All Through the Night: A Troubleshooter Christmas (31 page)

Robin turned to look at Jules, with a giant question mark practically inscribed on his face.

“Sam,” Jules said quietly.

And Sam all but picked Adam up and carried him out of the room.

It took everything he had not to make like Robin's threat and toss the bastard into the foyer, express.

“Why the hell do you do that?” Sam asked instead, but then he saw Adam's eyes. And he knew the answer. And when he spoke again, he managed to make his voice less gruff, less angry. “They're getting married tomorrow. It's time to…wish them both happiness and to move on.”

Adam didn't want to quit, and Sam had to give him credit for that. Still, it was important he understood.

“It's time to let him go,” Sam said quietly. “He doesn't want you anymore, Adam.”

“He never wanted me,” he said, just as quietly. “It was always Jules. Always.”

“You want to give Robin a wedding gift?” Sam asked. “Write Jules a note and tell him that. And then tell them both good-bye.”

Robin closed and locked the door behind Sam and Adam.

Jules had sat down on their bed, a picture of tension.

“Why didn't you say something?” Robin asked him.

Jules just shook his head.

“You know, I was starting to think you weren't interested,” Robin said, and Jules looked up at him, horrified disbelief in his eyes. Still, he went on. “I was. I thought…maybe you didn't think
Shadowland
was a project that was going to go anywhere, that, I don't know, I was maybe wasting my time or…”

“No,” Jules said. And now his eyes filled with tears. “God, Robin, I'm so sorry.”

“Every time I talked about it, you kind of zoned out,” Robin said. “I thought you just didn't want to tell me that I wasn't good enough—”

“I watched the promo you brought home,” Jules interrupted him. “It was amazing.
You're
amazing. But…Adam was right. It was…really hard for me to watch. Seeing you…I know you're acting, but—”

“Do you?” Robin said. “Do you really understand?”

His leather bag was next to the table on his side of the bed, and he rummaged through it, looking for the DVD he'd brought home just a few days ago. He found it, opened the DVD player and turned on the TV.

“Oh, God,” Jules said. “Please let's not do this now.”

Robin slid the DVD drawer closed. “When
do
you want to do it, Jules?”

“Never,” Jules admitted. “I want to do it never.”

Jesus, watching this was going to bother him
that much
? Robin swallowed hard past the lump in his throat. “You know, if you don't trust me, maybe we shouldn't be getting married.” Jules was silent, and Robin felt a flare of panic. “Do you want me to quit?” he asked. “Because I will. I'll only take roles that are—”

“No, I don't want you to quit.” Jules took a deep breath, looked at him, and said, “Play the DVD. Just…help me understand, okay?”

And just like that, in a sudden realization, in a flash of insight that was blindingly clear, Robin realized that Adam had left out the most important part of his observation about Jules's jealousy and possessiveness. Of course it was entirely possible that Adam, who was not a particularly deep thinker, had never figured it out.

Yes, Jules was possessive, and yes, he got jealous quite easily.

But he hated himself for it.

This man, who was so okay with himself about everything else in his life, was
not
okay with this.

“Do you know what I think when you get jealous?” Robin told him now. “I think,
wow, he's a little intense, but it's okay, because there's one thing that I'll never doubt and that's how much he really loves me.
” He found the remote and sat down on the bed next to Jules. “You know what I really love?” Again, he didn't wait for Jules to answer. “When we're walking and you put your hand on my back, right here.” He moved Jules's hand to the very spot, at the small of his back. “It's such a possessive move—it's subtle, but it's so clear. Just like the body language you use when you're with me. You probably don't even know you do it, but you do everything but pee in a circle around me, staking out your territory.”

“Oh, God,” Jules said, wincing. “I do?”

“Don't make that face,” Robin chastised him. “Listen to what I'm telling you. I love it, don't you get it? I freaking
love
it.”

Jules didn't look convinced, so Robin tried saying it a different way. “Please stop beating yourself up for doing something that I find incredibly attractive.”

Maybe it was time for some visual aids. He pushed the play button and the DVD started, with the opening credit sequence that Art's team of editing magicians had already put to music. After a few establishing shots of Boston, the camera focused on Joe Laughlin and his friends, walking down the street.

“That's not me,” Robin said. “Okay? That's Joe. I don't walk like that.” He glanced at Jules, who was watching the screen. “But you do.”

The scene changed to Joe in his bedroom—the shirt-ripping sequence, and Robin hit pause. “This may…look familiar,” he said. “But again, babe, it's not me. Look at Joe's face. He doesn't really want any of these guys. He wants
you—
well, his version of you. He's got a Jules of his own. There's a character, Tommy, that Joe's in love with—and has been for years. But he can't have Tommy unless he comes out, and Joe's never coming out. And now Tommy's with someone else…and Joe's totally miserable.”

“When you got home that night,” Jules said, “after filming these scenes…”

“Yeah,” Robin said. “I kinda brought Joe along. Sometimes I struggle to leave the character behind. I used to drink to, you know, flush my character from my system, but now I've found that it works to…Well, you could think of it as a reverse of Angel's curse, you know, from
Buffy
? Instead of turning into a monster from that moment of true happiness, I lose my monster. Thank God. To be honest, playing Joe is kind of hard. It's the life I didn't choose, the path I didn't take. It's a wonderful role as an actor, but, babe, there's not a day that goes by that I don't thank my higher power that Joe's life isn't
my
path.”

He unpaused the DVD, and they watched it run. “That's not me,” Robin just kept saying. “It's not me.”

And finally Jules nodded. “Yeah, I see that.”

“Are you just saying that so I'll turn off the DVD?”

He laughed. “No. It's weird. It's you, but it's not. It's…”

“Oddly familiar?” Robin asked, and Jules nodded again. “That's because I'm channeling you. Joe's more you than me.”

Jules obviously didn't understand.

“See, Joe's really alpha,” Robin explained. “Like you. Everyone's always comparing me to Joe, because the surface similarities are so obvious. Yeah, if I hadn't come out and gone into rehab, there but for the grace of God, yada yada…But in truth, I'm playing Joe as if
you
had decided you wanted to be an actor. If you hadn't had the parents that you had…Jules, Joe is a dark alter-ego of
you.
When I'm playing him and I'm in character, it's like part of you is there, inside me. And when I'm not in character, I'm thinking about you, about how you would move or react. I spend my days thinking about you constantly, and…I should've seen what was going on. I should've figured it out, and I'm sorry I didn't.”

“I'm the idiot,” Jules said. “I should have been able to admit—”

“You know what you do that really pisses me off?” Robin said. “You beat yourself up for not being perfect. Do you know how totally screwed I'd be if you were perfect? Because then I'd have to be perfect, too, and not only am I not perfect, but there's no chance that I'm ever going to achieve perfection, so…”

The DVD had reached its end, and Robin turned off the TV.

“If you want, I'll take you over to the studio,” he told Jules, “and I'll show you exactly how we film the intimate scenes. The process is nothing like the final product. There are forty people on set, and the direction is…It can be pretty funny. It's hard to stay in character and not just laugh. I think if you saw the way it's done, that might help. You'd see how much the music and editing really creates the mood of the final cut.”

Jules nodded. “I'd like that.”

“And next time I come home in character,” Robin said, “pay attention to the way I look at you. Because that's the way you look at me all the time. And yeah, it's possessive. But that's what makes it sexy as hell. Someone once told you that was a bad thing—your being so possessive—and maybe it was—for them. But babe, it
really
works for me, because I meant what I said that first night we made love. I'm yours.”

Jules looked at him, and Robin could see that he finally got it. But still, he said it again, and he knew he would say it often, just to remind Jules. “I love that I'm yours.”

Jules smiled. “Will you marry me?” he asked.

Robin's heart went into his throat as he smiled back into his partner's beautiful eyes. “Funny you should ask. It's at the very top of my
to do
list for tomorrow.”

The call came in after Adam had given his statement to the police detective.

He was bracing himself to go out into the cold with only his lightweight jacket on. He didn't have a lot of room left on his credit card, so he was going to walk to the nearest T station and take the train out to Logan Airport.

Cowboy Sam had already helped him book a flight—he had to get going, or he was going to be late.

But he stopped when he heard the whoops from the kitchen, and with the noise came the news that Will Schroeder had come out of surgery with flying colors. He was going to be all right.

Thank God.

Adam stood in the foyer of this beautiful house that Robin shared with Jules. He couldn't stop himself from gazing up the stairs. Neither of them had come down since he'd been up there with Sam, over an hour ago.

“I'll tell 'em you said good-bye,” Sam said now, still following him around.

“Thanks. I wrote that note,” Adam said. “You can read it first if you want.”

“I will.”

And still he hesitated.

“He's really happy with Jules,” Sam reminded him.

“Yeah,” Adam said. “I know.”

“Sure you don't want a ride to Logan?” Sam asked.

“No,” Adam said. “You should be here in case Jules needs you. Best man.”

“Stay away from them,” Sam said, not unkindly, “or I will fuck you up.”

“Yikes,” Adam said. “You almost gave me a heart attack—until you added that last
up.
”

Sam exhaled his disgusted exasperation. “Good-bye, Adam.” He opened the door and pushed him out onto the porch.

The door closed tightly behind him, and Adam jammed his hands into his pockets and went down the stairs.

There was a group of SEALs standing on the sidewalk out front, and as he went past them, one of them said, “Hey, you're that actor, right? Shoot, I'm blanking on your name, but I loved you in
American Hero.
”

“Thanks,” Adam said, but he didn't stop walking, because Christ, all he needed to make the day perfect was to get hassled for being gay by some crew-cut-sporting no-necks.

But the movie-literate SEAL disengaged himself from the others, trotting slightly to catch up, and then matched his stride to Adam's. “You were amazing in
Memphis Moon,
too.”

“Thanks.” Adam increased his pace, but the SEAL was taller than he was, and he easily kept up.

So Adam stopped at the corner, beneath the streetlight. “Look, if you're going to—”

“I also loved
Snow Day.
I mean, yeah, it was light, but you were incredible.” He was really just a kid, early twenties, nice smile, good-looking in a born-and-raised-in-Kansas kind of way.