All the Broken Pieces: (Broken Series Book 3) (35 page)

“I don’t want to pick anything up. I want to stay there. Alone.”

His head jerked in my direction, eyes wide as he fought to understand. He glanced at the road and back to me so many times he reminded me of a bobble-head doll. “What? Why?” There was hurt in his voice. He didn’t understand. “I thought you were going to stay at the cabin with me.” He turned back to look through the windshield again, this time with an air of finality like he couldn’t look at me.

“I want to stay with you, honestly I do.”

“Then why…?” He trailed off, still not casting a glance my way.

I’d hurt him.

Dammit.

“A lot of reasons. Christmas is coming and, even though Teach isn’t here, I want to put up a tree. He and I made a ton of book-themed ornaments a few years back. We turned his favorite passages from the novels he taught into bulbs and ribbons. He loved those things and I want to have them on the tree just like always. I want to go through the silly rituals we used to have, even though he’s gone and Marilee has decided to stay with Bonnie through the holidays. I need to do that.”

“Then I’ll stay there with you. I’ll help you.”

I reached out and pulled his hand into mine, threading my fingers through his as I shook my head. “It’s not just that. I need to do all of this on my own. To prove it to myself that I can.”

He drew in a long, slow breath. “Isaac knows where that place is. He’s been to that house.”

“And no one knows where he is. I know that. That’s the point.”

His eyes narrowed as he watched the road. “You want to what? Play decoy? Bait? Try to lure him out? That’s crazy, Lauren. And I won’t fucking allow you to put yourself at risk like that.”

“You won’t
allow
it? Have we met?” My tone was sharper than I intended but dammit, that was the wrong thing to say.

He blew out a frustrated breath. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. But your safety has been my number one priority for months and now you expect me to just throw my hands up and watch you step right into the line of fire? What was the point of leaving to begin with? Why did we spend all these weeks at Kade’s? Because I thought this was about
avoiding
danger.”

“It
was
about avoiding danger. At the time. But things are different now.”

“How?” He gritted out between clenched teeth. “How is it different? Because I fail to see the distinction. He’s still on the loose. You’re still in danger. What am I missing here?”

“It’s different because
I’m
different. I’m not the same person I was when he showed up at the diner and sent me into a tailspin behind that goddamn dumpster. I’m not the same girl who frantically sliced him with your utility knife at that gas station. And I’m not going to let that son of a bitch scare me away from my life. Not anymore. If I’m ever going to be okay, I have to take that power from him. I have to stand on my own, if only for a while.”

His voice was pleading, afraid. “And if he finds you again? What then?” He slammed his fist into the steering wheel, startling me as tears welled in his deep blue eyes. “What if I let you do this and he ends up taking you away from me forever? How can you ask me to take that risk?”

“Because I need to know that this new inner strength I feel is genuinely
me
and not a reaction to knowing I have
you
. I love that you want to be there to catch me if I fall, like the song says, I really do. But I’d rather not fall in the first place. I need to stand on my own, lay my head down at night without the locks or your arms protecting me. I need to beat the fear and that’s a fight I have to win alone. For the sake of my sanity, my pride, and our future. I don’t want you thinking I love you because you saved me. I want you to look at me and see a woman who can save herself. Then you’ll know that what I feel for you is about you and not about fear or the need for security.”

“I would never think that.” He promised, squeezing my hand. “Ever.”

I squeezed back until he met my eye. “I need this, Brant. Just give me until Christmas. Your mom expects us on the twenty-fourth. When we come back from there, I’ll move back into the cabin.”

“That’s almost a month.” His lips were pressed together into a thin line. “Isn’t that a bit much? How about a week? I can deal with a week, I think. I’ll just send a security guy to keep an eye out during the day and I’ll stand guard at night.”

“No security guy, no standing guard.”

“Bull. Shit.” He growled. “I’m not leaving you completely unprotected. Absolutely not.”

“There’s an alarm. I’ll be vigilant about setting it. I’ll check the cameras before leaving the house and never enter after dark without taking in my surroundings. He won’t catch me unaware ever again. I’ll be fine.”

“Yeah, you said that about going to that gas station too, as I recall.”

My heart squeezed at his words. “That was a cheap shot.”

He took his hand from mine and scrubbed it over his face, mussing his hair as he pushed it off his forehead. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be an asshole. I’m just scared.”

“I know. And I love you for that but…”

“Zoey died at Christmas.” His voice was flat, hollow.

Shit. I’d forgotten. No wonder he was freaking out.

“Baby…” I began, faltering when I couldn’t find the words.

“If I lost you, too…”

“You won’t,” I supplied quickly.

“You can’t promise me that. Not when you’re willingly putting yourself at risk.”

“I’m not trying to look for danger, Brant, and I don’t want to die. I want to live. That’s the whole point. It’s time I stop letting people fight for me and start fighting for myself. It was different when I was a kid, but I’m a grown ass woman now. It’s time I start living like it. Please understand.”

He didn’t respond, didn’t even seem to blink for long minutes. We moved at the same speed, he kept the truck perfectly centered between the lines, and he never took his attention away from the road for a moment.

He didn’t look at me at all.

Not once.

Instead of trying to engage him in further discussion, I left him alone. He was processing, trying to wrap his head around what I was asking of him. Fighting his every protective instinct as he held a white-knuckled grip on the steering wheel. He’d been strong for me all these months, from the first day we met and through every crazy moment since.

But it would take every bit of strength he possessed to give me what I needed now.

He had to be strong enough to let go.

•••

We parked outside the darkened diner, the day having waned into early evening as we’d approached the Denson city limits. It was Sunday, the day the diner closed early, so it was deserted. I just needed to go in and check it out. Walk the kitchen and inspect the freezer to be sure everything was in order. Not that I didn’t trust Ali and Talia to handle the job. Hell, they knew better than anyone how things were supposed to go, having run the diner once already. I just needed to be there. I needed to see the place and smell the smells and try to feel Teach’s presence there like I always had.

We parked in the side lot and I unlocked the door, waiting for my overprotective boyfriend to enter ahead of me and get the lights.

“Surprise!”

I nearly jumped out of my skin, blinded by the flood of light and startled by the sound of so many shouting voices.

Ali and Clay, Talia and Spencer, Marilee, the staff, and the entire cast of regulars from the ‘bullshit’ table were all in attendance, along with a few others who I knew to be friends of my uncle’s. Jacob was there beside his grandfather, Ray, who was one of Teach’s dearest friends. I couldn’t help noticing the way he stared at Brant’s hand holding mine as he offered a strained smile.

Brant spun and joined everyone in applauding as they started a chorus of ‘for she’s a jolly good fellow’ that had me laughing my head off by the time they finished. Unlike Brant, not everyone in attendance could carry a tune.

Spencer in particular was hilariously off key. Though, this could have been intentional. I really hoped it was, for Talia’s sake. It was that bad.

I stepped my red-faced self into the middle of the gathered crowd and thanked everyone for coming, determined not to cry despite how touched I was. I’d never had a surprise party before. Actually, I’d never had a birthday party at all.

Marilee came forward first, pulling me tight against her thin frame and squeezing for all she was worth. “Happy birthday, baby doll. I’ve missed you.” She held on and rocked back and forth for a moment, sniffing softly in my ear before leaning back and giving me a pale version of her once winning smile.

“How have you been, Mar? Ready to come home yet?” I wanted to ask if she’d had enough of Bonnie’s controlling bullshit but it wasn’t the time and I didn’t want to heap more stress on her. The dark circles that her makeup did little to hide told me that she was having a rough enough time as it was.

She chewed her lip a moment, the crepe-like skin surrounding her mouth crinkling as a torn expression passed over her face. “Not yet…” she hedged, looking relieved when several other guests started in our direction. “We’ll talk about that later. You enjoy your party, sweet girl. I know your uncle would have loved to see so many smiling faces here to share in the celebration.” She thumbed a thick lock of my hair. “And I’m glad to see the old you is back. Red is a good color but you were already stunning. It’s nice to see you finally realized that you were perfect just the way you were.”

“I’m not the old Lauren, not anymore. I’m hoping to be the Lauren I was always supposed to be, though. I’m working on that every day.”

She cupped my face in her hands, smiling. “Your Uncle would be so proud of you, sweet girl. He always said you were meant for greatness, and the way you look tonight, so happy and surrounded by people who adore and support you, I know it’s only a matter of time until you prove him right. Truth be told, you already have just by being you. Go out there and show the world the woman Parker always knew you to be. You’ll knock ‘em dead.”

She turned to move away and I snagged her hand. “You’ll be at the house tonight, right?”

She shook her head. “No, Bonnie is there now getting a few things I need. I can’t go back in there yet so I asked her to do it.” She leaned closer and dropped her voice, giving me a knowing look. “And I didn’t want her here for this. I know how she can be and I’ll be damned if I let her ruin your night with her grouchy ways. This is your night, honey. You enjoy it. She’ll pick me up in an hour or two and we will head back to her house.”

I wanted to argue, to tell her to send that old crow home alone and come back to the house with me, but she was doing what she needed to do to get by, and I had to respect that. Just like Brant was respecting my need to do things my way.

Mar gave me a quick peck on the cheek and moved to talk to a few of Teach’s friends, who were standing toward the back of the room. Her smile didn’t reach her eyes, but she was trying.

We all were, and that was all any of us could do, I decided.

Once she’d moved away, everyone stepped up and hugged me, wishing me a happy belated birthday and commenting on my new hair color before settling into small groups who chatted happily between glasses of champagne that had seemingly been conjured out of nowhere. Brant left my side only once, and that was to go over and give Marilee a huge hug and whisper quietly in her ear for a moment. After that, she seemed more at ease, smiling easier, and even laughing once or twice at something one of the elderly guys around her said. I wondered what Brant had said to her but just as quickly decided it didn’t matter. He helped her, whatever he said, and that was no surprise. It was what he did, who he was. And one of the reasons I loved him so, so much.

Ali and Talia came over and wanted to hear about the concert and what I’d thought of Kade’s mansion, since they’d never seen it or met the band. We laughed and talked for a long while, leaving the guys to do what they always did, talk about work.

Milly’s Mountain was progressing nicely, despite several weather-related delays. The main building was close to completion and the surrounding cabins were well on their way. Once the framework was done on each structure, Brant would be extremely busy wiring everything up. There would be lots of special features that required his expertise—high-tech accommodations for the children—and I knew he was anxious to get started. His mind was always going, always working through even the smallest detail well in advance. I’d seen him doodling on napkins a lot in recent weeks, drawing small schematics and photographing them to send to Clay.

Despite his hesitance to leave my side, I knew he’d be glad to be back at work. He needed it just like he needed food, and sleep, and me.

For the second time in two days, I was presented with a beautiful homemade cake for my birthday. This one was devil’s food with thick, pillowy vanilla frosting that made me moan with pleasure. Talia was an absolute genius in the kitchen, God love her.

Marilee had just finished her piece of cake when headlights flashed across the front windows, bathing the counter in near-blinding light. She sighed and shook her head, knowing only Bonnie would park directly in front of the windows with her high-beams on. The old bitch had found a way to get a jab in without setting foot inside the diner.

Figured.

Mar hugged me, Brant, Ali, and Talia, and was headed for Clay and Spencer when the first long blare of a car horn hastened her departure. One last harried goodbye and she was gone. The guys from the bullshit table took off soon after that, most of them looking ready for an early night after all the champagne and sugar. I got lots of hugs and well wishes as they shuffled out, promising to see me the next morning for breakfast, as was their ritual.

Jacob lingered as long as he could, but Ray goaded him into leaving with him, which was fine by me. I could tell Brant wasn’t happy he was there but he never let on, smiling pleasantly whenever they had the occasion to speak. But I knew better. I knew Brant.

I’d never been a fan of jealousy, never understood it really, but that was before I fell in love. Now, I was pretty sure I’d cut a bitch over him so I couldn’t exactly scoff at his male posturing around Jacob. I actually found it kind of funny, which was a huge departure from the first time he’d gotten territorial with Jacob after Teach’s funeral.