All or Nothing (16 page)

Grant is outside with his driver when I
appear at 7pm, he climbs out and grins towards me as I approach, ‘hey
beautiful’ he drops a kiss down on my lips and I smile up at him.

‘Well hi you, you look happy with yourself’

‘And why the hell wouldn’t I be? The most
beautiful girl in the world has agreed to marry me’

‘Has she indeed, well you had better give
me her number I need to have words with her’ I feign anger and he chuckles
opening the door for me to enter.

‘I thought we would grab your things
tonight save stopping in the morning’ he utters ‘you fancy a drink or two?’

‘Sure’ I settle in the back ‘what shall we
do about food, do you want me to rustle something up at mine on the way?’

‘Can do or we can get something’

‘Is Mike going with you tomorrow?’ I cannot
prevent the question leaving my lips.

‘Yes’ he nods.

‘Was you aware Bella is joining him?’

‘Yes he asked permission’ he looks puzzled.

‘Did you not think to ask me? I am not mad
just curious’ I assure him.

He looks blankly at me, ‘well no I didn’t’
he is regarding me strangely ‘you have work’

‘No I couldn’t have anyway, it just felt a
bit strange that you never mentioned Bella was going’

He shrugs, ‘Abi when I am in work mode I
think nothing about the outside world’

‘You aren’t embarrassed of me though?’

‘Of course not, I am the proudest man on
the planet’ he pulls me into the crook of his arm dropping a kiss on my head. 
‘I guess I am not used to thinking of anyone else’s feelings but my own’

When we reach my flat Bella is fussing
around packing for her trip with Mike, I am glad that we had the conversation
in the car but I still feel rejected by the fact that Bella has been invited
and I haven’t.  I notice Grant regarding me as I am slightly quieter than
normal as Bella gushes about laying by a pool while Mike is at work blah,
blah.  I slip into my room and find something to wear for work tomorrow and
throw in my makeup bag and toiletries. I am envious of Bella and her easy
relationship with Mike, they have nothing to worry about but themselves.

I change into skinny jeans, red heels and
my red off the shoulder top brushing my hair around one shoulder and make my
way back out to the living room.

Grant looks up as I enter and I mutter
‘shall we get something to eat whilst we are out?’ and he nods smiling at me
his eyes checking me out.

‘Have a good time’ I hug Bella and remind
her ‘I won’t be back until Friday evening’

‘Oh ok, you have a good trip too!’

I turn to Grant and smile, ‘ready?’

‘See you tomorrow Grant’ Bella calls and he
waves,

‘Sure see you Bella’ and we exit the flat. 

Grant extracts my bag from my hand and places
it in the boot joining me in the back of the car, ‘Abi I am sorry I fucked up
again didn’t I?’ he turns to me.

‘No you never’ I reassure him linking my
arm in his ‘I have my own trip’

‘You never told me where you are going?’

‘Only Dublin, no pool there you may get
frostbite’ I smile at him.

We enter the club that Grant and I first
met again some weeks ago and I arch an eyebrow, he grins as he takes my hand
and leads me inside.  As we move past the door off of the foyer I tease him by
pulling his hand in that direction, his eyes sparkle with humor as we move into
the first bar that houses sofa’s and low tables.  The club is magnificent and
the staff begin to jump to attention when they realize that Grant is on the
premises.

‘Where do you want to sit?’

‘At the bar’ I suggest, ‘I always prefer
sitting up high watching everyone’

We take a seat and Grant hands me a bar
menu ‘if there isn’t anything there I am sure we can rustle something up’

‘Its fine I am not so ravenous today a tuna
salad will be fine’ I hand him back the menu.  He orders our food and a bottle
of champagne.

‘Champagne?’

‘Do we not have something to celebrate?’
his green eyes assess me amused.

‘I thought we would keep that to ourselves
for a bit’

‘Why?’ he frowns.

‘Because of the situation’

‘Oh no, the situation no longer features in
any of our plans. Our life continues and where the dice fall…’ he shakes his head
‘it has caused us enough problems, it ends now’ his face is harsh and
determined and I realize he has had as much of it as he can take as well as I
have ‘so’ he changes the subject ‘tell me about your trip’

We discuss my trip as the champagne arrives
Grant tilts his glass to mine and his eyes find mine, ‘for making me the
happiest man on the planet’

‘To us’ I smile as he leans in and kisses
me briefly, my stomach flutters and I take a deep breath. He smiles at me
perfectly aware of how his touch affects me before sipping his wine.

‘So you are back on Friday evening?’ he
confirms.

‘Yes, I think we land at 7.45pm’ I nod.

‘We?’

‘I am travelling with one of the Digital
team, Jason’

He gazes at me for a moment before nodding,
‘how about I collect you from the airport?’

‘That would be lovely thank you’ although I
am aware of his thought process.

Grant drops me off in the morning and
kisses me thoroughly in the car, ‘So see you Friday, behave yourself’ he warns
me gently.

‘You too remember no saving any damsels in
distress!’

‘I am practically a married man! I wouldn’t
dream of it and the weekend we will go ring shopping’ he informs me ‘the sooner
all your admirers are aware you are off the market the better!’

********

My trip is an absolute success, the people
are fantastically friendly even inviting the pair of us out Thursday evening
down the local for a drink or seven!  I was slightly tipsy but sure we had
clinched the deal.  We had a meeting Friday morning to run over all the
requirements and were all hanging pretty badly so bonded over our alcohol
intake, I wasn’t sure that it was very professional but it definitely did the
job as they promised me that they would give us the account if I promised that
I would fly over every now and then for a night out.

 Jason bonded especially well with one of
the girls over there who I am sure he had a game of tonsil tennis with at some
point.  One of the girls Cheryl and I had a got on great and we swapped mobile
numbers as well as professional numbers and she promised to visit when she came
over to London.

I had only received texts from Grant as he
was obviously as busy as I, he rang me whilst we were in the pub but it must
have directed straight to voicemail.  I had missed him but at the same time I
had a great time.  I called Richard from the Dublin office and informed him
that we got the account and he was extremely pleased notifying me that he would
be sending me regularly to ‘Shmooze’ the clients.  I did mention that we had a
hangover and he laughed and told me ‘good for you!’ so I guess it was expected.

It was 9.15pm by the time that we walked
out of arrivals and I was tired, I searched around but couldn’t spot Grant or
his driver.  I call his phone which strangely connects directly to voicemail. 
Jason disappears to find his friend who was collecting him and I stand for
twenty further minutes without any luck.  I attempt the number again without
success and decide to get a cab so walk outside and join the cab rank. 

I arrive home gone eleven o clock and the
flat is empty, well Bella was probably around Mike’s and Grant maybe got caught
up at work or something.  I shower and put on some sweatpants and a t-shirt and
send a text message to Grant.

Hi,

Just a bit worried, I waited at the
airport but you never showed.

No probs I am home now, just let me know
you are ok please x

I have a bad feeling but ignore it choosing
to go to bed I am shattered from the late night and alcohol intake. As soon as
my head hits the pillow I am sound asleep. 

I awake to banging and sit up confused to my
surroundings. I stand moving towards the sound to realize it is the front door,
I look through the peep hole and notice Grant.  I open the door just as he is
about to bang again, ‘hi’ I croak sleepily.

‘Hi’ he wraps his arms around me ‘I am so
sorry’

‘What happened?’ I pull him inside and
glance at the clock 2.15am.

‘Amber’ he mutters distastefully ‘she rang
me and informed me that she is bleeding and can I take her to the hospital,
well I thought it would be an ideal opportunity to find out what was going on
so agreed’ I am standing with my arms folded across me as I am listening
thinking, why didn’t you just let me know! But I refrain from speaking ‘well
when we arrived she wouldn’t let me in anyway so I had to sit outside in the
waiting room’

‘So is she ok?’

‘She is fine, I am sure she is fucking
around with me Abi’

‘Why didn’t you text me or something?’

‘I just got sidetracked with everything and
I had to turn my phone off in the hospital because of the machinery’ he
expresses.

‘You could have text me Grant’ I am angry
it is happening already ‘we do things as one remember?’ He regards me absorbing
my words.

 ‘I am sorry, she was fine yesterday she
has befriended Bella so I am not sure whether she mentioned me collecting you
from the airport tonight and it was part of her elaborate plan..’

‘Hold on, what do you mean she was fine
yesterday and befriended Bella?’

‘Amber’ he expresses ‘well she works for me…..
she was on the trip’

‘What the fuck!’ I am floored by his
comment, I am attempting to comprehend his words.

‘You knew that!’ he appears confused.

‘No I fucking well never knew that, is that
why I am excluded from your work place because you have screwed half the
workforce?’  I am pacing now ‘what happened to keeping your professional and
personal life separate Grant?’

‘It isn’t like that!’ he roars.

‘No, I cannot do this, you have your
pregnant ex…whatever working for you, the one that is doing her best to split
us up?’

‘I can’t exactly sack her because she is
pregnant Abi’ he expresses more calmly as he senses my anger.

‘What am I doing?’ I am muttering to myself
‘I am standing at the airport thinking all sorts and you and your pregnant… I
want you to go Grant’

‘What?... No!’ his eyes are panicking.

‘Yes, get out of here now!’ I roar ‘get the
fuck out!’

His face tenses and he holds his hands up,
‘ok, I am going. I will speak to you tomorrow when you have calmed down’

‘Go’ I speak through my teeth and I open
the door for him slamming it as he exits.

I am even too mad to cry, I am so livid I
want to smash things up.  I refrain but I am at melting point, what the fuck
was Bella doing befriended her? She is supposed to be on my side too.  I cannot
do this, this is supposed to be a good time for us and instead he keeps on making
the wrong decisions.  He assured me that his main priority would be me and we
would face things together instead at the first sign of trouble he forgets
about me at the first turn.  I am crap at relationships obviously first Scott
and now Grant, why do I always end up being the one that is treated so badly?

I lay in my bed attempting to calm my
insides when the tears begin, I am sobbing into my pillow heartbroken once
again.  I must have cried myself to sleep because the next thing I know it is
morning and someone is tapping on my bedroom door.

‘Abi’ Bella is calling, I get up off the
bed walking to the door and open it.

‘Fuck Abi’ my eyes are obviously red and
swollen from the crying.

‘What do you want Bella?’ I ask
impatiently.

‘To talk’

‘I don’t feel like talking right now so
excuse me’ and I close the door on her, on my best friend.  I move around the
room tidying up and unpacking my things from my trip I strip down and put my
robe on before moving into the bathroom for a shower.  The water cascades over
me and the tears reappear, I cannot do this I need to be strong.

I towel dry my hair and glance at my
reflection, wow my eyes do not look good.  I apply lots of makeup and blow dry
my hair dressing in skinny jeans and a V-neck t-shirt, I put my boots on and my
leather bomber jacket.  I collect my bag and take a deep breath they can all
screw themselves today. As I walk through the living room on my way out Bella
jumps up from the sofa, ‘Abi let’s discuss this’

‘What is there to talk about Bella, I
thought we had each other’s backs I guess I was wrong, end of.  And tell Grant
when you speak to him to stay the fuck away from me’ and I slam the door.

I wander to the station, I am beyond tears
I am angry and have never felt so alone.  I decide to go into work, lots of
people work the weekends at my company and it isn’t as if I haven’t got things
to do.  I pass the security guard who examines my entrance pass waving me in, I
sit at my desk and contemplate the past few days, I have gone through a roller
coaster of emotions leaving me reeling, I am not sure which way is up.