All of Me (11 page)

Faith rested her cheek against the cool glass of Alec’s passenger window. The wine from dinner had gotten to her. Having infrequently indulged in alcohol, she hadn’t really known what effect it would have. Her body was hot, her skin tingling. She wasn’t sure if she should attribute that to Alec or the wine. It had also loosened her tongue. She’d been more outgoing and outspoken than ever before.

A summer fling. Lord. As if she could handle Alec Winston, even for just one summer.

Yet she wanted a life, wanted more than to just exist. What better way to start than jumping in headfirst with him? He could teach her things. She wouldn’t have to worry about making her world fit with his or all the complications, because he’d be leaving. They were temporary.

It had also felt good to talk about Hope with someone. Though the loss of her sister still cut deep, she wanted others to know how wonderful and strong she was, how lucky Faith
had been to have her. Not talking about Hope seemed like forgetting she was ever here. And that would be a shame.

Alec pulled the car through the front gate and veered to the left to park in front of her guesthouse. The lights in the main house were off, even though it was barely nine. Lacey and Jake said they’d crash with Ginny for the night so Faith could stay out late if she wanted.

The dome light filled the dark car when Alec opened the door. Oh boy. Would he kiss her on the doorstep? Did guys still do that? He strode around the hood and to her side before she had her seat belt off. Taking his offered hand, she got out and walked with him to the door.

Now what? She waited, her gaze glued to his chest.

“Invite me in.” His voice was a hoarse rumble that made her muscles clench. It wasn’t a demand, but a gentle request.

She nodded and opened the door.

He followed her inside, glancing around after she flipped on a lamp. His gaze traveled over the picture of her and Hope on the mantel before moving on to the bookshelves beside the fireplace. “I thought you said you never read my books.”

Shadows cut across his body and half his face, making him look dangerously handsome. His black hair seemed darker somehow, and she wanted to run her fingertips over the slight outgrowth on his jaw. He wore a white button-down dress shirt untucked from his jeans, which fit him well enough to tease at the glorious body that lay underneath. It had been a long time, if ever, that she felt this turned on or attracted to a man. Even the way he stood, hands in his back pockets and one foot off to the side in a careless
whatever
pose, was attractive.

His gray-blue eyes leveled on her when she didn’t answer.

She set her purse on the coffee table to give herself something to do. “No, I said I’ve never seen any of the movies based off your books.”

He glanced at the shelves again. “Pretty extensive variety of fiction here. Fantasy, romance, cozy mysteries . . .”

“Horror’s my favorite, or really dark suspense.”

A corner of his mouth quirked and she had to swallow a moan. “Why’s that?”

She shrugged. “Reading them makes the problems in the real world seem weak by comparison.”

He breathed out a laugh. The muscles in his shoulders tensed, as if straining. “And why haven’t you seen any of my movies?”

What was with all the questions? “They never get it right. Movies ruin books . . .”

She didn’t have time to finish her thought because he jerked his hands out of his back pockets, strode the few steps separating them, and crushed his mouth over hers.

His hands grabbed her waist, pulling her flush against his hard body as he angled his head and deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped past her lips and tasted, stroked until she had an idea of what he’d be like in bed. The rhythm and pace he’d set. The talent he’d bring. God, she so didn’t think she could handle him.

Regardless, he felt too good to let go. Her fingers drove into his thick, wavy hair like she’d been wanting to do since she’d first laid eyes on him. The move seemed to spark some kind of animal instinct in him because his fingers slid from her waist to her hips and dug into her flesh. He moaned, rocked against her so she could feel the long, hard strain of his erection against her belly.

Breaking the kiss, his lips traveled from her mouth to her ear. “We need to slow down.”

Lack of experience be darned, she was ready to strip off her dress. “I’m not a virgin,” she whispered, and immediately regretted the slip. Her face heated and embarrassment made her head heavy. She pinched her eyes closed.

Edging back, he looked down at her. “I didn’t ask.”

“I figured you might think . . . with the information I gave you . . .”

The pad of his thumb pressed over her lower lip and he smiled, his gaze focused there. Moving his thumb across her lip, his eyes darkened, his lids closing to half-mast. “We should still take this slow. I’m going home to cool off.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, gently this time. “I still owe you that knock-you-off-your-feet kiss.”

“That wasn’t it?”

He grinned, and she had to lock her knees to stay upright. “You’re still standing, so no, that wasn’t it.” He closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath, brushing his nose to hers. Groaning, he pulled away. “Next time, Faith.”

When the door closed behind him, she sank to the floor and patted her chest, not recognizing the crazy sensations whirling inside. She pressing a hand to her forehead and laughed like an idiot. It took her too long to realize the feeling was . . . happiness.

*   *   *

Faith was dusting lemon bars with powdered sugar and checking Ginny’s progress on adding sprinkles to the cupcakes when Lacey strolled in the kitchen door.

“Who’s ready for the best sleepover ever?”

“I am, I am,” Ginny chanted.

Faith laughed. “We definitely have enough sugar to keep us up all night.”

“My party, my menu,” Ginny said.

Lacey kissed her cheek. “You are so right, Ginny girl.” She glanced around the kitchen. “I brought margarita mix. Do they have a blender?”

“Above the fridge.” Faith moved to the sink to wash her hands. “I’m a lightweight with regards to alcohol, as it turns out.”

“Oh,” Lacey drawled. “Did we get a little tipsy on our date last night?” She set the blender on the island and plugged it in.

“You had a date?” Ginny was awed.

Lacey filled the blender with ice. “She sure did. With guess who? Alec.”

“You did?” Ginny said, clapping her hands. “Is he a good kisser?”

“Oh boy. Mia’s gonna kill me.”

Lacey waved her hand, dumping margarita mix into the blender with the other and switching it on. Noise clattered as the ice crushed. “Mia won’t care if we talk about boys,” she shouted. “That’s what sleepovers are for!”

Faith wouldn’t know. She’d never been to one.

Lacey poured a virgin margarita into a cup and handed it to Ginny. Then she poured a generous finger—or five—of tequila into the blender. “Think that’s enough?”

Faith laughed. “Uh, yes.”

Lacey added more mix and ice. She switched the blender on again and shouted over the noise. “So, is Alec a good kisser or not?”

Faith pressed her lips together, unable to hide the giddy smile. “Yes.”

Lacey’s brows rose, pretending not to have heard. “What?”

“Yes, he’s a good—”

The blender stopped.

“—kisser.” Faith rubbed her forehead. “You tricked me into screaming that. Is he right outside the door or something?”

Lacey poured two drinks. “Nope. Just us girls. And great kisses are worth shouting about.” She handed Faith a cup and clacked her own cup against it. “To the best sleepover ever!”

“Yeah!”

Faith smiled at Ginny and took a sip. The drink, despite being blended with ice, burned all the way down. “Wow, Lacey.”

“It is a little strong.” Her pretty mouth twisted. “I’ve never made margaritas before. Never been to a sleepover either.”

“You haven’t?” Ginny asked.

“My mom was pretty snobby. Thought we were above things like that. It wasn’t proper.”

Faith connected with Lacey in that minute, a bond of sorts forming. “I haven’t been to a sleepover either. My sister was the one with all the friends growing up. I never got invited to any parties.”

“Well,” Lacey said, tilting her head. “Guess it’s a first for us then. It really is the best sleepover ever. Cole has a ton of movies in his collection for us to choose from. Plus, I brought my cosmetics bag. We can do makeovers.”

Oh boy.

Ginny bounced and clapped. “Me first.”

“You got it.”

They settled on the living room floor with blankets and pillows.
High School Musical
—Ginny’s choice—played on the huge flat screen while they stuffed their faces with cupcakes and lemon bars and popcorn.

Faith had never had such an overdose of sugar in her life. She was always so careful what she ate that she decided she was going to let herself go just for tonight. She was young and healthy and it was silly to be so overcautious just because her parents were. Her parents had good reasons, with Hope’s illness and needing a lot from Faith to keep her treatments going, but Hope had been dead ten years now. It was probably time to let her go. It didn’t mean Faith had to forget her, right? Just move on.

The movie ended at the same time Faith’s margarita cup emptied. Huh. When did that happen? She was feeling a little light-headed.

Lacey pulled out a bagful of cosmetics and got to work on Ginny’s makeover. While they were busy, Faith cleaned up some of the wrappers and changed movies. Deciding she’d had enough tequila, she brought out bottled water from the fridge for everyone.

“So,” Lacey said, applying lipstick on Ginny. “Mia loves Cole. I love Jake. Is there romance brewing for Faith and Alec? Whatcha think, Ginny?”

“Yeah!”

Faith tucked her feet under her and sat on the couch. “It’s pretty new, guys. Besides, Alec lives in New York. I think it’s just going to be a summer thing.”

“Are you okay with that?”

“Not much choice.” She shrugged. “It is what it is. May as well enjoy it while he’s here.”

It had taken all her courage to reach out and ask for what she wanted from Alec. She had no idea how to go about fully living. She’d simply seized the opportunity. Later, she’d probably think it was insane, but for now, he made her heart pound and her body want. Her response to him every time he was near reminded her she was alive.

Lacey nodded. “I see your point. I don’t know if I could do that, though. I get attached—at least I do when I’m interested. I think I knew I loved Jake after our first date.”

“Did he kiss you?” Ginny asked.

“Yes. He’s a really great kisser.” She brushed her hands together. “You, my dear, are done. You look beautiful.”

“I do?”

Faith nodded. Lacey hadn’t done much, just a hint of blush, gloss, and shadow, like she’d done for Faith last night for her date with Alec. “You do look very pretty.”

“I’m going to go see.” Ginny ran off down the hall to the bathroom.

“I’m sorry about Alec. I didn’t realize it wasn’t serious.”

Faith smiled. “It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it. It’s just . . . I’ve never had close girlfriends before. Been a long time since a guy was interested, too. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.”

From her spot on the floor, Lacey propped her elbow on the cushion and tugged on her earlobe. “Before Mia came back to Wilmington, I didn’t have anyone. I was on
committees and in clubs, but no one I could talk to like this, you know?”

Faith nodded. “I know. Not the committees part, but alone I understand.”

Ginny came back in the room. Lacey took some pictures on her phone and texted them to Mia. They gathered for a group selfie before getting comfy to watch
Grease
. Ginny fell asleep halfway through the movie, so Faith went to brush her teeth and made sure the alarm was set before turning off the lamps. Propping her head on a pillow, she tuned back into the movie.

Lacey brought her blanket and pillow up on the couch and lay down on the other side. “Can I ask you something?”

Faith turned down the volume. “Sure.”

“When my brother Dean died in that car crash, it was so sudden. One day he was here, the next he was gone. With your sister being sick for so long, was it better to have the chance to say good-bye?”

Wow. Faith had never thought of it like that. She envisioned Hope healthy and young and suddenly being taken from her. “I suppose, in a way, it was easier. We knew the end was looming and we got to say good-bye, but watching her slowly fade, getting sicker and sicker, was awful. I can’t imagine not having the opportunity to tell her one last time how much I loved her. How did you deal with losing Dean?”

Lacey blew out a breath. “I guess I didn’t. Cole held me that day and stuck by my side through the funeral, but he blamed himself for Dean’s accident and went on a downward spiral for ten years. Until Mia came back, anyway.”

Faith had read Cole’s memoir and knew much of this story already. Connecting these people with the characters in the book was strangely eye-opening.

“Faith?”

She turned her head to better see Lacey.

“Will you be one of my bridesmaids?”

Faith stilled. Lacey held her gaze in the dark. Only the
flickers of light from the movie illuminated her face. Faith didn’t see any signs of teasing, but then again, she’d always been naive. “Really?”

“Really. In the few weeks you’ve been here, I’ve grown closer to you than most people I’ve known all my life.”

A lump formed in Faith’s throat and hot tears pressed behind her lids. This is what it felt like to have friends. Bittersweet and comforting and complete. How did she go on this long without them?

“I would be honored.”

A week later, a tan Mia and Cole had returned from their honeymoon, glowing and happy. Faith was glad to have them back. Not that she hadn’t enjoyed her private time with Ginny, but with everything happening as of late, she hadn’t had much time to herself.

Everything was all so new and a bit overwhelming. She wasn’t used to friends and attention. It took some time to adjust to these changes in her life. Add in her developing relationship with Alec, and her head was reeling.

She and Lacey had spent a lot of time together the past two weeks, talking about everything from centerpieces for the wedding to childhood memories. Lacey had even dragged her and Ginny to the salon for a haircut and pampering. Unlike her parents, Lacey and Alec didn’t mind her talking about Hope. In fact, Lacey often brought up her own brother Dean and her bittersweet memories of him. It was oddly comforting to have someone with whom she shared such a deep loss, someone who understood the pain.

Alec had divided his time between writing and popping by the house—usually around midday—to see what was happening with her. But he hadn’t made any romantic gestures or attempted to touch her since their date. It left a hollow sensation inside her chest. They hadn’t even been dating a week and it felt like he was distancing himself. Then again, Ginny was always around and there wasn’t much time to be alone.

Faith sipped her chamomile tea and stared out the window. She’d been attempting to settle down and sleep for two hours to no avail. Restless energy crawled under her skin, made her twitch. She needed to shake the uncomfortable feeling, so she paced in the dim kitchen and tried to clear her mind. Closing her eyes, she breathed deep and counted to ten.

The feeling was still there. Shaking her head, she set the tea on the counter and made her way outside. She walked past the deck and the dunes just beyond it, and settled near the shore, squishing her toes in the sand. Letting the roar of the ocean surround her, she breathed in the humid saltwater scent and smiled.

This was what she needed. She was afraid to leave Ginny after the girl fell asleep, so while Mia and Cole had been away she hadn’t walked down to the beach at night—a ritual she’d grown fond of since arriving in Wilmington. Faith wondered how she’d gotten by her entire life without the ocean. The tension and uncertainty drained from her body, leaving peace in its place.

Inside her pajama pants pocket, her cell vibrated. Heart pounding, she struggled to pull it out. She’d called her parents again after dinner tonight, when she knew they’d be home, but the machine kicked in. Every day she called. They’d called back a few times, but the conversations had been forced and stilted.

“Hi, it’s Mom. You called?”

Relief spilled into her body. “I was just missing you. I wanted to catch up.”

A lengthy silence followed until her mother cleared her throat. “The choir is working on some new hymns. We may try them out in the fall.”

That wasn’t exactly what Faith had had in mind, but she’d take it. “That sounds fun. I’m on the beach staring at the ocean.” Faith bit her lip, wondering if she should just say what was on her mind. “I keep thinking . . .” She blew out a breath. “I think Hope would’ve loved it here. It’s so pretty and peaceful. The pelicans come by every morning and evening. They—”

“Listen, Faith. It’s late, don’t you think? You should head to bed. Sleep is important.”

“Right. You’re right,” she whispered, blinking rapidly. “Have a good night. I’ll call again soon.”

“Good night.”

Hot tears burned behind her lids as she ended the call. She had a great job, a lovely place to live, friends, and a boyfriend even, but she would trade all that in for one real conversation with her parents. Any attempt to breach the miles and really connect. For them to show a sign that they truly missed her or wondered how she was doing. She’d wasted most of her childhood wishing for that.

Frustration and grief rose inside. She fisted the phone and stared at it. “Why won’t you talk to me?” she ground out.

“Why won’t who talk to you?”

She jumped and spun to face Alec. “Oh. I didn’t see you there.”

“Deep in thought again?” His smile fell as he walked closer, the moon illuminating his handsome face. “You’ve been crying.”

Darn it. She swiped at the tears with the back of her hand and forced a smile. “What brings you out so late?”

“I was writing and saw you when I took a break. Don’t
avoid the question. Does this person not talking to you have anything to do with why you’re crying?”

She breathed out a sigh. “Maybe.” Turning to face the water, she forced herself to calm down. “My mom just returned my call from earlier.”

He stepped closer to stand at her side. “Is everything okay?”

“Yes. No.” She rubbed her forehead, attempting to clarify. “They won’t talk to me.”

“Did you get in a fight?”

If only. Lord, that brought a fresh wave of tears. She swallowed hard and cleared her throat before answering. “You told me that your dad was always teasing you, that you couldn’t be in the same room without butting heads. I have the opposite problem. I’d give anything to have my parents mad at me.”

He shoved his hands in the pockets of his cargo shorts and rocked back on the heels of his bare feet. “That statement requires explanation.”

She put the phone back in her pocket and crossed her arms, still facing the ocean. The thought of looking at him was unbearable. How does one explain that her own parents didn’t want her and never had? “Your dad acts the way he does because he cares. It might not seem that way, but he wouldn’t bother if he didn’t love you.” Might as well get it all out. She hoped saying the rest didn’t make her sound pitiful. “My parents don’t bother.”

He stilled when she didn’t say any more. After a few heartbeats, he moved to stand in front of her and dipped his head to look into her eyes. “Are you telling me your parents don’t give a shit, Faith? I doubt that, very much.”

The rough timbre of his voice caused her to shiver. His gray-blue eyes held her gaze and waited. She hesitated to offer more, but then decided it didn’t matter. After this summer he’d go back to New York and forget all about her. What did she care if he knew? Except he might change his mind
about their arrangement and walk away now. Might see just how pathetic she really was and think her too much of a head case.

“Faith?”

For courage, she glanced over his shoulder at the ocean for a few beats before looking into his eyes. “My sister was diagnosed with her illness before I was born. The type of cancer she had caused swelling and tissue damage, primarily on the left side of her body, though in some cases the right can be affected, too. It meant numerous transfusions and possibly even organ transplants down the road. My parents weren’t a close enough match to Hope’s blood type.”

Again, Alec stilled. Realization slowly dawned in his eyes. The muscle in his jaw clenched. “You’re trying to say that—”

“I was conceived for the sole purpose of being Hope’s donor. Siblings are often the best match. I was her replacement parts, except I failed, and she died anyway.”

His jaw dropped. He backed up two steps and stopped. “Jesus.” His hand raked through his thick black hair. “Jesus,” he said again. “I don’t know where to start with something like that, Faith.”

Not understanding his reaction, she stared at him.

He paced away and came back. “Your sister getting sick may have been what brought you into the world, but you’re not anyone’s replacement parts. Your parents—”

“Don’t have a bond with me.” Sensing where this conversation was headed, she lifted her hand to stop him. “They never have. We talk, but we never say anything. Not of substance.”

His hands dropped to his sides. “That’s your guilt talking. And you have nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn’t up to you to save her. Christ, you were just a little girl.”

This wasn’t why she’d told him. She didn’t need him to try and rationalize the behavior of the two people she’d lived her whole life trying to please. Somehow, in the last few
months before moving to Wilmington, she’d realized something. You couldn’t make someone love you, even if those people were the ones who were supposed to love you most. She’d accepted it. She didn’t understand it and she hadn’t gotten over it, but she accepted it.

“It’s not guilt talking, Alec. It’s years of observation.”

He didn’t know the silence of the Armstrong house after Hope died. Even before that, there had been few visitors in Faith’s hospital room when they’d prepped her for Hope’s procedures. All the focus was on her sister, and that’s how it should’ve been. Of course her parents were there, got her settled and situated, moved from room to room when need be, but Hope was the sick one.

She closed her eyes briefly and drew in a lungful of air before opening them again. Alec had stopped pacing and was glaring at her with his arms crossed, feet evenly spaced apart as if bracing for an epic battle. “You’re angry.”

His head reared back and confusion marred his brow. “I guess I am.”

Of all the reactions she’d been expecting, anger wasn’t it. Revulsion. Pity. Shock, perhaps. Those emotions were normal. But anger just made no sense. What did he have to be angry about?

She didn’t know how to do this, to be in a relationship. Even a temporary one like theirs. She knew nothing about friendship or conversation or how to be around people. All she knew was how to connect with disabled kids and teach. This was a mistake, thinking she could be with someone like Alec.

“I can’t tell what you’re thinking,” he said. “You have that look on your face, like you’ve shut down on me, and I can’t tell what you’re thinking.”

A heavy weight settled behind her ribs as she took a step back. “I’m sorry I upset you. Good night.”

His heated gaze lifted from her mouth to her eyes. “Where are you going?”

She pointed. “Back to the house. It’s late.”

“Late,” he mumbled and pinched the bridge of his nose. He ground out a few choice expletives. “Stay out here for a few minutes, would you? Finish the conversation.”

Faith
was
finished. Any more and she’d start weeping again. “Good night, Alec.”

*   *   *

Alec hung up the phone after a lengthy discussion with his editor and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He’d told the publisher to give him two months and he’d turn in the book. He was a little more than halfway through writing the first draft. If he buckled down, he could make that deadline. All things considered, they were pretty understanding about the whole thing.

This morning, Alec had given Cole the first fifty pages of a partial to see if Cole could represent him. At this stage in his career, his agent did little more than act as a buffer for contracts, but Alec didn’t want Cole to represent him out of obligation. He wanted to make sure Cole wanted to do it, not that he had to. Alec could call up any agency right now and have his pick of agents. That wasn’t the point. He wanted someone he could trust, not someone who was in it for the money.

Alec took his beer out onto the front porch and dropped into a chair, thinking about the book launch party in New York next weekend. He’d totally forgotten about it. The last book in his series was coming out next month, and his publicist, in conjunction with the publisher, was hosting the meet and greet. It was an obligation, one he didn’t want to fulfill, but he’d suffer through. After all, it was only one night.

A two-month deadline would whoosh by if he kept at this pace. After Faith’s little bomb on the beach last night, he’d spent his time wearing down the floorboards instead of writing. He hadn’t slept. Barely even shoved food down.

A car door slammed and Alec looked up to find Jake
returning from work. Jake walked toward the main house until he glanced over and saw Alec outside. He changed directions and headed his way.

“You want a beer?”

“Naw.” Jake sat down in a chair beside Alec. “Taking a break from writing?”

“Something like that.”

“Uh-oh. You were doing great yesterday. What happened?”

Alec tipped the bottle back and swallowed. “Women, that’s what happened.”

Jake laughed in his easy, languid style. “Already? You and Faith just started seeing each other.”

Alec shouldn’t have mentioned it to Jake, but he needed a sounding board, and very few people knew the whole story of Laura and where he was coming from. Alec stood and walked to lean a hip against the railing.

Alec sighed. “Faith told me . . . something serious last night. Then afterward, she said she was heading to bed. Just like that. I asked her—actually begged her—to stay and talk about it. Nope. She said good night and left me standing there. When was the last time you saw me wanting to get into a heart-to-heart with a woman? Never.”

Rant over, he took a swig of beer and looked at his brother over the bottle. “What are you grinning at?”

Jake shrugged. “You’re falling for her.”

Maybe a little bit. Or all the way.

Hell. Screw that. “I tell you she’s messing with my head and you laugh.”

“Sorry.” Jake looked anything but sorry with his grin still plastered in place. “Is this thing she told you something you can share?”

Alec thought that over and decided it wasn’t a national secret. Jake wouldn’t repeat it anyway. “She told me her parents conceived her to be a donor for her sister.”

There went the grin. “Wow.”

“Yeah.” Alec sat back down and drained his beer. “A lot of things are starting to make sense now. She’s always surprised when I come to see her as if there’s an alternate motive behind my visit, and she tries like hell to be invisible.” He leaned forward and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Jesus, Jake. I think her folks just fucking ignored her. What kind of people do that?”

“She told you all of that?”

“No.” Alec repeated what Faith had told him to the best of his recollection.

“Sounds like you two are perfect for each other. She’s as screwed up as you are, big brother.”

Alec narrowed his eyes. “This thing with Faith is just temporary. There is no perfect when it comes to us. I go back to the city after your wedding, remember?”