All I Want For Christmas Is A Vampire (3 page)

“Sweetness, you’re so hot, you’re sizzling.” Phineas made some hissing sounds.

Ian shot him an annoyed look, then resumed his explanation. “The window sensor triggered the alarm, and when I investigated the matter, I found you looking at verra expensive books, dressed like a cat burglar.”

“Yeah, you do look like a hot and sexy Catwoman.” Phineas clawed at the air. “Meow! Hiss!”

Now she gave Phineas an annoyed look. “These are my workout clothes.” She switched her green-eyed glare to Ian. “And I never heard an alarm.”

“Only Vamps and dogs can hear it.”

“Oh. Which one are you?”

“Snap!” Phineas slapped his leg. “She’s killing you, man.”

“Phineas,” Ian growled. “I’m trying to have a conversation here.” He turned to Toni. “I’m sorry, lass, but this will never work. Ye canna guard a houseful of men. Ye see how Phineas reacts to you.”

“He’s a lot nicer than you are!” Her eyes glinted with anger. “And it’s not my problem if you’re a bunch of sexist pigs. I can do this job, with or without PMS. I beat Phineas earlier, and I would have pinned you down, too, given more time.”

“Lass, ye would never pin me.” He leaned toward her. “I like to be on top.”

Her eyes flashed with green fire.

“Good one!” Phineas shook a fist in the air. “You’re making your comeback, bro. You da man!”

“He’s a pig,” Toni grumbled.

“Oink, oink,” Phineas squeaked.

“Enough, Phineas!” Ian glowered at him. “I can see why ye were murdered young.”

A laugh escaped from Toni, but she quickly squelched it and frowned at him.

She had a sense of humor? It wasn’t all that important in the grand scheme of things, but Ian was suddenly taken with the challenge to make her laugh again, or at least make her smile. Unfortunately he couldn’t think of anything amusing to say.

He rose to his feet and executed a gallant bow. “I apologize for attacking you. I hope I dinna hurt you.”

Her frown relaxed slightly. “I’m okay.”

He offered a hand to help her up.

She regarded him suspiciously. “You’re not going to tell Connor to fire me, are you? I really can do this job.”

An uneasy feeling settled in his gut. Why on earth would a lovely mortal woman want a job guarding vampires? “I’ll let ye stay if ye answer a few questions honestly.”

A guarded look flitted over her face, then she smiled brightly and took his hand. “Sure. What do you want to know?” She rose gracefully to her feet.

His hand tightened around hers. The uncertainty in his gut twinged. He knew she wasn’t going to be entirely honest. Her smile was too forced, and her heartbeat had just speeded up.

“Why do ye want this job?” he asked quietly.

She pulled her hand from his grasp. “It pays extremely well. And I get free room and board, which is worth a fortune in Manhattan.”

“And ye get stuck in a house all day with some dead carcasses.”

“No job is perfect.” She folded her arms across her chest. “None of you wake up crying or needing a diaper change, so it’s easier than the usual babysitting job.”

Babysitting? Now that was bloody annoying.

Meanwhile Phineas was snickering. “Yeah, take care of me, hot mama. I need a sponge bath. And some of that baby oil rubbed all over me. I’m feeling a bit chafed, if you know what I mean.”

Her mouth twitched.

Did she find Phineas amusing? That irritated him even more. Ian stepped closer to her, gritting his teeth. “We’re no’ babies. We’re seasoned warriors.”

She affected a big shudder. “Ooh, I’m scared.”

Did she doubt their prowess? Ian moved closer. “Lass, ye have no idea how fierce we can be.”

Her smile withered, and a pained look crossed her face. “I know that too well. There’s no need to remind me.”

“Were ye attacked?” Ian looked at her neck, but couldn’t see any sign of bite marks above the high neck of her black outfit. “Is that how ye found out about us?”

The stubborn lift of her chin indicated her refusal to divulge more information. But she’d mentioned before that she tended to get pissed whenever vampires attacked her. The sun would be rising soon, and Ian and the other Vamps would fall into their death-sleep. All day long they would lie defenseless and vulnerable. And their guard appeared to hold a grudge against them.

“Lass, why should I trust you to watch over us?”

Her brows lifted. “Are you worried about what I might do when you’re totally helpless and at my mercy?”

He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Are ye threatening us? I could erase yer memory, and shove you out the door right now.”

“No!” Now she looked panicked. “Please. I—I really need this job. I promised Connor that I would never harm any of you. Ask him. He believes me.”

Ian released her and stepped back. “I will ask him.”

She glanced at him nervously. “I need to change into my uniform before my shift starts.”

Phineas yawned. “Yeah. I’m getting sleepy. Good night, sweetness.” He extended a closed fist toward Toni.

She responded with a smile and a knuckle pound. “See ya tomorrow, Dr. Phang.”

Phineas grinned, then sauntered toward the stairs. “Yeah, that’s me. Dr. Phang. Long in the tooth, and long in the wang.” He descended the stairs to the basement, his voice still drifting toward them. “The doctor is in the house. Oh, baby, I’ve got the cure.”

Ian could feel the pull of death-sleep, too, but as an older Vamp, he was able to resist it better than Phineas.

“Perhaps we should start over.” He extended a hand. “I’m Ian MacPhie.”

She gave him a wary look. “Toni Davis.” She gripped his hand, quickly let go, then headed for the stairs.

He followed her. “I really did think ye were a thief. I doona normally attack women.”

“Unless you’re hungry.” She started up the stairs.

“I doona attack for food. We have evolved past that.”

“Yeah, right.” She continued up the stairs without looking back.

He climbed the steps after her. “Ye doona believe me?”

She shrugged. “I’ve seen your kind drink from bottles.”

“Then ye know we’re different from the Malcontents.”

Her knuckles whitened as she suddenly gripped the banister hard. Then she released it and ascended more stairs. “I gather your noble nature is somewhat new. Before the invention of synthetic blood, you must have attacked people for food.”

He gritted his teeth. “I never used violence.”

She reached the landing and whirled around to glare at him. “Did you use mind control?”

He flinched. “Ye doona understand.”

“Oh, I think I do. Mind control made it easy for you to manipulate people.” Her eyes narrowed. “But they were still victims, and you were still violating them.”

“We were never like the Malcontents. Those bastards are murderers. We never killed for food.”

“Okay. You weren’t killers. You were just parasites.” She turned to continue up the stairs.

He grabbed her arm to stop her. “If ye hate us, why have ye taken a job to protect us?”

She pulled away and started ascending the stairs. “I don’t hate you. And I have my reasons.”

“What reasons?” He stumbled on a step with his new size thirteen feet.

She glanced back. “Why are you following me? Don’t you need to go to the basement and…die?”

“I’m no’ sleeping there.”

“But I’ve seen your coffin down there.” She gave him a wry look. “It looks so cozy.”

“Then ye sleep in it.”

“Over my dead body. Oh, wait a minute. It’s your dead body. In about five minutes. So I’d better hurry.” She jogged up the rest of the stairs.

Smart ass. His gaze slid down to her round, firm rump, so deliciously defined in black spandex. It was enough to turn him back into a biter. He followed her, watching her hips sway as she strode down the hall. She stopped at a door on the right.

He paused beside her. “I outgrew it.”

“What? Your ego?”

“Lass, ye doona need to carry a weapon. Yer tongue can slash a man to shreds.”

She smiled. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“I outgrew my coffin. I’m five inches taller than when I was last here.”

Her eyes widened. “Connor mentioned that you’d grown, but I didn’t quite believe it. I thought vampires were always stuck at the age when they died.”

“That is true, normally. But I aged twelve years over the summer.”

“Oh.” Her mouth quirked. “Welcome to puberty.”

He planted a hand on the wall beside her and leaned forward. “Ye saw under my kilt. Ye know I’m a grown man.”

She lifted her chin in a defiant gesture, but her cheeks turned a pale pink. “I’m trying very hard to wipe that unfortunate incident from my memory.”

He smiled slowly. “Let me know if ye succeed.”

Her blush deepened. “Mr. MacPhie, I should remind—”

“Call me Ian. Is Toni yer full name?”

“No. Look, I’m trying to talk to you since I estimate in about three minutes, you’ll keel over dead.”

“If I do, will ye put me to bed?”

“This sort of talk is not appropriate—”

“Is yer name Antonia?”

Her eyes darkened. “No.”

“Tonatella? Tonisha?”

“No.”

“Toni Baloney?”

Her mouth twitched. “I’m trying to be serious.”

“Me, too.” He let his gaze wander over her. “I’m dead serious.”

She snorted. “Mr. MacPhie, I signed a contract two nights ago, and it clearly stated that I am not to become involved with anyone I’m guarding.”

His heart stuttered, and it wasn’t caused by the rising sun. “I dinna realize we were involved.”

“We’re not!” She huffed. “But you are flirting with me, and it has to stop.”

He blinked. He was flirting? He’d been more tempted to wring her neck than seduce her. “Ye think I was flirting?”

“Well, yes.”

He leaned closer. “Did ye like it?”

“You’re still doing it.”

He smiled lazily. “Sweetheart, I can do it all night long.”

“The night is over.” She turned and grabbed the doorknob. “Good night, Mr. MacPhie.”

He stepped back. He wouldn’t let her rejection bother him. Why should it bother him? “I wasna being serious. Ye need no’ worry about me pestering you. I am looking for true love, but only with a lady Vamp.”

She released the doorknob and turned toward him. “Then you believe dead women are better than live ones?”

“I dinna say that. But I am better suited for a Vamp.”

“Really? Are the live ones too hot for you to handle?”

Was she challenging him? “I havena met a woman yet that I couldna handle.”

“Right.” She eyed him warily. “You probably used vampire mind control on them.”

Damn, but she knew exactly where to plunge in the knife. “Aye, I used mind control. And they loved it. It made their orgasms stronger.” He arched a brow. “Would ye like a demonstration?”

Her eyes seethed with anger. “I’d like you to go away. And die.” She opened her bedroom door.

He stepped closer. “Why do ye guard us when ye doona like us? Why would ye spend yer days trapped in a house with the Undead?”

“Good night, Mr. MacPhie.” She shut the door in his face.

“I’ll find out about you, Toni,” he yelled, then stalked back to the stairs.

The sun was touching the horizon now. He could feel the death-sleep pulling him into oblivion. He gazed up the stairwell to the fifth floor and concentrated hard. In an instant he was there.

He stumbled into Roman’s office and shut the door behind him. With the aluminum shutters covering the windows, the room was dark, but no problem for his superior vision. He crossed the office to the bedroom and collapsed on the king-sized bed. By all the saints, this was so much better than a narrow coffin. He stretched out, enjoying the comfort. His breathing slowed as death-sleep stole over him.

Wait. He shook his head. He still needed to find out about Toni. He rolled toward the bedside table and grabbed the cordless phone. His vision blurred as he punched in Connor’s cell phone number. Just a few more minutes, that was all he needed.

“Hello?” Connor sounded sleepy.

Ian stretched on his back, holding the phone to his ear. “Tell me about Toni.”

“Is that you, Ian?” Connor yawned. “Call me later.”

“Tell me about Toni. How did ye find her?”

“I came across her in Central Park.” Connor yawned again. “Monday night.”

And this was only Wednesday morning. Ian opened his mouth, but no words came out. His eyes flickered shut.

“Three Malcontents,” Connor’s voice slowed, “attacked her…verra vicious…”

No wonder she hated vampires. Ian lost his grip on the phone. Was she planning to stake them all in their sleep?

As death-sleep dragged him under, he wondered if he would ever wake again.

I deserve to be happy.

I will accomplish my goals.

I will achieve something meaningful with my life.

I am worthy to be loved.

Toni repeated her morning affirmations as hot water sluiced down her body and steam billowed around her. She just needed to believe. Yeah, right. In the last few days, her life had started spiraling down the toilet.

I deserve to be happy. She sighed. Her family didn’t believe in her, so why should she? She turned the water off. She needed to toughen up emotionally and not let other people drag her down—people like Ian MacPhie.

How could a dead guy be so handsome? She pulled back the shower curtain. Why couldn’t he have been mortal? For one fleeting, wonderful moment, she’d thought he was human. But no. Swish down the toilet. He was one of them.

She stepped out of the shower, scolding herself. Don’t think about him. He has no power over you. Unless…

Unless he used vampire mind control. Toni’s bare skin prickled with goose bumps, and she shivered in spite of the hot steam surrounding her. She glanced down at the bite marks that covered her chest and torso.

She’d fought those three vampires. She’d thought she might survive until they’d taken over her mind. She’d sat there in the dirty snow, shivering and helpless while their cruel thoughts invaded her head and forced her to remove her shirt. Her bra. A deep shudder racked her body. If Connor hadn’t come along when he had…

She blinked away tears and grabbed a towel to dry off. She would remain in control and stay focused.

I will accomplish my goals. She had to succeed. Sabrina was counting on her. Already Toni had confirmed the existence of vampires and invaded the good-guy camp.

Good-guy vampires? Who would believe that? But Connor had saved her, and he swore all good Vamps had given up biting. She’d seen them drink from bottles, but still, it was hard to completely trust them. No matter how well these good Vamps behaved, she could still sense the beast lurking just below the surface. She’d felt it even stronger with Ian, but instead of repelling her, it had excited her.

How foolish could she get? Only a complete idiot would challenge a beast that could bite. She would ignore him.

I will achieve something meaningful with my life. This would happen. She and Sabrina had it all planned out.

Toni padded into the bedroom while she towel-dried her hair. Her gaze wandered over the soft, golden walls and large canopy bed hung with blue and gold brocade fabric that matched the curtains and comforter. The two dressers that flanked the bed looked like Louis XVI antiques.

One thing she had to reluctantly admit: the Vamps had excellent taste. Dougal claimed this room once belonged to a Vamp princess who was a member of Roman Draganesti’s harem. Apparently Roman had disbanded his harem when he married. Toni snorted. What a great guy. As far as she could tell, all the male Vamps were a few centuries behind on their opinions of women. Ian MacPhie certainly was.

I am worthy to be loved. The last affirmation was the hardest to believe. She tossed her towel into the laundry hamper. Dammit, she was loved. Grandma had loved her.

And remember what happened to her? You failed her. Toni quickly squashed the nasty inner voice that kept sabotaging her affirmations, telling her she didn’t deserve to be happy, and she wasn’t worthy to be loved. She was worthy, dammit. And she would not fail Sabrina. Even if it meant living in a house full of blood-drinking creatures.

She popped in her contacts and dressed in her guard uniform of khaki pants and a navy polo shirt. Connor had given her small sizes, but still, the men’s clothes hung on her frame like shapeless sacks. Obviously MacKay Security and Investigation was not accustomed to hiring female guards. Dougal and Phineas had been surprised, but they’d accepted her easily enough once they’d seen her fight.

Ian was much more suspicious, but she wouldn’t let him scare her away. She would remain calm and cool. In control. Nothing was going to faze her.

She jumped when her cell phone blasted forth with loud music. Damn. Carlos had given her a new ringtone a week ago, but the sudden explosion of “Cum on Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot always gave her a jolt.

The male vocalists screamed while she dug through her handbag. Hopefully, it was Sabrina calling. Toni had gone to the hospital last night to see her, but Sabrina had been sleeping so peacefully, Toni hadn’t wanted to wake her.

She yanked open the phone. “Hello?”

“Toni?” The gruff voice sounded urgent. “What’s going on there?”

“Howard?” Her supervisor? Howard Barr was in charge of daytime security, and he monitored Toni from his location at Roman Draganesti’s house. Howard was supposed to call for a morning report at eight A.M., but yesterday morning he’d used the house phone, not her cell phone.

Her gaze flickered to the bedside table where the digital clock glowed 7:26. “Is something wrong?”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” Howard continued in a rush. “I did my morning rounds here, and Connor had his cell phone open by his ear. Were you talking to him?”

“No. Everything’s fine here—”

“I don’t think so. Connor’s phone was connected to your house phone there. I hung up and tried to call, but your line is still busy.”

Toni glanced at the phone on her bedside table. A light indicated it was still in use. Of course. Ian had said he would check up on her. “It must be Ian MacPhie.”

“Ian?” There was a pause during which Toni could hear the shuffling of papers. “Are you sure? He’s not due back for another week. And his coffin’s empty.”

“He outgrew it.”

“So it’s true? The boy doesn’t look fifteen anymore?”

She wrinkled her nose. “He looks older than that, but his behavior’s not what I would call mature.”

Howard chuckled. “Made a good impression, did he? Look, he’s not showing up on any of my monitors, so you’ll have to find him and make sure he’s all right.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Where would he go? He’s dead. That sorta cuts down on his mobility.”

“Yes, but we’re responsible for these guys during the day. You can’t guard a corpse if you don’t know where it is. So find him.”

Toni groaned silently. There were five floors in this townhouse, six counting the basement, more than eighteen bedrooms, and a bunch of bathrooms and closets. It would take all morning to search the whole place.

“I’ll call back in ten minutes.” Howard hung up.

Ten minutes? Toni dropped her phone into the pocket of the men’s trousers she was wearing, and still barefoot, she rushed into the hall. He wasn’t conveniently sprawled out dead in the hallway, so she would have to hunt him down.

She jogged down the stairs to the ground floor. She didn’t expect to see him here, but there were surveillance cameras in the foyer and the kitchen, and she knew Howard would expect to see her pass by in her search.

She’d been hired on a probationary status for two weeks, and Connor had warned her that the cameras in the townhouse were linked to monitors in White Plains. In other words, she was watched constantly to make sure she could be trusted. As if she would ever try to harm one of the Vamps.

Connor had stressed the fact that once she took the vow to protect Vamps, that vow would be sacred. The cost of betrayal was severe and final. If she incurred their wrath, there would be no place to hide where they couldn’t find her. Her body would never be found. Then he’d proceeded to tell her about the great medical/dental plan, high-yield money market accounts, and vacation opportunities that MacKay Security and Investigation offered its employees.

Under normal circumstances, she would have chosen option number one: having her memory erased so she could return to her normal life. But circumstances weren’t normal, so she’d gritted her teeth and taken the vow.

Ian was not to be found on the ground floor, so she headed down to the guardroom in the basement. Her gaze flickered to the couch by the wall. Nope, not there. She glanced up at the surveillance camera and shook her head.

She paused by the door of the dormitory. She was required to check this room four times a day, but it still gave her the chills. Well, not the room so much, but the dead bodies inside. She took a deep breath and entered.

Dougal was on his back in his coffin, wearing an old-fashioned nightshirt that reached his knees and looked a bit like the nightgown her grandma used to wear.

Phineas was sprawled across his twin-sized bed, wearing nothing but red silk boxer shorts. Toni glanced at the framed photos on his bedside table. An elderly woman and a young girl and boy, most probably the aunt and younger siblings he talked about. She wondered if they knew he’d been transformed into a vampire almost two years ago.

She peeked inside the bathroom and winced at the towels and clothes littering the floor. Thank God she didn’t have to clean up after them. There was a Vamp-owned maid service that came in at night. Her gaze landed on a stack of girlie magazines in a basket. Aack! What pigs.

She jogged up the back stairs to the ground floor, then went up another flight on the grand staircase. There were no surveillance cameras on the top four floors, so at least she didn’t have the uncomfortable feeling of being watched. She sprinted past her bedroom to check the remaining five bedrooms on the second floor. Then she rushed through all the bedrooms on the third floor. With time running short, she dashed through the rooms on the fourth floor.

Dammit, he wasn’t in any of them! She checked the last bedroom with a growing sense of doom. She even looked in the closet. Had she made a mistake by not checking all the closets below?

Cum on feel the noize! She jumped and dug the phone out of her pocket. “Howard?”

“Toni, have you found him yet?”

“No.” She was breathing heavily from all the running about. “I’ve searched every floor. Except the fifth one.”

“Check it out.”

She blinked. Connor had warned her not to venture into Roman Draganesti’s private office and bedroom. Apparently the big kahuna still had some stuff there. Probably a skeleton in the closet. “I thought that floor was off-limits.”

“Normally yes, but we can’t go all day without knowing where Ian is. So go look around.” Howard hung up.

She dropped the phone in her pocket and climbed the stairs. On the top landing, she discovered two doors that flanked an oil painting of some ruins. She tried the door on the right. It opened.

The room was totally dark. She fumbled along the wall by the doorjamb until she located a light switch. A lone lightbulb turned on, situated over a large desk. Bookcases sat behind it and a red velvet chaise in front. Her heart lurched at the sight of the computer on the desk. It could be the answer to her prayers.

The large room stretched back into shadow. Toni could make out the shape of more chairs, a table, and a wet bar. At the far end of the room, she spotted the dark wooden paneling of a set of double doors.

She crossed the room, her bare feet silently cushioned on the thick carpet, her gaze sliding past expensive antiques. So this was the private lair of a powerful vampire coven master? Maybe she should take some photos with her cell phone. No, it wouldn’t help Sabrina. The lush decor only proved that the owner was rich, not Undead.

As she approached the double doors, she heard a beeping sound like a phone off the hook. She shoved open the doors. The shadow of a huge bed loomed before her with a darker shadow on top. She skirted the bed to the right and fumbled with the lamp on the bedside table. A dim light, no brighter than a night-light, came on.

There he was on the far side of the king-sized bed, lying on top of a tan suede comforter. His face was turned away from her, so all she could see was his thick black hair and the ponytail that curled on top of the pillow.

Some men might look effeminate with shoulder-length hair and a skirt, but on Ian, the effect was quite the opposite. There was something wild and rugged about him, like a Scottish warrior who refused to be civilized. Just the sight of him made her heartbeat quicken and thoughts of rebellion sneak into her head.

He rested on his back, his long length stretching to the foot of the bed. Her gaze wandered over the white T-shirt, tightly molded to a broad chest and muscular abs. His red and green plaid kilt lay rumpled about his legs, the hem rucked up past his knees. It looked like he’d simply fallen onto the bed without caring how he landed.

Toni edged around the bed, passing by his huge feet encased in black socks. The old wives’ tale about men with big feet must be true. Her gaze drifted back to his kilt. His legs were spread apart with the plaid fabric draped slightly between them. What a shock it had been to realize the guy didn’t wear any underwear. Her face grew warm, remembering the amused tilt of his mouth and the glint in his eyes. No shame whatsoever. No, he’d looked…bold, as if he’d enjoyed her surprise inspection.

She tilted her head, focused on the dark, shadowy area between his thighs. Slowly, she leaned to the side.

Cum on feel the noize!

With a gasp, she straightened. What had gotten into her? The man was dead, and she was trying to look up his skirt? Thank God there were no cameras up here.

She opened her phone. “It’s okay, Howard. I’ve got Ian here. He’s in bed.”

There was a pause.

“Girl, you have a man in your bed?”

Toni winced. “Carlos! I—I wasn’t expecting you.”

He chuckled. “I realize that, menina. So, who is this guy in your bed?”

“He’s not in my bed, and it’s not—”

“Oh, you’re at his place?”

“Well, yes, sorta.” Toni shoved her damp hair behind her ears. “Look, Carlos, I can’t talk right now.” At the sound of his suggestive chuckling, she huffed. “It’s not what you think. The guy is really…dead right now.”

“You wore him out? You go, girl.”

Toni groaned. Maybe it was his Brazilian heritage, but her next-door neighbor, Carlos Panterra, had a one-track mind. “Carlos, is everything fine at the apartment?”

“Yes, of course. I was just feeding your cat. She says she misses you and Sabrina. I do, too.”

“I know. We’ll be back soon, I hope. Now I’ve got to go before Howard calls.”