All I Have to Give (32 page)

Edith could only nod. What she’d said about being proud of Eloise didn’t really sum it up. She had been astounded by the change in her, and admired Eloise more than she could
say.

As she walked down to the river she passed the cherub statue that she loved, and stood for a moment looking at it. What would she have done if Jay hadn’t given them this house? They were
very lucky that he’d recognized it was theirs, and that his settlement to each of them had been so generous. He had treated her the same as her brothers, so she was now rich in her own right,
which endeared him to her even more!

When she reached the river she stood for a moment, gazing around her at the beauty of the countryside – land that they had thought belonged to them, but which now belonged to Jay. Somehow
she had to come to terms with this. After all, Jay was family – he was her half-uncle – and so she must stop thinking of the estate as passing to someone else as if they no longer had a
stake in it.

Jay had been wronged by her grandfather, but now all of that had been put right. She had to accept that. It would be wonderful for Douglas still to have the management of the land, and to be
able to live in his beloved Hastleford Hall.

It was time she met up with Jay. He had been generous and had said that he wouldn’t encroach upon her until she was ready to speak to him. He still lived with Mrs Tattumby, and was
remaining there until he could build the mansion he wanted. And he still carried out the charity work he was doing with Eloise, which kept him busy and meant that Edith hadn’t come across him
yet. Well, she was ready to now. In fact she was ready for a lot of things. She would suggest to Eloise that they invite Jay to dinner. Just the three of them. Marianne and Aunt Felicity would
understand.

Seeing Eloise in the distance coming from the house reminded her that she had wanted a little respite to think over the letters and their content, and to give some attention to her own
feelings.

Connie and Nancy hadn’t changed. Their letters were full of the funnier side of life at the hospital. It touched her, though, when Connie spoke of how she’d missed her and had prayed
every night for her safe return.

Mark’s letter had an apologetic tone to it:

Bloody men! Huh, who does he think he is?
But then she laughed as she imagined Mark agonizing over how to tell her that he’d switched his attentions to Jennifer. As if she cared!
Typical male ego. But then she
had
felt a moment of regret. It was silly really, because her own feelings had been turned upside down by the lovely Albert – an uneducated cockney who
was so far removed from her own life and standing that it seemed almost impossible she had even looked at him.

Her heart twisted at the thought of what had happened to him.
This bloody war, it’s tearing the guts out of people all over the world.
Albert would never in a million years have
murdered someone, or committed rape, or taken his own life, if he had been able to live his life in his natural environment.

A smile played around her lips as she thought of how he might have been. He’d have met a brash, heart-of-gold cockney girl, married her and had a few children; he’d have worked at
his job as a mechanic, had beach holidays in Essex, enjoyed his pint of beer at the local and been a happy man.
Oh, Albert – and all young men like you – my heart bleeds for
you.

Despite thinking fondly of Albert, she had long since recognized that the feeling she’d had for him had been no more than sexual attraction. He’d awoken in her feelings that she
never thought she’d have again, once he died; but she had, and more deeply. What would Laurent think when he read her letter?

A blush swept over her face at the thought of it; but, as he had said, things could not be left unsaid in this unstable world. She knew, beyond any doubt, that she was in love with him. She
longed to be with him, almost as much as she longed for her babies. What would he think when he read the truth? For no love can be built on lies, though she had omitted to say what had happened to
Albert (just that he had left her), and had sworn him to secrecy with the truth about her children. Now all she had to do was wait to hear from Laurent, and wait for her intended visit to
Marianne’s, where surely she would hear from Petra.

In the meantime she was strong enough now to sort something out for her children, and she had more than enough funds to do so. She would do this when she got back to London.

Eloise had joined her by the river and they had been chatting about Eloise’s charity work for a few minutes when Edith said, ‘I haven’t said anything before,
but I was shocked when Daddy told me that you all knew a small amount about the man who had taken me, but at the time I didn’t give much heed to it. He said it was through someone you had
come across in your charity work?’

‘Yes. Ada O’Flynn. Oh, Edith, her story is so harrowing, and yet she is such a strong person.’

When Eloise finished telling her Ada’s story, Edith couldn’t speak for a moment.

‘Are you all right, Edith, my dear? I’m so sorry – has it been too much for you?’

‘No, I – it’s just that I knew Ada’s son. I knew Jimmy! I treated him. And I vowed that I would tell her the truth: that he wasn’t a coward, and that his hand being
shot off was an accident.’

‘She knows that from the young man who told her about his death. He was a friend of Jimmy’s. If you could tell her too, that would be spiffing. It isn’t that she doesn’t
believe it, but – well, she could do with you telling her, too.’

‘When can I meet her? It’s a long way to travel up to the North.’ She thought about her plans. ‘But that doesn’t matter. I will go as soon as I can.’

‘You don’t have to go that far, dear. You remember my friend Rene? Well, Ada is living with Rene’s old nanny, Annie. Annie has a house in London.’

How strange the coincidences that are thrown up in life, and even more so in war,
thought Edith. Listening to Eloise speaking about Ada’s connection to her friend, and how Ada now
lived virtually around the corner from her own Holland Park home, it all seemed incredible.

‘I will visit her, Eloise, I promise. But, you know, there is something else that I think is important too, and I have been putting it off. Jay: I need to meet up with him. And once that
is done, we should return to London and I will visit Ada. Do you think you could fix it up so that I could go on my own to see her? I – I . . . well, I think it best. It isn’t going to
be easy for her, hearing what I have to say.’

‘Of course. And, Edith, I am so glad you want to see Jay, too. Look, there is no easy way to say what I want to say. You will think me silly, or disloyal to Andrina.’

‘I will never again think of you as silly, Eloise.’

‘You did once, then?’

They both laughed, and it felt good. ‘Yes, I did. The pair of you were very silly, in my eyes. But you are not now, my darling cousin. You are one of the people I admire most in the world.
Now, tell me what you were going to say.’

‘I think I’m falling in love with Jay.’

‘What? My, I didn’t expect that! But, darling, I am not disapproving. I know more than anyone that love can strike at any time and can link the most unlikely people.’

‘Jay isn’t unlikely now. He is above us, in standing. But it isn’t that. I have been attracted to him for a long time. Oh, I know that when Andrina was attracted to him –
God rest her darling soul – I was most disapproving, but I didn’t know what love felt like then. You don’t think I am being disloyal to her memory, do you?’

‘No, darling. Andrina would be so happy that you, the sister she loved, and Jay, the man she loved, have found happiness. He does love you, I presume?’

‘I don’t know. I think so. I hope so. But he may not want to speak, even if he does. He may feel guilty about it. Oh, it’s so frustrating!’

‘It will work out. Love finds a way, they say. Let’s go and find Woodacre and ask him to see that a message gets to Jay to invite him to dinner tonight. And I will watch for signs of
his affection towards you.’

‘Oh no, you mustn’t.’

‘Ha, I’m only teasing. Come on. I think we should also make arrangements to go back to London very soon; tomorrow even, if it can be arranged.’

It had been a surprisingly pleasant evening, and Edith had found herself warming to Jay. It had been embarrassing to her to have to thank him for his generosity, but he had put
her at ease. He’d been the gentleman personified in his dealings with them both, though his attentions to Eloise convinced Edith that Eloise’s love was indeed returned. Not that she had
done anything about it, as she didn’t agree with interfering in such matters and preferred them to take their course. She was sure Eloise and Jay’s relationship would progress in the
near future.

Now, two days later, Edith was on her way to meet Ada. She’d liked what she’d heard of her, and wanted to tell Ada about Jimmy’s last hours. Though wanting to and doing so were
two different things, and she wondered just how she would find the courage to do it.

Ada stood up from her seat next to the table when Annie showed Edith into her parlour. Edith kept her gaze steadily on Ada’s. In Ada’s eyes she read an agonizing
hope.

‘I’m pleased to meet you, Miss Edith. I hope I’m doing reet calling you that, but Annie said it was how I was to address thee.’

‘Yes, and may I call you Ada?’

‘I would like that. Ta. And ta for coming to see me. It means a lot to me. You don’t know it, but I’ve felt a connection to you for a long time.’

‘Oh?’

‘Aye. Ever since Rene told me of you, I have thought of you as a hero, and have tried to hang on to some of your strength and use it to help me. Then, when I heard that Corporal Albert
Price, who took you, was the same man who’d tried to save me son Jimmy, I felt the connection even more. It sort of bound me to you. Oh dear, you will think me mad.’

‘No, I don’t. I’m glad I was able to help in a small way. But, you know, I’m not the hero you think I am. I have many failings. Shall we sit down?’

‘Oh, begging your pardon, Miss Edith. That should have been me first thing to do, instead of babbling on. Here, sit by the fire. It’s reet nippy out there today.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Can I get you some tea? I mean, Annie will get it. She said owt we want, I’m only to shout.’

‘That would be very pleasant, thank you. Like you say, it is chilly outside.’ Edith knew that Ada was chattering on out of nerves, but she felt a deep warmth towards this woman,
whose honesty shone from her.

After requesting the tea, Ada said, ‘Lady Eloise left a message that you were coming. She said as you have . . . well, that you knew me lad, Jimmy?’

‘Yes, I met Jimmy. And, as you have said, it was his corporal who kidnapped me. Look, this isn’t easy. I – I don’t know where to begin.’

Annie walked in with the tea just then, interrupting them. ‘I had it all ready; just had to add the boiling water, so that you didn’t have to wait, Miss Edith. Shall I
pour?’

Ada jumped in before Edith could answer. ‘Naw, I’ll do that, Annie. Ta ever so much.’

‘Well then, I’ll leave you to it. I ’ave to pop out, so you’ll ’ave your privacy, but I’ll be back in an hour. I’ll take Brendan with me; he’s
sleeping now. I’ll say me goodbyes to you, Miss Edith. It is nice to see yer again. I would love to ’ave time with yer, if yer can spare it sometime, so that you can tell me what kind
of situation me Miss Rene will be going into, and what I should send her, and what I should write to ’er about.’

Annie’s accent brought memories to Edith that hurt. Hers was a female version of Albert’s voice. She banished the thought. ‘I would like that, Annie. I’ll try to sort
something out for next week, if that will be all right?’

As Annie left, the sound of the tea being poured into the lovely china cups resounded around the room. Nerves at the thought of the coming ordeal shook Edith. Talking about anything to do with
what had transpired always put her in this state, and talking about her time with Jimmy felt so close to her own ordeal that she wondered if she could cope with it.

‘Do sit down opposite me, Ada. It will be easier than looking across to the other side of the room at you.’

Ada sat down. The rattle of the cup in her saucer showed how nervous she, too, was feeling.

‘Before I begin, I want you to know that I understand your loss. I came home to find that my mother and my cousin had both passed away whilst I was lost in France.’
Lost? Yes
that was the right word, because that is what I have been. Lost in my own world. The worst thing is that L still feel lost.

‘I’m sorry. I did know. I wondered what it would be like for you, coming home to such news. Me heart goes out to you.’

They were dancing around, not wanting to get to the point. Edith drew in a deep breath. ‘Jimmy wasn’t a coward.’

Aye, I know that. I know about his hand, but how did that happen? Harold, the lad that told me, didn’t know. Only that his corporal had said that it was an accident.’

As gently as she could, Edith told her what Albert had told her. She did not change a thing. As she listened, Ada’s features elongated and her mouth opened in shock. When she spoke, she
sounded incredulous with disbelief. ‘Me lad? Me Jimmy? Going to shoot himself? Naw, that ain’t reet; he wouldn’t. Naw . . . Naw!’