All the Way (13 page)

“It’s not you, it’s me. Is that the line I get to hear now?” Disappointment and sarcasm were thick in his voice.

“No, Blake, I don’t know. I just feel really lost right now. Confused.” She rubbed her temples.

Her legs wobbled beneath her and she considered collapsing on the bed. But Blake might interpret that as an invitation. She hadn’t been prepared for the ecstasy he delivered—and her inability to respond in kind.

Yet she wanted to do the same for him. She wanted to watch him come undone by the power of her touch. To watch him savor the sensations coursing through his body, pleasure that can only be expressed in moans, whispers, shuddering gasps.

But how?
What could she possibly do for him that would come close to the intimacy and pleasure he’d given her? How could her inexperience and bumbling attempts ever satisfy a man like Blake?

If she had a moment to collect herself, surface from this deluge of self-doubt, maybe she would feel more in control. A white wicker chair beckoned from against the wall, next to a bedside table.

When she melted into it, her gaze drifted to the table where the phone sat. A twinge of guilt pinched inside her chest. She thought of her brother. Not quite an adult, and still with so much to learn about life, he was proving his independence by traveling with a bunch of renegades who could pull him back from the brink of a new start. She should be thinking about him, shouldn’t she? Wasn’t that the purpose of this trip? Not to satisfy her secret urges but to satisfy all the years she’d worked so hard raising Robby alone, making him her number one priority.

For the first time in her life, pleasure had overridden practicality. Her own selfish desire had come before the needs of her brother.

Like Blake had said earlier, rehashing—or recreating—the past wasn’t going to make this trip any easier. Here she was, collapsed in a chair, overwhelmed by Blake’s potent sexuality and her attraction to him, with no idea what to do next.

She hated that sensation. Helplessness.

Why couldn’t she just stay immune? Why did she have to need someone the way she needed Blake?

“No—”

Layla jumped in the chair, startled by Blake’s bellowing command. She stared up at him. He was coming toward her fast, his face set like stone. She scooted back in the chair, but he didn’t break his stride.

“Uh-uh. Not this time, Layla. If I have to chuck that phone out the window to get you to talk to me, I’ll do it.”

“What are you—?” Layla felt something being lifted from her lap, the feel of cold, smooth plastic wrenched from her hands. Blake yanked a chord from the wall. The telephone sailed through the air, landed with a clanging
thunk
in the opposite corner of the room.

She blinked wide eyes. Had she picked up the phone? She hadn’t even known she was holding the stupid thing.

“What is your problem?” she demanded as he towered over her.

“The same excuse you always use to avoid talking to me.”

“What excuse?”

“Your brother.”

Layla stiffened in the chair. Defiance gathered hotly in her cheeks. “I beg your pardon?”

“That’s who you were about to call, right?”

Layla scratched her neck, suddenly uncomfortable. “Well…”

“Well, not anymore. I won’t let you put him between us like you did last year. After I got back from Sturgis, anytime you came to get him, and I tried talking to you, all I got was a view of your back as you walked away. Anytime I stopped by, you brushed me off. You were busy. Always the same excuse.”

“My brother is not an excuse—”

“You didn’t want to ‘get into it’ in front of Rob.”

“Can you blame me?”

“Yeah. As a matter of fact, I can. Because you never made time to talk to me. I tried, damn it. But every time I got close enough, you pushed me away, further and further. Until I was out of your life.”

“You created your own escape hatch.” She shot to her feet. Then realized she’d never donned her tank top. She crossed her arms over her chest. “The night Robby disappeared last year you left me on my porch. Alone. Not knowing where you’d gone, when you’d be back. If you’d have Robby with you.”

“I knew you’d come with me if I told you where he was. The Handle Bar is someplace I’d never want you to be. A fight breaks out there, and people are hauled out with broken bones. Then there are the guys who don’t know the meaning of personal space. I barely got to you in time before Dan Green groped you. You think I’d take you to that kind of place on purpose?”

Layla shuddered, remembering the experience. That guy’s grimy hands as he’d fondled the front of her coat, molesting her through the thin leather barrier. The feeling of violation when he’d gripped her hair. “Maybe you were trying to do the right thing. But you could’ve stuck around after you brought Robby back. Instead, you took off.”

Blake sobered. “I told you, there were reasons for that. If you’d given me two seconds of your time, I would’ve explained—”

“And I didn’t see or hear from you for two weeks!”

“Heard from Jack Johnson, though,” he retorted after her interruption. “Didn’t you? Saw plenty of him.”

“I knew him before I even dated you.” When Blake’s jaw jutted forward with a look that said
so what
, words that had been brewing for the past year built inside her chest and burst from her. “At least he never abandoned me!”

Blake stilled. “What did you say?”

“You left when I needed you most.”

“I abandoned you. Is that what you’ve thought all this time?”

“What else am I supposed to believe?”

“Christ, Layla. Is that how little you think of me? That I would do that to you? I brought your brother back that night. But obviously whatever I did hasn’t counted in your eyes. All that matters is what I didn’t do.”

“The negative things do have a way of adding up,” she shot back.

“Then if you didn’t plan to work it out with me, why didn’t you just say that? Why didn’t you tell me off and be done with it? If you were so over me, why did it take you two whole months to get together with Johnson?”

“I don’t know!” A sharp pain throbbed in her temples. She didn’t want to get into this. Not here, not now. Not ever. It was over and done. They should just move on with their lives. Except…they couldn’t seem to stay out of each other’s arms. Voice dropping several notches, she murmured, “It all came at once, Blake. All the negatives. We had wonderful moments together, but there’s one thing that isn’t optional. I have to be able to count on the man I’m with.”

“So my being here right now, by your side all the way to Sturgis to find your brother, counts for nothing.”

She looked away, unable to say that. “It counts,” she finally answered. “In ways I never thought it would. It means so much to be able to rely on you that I wanted to forget the past and lose myself to feelings that have never gone away. I want to spend the night in your arms. But it’s not as easy as waving some cosmic eraser and poof, the past is gone. Last year I felt like you’d pulled the rug out from under me. After the shock wore off, the anger set in. That’s why I refused to talk to you. I was furious, hurt…betrayed.
I…I needed time to heal on my own before we attempted to patch things between us.”

“I gave you time.” Blake backed away from her, crossed his arms and leaned against the door where he’d just given her the most incredible orgasm of her life. But the heat of the moment had chilled. So had he. “Gave you space, too. Still, you never came to me. Wouldn’t let me come to you. Next thing I knew, you were with Johnson. You want to talk about betrayal. Do you have you any clue how pissed I was? You were the most important thing in my world, and you acted like I was nothing to you.”

“Then we have something in common.” Emotions tightened her throat. She swallowed hard. “How small do you think I feel hearing you say I use my brother to avoid my own emotions?”

She dropped her gaze to the floor, gripped her folded arms, trying to block from her heart that bit of truth in Blake’s insinuation. Because Blake wasn’t the first to say that. Jack had accused her of that, too. Only he’d said it out of selfishness and greed. Blake’s allegation came from hurt. Lamplight lit half his profile, illuminating the pain flashing in his eyes, while throwing harsh angry shadows across the other half of his face. It revealed the turmoil going on inside him. And inside her too.

“And yes,” she admitted, “maybe I was thinking about my brother just now, when you ripped the phone away from me. I’m sick with worry over him. But I didn’t reach for the phone on purpose. I didn’t even know I’d picked it up.”

“It’s second nature.” Blake’s quiet voice echoed over the chasm that stretched between them, despite him being only a few feet away. “Whenever someone gets too close, breaks down one too many walls, you pull back and throw in an obstacle. Like Rob. Sounds like a reasonable cause. Perfectly fair, after what you went through raising him.”

The way he looked at her, his gaze level and eyes sharp with clarity, made her shoulders twitch with discomfort. His toneless voice settled around her like a trap waiting to be sprung.

“And for a
while I believed that. I never pressured you for more time when your sole focus seemed to be Rob. It never even occurred to me. I understood your priorities. I took things slow with us. I gave you room. Time. Anything
you needed so you could learn to trust me. Am I off base with any of this yet?”

Uneasiness snaked through her.
She shook her head, returned to the wicker chair and perched stiffly at its edge.

“Then, the night Rob disappeared, we went to that restaurant. I offered you something. Something that would’ve changed things between us. Remember what it was?”

“Of course.” Her hands twisted in her lap. “I told you I had to refinance the house, take out a second mortgage to make ends meet.”

“I invited you to consider an alternative.”

“But we’d only been dating two months!”

“Layla, we’d known each other for almost a year. You don’t have to date someone to recognize the essence of his character. You
know
me. You know how much I care about Rob, how much I wanted you in my life. Was it so completely insane to ask you to move in with me?”

Her leg bounced against the edge of the chair. “I wasn’t sure how to feel about that.”

“I know. You raced off to the bathroom before I’d gotten the question out of my mouth.”

“Well, you threw me off guard.”

“That’s why I followed you in there, so you didn’t have time to talk yourself out of it.” A spark of hunger lit in his eyes. “And if we hadn’t been interrupted, what we shared tonight wouldn’t have been my first taste of you.”

Layla glowered at him. “So lust is your tool for getting me to change my mind.”

The spark died. “No, Layla. But your brain kicks in and overrides your emotions. I wanted you to tell me your answer from the heart. Not recited from a list of excuses.”

“What made you think I had any excuses? What if I wanted to say yes? Maybe I would have, if you hadn’t left me later that night.”

“I don’t know about that.”

Her body wouldn’t keep still, so she pushed to her feet again and paced toward him. The light behind her cast her shadow over his form as she approached. “Why not?”

“Because it meant you would’ve had to count on someone besides yourself. You had to take a risk, a huge one. You had to open your life to make room for change. Like you did when Rob’s dad came into your life.”

“Don’t you dare bring Kenny into this.” A rush of protectiveness brought with it angry tears that surged against the backs of her eyes.

“It’s the perfect comparison. Don’t you see?” Blake uncrossed his arms. He stepped forward until their shadows mingled and fell as one across the floor. “Your fears
are
founded. All the people you ever counted on, you lost. That doesn’t mean you have to push away any chance to love, another chance to have what you wanted so much. What I could’ve given you.”

Her heart knocked painfully inside her chest. “What does any of this have to do with what happened between us
just now?”

“It tells I’ve come too close again. I’m back in your life, and that scares you. Instead of dealing with it, you’re running away. Turning to the best excuse you can find to keep from facing me. And your fears.”

Her pulse began to race. She narrowed her eyes as she tipped her weight forward onto the balls of her bare feet. “Are you calling me a coward?”

He shook his head solemnly. “That’s the last word I’d ever use to describe you. I just wish—”

A strange sound came from the other side of their motel door. Blake’s eyebrows lowered. Layla blinked, flicked her glance over his shoulder to the door. They both paused, waiting to see if it would come again. It did.

Thump…clack
.
Then again.
Thump…clack
. And again.
Thump…clack
.

“What the…?” Blake turned toward the door.

Still topless, Layla instinctively slipped closer to him. The odd noise came again, several in a row.