All for Hope (18 page)

“
Angry.”

“
I don't know.”

“
Don't worry, Bren. If this doesn’t work out, you can go home. Michelle and I will find somewhere to settle. I feel calmer now, clearer, and I know that I’ll be okay if that happens.”

He became pensive, the muscle in his jaw clenching and unclenching. “We should use the new names even when we're alone, that way we'll remember when we're not.”

She knew there was something else going on in his head; the gears were turning so rapidly she might have heard them grinding.

With a heavy sigh, she nodded. “If you think it's best. I thought we should tell your uncle the truth.”

He whirled around to look at her as if she were crazy. “This is your problem,
Sealla
.
You
are the one who kidnapped that kid. Do you really want to take a chance on these people? We don't even know them. What happened to the nervous cautious woman—”

“
Maybe I just trust too easily.” she murmured not even certain he could hear the words. Shoving herself between him and the baby, she heaved Michelle up into her arms and hurried out of the door.

“
Hope, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, Hope.”

Hope stopped and turned to him. “It's
Sealla,
remember, Brennan?”

She left their chambers before he could say another word.

Brennan sat in the grass just behind the cottage with his elbows propped on top of his bent knees, watching Hope as she struggled to climb to the top of a very steep hill. He prepared to go help her when she stumbled, but she picked herself up and kicked the rock that had tripped her. He laughed as the stone bounced down the incline to the bottom, then he shoved his hands against a tree to propel himself to his feet.

It hadn’t take her long to forgive him his cold words that day they had first arrived at Arrington Manor, although a few hundred “I'm sorrys” hadn’t hurt. Still, forgiven or not, it had reversed the turn of their relationship. She didn’t demand a return to his previous promise not to breach their friendship with physical intimacy. She didn’t have to; he read her body language loud and clear. She wasn’t going down that road again.

When he tracked her down and offered to help her all those weeks ago, he hadn’t expected things to come to this. He hadn’t thought the affection he had for her could grow, but somehow it had. He’d told her wanted to bring her here to New Durma to give her a place of safety. He’d even told himself that, and that as soon as she was secure, he’d return home. Jim was expecting him to come back any day now too. He knew it wasn’t right to leave his friend alone all this time to manage the business, but he just wasn’t ready to go back.

It never was simple with Hope and Bren. He remembered well the night everything ended between them; their love, their friendship, their companionship.

They had worked together to throw Jim a going away party. All their friends were there, even some they hadn’t seen in years. Jim’s face was worth all the trouble, because when he walked in, his eyes lit up, and he looked like he might pass out.

It was while Bren and Hope were hugging him that Trisha approached. He could see the instant Hope realized he was with the other woman. The glow that had bathed her face evaporated.

He knew what kind of girl Tricia was, and he wasn’t fooling himself about it. She was trouble, but so was he. He liked the way she could drink right alongside him without any censure. He liked that when she got high, she never saw the need to screw with other guys, or if she did, she was good enough at keeping it from him. She gave him the “plastic” relationship he wanted; a good-time girl he could count on. She didn’t place high demands and expectations on him.

Tricia broke things off with him that night, shortly after speaking with Hope. He knew what that meant.

“
What the hell possessed you to tell Trisha those things?” Bren asked later, sitting on Hope’s couch. He had a key to her apartment and always had. He very rarely ever used it.

“
What things?” she asked, feigning innocence.

“
Dammit, Hope, I liked her. I liked what I had with her.”

Hope thought long and hard before she approached him, taking his hands. “You’re right, I did talk to her, but you don’t want to become involved with her, Bren. Trust me. I know her. She’ll get you back into the drugs. She’ll use you and—”

He snatched his hands from her and stood. “Hope, you have got to stop trying to be my mother! I don’t need you to take care of me! For God’s sake, I’m almost thirty years old. Leave me alone!”

She looked at the ground, her face still, frozen, then she stood and looked at him.

“
Yes, that would probably be best. I can’t do this anymore either, Bren”

She took a deep breath and gave him a sad smile. “I love you. I’ll never reach a point when I won’t love you. It’s tearing me up to be near you, but I haven’t been able to find a way to fix it. I haven’t been able to leave you. It would be best for us both if you did the leaving. You’re stronger than I am.”

“
Hope, I didn’t mean I wanted you out of my life.”

“
Yes, you did, Bren. I’m holding you back from whatever it is you want out of your life right now and—please leave. I can never live my own life if you’re here. Please, just go. It hurts too much to have you here.”

They were both silent for a long, long time, then Brennan looked up from his hands and approached her. He reached out to take her fingers and she jumped away.

“
Hope, look at me.” he said in a ragged whisper, and she did. “I’ve known all along that you’re in love with me, and I wished it would go away because I care about you. I’ll leave and never come back here if you want.”

She nodded, unable to speak as tears poured from her eyes.

He smiled, then chuckled slightly. “I’m losing one of my best friends, you know.”

Then he leaned down, pecked her lips, and left her.

Driving away from her house that night had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Almost as hard as the day he attended his first AA meeting. A knot in his throat told him that if he tried to go again, it was going to trump both of those life events. He didn’t think he could bear leaving her and that baby.

He observed as she stopped at the top of the hill and stood looking out over the expanse of countryside. The strong wind whipped her hair against her face and threatened to throw her down. Bracing her legs far apart, she lifted her face to the cold air and closed her eyes as if it were the most invigorating thing in the world.

“
I feel like an icicle, Sealla. What on earth are you doing out here in the cold?”

She frowned, though she didn't bother to open her eyes and look at him. “I was trying to find some peace and quiet.”

He stood. “I was trying to find you,” he said against her ear, and his warm breath made her shiver.

He smiled when she stepped away from him, obviously in retreat. “I miss you. I miss the way we were.”

“
Is your uncle expecting us to attend that party tonight?”

“
Yes,” Bren responded. “I know what you’re thinking. I don't think we can take that chance. There will be about a hundred people there and—”

“
How will you explain that to your uncle? He’s looking forward to the chance to show off his new nephew.”

“
I'll think of something.”

“
Why not the truth, Bren? Don't you know you can trust him by now?”

“
No, I don't know.”

Brennan heard her sigh through her teeth. He knew he was being unreasonably stubborn, but he just couldn't bring himself to tell Sir Rawley about them. God knew he had tried several times, but something-- a screaming voice in the back of his head--had always stopped him.

“
Feeling better?” James asked from the doorway of the nursery.

“
What?” Hope looked up from changing the baby's diaper to frown at him in confusion.

“
Brennan said you weren't feeling well.”

“
Oh!” Hope said too loudly. “Yes, I suppose I am feeling a bit better.”

“
Good, then you still have time to dress and make it to the party.”

“
I really don't think—”

“
There's something the two of you aren't telling me,” he said and the grimace on his face showed her how much that hurt him.

She nodded an acknowledgment. “Yes, there is something.”

“
Won't you tell me, dear? I am family.”

“
I—I want to tell you, but Bren—Brennan doesn't—”

“
Bren’s my nephew. If he’s in trouble, I should help him,” the man told her, and Hope dropped into a chair in surrender.

Before she could help herself, the entire story spilled from her lips along with several tears.

Lord Rawley yanked a handkerchief from his pocket and handed it to her, frowning as he digested the incredible tale. He watched, almost smiling, as Hope dabbed at her eyes and wiped her nose.

When she seemed to have calmed, he took a deep breath and stood.

“
Well, then,” he said in a sure voice. “I suppose it wouldn’t do to have you recognized in public, but Brennan, on the other hand, is not an outlaw. I won't have the pleasure of showing my nephew in public taken from me. I think it would be safe for him to go, don't you?”

“
Yes, and I think he needs to get out. Brennan is used to going out and having parties. He needs to have some fun.”

“
Don't blame yourself for this situation, girl. He chose to come with you. The two of you did what you had to do to save that baby. It was a very brave thing.”

A nervous laugh bubbled from her, and she dropped her head against the baby's. “I'm not so brave. I want you to take Bren to the party so that I won't have to deal with his wrath until tomorrow.”