All I Want (A Farmers' Market Story) (9 page)

It was hard to speak, but she focused on the very important words. “I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“We could decide that’s how it works. For us.”

“Charlie...” She sighed, trying to find the words, or the energy for the words.

“No, you’re right.” He pushed his chair back from the table and stood. “It’s not that easy. I like easy solutions, but there isn’t one.”

“No, there isn’t.”

“I imagine with the goats you have an early morning?”

She nodded, something about the way he was acting not sitting right. She couldn’t put her finger on it, almost like there was something calculated in his retreat.

Or she was being 100 percent paranoid, which was more than a little likely.

“Then you should get some rest.” He smiled ruefully. “I’ll work on fighting the urge to tell you what to do.”

“Thank you,” she said, getting to her feet. Of course, she couldn’t fight the yawn. Only nine o’clock and she was exhausted. But six thirty would come early enough.

“I’d like to come back tomorrow. I do think we need to keep getting to know each other. Like...Seedling...we’re going to have to navigate two lives too. We should find a way to understand each other, don’t you think?”

Something about the way he said it, the way he kept her gaze, that focused intent in his dark eyes... Something didn’t sit right. At all. But how could she refuse? How could she say no to this?

He was right. They needed to understand each other, and they needed to learn how to compromise with each other if this was going to work once
Seedling
was born.

So she forced herself to nod and smile. “Seven again?”

He nodded. “I’ll bring a snack. My sister-in-law’s sister makes the pie you ordered at Moonrise. I can get you one for free.
Not
to get you to eat, simply as a friendly gesture.”

“Your sister-in-law’s sister is Cara of Cara’s Local Pies?”

“Yes.”

“Bring me two?”

He chuckled. “I’ll see what I can do.” He held out a hand, a formal, businessman gesture. Shake hands, business done.

“How about this?” Instead of taking his outstretched hand, she placed her palms on his shoulders, moved up to her tiptoes and brushed her mouth across his cheek. Realizing far too late it was a gesture that wasn’t simply easy and friendly, it was weighted.

Weighted with sex she didn’t remember and a child they’d created. Weighted by the attraction that buzzed between them even when she was expressly ignoring it.

Impossible to ignore now, though she’d taken her lips off the stubbled cheekbone, her palms still balanced on his shoulders, she was still standing on her toes, so they were eye level with each other.

Mouth level.

She swallowed, her heart hammering in her chest. She could lean in and kiss him. She could test the attraction. She could do more than just
get to know him
. Hell, she could agree to marry him.

It was that reminder that had her stepping back and managing a wobbly smile. “Better than a handshake,” she said, realizing she’d taken him so by surprise that he still had his arm outstretched.

“I suppose it is,” he said, his voice low, maybe a little rusty.

One hundred percent lethal. Heat pooled in her belly.
The belly in which you are growing his child because you fell off the wagon
that
hard.

Right. Priorities. Focus.

“Good night, Charlie,” she managed, sounding only slightly strangled.

“Good night, Meg,” he returned. For a second he still stood there, though he’d finally lowered his arm. Then he simply turned and opened her front door. So stealthily she almost didn’t notice, he flipped the inside lock of the door before stepping outside and pulling it closed behind him.

He’d locked the door for her.
Because he thinks you aren’t capable of locking your own door.

She scowled at the cynical voice inside her head. She’d need to learn to mute that a little bit.

Right after she dealt with the whole bad-idea lust issue. Because between his all too effective flirting and that little moment with her lips on his skin,
damn it
, that was an
issue
.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

C
HARLIE
WAS
UP
at the crack of dawn. As an adult, he’d slowly and consciously rid himself of the ingrained habit of waking with the sun.

But whenever he spent the night at his parents’, he couldn’t fight the native conditioning. While most days it caused him to be sweary and irritable until he’d had his coffee, today he got right out of bed.

Because he had things to do today. He had a plan, and he had no doubt that on the other side of New Benton, Meg was already up and milking goats.

He needed to get a better handle on her day. On why the goats. A better handle on her and her life. She’d offered pieces of herself last night, but it had all felt superficial. All the little pieces of herself she’d shared paled in comparison to the moment when she’d leaned over and kissed his cheek. The heat, the light, the shimmer. The way it lodged inside of him like something big and important, when it was merely a friendly goodbye.

He somehow had to manufacture more of that, well, more without the uncomfortable lust under it. Lust could wait. It could come later. When things were more steady under their feet.

Sex would be something of a distraction from the point—the point being he needed to build a relationship that could sensibly move to marriage, ideally before the baby was born.

Then his life could shift back onto the plan he’d always followed, and things could make sense again.

Yes, he liked this idea so much better than wallowing and feeling like he didn’t know himself.

Humming all the while, he showered and got dressed. Quick breakfast, and then he could head out to Meg’s without seeming too eager. But when he stepped into the kitchen, Dell and his little family were crowded in there with Mom and Dad.

“Didn’t know there was a family breakfast.”

“Chawie!” Lainey darted over to him, lifting her arms with the utmost certainty he’d catch her and lift her up.

So he did exactly that, something in his chest going tight. Soon enough, he’d have this.

His own.

He braced himself for the slap of her pudgy hands as he settled her on his hip. He couldn’t help smiling when they landed on his cheeks with an audible
whack
.

“Hey, Sugar Snap.”

“Lainey, you have to stop hitting people in the face,” Mia said warily. She sat at the kitchen table, looking pale and miserable, Dell standing behind her rubbing at the tension in her shoulders.

Charlie had to wonder if Meg would start feeling that bad. He didn’t remember Mia being this unwell when she’d been pregnant with Lainey, but Meg would certainly need some help if she could barely get out of bed in the morning.

He wondered if she’d considered hiring anyone. She’d need help in the upcoming months. Maybe he could gently suggest—

“Earth to Charlie.”

Charlie blinked to attention and realized just about everyone was staring at him with concern in their eyes.

They thought he was losing his marbles, and he could hardly blame them. But he couldn’t explain everything that was going on. Not yet. Not until he had a better handle on Meg and the future.

“Mia and I were hoping we could talk to you for a bit.” Dell glanced at the clock on the wall. “You’ve got time before you start your job hunting, yeah?”

Since that wasn’t exactly what he’d planned on doing with his day, he hesitated, but when everyone looked expectantly at him, he could only smile and nod. “Sure.”

“I’ll take this one,” Mom said, expertly taking Lainey off his hands. “Maybe after they’re done with you, you should take a nap or something before you head back into the city. You don’t look rested.”

Charlie managed to smile at his mother. “I actually might stay out here for a few days. If you don’t mind.”

“Oh.” Mom blinked at him, a fake as anything smile on her face. “Of course not.”

Charlie tried not to take it personally. He knew it was worry. Usually she was busy
trying
to get him to stay. But they all seemed to think this job situation had sent him off the deep end.

Had it?

Charlie ignored that voice in his head and watched as Dell helped Mia to her feet. She grimaced and tried to wave him away, but Dell held tight, even as she began to walk out of the kitchen.

“I’m on this antinausea medication,” Mia explained as they walked through the house and outside. “It helps me eat, but it makes me dizzy.” She smiled thinly. “Luckily I’ve got a personal walker over here,” she said, sounding anything but grateful.

“The doctor said if—”

“Charlie doesn’t want to hear about what the doctor said,” Mia snapped. She plastered a smile on her face again. “I don’t mean that in a snippy way. I just don’t think you care about all the inner workings of growing a baby.”

“Ah, well, you know. It’s interesting, actually. This pregnancy has gone a lot differently than the first, hasn’t it?” He took the stairs two at a time up to Mia and Dell’s cabin and swung the door open so Dell could help Mia inside.

They both raised their eyebrows as they passed.

Charlie shrugged. “Just trying to be supportive.”

“Yeah, well, try not to be weird,” Dell returned, helping Mia to the couch.

Mia sank onto the cushions and then rested her head on a throw pillow. She stretched out. “I know this looks silly, but hear me out while I lie here like a lump. I feel so much better when I’m prone.”

“You know, if you guys need help...” He didn’t love farmwork, but he’d do what he could. All the while thinking that Meg was definitely going to need some help with her goats the further along she got. Had she thought of that yet? Should he bring it up?

“That’s actually what we wanted to talk to you about,” Dell said, sliding onto the edge of the couch and lifting Mia’s feet so they rested on his lap and he could pull her boots off.

“We hope you don’t find this offer a little...insulting.”

“Not the way to start, sugar,” Dell muttered.

Mia glared at her husband. “It’s just...we thought maybe you could help us out while you’re waiting for the right job.”

“Right. Well, whatever you need. I know I’m not much up on
how
to grow things, but I can follow directions.”

“Actually we’re talking about more business-oriented stuff. Anna and Wes have been helping Dell with the harvesting and planting I can’t do.”

“With a second one coming along, we’re looking to expand some more. Not necessarily in land, but in business.”

“And we’ve both done as much as we can without putting a lot more time and effort into learning about the business and sales sides of things. We could take a class, or read more, or whatever, but we’re both kind of at the end of our ropes, timewise.”

“So you want my help with...what?” Charlie didn’t understand what they were asking. Not because it didn’t make sense, but because ever since Dell had taken over the farm portion of things, he acted like Charlie’s lack of farming knowledge made him completely useless to his farm business.

“Expansion ideas. I know farming isn’t your expertise, but sales is.”

Even though Mia said it, Charlie couldn’t help looking at Dell. “You want my sales help?”

“I know this is the kind of stuff you offered years ago and I was kind of a dick about it.”

“Kind of.”

Dell scowled. “Point is, I
was
being a dick, and I felt like I had to do it on my own. Well, I learned my lesson on that score, and Mia and I’ve talked a lot about this. If you’re willing, we hope you’d consider offering your perspective. And we’d pay you for it.”

“You don’t have to—”

“Yes, we do,” Mia said firmly. “It’s only right. And if you don’t hate it, Cara and Wes could use help too. It’s all different things. Wes wants to expand online sales of his dog treats. Cara’s looking into having her own pie shop.” Mia’s sister and brother-in-law both had their own businesses, Wes selling organic dog treats at farmers’ markets and online, Cara baking and selling pies at restaurants.

Both businesses were similar to Meg’s, with the same kind of instability, but Charlie already had a few ideas on how to stabilize things—Cara’s business especially.

“We know that’s not exactly your expertise,” Mia was continuing. “But if you’ve got some extra time, we
could
pay you for your services. Kind of like a business consultant thing.”

“Stop babbling,” Dell admonished easily.

“Oh, be quiet,” Mia snapped, giving Dell a light kick. “The thing is, we know we’re just a bunch of small businesses, and it’s nothing that would take the place of a career. We just thought it might be something that might be mutually beneficial. You could give us some help, we could pay you, and then you wouldn’t have to hurry to take a job you don’t like. Dell said you wanted to stay in St. Louis, and it might take a while to find the right position.”

“You couldn’t possibly pay me what I was making. Even for consulting on three different businesses.”

“It’s not about replacing your old job, Charlie. Think of it like a stopgap. And allowing all of us to bring in someone we trust to help us grow our businesses.”

He wanted to do it. He was surprised to find
how
much he wanted to do it. But he’d offered this before and had been told in no uncertain terms by his little brother that his help was
not needed
.

Dell had changed a lot in the past four years, but Charlie hadn’t moved beyond how easily his multiple offers for business advice had been rebuffed. And none too kindly. Not that he’d ever let on that it hurt.

That wasn’t how Wainwrights dealt with things like that. No, they bottled them up and kept going. “Look, guys, you’ve done fine without me.”

“Now we’d like to do better
with
you.” Mia placed a palm on her slightly rounded stomach.

All Charlie could think about for one blinding second was that he was going to have a kid. He was going to be a father. Either he could stand here arguing old hurts and stupid pride—or he could help the family he loved. Which one did he want for his future? His
child’s
future?

He cleared his throat, because he felt off-kilter again. Off course, off center,
off
. But he also knew what his answer had to be, and hey, at least this would be something like a job.

“All right. Consider me hired.”

Both Mia and Dell grinned, and Charlie had to smile back, because it was kind of exciting, really. Sure, farming had never been his passion, but ever since Dell had started his own farm, Charlie had had opinions about it.

Now his opinions were being solicited. His opinions might actually matter. His family, who usually rolled their eyes at him,
typical Charlie
, actually wanted his help. Wanted
him
. Yeah, that was something to smile about.

* * *

M
EG
WAS
DRAGGING
. She wanted to blame the lack of energy on pregnancy, she would have loved to blame it on the goats, but the bottom line was she hadn’t slept.

Again, there were a whole host of things she’d love to blame
that
on, but really it was Charlie. Or rather, her body’s reaction to Charlie.

Which irritated her and confused her because she wasn’t even certain she
liked
Charlie. Oh, he was hot. No doubt. Sometimes he’d let an inch of his guard down, and that man...she thought maybe she could like that man.

But it was tiny glimpses of a man who otherwise didn’t show much more than the mask he wore. The facade. And the problem was, she knew plenty of people who had become the mask they put on every day. They weren’t carefree twentysomethings anymore—whatever had made him put protective walls up was deeply rooted in his past.

That was disconcerting on every level.

But she was still attracted to him, and that was annoying on every level because acting on it now would be messy in just about every possible way.

The goat she was milking bleated and kicked at the enclosure. She’d zoned out or dozed off or something and it was not pleased.

“Sorry, Starstruck,” Meg murmured, refilling her feed and finishing up the milking. She forced herself to focus on Calliope, grateful she was the last one for the morning.

Trying to absorb some strength from the soothing routine, Meg went through all the sterilization and milk storage steps. She hummed an upbeat song to herself, trying to infuse energy into her movements.

Someone cleared his throat and she jumped, whirling around with every intention of using her three-legged stool as a weapon.

“Charlie,” she said in a whoosh of breath.

“Sorry. I tried to knock.” He gestured at the barn door. “I called your name. You were just kind of...”

She rolled her eyes. At herself. At this weirdness between them. “I was out of it.”

“Appeared to be.”

“Sorry, I...” She almost let it slip she hadn’t slept, but after all his flirting stuff that wasn’t flirting but wasn’t
not
flirting, she didn’t want to give him the idea she’d been up thinking about him. He was cocky enough. So she gestured toward her stomach, because as long as Seedling was growing in there, she could blame it for stuff if she needed to.

Seedling would never know the difference.

He smiled gently. The smile that she didn’t like because there wasn’t any
light
in the expression, no sweetness, no joy. It was practiced. It was a businessman’s smile.

She held the stool in front of her stomach, feeling oddly protective of her little Seedling in the face of Charlie’s polish.

“I brought you lunch. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer.”

She swallowed and patted her pockets, realizing she’d done what she almost never did—forgotten her cell inside. “Sorry. I was reading my pregnancy book and it talked about pregnancy brain and I think I got immediately infected. I left my phone inside.”

He opened his mouth to say something but then shut it again. Probably biting back a scolding, if she had to guess.

Well, at least he had the sense to bite it back, even if she wished he could have the sense not to scold her, period.