All A Heart Needs B&N (12 page)

"Damn that sanity," he said lightly.

She smiled. She was relieved to see humor back in his eyes.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked.

Yes would definitely be the right answer, but she hesitated. "I don't know. I'm kind of hungry. Is there a good ice cream place around here?"

"As a matter of fact there is. It's not a cold shower, but it might cool us down."

She hoped he was right.

After saying goodbye to Hunter, they walked out of the studio. The morning fog had lifted, and there was nothing but blue skies overhead. As they walked down the street, Jessica got an even better feel for the neighborhood. There were a couple of cafés on the street including a burger place, a French bistro, and a noodle house. A clothing boutique, a small organic foods market, a juice bar, and a new age shop showing crystals in the window rounded out the block.

"This is a fun neighborhood, Sean. I like the vibe," she said. "I think you're going to be happy and successful here."

"And I like the way you think. Just for that, I'm going to buy you a double scoop ice cream cone."

"Now you're talking."

He opened the door to an ice cream and candy store called Carolina's. The shop was a kaleidoscope of colors with candy dominating one side and ice cream the other. After perusing the menu, she ordered pecan praline ice cream in a cup while Sean selected mint chip on a sugar cone. They took their ice cream over to one of the small tables by the window and sat down.

One bite, and she was in heaven. "This is delicious." She dipped her spoon for another bite.

"I know," he said, as he licked his cone. "They make the ice cream on site. It's all organic, whatever that means."

Watching his tongue curl around the ice cream made her blood run hot again, and she decided to concentrate on her own dish. When she finished the last bite, she set the bowl down and wiped her mouth with a napkin. "It's a good thing this place is not close to my house, or I might be here every day."

"You'll have to come visit me at the studio."

"I'm sure you'll be busy."

"Never too busy for you." He finished his cone and then said, "So, Jess."

"Yes," she said warily.

"We've been talking a lot about me. Let's talk about you. Aside from my raining on your parade about the Emery house, how is everything else going for you here in the city?"

"Better than I expected."

"You don't miss Angel's Bay?"

"I miss my friends, Charlotte and Kara, but I don't miss my mother-in-law or any of the other Schillings for that matter. And I don't miss being surrounded by Travis's things. It's not that I want to forget him, because I don't. He was a wonderful man and he treated me better than anyone had ever treated me in my life. But I can't live in sadness, and everything in that house reminded me of him. It was his home long before it was mine. He picked out every piece of furniture, every painting, and every piece of tile. When I married him, I walked into a life that was already in place. I had a husband, a child and a house. It was a package deal."

"Didn't you want to change anything, put your own stamp on the house?"

"There were some things I didn’t care for, but Travis and Kyle were happy, and being with them made me happy, so I told myself who cares if there's an ugly painting on the wall of my bedroom. That isn't important."

He gave her a grin. "You hated that painting, did you?"

"It was so hideous," she admitted. "It was one of those swirly dark paintings that are supposed to be important and mean something but kind of look like vomit."

He laughed. "I know exactly what you mean."

"But Travis's first wife had picked it out on their trip to Europe, and there was a whole long story that went with it. I'm sure Travis would have been fine if I took it down; I just didn't want to make waves. He loved his wife, and she died too young, and it was sad."

Sean nodded, but there was an odd look in his eyes that she couldn't quite read.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"That you molded yourself into Travis's life."

She heard the criticism in his words. "His life was great. Why wouldn't I do that? It's not like I had something better."

"But you have a personality and a point of view. You're not a pushover. At least, you don't seem that way to me."

"I don't think I was a pushover with Travis either," she said slowly. "Well, maybe I was a little. He was older than me. My mom thought I was looking for a father figure, but I never saw him that way. What I saw was a confident man who knew what he wanted, and he wanted me. He stated his intentions. He wasn't afraid to go all in. He was very different from most of the men who came through Vegas."

She paused, then continued. "When Travis asked me to marry him, I thought I'd won the lottery. All I ever wanted was a home and a family to love. Being married to Travis was a dream come true. Maybe I would have come more into my own as time went on. But we weren't even married two years when Travis died. And it was so abrupt, so shocking. I talked to him an hour before his accident, and everything was great. Then he was dead."

"That must have been awful." He shook his head, compassion in his eyes. "I can't even imagine."

"I was in shock for probably a year. What kept me going was Kyle. I had to make a life for him. I didn't want to let Travis down, so I tried to keep everything the same. I thought that maybe Kyle wouldn't feel the loss of his father so much if I did that. I even left that stupid painting on the wall. It was a foolish thought, but I didn't have any other ideas. I was floundering. When Kyle was kidnapped, it shocked me back to reality. The way Travis's mother treated me during that time, the lies she told, made me realize that we were never going to have a relationship. I was just punishing myself by continuing to try to make friends with her and continuing to be shot down. I knew that I couldn't keep living Travis's life, because Travis was gone, and he wasn't coming back. I needed to give Kyle a mother who was aware and present. That's what I'm trying to do now." She took a breath and let it out. "I am talking way too much."

"Not at all. I asked."

"And the shorter answer is that I am doing wonderfully well here in the city. It's been a great change. Your family has been terrific. I've found my feet again, which is a good feeling. I'm still figuring out a lot of stuff. Sometimes I look at Nicole and think I am nowhere near as good a mother as she is, but she inspires me to do better."

"She's been at motherhood longer than you, and she still stumbles. She's the first to admit that."

"Yeah, but Brandon is a lot more difficult to deal with than Kyle. She is so patient with him, so positive and determined and just amazingly strong."

"I can't argue with that. She impresses the hell out of me. In fact, I could say that about every one of my siblings. I ran into my youngest sister, Shayla, earlier today and she told me that she's going to Africa to treat patients in remote villages so she can better understand the global medical challenges." He shook his head in bemusement. "My whole family is made up of super overachievers. I don't know what the hell happened to me."

"Nothing happened to you. You're building a business as we speak, and it's going to be fantastic."

"I hope so, but in the scheme of things—"

She cut him off with a shake of her head. "There is no scheme of things. We all have to do what we're meant to do. And I don't think every single sibling is an overachiever. Nicole told me that Colton got his third speeding ticket of the year last week."

He smiled. "Ah, my little brother, Colton. Once he hit middle school, I could usually count on him to take some of the heat off of me. And before that there was Aiden, but then Aiden had to get responsible, become a husband and a father."

She smiled back at him. "Well, you still have Colton. From what I understand he's kind of a hell raiser."

"Yeah, but he's a firefighter, so in my father's eyes, he can do no wrong."

"I don't think your dad was too happy about the speeding tickets."

"Colton has always liked to go fast, whether it's in a car, on a snowboard, in a boat…you name it, he'll race it. Hopefully, they don't let him drive the fire truck."

Jessica glanced down at her watch, suddenly realizing how long they'd been chatting. "We should go. I need to get back to my house so I can grab my car and meet with Helen."

"Right. I forgot about her. Why don't I go with you?"

His suggestion was more than a little surprising. "Uh, I don't know, Sean."

"Why the hesitation?"

"She's never mentioned the fire to me, which means it must be too painful for her to think about. She's an elderly woman now. I don't want to upset her."

"I'm not going to upset her. I just want to say hello."

"That's a little hard to believe."

"I knew her as a kid."

"I thought she lived in San Diego then."

"She visited at Christmas and in the summer."

"And you're not going with the intention of asking her questions about the fire?"

"What would I ask her? She wasn't there."

"Then why do you want to see her?"

He sighed. "I don't know. Maybe I just want to spend more time with you."

"Yeah, right." She didn't believe that for a second.

"It will be fine, Jess. I don't have a hidden agenda."

"All right. You can come, but tread carefully. I don't want to get evicted. It was a big job to get unpacked. The last thing I want to do is move again."

* * *

Helen Emery resided in an assisted living facility near the UC San Francisco hospital. The wing that Helen resided in showed no sign of the medical services being provided on the opposite side of the building. Thankfully, Helen didn't need more than general assistance and meals yet.

Helen's apartment was on the third floor. Jessica knocked on the door, and a moment later it was opened by a tiny, gray-haired woman with hazel eyes.

"Jessica. Hello. It's so nice to see you. Who's your handsome friend?" Her brows knit together. "Wait, I know you, don't I? You're one of the Callaways. You have those handsome black Irish looks, dark hair and blue eyes, a dangerous combination for a woman," she added, giving Jessica a pointed look.

"Tell me about it," she muttered.

"I am a Callaway. I'm Sean."

"Oh, Sean." Her eyes softened. "Stacy's little friend. Not so little anymore."

"No," he said tightly. "It's been a long time."

"Yes, it has. And yet it sometimes seems like yesterday that my sweet granddaughter was asking me to braid her hair and watch her throw a softball. She took after me, you know. I was an excellent softball player in a time when women were not supposed to be good at sports." She paused. "Where are my manners? Please come in."

As they walked into the apartment, Helen waved them toward the couch. "Please sit down. I'm eager to hear how you like the house."

"I like it very much," Jessica answered. "I've got our bedrooms set up and the kitchen as well. I've only taken a quick look at the attic. I thought before I got started, I should go over what you want to do with the more personal items."

Helen's shoulders sagged, and she seemed to lose a little of the brightness she'd had only a moment earlier. "I hate to even think about what's up there. I know I should have cleaned it all out years ago, but I just couldn't bear it." She glanced at Sean. "That's where I put all of their things after the fire." She looked back at Jessica. "I never told you about the fire, did I?"

"No, but Sean filled me in."

"It was unbelievably sad. My son and my granddaughter perished in that fire. I wasn't sure at first if I could move back there, but someone had to take care of things. Lana had taken Blake and gone to her sister's home. She wanted nothing to do with the house. I put everything she left behind up in the attic. I kept thinking one day she might want something, but she never came back."

"I did find some photo albums," Jessica said. "One belonged to Stacy. Do you think her mother would want it now?"

"I don't know. As I said, I haven't spoken to Lana in years."

"What about Blake?" Sean interjected. "Have you talked to him? I always wondered what happened to him."

"I tried to keep in touch with them that first year, but then Lana moved out of her sister's house, and her sister told me that Lana needed time and space to recover. She'd get in touch with me when she was ready. I guess she was never ready, because I never heard from her again."

Jessica frowned. "I'm surprised she wouldn't want her son to know his grandmother."

"It was hurtful to me. I'll admit that I didn't have the best relationship with Lana, but my son loved her, and I respected her as his wife. I certainly loved my grandchildren."

"Why didn't you and Lana get along?" Sean asked, leaning forward, his forearms resting on his thighs.

"I always felt like she demanded a lot from Robert. She wanted to live a certain lifestyle, and if Robert had to work every weekend in order to provide that lifestyle, she was okay with it. I thought she was a little hard on him when he decided to quit his job. The stress was making him ill, but she couldn't stand the idea of him not bringing home the big money. He was an investment banker. It was a very stressful job."

"I understand that he quit his job a few weeks before the fire," Sean said.

"Yes. It was rather abrupt. He told me he finally realized he couldn't do it anymore. He'd missed spending time with his family." She blinked back a tear. "I wish he'd quit it sooner. At least he could have enjoyed more than two weeks of freedom before he died." She pulled a tissue out of her pocket and dabbed at her eyes. "I'm sorry. I can't talk about the fire. It's too sad."

"We understand," Jessica said. "Getting back to the photo albums. Should I try to find Lana or Blake? I don't know that I'd be successful, but I could try."

Helen hesitated. "Maybe you should try. I'd like to see Blake again. He's all grown up now. He might be married with children. I might be a great-grandmother and not even know it. Not that he'd probably be interested in seeing me. They know where I've been the last twenty years, and they've never tried to get in touch."