All the Days of Our Lives (14 page)

‘I know.’ He kissed her neck, her cheek. ‘But at least we
shall
see each other tomorrow. That’s good, isn’t it? And tomorrow night? What about that? Please don’t tell me you can’t!’

‘Yes,’ she said, without hesitation. ‘Of course I can.’

At last, reluctantly, they released each other and she stood and waved as he drove away, her heart full to overflowing.

‘And where were you last night?’

Vera’s voice was calm, but held a brooding coldness that Katie knew spelled trouble. She didn’t know exactly what time she had finally slipped into the dark house, trying desperately not to let the door squeak, taking off her shoes to creep up the stairs. All the time, struggling through the darkness in which her own breathing sounded deafening, she expected Vera’s voice to ring out accusingly. But there had been only silence. She had got away with it – for the moment.

And at that moment she didn’t care what trouble she got into. She’s not stopping me seeing
him
, that she isn’t! She lay in the dense darkness, gradually growing warmer, and seeing again and again Simon’s face as he had looked at her in the car:
‘I think I love you . . .’
She was too excited and infatuated to sleep. Wasn’t he everything she could have dreamed of? He was handsome, gentlemanly, educated and with good prospects, of course – even property of his own and a car! But though these things all added to her sense of wonder that he was interested in her, it was his sheer presence – the way he looked into her eyes as they talked, the slightly nervous way he rubbed one of his thumbs with the other as they were sitting at the table, the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he smiled and his rumbling laugh. Of course it had been a bit of a struggle making conversation at first. They had different interests, and a man had to have his interests, would be dull without them. And they had yet to get to know each other properly. Over and over again she relived the moment when his lips had touched hers, the flicker of his tongue, her first time in the arms of a man, their first kiss. It took her a long time to fall asleep.

When Katie woke the next morning she dressed, humming happily to herself. Holding up one of her lisle stockings to check for holes, she wished she had something much more feminine to wear. She decided to treat herself to some new silk stockings. Her one pair had been mended so many times they were past it. She dressed smartly as usual, feeling different now, older, as if she was suddenly more a woman of the world.

Her mother’s voice cut through her happy mood. She was looking up from the bottom of the stairs, holding a cup of tea. ‘You may have thought I didn’t hear you come sneaking in, young lady, but I did.’

‘I told you . . .’ Katie stood at the top of the stairs, glad that her face was in the shadows. ‘We had to work late. There’s a proper flap on.’

‘Until nearly
midnight
?’

All she could do was keep heaping lie upon lie. ‘Well – yes. There’s a great big order come in. The factory’s running all night, and sometimes it all just piles up.’ She reached the bottom of the stairs, brazening it out. ‘It’s quite like to happen again, by the sound of things. I might be kept on late tonight.’

Vera examined her closely, eyes narrowed. Her face still showed the remains of her cold and Katie was struck again by how much older she looked. ‘Are you telling me the truth, Miss?’

‘
Yes
. Course I am! What else would I have been doing? There is a war on, you know,’ she added pertly, walking past her mother. Inside was a swelling sense of triumph. Why should Mother always have everything her way? I’ve got a heart that beats as well, she thought. ‘I must get some breakfast – I’m famished.’

Katie could hardly wait to get into the office again to see him. She stood in the crowded bus, full of anticipation of what she would see in his eyes when she walked in. Of course they needed to be careful, absolutely discreet, but she knew how his eyes could flash her a sign of what he really felt. They had often made humorous faces across the office already.

But she was in for a shock. All day Simon Collinge behaved as though last night had never happened, as if he barely knew Katie and she was nothing more than his senior colleague’s secretary. In fact when Mr Collinge senior came into the office during the morning while Lena Crosby happened to be out of the room fetching something, Simon sent Katie on an errand instead, speaking in a cool, clipped tone, which seemed designed only to put her in her place.

On her way along the corridor to fetch the drawings he had requested, she kept her head lowered, watching her neat black work shoes, stung almost to tears. How could he speak to her like that, and not even so much as look at her all morning, when last night . . . ? She felt hurt to the core. How could he switch like that and be so cold? But there were people around in the busy corridor and she couldn’t just let her emotions out. By the time she had gone to perform her errand and returned to Mr Graham’s office, she had pulled herself together. Of course her lovely Simon couldn’t let his feelings spill into his working life. It would have been quite wrong and embarrassing, especially in front of his father. Professional men did not behave like that! It did seem hard, though, having to shut all her passionate feelings away all day and pretend. If only he would give her just one little look, one sign!

But she walked back into the office with her face composed, wearing a cool, workday expression.

‘Here you are, Mr Collinge.’

‘Thank you,’ Simon said curtly. He stood bending over some other document and not even looking up. It was Mr Collinge senior who thanked her with a faint nod.

Though she had given herself a stern talking to, Katie still spent the afternoon feeling angry and rejected and didn’t even so much as look in Simon Collinge’s direction if she could help it. She left the office at the same time as Lena Crosby, with a curt ‘Goodnight’ to both the men. After Lena had gone up Bradford Street to catch her bus, Katie walked on through the cold, mizzling dark, her hands pushed down into her coat pockets, feeling very sorry for herself. Just one look, one little wink across the office when no one was looking, and she would have known everything was all right. Couldn’t he even have managed that? And so much for wanting to see her again – he seemed to have forgotten she existed! Was he just playing with her? A lump came up in her throat and she was so lost in feeling sorry for herself that she didn’t hear the footsteps hurrying to catch up, until his hand was on her shoulder, swinging her round.

‘Hey – I thought we were going out for a drink!’

Who said? she thought crossly. When did we say that?

‘Were we?’ she said in a neutral tone. ‘I wasn’t sure. You seemed to be very busy still.’

A gaggle of workers from the shop floor was approaching, now that the shift had changed, and Simon took her arm and steered her round the corner.

‘Never too busy for you, K-K-K-Katie. Come on, let’s go somewhere warm and away from here.’

Still angry, wanting to punish him for the way he’d hurt her today, she felt like telling him she couldn’t come. She looked away from him, along the factory walls.

‘I can’t just come out whenever I like, you know.’

‘Whyever not?’

‘It’s my mother – she’s sort of an invalid.’ More lies tripped off her tongue, so easily. ‘I have to be home quite a bit to look after her.’

‘Oh, I see.’ He sounded a bit put out. She could just make out his long, pale face in the gloom. ‘You never said. Well, look – just one drink. Surely the old girl’ll be all right while you have a quick one?’ He put his hands on her shoulders. The blackout had its uses, she thought – they didn’t need to worry about people seeing them. And he couldn’t see those miserable tears in her eyes. ‘I don’t think I can stand it if you go off now. D’you have any idea of the agony of having you so close to me in the office all day? Wanting to come to you and put my arms around you?’

Katie felt her ruffled feathers being smoothed down. She began to relent, which of course was what she really longed to do.

‘I just thought . . .’ Those foolish tears welled up. ‘I just thought you’d forgotten all about me.’

‘Oh, Katie!’ He laughed and reached out to stroke her cheek. ‘What’s this – not crying, are we? Look, I’m sorry.’ Now he did really sound sorry. ‘It’s just, I knew that if I kept looking at you . . . Well, I might not be able to control myself – and that sour-faced Crosby woman would be onto us and there’d be all sorts of gossip. I know it’s awful, but it’s better to keep this sort of thing quite separate, surely you must see that? It doesn’t mean anything. There’s you across the room, with your lovely face and those lips that I’ve been longing to kiss all day, and me having to sit on my hands and take a very serious’ – he was clowning now, and all she could do was laugh – ‘interest in the manufacture of motors and the war effort, when all the time this delicious woman is sitting there just in my line of vision. Oh, the agony!’

He reached forward and pecked her on the cheek and she forgave him instantly. Of course he was right. They all had to keep their minds on what was important: winning the war! How childish she was being.

‘Just one quick drink then . . .’

‘Oh, thank goodness! The lady relents!’ He took her arm in that way she loved and said, ‘My car’s just back round the corner.’

That night she was home by nine o’clock, to find her mother staring stonily at her and a plateful of greyish fish and potato congealing in the oven.

‘Sorry, Mother,’ she said, not feeling in the least sorry. Her heart was singing like a bird and her body tingling all over from being held tight in Simon’s arms. They’d been to the Hare and Hounds in Kings Heath and they’d talked about some of the day-to-day things in the office, about some of the characters at the works, and had let off steam about the grimness of Lena Crosby.

‘I think we ought to tell her she’s got to smile for the war effort!’ Simon joked. ‘I’ve never seen anyone who can keep up a sour face such a percentage of the time. It must be a record!’ His exaggerated bafflement made Katie giggle helplessly. Later she told him a little bit more about Vera, saying she was over-protective.

‘Well, we’d better get you back a good bit earlier tonight, hadn’t we?’ he said, and she was warmed by his consideration.

But there’d been time for a brief stroll, arm in arm, and he’d taken her in his arms at the edge of the park.

‘At last – I’ve got you to myself,’ he said. And they kissed and cuddled. He stroked her hair and looked at her in the darkness. He ran a finger softly down her cheek. ‘Oh God, you’re so lovely.’

And she wanted to tell him how handsome he was, what the sight of him did to her, but she didn’t know how to begin and ended up saying, ‘You’re lovely too’, and it didn’t feel quite enough.

‘My house is not far from here,’ he said after a time. ‘I . . . well, it would have seemed a bit forward to ask you back there straight away . . .’

‘Do you live on your own?’ she asked, surprised.

‘No, I’ve got two lodgers. They’re both war workers – they’ve come here from Wales. Good lads. But it is a bit of a chaps’ house – could do with a feminine touch. I’d like you to come and see it soon – so that I can have you all to myself.’

She felt a thrill go through her as he said these words. All to myself: what did he mean? What did he expect of her? She was so full of desire for him, feeling his lean, hard body pressed urgently against her. But all the while she scarcely knew anything, about desire and what it was supposed to mean. In the books she read, if they referred to it at all, there was always a rosy haze around everything and, after the first few kisses, no one ever seemed to go into any detail. All she knew was that she wanted something, wanted him, in a way that nice girls
didn’t
. Anyway, that probably wasn’t what he meant. He surely just meant that they could sit in private and share a drink.

As they sat in the car as he dropped her off that night, Simon reached across and gently touched her chin, turning her head towards him.

‘Oh, Katie – I can’t stop thinking about you, day and night. You will come out with me again, won’t you?’

She smiled. ‘Of course I will. And thank you – for the lift and the drink and everything.’

‘Oh, that’s a pleasure. One last kiss – please.’

The feel of his lips was very fresh on her, and no matter how grim her mother’s face, she didn’t care.

But as she put her plate of fish down in the place that her mother had left laid on the table, Vera’s voice came to her, hard and angry. ‘You’re lying to me. I know you’re going about with someone.’

Katie almost dropped the plate. ‘What?’ But the wretched blushes came, and she couldn’t help it.

‘See, look at you all telltale pink.’ Vera sat up straighter, accusing. ‘I saw you with him – with that fancy car.’

‘What – when?’ They had been so careful, parking along the street. It was so dark; how could she have seen, unless she was deliberately spying?

‘Tonight. Just now.’ She sat back in a nasty, satisfied way. ‘You must think I’m a complete dupe, that I don’t have eyes. Who is he?’

‘All right.’ Katie sat down, shaken at the lengths her mother was prepared to go to invade her life. ‘He’s . . .’ She was about to tell the truth, but then thought: Why should I? Why should she know everything? ‘He’s a nice man, that’s all. And yes, I went out for a drink with him.’