All Together in One Place (54 page)

“What are we to count on, then?” Tipton asked.

At first, no one responded, then Sister Esther said, “We're told in Scripture ‘not to worry’ not to be afraid, and still we are We do things out of fear we ought not do. But we also endure fearful things, if we can believe God walks through them with us”

“I worry my faith isn't strong enough,” Lura said.

“Worrying's what a mother's supposed to do,” Adora said. “What would we do if we weren't doing that?”

“Laughing and having fiin,” Elizabeth told her.

Adora scoffed and swatted at mosquitoes buzzing about her ears. Mazy could hear the slaps of women's hands against their necks, the futility of trying to kill the insects off.

“I think faith polishes us,” Betha continued. “Just shines us up. We have to be rubbed a bit, a little spit and vinegar put to the cleaning cloth so all the heavy dirt we pick up in living every day can be taken off Suppose that's what happens when I make it across those rivers without throwing up my supper A little polish's been applied. It leaves behind a
shiny treasure with all the nicks and dents that make us…special,” she said.

“Stretched maybe,” Suzanne said. “Into risky things.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I'm stretched all right. Everyone else seems to be dropping weight while I'm picking it up.” She patted her stomach.

“We've all been drawn out,” Mazy said, more to herself than anyone in particular. “Moved further than we thought we'd ever have to go.”

“Perhaps so we can find the boundaries of more pleasant places,” Esther said.

Mazy stared at her and wondered if Esther had somehow eavesdropped on the journal she used to write in.

“You've got to throw things out,” Mazy told Adora. “Leave that chest of drawers We've got a very long and steep mountain to go, and you'll likely lose another mule unless you lighten up. This mule didn't have to die.”

“I could leave out that big table,” Lura said. Her voice quivered as she stared at the mule.

“So those traders or that ferryman can come by here after we've gone and get it for themselves? I've got the mules, we'll use them.”

“This delays us, Mother,” Tipton told her.

“Leave that big anvil of Tyrell's if you want to lighten the load.”

Tipton rubbed at her arm. “I suppose I—”

“For now,” Ruth said, leading a mule forward, “we've got to unharness a dead animal, get it out of the road, and then get these others around it. That's going to take us a good bit of time, even working together.”

Naomi put her strong back to the effort of unharnessing the mate to the dead mule and then the dead creature itself. The trail narrowed here. Their faces dripped in sweat, those who had pushed and pulled; the rest wore anxious looks as they lumbered past the dead animal.

“Maybe we should butcher it, dry the meat before we go,” Mazy said. She wiped at her face with her apron. She'd taken to wearing her wrapper again as it was easier in the necessary circle

“Pretty thin,” Ruth said. “The wolves'll eat it. We need to move on.” Her felt hat shaded her face from the hot sun, but she still rubbed at her eyes with her hand. “Eyes hurt,” she said to Mazy s look of concern. “All the sun.”

Mazy said, “We might wait for help.”

“Or just decide,” Ruth said. “Lets move. They look to you for answers, Mazy.”

“I don't believe that's true,” she said.

“You don't do any of us any favors pretending to be less than what you are,” Ruth said as she dismounted and pulled on the mule.

“You're not eating?” Lura asked. “Oh, looks like half your food's been eaten. But no beans?”

Tipton shook her head. “They make me…well, you know ” Tipton felt her face get hot. “And I'm gaining weight.” She patted her swollen stomach. “We need to lighten the loads, according to Mazy.”

Lura lowered her voice. “Not my beans, girl. I cook ‘em in vinegar. You can join the circle and not worry a bit when you eat from my pot.”

Tipton blushed, her cheeks the color of snapdragons.

“Looks like you're getting skimpier, to me,” Lura said. “Hair even looks…brittle. You got to keep your strength up if you're going to survive. My Antone said we got to eat.”

“But my stomach,” Tipton told her.

Lura squinted at the girl's abdomen. “Reminds me of a child I saw once back in New York. Abandoned by his family, living in a rat-infested barn, surviving on grain ‘til they found him. Almost starved to death, all limbs and bones and a fat belly. The only thing that kept him
alive was the will to live and finding someone else who wanted him to. Sure you dont want my beans? I sure want you around to try them.”

At the evening gathering on that early August day, Mazy said, “Tomorrow we make the mountain. We'll be taking one wagon at a time with double the teams. Each has to be pulled up with eight animals then unharnessed and the wagons lowered over the other side with ropes. You'll see trees up there.” She pointed. “They have marks around the trunk that're from the ropes that hold the wagon as it's lowered down, at least that's what the book says The oxen pull us up then they're put to work easing the wagons down over the side. They serve as both momentum and brakes.”

The women sat like schoolchildren, intent and staring at their teacher.

“Then we'll have to drive the loose stock around the side. The first question is, Are we ready?”

“Sister,” Sarah whispered. “Ain't you gonna pray first?”

Esther looked at Mazy, who nodded.

At the joint “amen,” Adora spoke “We're ready.”

“Are we really? Some of us still have too much weight.”

“Don't point your finger at me, Mazy Bacon,” Adora said “I don't have any more'n the rest of you, if truth be known.”

“Truth is, you do,” Mazy said. “I think we all have to go back and see what else we can discard from our wagons.”

“That'll trouble me,” Ned said, kicking at a hard clump of dirt.

“Wish I had someone to take Bryce's clothes,” Suzanne said. “The scent…” She swallowed.

Tipton said, “I'm not sure I can throw out any more. What's left is all I have of Tyrell.”

“I agree,” Adora said. “Good thinking, daughter”

“No, it isn't,” Mazy said. “I'm sorry, but that's what all those beds
and barrels we've seen dumped out along the way have been saying to us We've got to give ‘things’ up if we want to have our hopes met, if we truly want to get there, all of us together. We've got to decide what it is that matters and make room for that and only that. The more we hang on to, the less room we have for what will see us through.”

“We've fared well,” Sister Esther said “Since we agreed to head west again and pared down to four wagons, we've had no illness, lost only a few animals. Do you really feel we should eliminate more?”

“We haven't crossed the first big mountain yet,” Mazy reminded her. “That's the test. Maybe someone else should look at our things. Strip us. It might be easier having someone else point at my…bucket of dirt from Wisconsin, for example, and ask me if it's really needed.” Mazy sighed “If we carry only what we must, I believe the mountain will be ours.”

“We've never done this before,” Lura said “It's the first mountain. I used to celebrate my ‘first times,’ first parties.”

“Virginal, are we?” Elizabeth said, and the group laughed, even Esther.

Ruth said, “I read an unusual definition once, of a virgin.”

“Please, Ruth, the girls,” Betha cautioned.

“They can hear it. The word meant ‘a woman who was complete unto herself, who was neither the property of nor dependent on a man.’ Not a brother, husband, father, or son. Just herself.”

“That's a strange thought, Ruth,” Esther said as she leaned over the boiling water to see if the dragonflies and other critters swimming there were dead, then strained the liquid into a tin cup.

“It was a definition in Greek and Roman times,” Ruth said. “When virgins sacrificed themselves to heal wounded nations. Their sacrifice made no difference; but that they
could make
every decision about their lives, life or death, made them fully complete.”

“Wasn't Mary a…one of those?” Mariah asked.

Mazy said, “Of course God would select a woman complete, one
able to make the choice to accept what was offered her or not. To be willing.”

“Interesting to ponder,” Elizabeth said.

“And she took it,” Sister Esther said “Made the decision to bear the Messiah.”

“I never thought of her having a choice about it,” Mariah said.

“Its a precious gift, the ability to choose,” Suzanne said.

“But we always can,” Mazy said. “No matter what, we can always choose what's important and how to act to make that happen.”

“As we must now. What we take and what we leave behind,” Esther said.

“I'd adjust that definition a smidgen,” Elizabeth said. “Mary was dependent, just not on anyone earthly.”

Mazy found Suzanne crying, the dog asleep at her feet. His ears perked up and he stood, his tongue hanging out, ears partly up, his face happy when he saw his master. She scratched his ears.

“Must be Mazy,” Suzanne said, wiping her eyes. “Pig has a certain sound for you.”

“I'm glad I'm unique to him,” Mazy said. She buried her face in his fur. It smelled of smoke and leather. She sat down beside Suzanne. “I can sort your things, unless Zilah has,” Mazy said.

“Just feeling sorry for myself,” Suzanne said. “The sewing machine has to stay, I know. I don't even mind except that it was Bryce's last insistence to me. And the camera and the musical instruments. They're such heavy things. I wondered if maybe they could be lowered over separately and put back in afterwards, but Elizabeth said no, this was really the first of many crossings and how we prepared ourselves for this one would be a portent to the rest.”

“Mother
sud portent?”

Suzanne laughed. “My word.” She removed her dark glasses,
dabbed at her eyes. The corneas of both eyes were scar-crossed pits. “Its as though I keep reliving the loss, not just Bryce's death, but my accident. Every time change drops by and wants to be fed, I wonder if I'll have enough or if it'll eat me out of house and home.”

“Griefs ravenous, isn't it? I suppose that's where the emptiness comes from, and we keep trying to fill it with…food and blame, irritations and what all. Keeping busy.” Mazy chipped at a spot of dried beans clinging to her apron, picked at her torn nails. She patted the dog who had lain down between the women. “We have to throw out things that get in the way of our going forward.”