time when he hadn’t worried about the future or fought for everything he’d ever needed. He felt lost, unsure of himself, and hated it. He scrubbed a hand over his face, so tired of trying to understand his fluctuating emotions.

“Talking could help.” Kymora’s words were soft, hesitant, and her pale pink lips curved at the corners in a small, nervous smile. Varian frowned. She was reading his aura. He stiffened. Her smile faltered. “Or not. We can just sit here if that’s what you want.”

What he wanted…

Fisting his hands on his thighs, Varian stared at her, his gaze
drifting to her lips. They looked soft. Her mouth parted and her teeth caught the flesh of her bottom lip and gnawed at it. Desire rushed through him, making him hard.

Just once he wanted to taste her. To know what it would be like to kiss a woman who cared for him.

In front of him, Kymora stilled. “Varian?”

His heart kicked in his chest. She was using her skill again. If she couldn’t figure it out, there was no way he was going to tell her what he was feeling.

Her hand skimmed along his arm as she reached up to touch his face. The feel of her fingers as she trailed them over his jaw, his chin, his mouth, ignited a burn deep inside him. She cupped his face in her hands.

Instinct warned him it would be foolish to let her continue, but no one had ever touched him like she did, like she saw something good in him. For an instant, he felt as if he were whatever she imagined him to be.

Not the leader.

Not the warrior.

Not the killer.

Something else, something more, and even though it frightened him, he liked what he felt. A groan welled from deep inside his chest.

“Varian, it’s all right.” A flush stained her cheeks. Her fingers tangled in his hair. He shuddered. “I think I understand.”

Varian gripped his thighs hard to stop himself from closing the distance between them. He had little doubt that Kymora would allow him such intimacy. That she would, filled him with tentative hope, something he hadn’t felt in a very long time, but she didn’t know the real him. Acting on what he felt would be wrong.

He grasped her arms, but before he could move her away from him, she tugged his head downward and laid her lips against his.

K
YMORA’S head spun at her audacity, but kissing Varian seemed right. His emotions were swinging wildly enough, yet the one she sensed strongest was desire. She pressed her mouth to his lightly, careful not to crowd him or push him into backing off.

Varian’s lips were incredibly soft, warm, and edged with the delicious friction of stubble. Hot, shocking, delicious. During her younger years, she’d heard her classmates talk about the pleasure involved in a first kiss, but she’d never imagined it would be like this. Sweet and addictive.

She hovered over his mouth, her breath mingling with his, her lungs filled with his woodsy, outdoors scent.
Merciful Mother
, why wasn’t he responding? Wasn’t she doing it right?

Varian grasped her upper arms. With a growl that came from the back of his throat, he pushed her away from him as his aura flared again. She gasped, her senses overwhelmed. This time even her skin felt flame burned. The sensation fanned over her body and spread
through her limbs until the heat pooled low between her thighs. She arched toward him.

“What are you doing?” His voice was so deep it was guttural.

The flush on her cheeks deepened and spread down her neck, but she kept her head high. “I thought that would be obvious.”

His fingers tightened on her arms. “Why?”

She placed a hand on his chest. His desire was so strong there was no misinterpreting it. Her mouth went dry anyway.

“Because I thought you… we… we would enjoy it.”

The emotions pouring from him cut off so fast she swayed. With a hissed curse, he released her. Kymora bit her lip as she listened to him scramble away from her. His rejection felt like a slap in the face.

The awful truth was she’d brought it on herself. Acting on impulse had been a stupid thing to do. She’d promised Lisella and Zaune she wouldn’t push him, and what had she done?

More slowly, she rose to her feet, reaching out for any nearby tree. Her forearm brushed a sapling and she used it to lean against. “I’m sorry.… I’m so sorry.” She squeezed the trunk until her fingers ached. “I felt your desire….” What could she say to him to make it right? “I acted on instinct—”

Still no response.

Kymora bit her lip. She was only making the situation worse. Where had she dropped her staff? One step to the right, then another, and her boot connected with something soft. The bag. She scooped it up.

“I know I don’t have a lot of experience in kissing someone but I thought you—” She ducked her head, throat closing over. More heat burned her cheeks. She swept the ground with her boot. Where was her staff?

She wasn’t expecting Varian’s hands to lock around her biceps, nor the speed with which he propelled her backward. He wasn’t rough
but neither was he gentle as he pressed her back against the trunk of a tree. She let out a startled cry followed by a gasp when he pinned her there with his body.

The man was a wall of sleek, rigid muscle. His hips rested slightly above hers while his firm, taut stomach leaned against her in a way that brought another rush of heat, this one deep inside her. His bare torso wasn’t the only part of his body that was rock hard and unyielding. Her breasts drew tight and the heavy, throbbing ache between her legs reignited.

“Not experienced?” Varian’s words were so close to her mouth his warm breath scorched her lips. His voice vibrated through her like the sound of distant thunder. “Your claim is untrue.”

“No… that was my first kiss.” Her voice hitched as his fingers tightened their grip. In disbelief or surprise she wasn’t sure. “When would I have had the time to have a relationship? And with whom? My peers? The ones who resented my presence?”

The tension arcing between them held her motionless. Instinct warned her Varian was poised on the edge. Of what, she couldn’t fathom. He’d shut himself off from her again and all she had to go on was her sense of touch.

“That was your first kiss?” he rasped.

“Yes.”

His body relaxed the tiniest bit. It gave her hope.

“Why would you waste it on someone like me?” The anguished anger in his question helped her push aside her doubt. She hated the shame in his voice.

“How can you say that?” she countered. “Kissing you is not a waste. I’d like to do it again….”

His erection pushed against her abdomen, thickened. Did that mean he liked the idea or was it just an automatic reaction to her words?

“Kymora—” His breathing was harsh and uneven like he was
trying to control himself. “I don’t know….” He swallowed hard, the sound loud in the quiet between them.

Common sense warned her to back off and give him some space. Her heart urged her to try to reach him, to show him it was all right to care, to trust someone. To trust her.

“Where’s the harm in sharing pleasure, Varian?” she asked, softly. “Especially as we both want it?”

A long moment passed, then, “I don’t know how.”

“You don’t know how?”

“To kiss.” His admission was low pitched, hoarse. “To give you pleasure.”

Kymora stopped breathing. He’d just experienced his first kiss, too? What were the chances of that?

“Now who’s the disbeliever?” Varian’s dry sarcasm made her flush. “You’re blind so you don’t have a visual reminder of my imperfection.”

“It’s just one scar!”

“One scar too many.”

She blinked. “The
Na’Chi
women told you that?”

“They talk…. I see it in their faces.”

He bit off his words as if he realized what he’d just said. Kymora’s temper sparked. Since living with the
Na’Chi
, she’d heard them speak in whispers about her disability. During the first few weeks, everyone except Varian had smothered her with assistance, treating her like a child.

Sure she’d needed their help to orient herself to a new environment, but there was a lot of difference between being dependent on someone as opposed to getting used to a change in circumstances. Their assumption she belonged in the former category grated. Some, like Lisella and Zaune, had since learned otherwise, but most still viewed her as helpless, so she could relate to what Varian was feeling.

“There are qualities much uglier than a scar.” Needing to touch him, to reassure him, Kymora slid her hand up along his arm, aware
that the flesh under her hand felt like steel, all striated, hard-cut muscle and tendons. “Perhaps they should take a look inside themselves before condemning someone for how they look!”

With a decade of overhearing conversations about your less than desirable qualities, reinforced by a lifestyle you had no choice in living, it was no wonder Varian saw himself the way he did. No one deserved that sort of life.

The injustice of it ate at Kymora’s soul. “Do you think your scar matters to me?” she asked, cupping her hand against his jaw. The muscles there flexed, but he didn’t pull away from her. Her fingers found the hard ridge of flesh bisecting his cheek. She went on tiptoe to press a kiss over it, then laid her cheek against his so her lips brushed his earlobe. “You could have a dozen and I wouldn’t care. Don’t use it as an excuse to push me away, Varian. I’m not them.”

Her heart pounded beneath her ribs. His aura was still closed down tight. He wasn’t reacting in any way. She was truly blind and disliked it. A lot.

Then he turned his head, just a fraction, and his lips brushed hers. Slow, featherlight, but Kymora felt it all the way to her core. She gasped, unable to stop the breathy sound.

He was so tentative, tracing his way across her mouth, tasting of salt and male spice. Though hesitant and unsure, the gentle caress of his lips made her ache. When he shifted away from her, she felt the tiniest crack in his aura. Desire, thick and heavy, licked at her senses.