All She Wanted (2) (27 page)

Briggs

Charlie was a bubble of delight when it
came to meeting people. She not only knew how to ask the right questions to
make a conversation flow, but she actively participated in it as well. Nodding,
laughing, commenting, there was nothing she missed…and nobody missed her. She
was simply captivating.

Not only was she the most stunning
woman in the room—the only possible exception given to the bride—she was the
most coveted as well, a fact that did not escape me in the slightest. I had
already warned off several brave attempts by young males who had tried to
approach our table, but luckily, my non-verbal threats to them had been lost on
Charlie.

I watched her throw back an entire
glass of wine after hardly touching her dinner, realizing her talkative streak
had suddenly come to a halt. I caught her eye then, as Kai and Tori finished
their first dance together as husband and wife.

“I have a promise to keep,” I said,
baiting her to remember.

She looked at me puzzled, shaking her
head in confusion. I nodded to the dance floor and her eyes lit up in
understanding.

“Dancing?” she asked.

“Yep. Can’t let you make a liar out of
me, I promised you a dance…and tonight I’m gonna cash it in,” I said.

“Oh you are, huh? That is some way to
ask me, ya know, it really is a wonder that you’re still single,” she said.

I threw my head back and laughed, the
corners of her smart little mouth turned up as I did. Standing, I held out my
hand to her.

She took it without a second of
hesitation.

Charlie

I shivered as he drew me close. Holding
my right hand in his and my other on top of his shoulder, I felt dazed. There was
nothing that went unnoticed by me in those few moments. My world had melted
into one giant, soundless collage of colors. My focus was suddenly very
concentrated.

All I could see was Briggs standing
before me.

All I could feel was his touch, burning
into my hand and hip with equal intensity.

All I could hear was the quickened beat
of my heart in my ears.

He
only wants to be your friend, nothing more.
That reminder was like ice on
a sunburn
.

I turned my head away from him to stare
out into the dark night that was intertwined with every kind of twinkle light
known to man. I felt the effects of the wine then, as the lights began to blur
together into one large ball of fire. I gave my head a shake, trying to clear
my double-vision.

“You okay?” he whispered, bending
closer to my ear.

“Yes, fine. You?” I asked. I swallowed
hard.

“Why did you go all quiet back at the
table?”

He of course, had ignored my
deflection.

I took a deep breath, “I talked to my
Professor today…I’m going on tour.”

Other than the tightening of his grip
on my hip, he did nothing, said nothing.

“Did you hear me?” I asked quietly,
although I knew that he had.

“Good.”

I stopped moving and looked at him. His
face was hard, his eyes intense as they focused. It seemed a strange word
choice, one that didn’t match his expression at all.

“Good?” I repeated.

“That’s the right choice, Charlie. It’s
the best thing for you.”

He led me to move again to the music as
I pondered his response, my heart plummeting with each shuffle of our feet.

What
had I expected him to say?

It’s
a great opportunity, he knows that.
 

His voice startled me back into the
present as we swayed, “How come you’ve never told me about your dreams,
Charlie?”

“My dreams?”

“Yes, what are your dreams for the
future?”

You
.

I cleared my throat, pushing down the
word that had almost escaped me.

Note
to self: No wine before talking with Briggs about anything involving the
future.

“I’m not really sure anymore,” I choked
out.

This time he was the one to stop
dancing.

Briggs:

“I find that hard to believe, Charlie,”
I said, “Someone as annoyingly tenacious and ambitious as you can’t be aimless
for long. It goes against your nature.”

She just shook her head, as if refusing
to say more.

“What was your dream before there was
an
anymore?”
I asked her softly.

She took a deep breath. “To be in
concert, to travel to different venues and play for anyone who would listen, to
use my music as a ticket to see the world, I guess.”

A spasm shot through my chest at her
admission, but I didn’t let it deter me. I had made a promise, I would honor
it.

“I believe you will then. What’s to
stop you? You’re young and talented. When opportunities knock, you need to
answer them, Charlie. You’re special; you belong on stage more than anyone I’ve
ever known. Don’t let anything distract you from that...it’s your destiny.”

I felt her stiffen in my arms as she
looked up at my face. Her eyes said so much, yet I couldn’t decipher any of it.

What
is that look?

Acceptance. It was the look of
acceptance.

Good,
I hope she hears me.

She
needs to run after her dreams, accept them with open arms and not look back.

For nothing.

For no one.

Charlie

And there it was.

“
It’s
your destiny,” Briggs said.

To someone else those words might have
meant warm-fuzzies, or feelings of blissful purpose and hope, but for me, they
served only as a reminder—one that was etched in my mind like a tattoo.

“
But
there are other instruments, which were only ever meant to stand alone, to
solo.”
 

I had been discarded as a child,
rejected as a girlfriend and imprisoned in a sea of want in this permanent
friendship with Briggs. And though my parents loved me as a daughter, they had
not separated who I was from the talent I possessed. Instead, they had pushed
me to run toward the dream and life of a concert pianist, which up until
recently, I thought was the only future I could ever have.

Alex had watered that weed of
loneliness and fear in me, but Briggs had been the one to cut me loose from its
grasp—until tonight. Despite how much I had wanted to believe, despite how much
I longed for Briggs to see me differently, he had not.

He saw me as everyone else always had:
As a solo act.

He may have believed he was encouraging
me to pursue my dreams and desires, but my heart could only envision distance,
solitude, and isolation. The life of a traveling concert pianist was anything
but a social one. My music would be my only companion, and for the first time
it didn’t feel like enough. Yet hearing him say the words, hearing him speak so
highly of the future I was currently second-guessing, gave me pause.

Maybe
I
was the one who couldn’t see myself clearly.
 

Maybe it was time to accept what was
and stop fighting against what might never be.

“Yeah, maybe it is.” It was not just a
response; it was a resignation. My head fell to his chest as I closed my eyes,
willing away the tears that wanted to fall as I breathed him in. I wouldn’t let
him see me cry tonight. He believed I was strong, and tonight, I needed to
believe that too.

He wrapped his arms around my
shoulders, hugging me, oblivious to the couples that were in constant motion
all around us, “Just don’t forget me when you’re rich and famous someday…”

His joke fell flat, neither of us
laughed.

Of all the things I had begged God to
help me forget, Briggs was one thing I always wanted to remember.
 

**********

It
was early, but that fact didn’t seem to bother Briggs the way it bothered me. I
yawned and rolled my neck as I watched him saunter across the field in his
workout clothes. The spasm in my stomach increased as he neared.

This
was the third morning we had met since the wedding. Briggs had suddenly taken a
new interest in teaching me self-defense, and since I was leaving for Austin
this coming Friday, our time together was limited. I had been more than just a
little surprised when he had made the offer.

“Morning.”
He smiled as if he had been awake for hours.

I
nodded and gave him a wave, the loose bun on top of my head sagged to the left
as I did.

“Okay,
quiz time first,” he said, clapping his hands once.

I
rolled my eyes—so far these “sessions” had been filled with far more talking
than training. I was growing tired of his pop quizzes. I spouted off the mantra
that Briggs had drilled into my head.

“Eyes,
ears, mouth, throat,” I paused, counting the seven in my head. “Groin, fingers,
toes.”

“Good.
And what’s my first rule?”

“Do
anything and everything I can to get away first.”

“ERRR!”
Apparently my answer was wrong.

I
put my hands on my hips, “But you said-”

“The
first
rule is don’t be stupid. Don’t
put yourself in a risky situation, Charlie.” He eyed me as if we both knew
exactly what situation he was referring to.

“Okay.
Fine. Moving on,” I said smiling. He gave me a lopsided grin in response.

He
threw out several scenarios: choke from behind, bear hug around the waist, hair
grab from the side. Then, he waited for me to tell him what I should do in each
one. I complied, but grew increasingly irritated as I did.

“Briggs,
shouldn’t I be practicing each of these rather than just talking through them?”

His
face became like granite. “If you don’t know them here”—he said pointing to his
head—“than your first response won’t be to defend yourself, it will be to
freeze. You must be proactive, Charlie. There is no
wait and see what feels right in the moment.
Self-defense is not
about reacting, it’s about
acting
,
and staying in control, reading your attacker.”

“Okay,”
I said, heat creeping up to my cheeks.

“Okay.”
He turned and walked two steps before reaching out and grabbing hold of my left
wrist.

“Oh!”
I yelled, struggling against him.

“What
do you do, Charlie?” Briggs asked
,
his hand still
tightly clasped over my wrist.

And
then I knew. I made a fist and rotated my arm inward in a scoop motion before
whipping it up into a block, forcing him to release his hold.

He
smiled. “Good. Again.”

We
practiced this move several times on each wrist before moving on. Fingers were a
key part to any self-defense strategy I learned. If I could grab ahold of a
finger, I had control of the hand. There wasn’t much an attacker could do if I
had his finger bent backward.

For
the first time, my small size didn’t matter. I felt confident as each move I
had described in detail came to life as we practiced. I loved heel strikes the
best—much to Briggs’ dissatisfaction. I had come a little too close on a shot
to his nose once. Luckily, it had only bled for a few minutes.

“Not
too shabby for a little Leprechaun.”

“
Haha
,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Come
on,” Briggs draped his arm across my shoulders as we walked through the parking
lot. “Here, hand me your phone…it’s time I updated my contact name.”

I
complied, watching him edit the old one with his free hand.

“So…does
this mean you’re gonna teach a class at the University?”

He
looked at me out of the corner of his eye, “Did I ever have a choice—really?”

I
smiled, “No.”

“Yeah,
I didn’t think so. I start next month.”

We
stopped in front of my car as I clasped my hands together in front of my chest.
“Awesome! That makes me so happy, Briggs.”

He
stared at me, a heavy silence falling between us for longer than felt
comfortable.

He
patted the wild nest of hair on top of my head, “Then that’s enough for me.”

“What’s
enough?”

“Your
happiness, Shortcake. I’d do almost anything for it.” He squeezed my shoulder
before walking to his truck and saying goodbye.

As
I slumped into my car, my chest pounded with an intensity I hadn’t felt since
our dance together at the wedding. I might have just spent the last two hours
learning how to keep my body safe, but my heart was far from protected. There
was no self-defense when it came to my feelings for Briggs. I had already
broken rule number one.

I
had put myself at risk, and I had lost.