Aligned: Volume 2 (9 page)

My body tenses, my jaw clenched. I want to punch something, destroy something. I don’t look at Caroline; I just make my way to the valet. I hand him the ticket, and he returns quickly with my Porsche. I climb in not waiting for Caroline. She can find her own way home. I drive off fast, making the tires squeal behind me. I don’t know where I’m going. I just drive. I’ll drive until I find something to take away the pain.
 

He covers my mouth with his so that I can’t scream. I can barely breathe, but I wish I could stop breathing when he pushes himself deep inside me. He rips me apart over and over and over …

I let the ice spread over me as it slowly turns each muscle, nerve, and vein to stone. I feel nothing. I am nothing. I just exist. This is what I wanted before Landon – to feel nothing, to be nothing. I want to just exist so I would never feel pain again. And I got my wish. I walk back toward the crowded ballroom when Laura spots me. She pulls me into another conference room. This one is bigger than the one I was just in. It was weird how Landon knew that conference room was there and even knew the name. He’s probably fucked countless women in that room. God, he makes me sick. My nausea spreads as I stare at Laura. She doesn’t show any emotion on her face, but I know why I’m here. Nothing gets past her.
 

“You cannot be with him. You must break it off now.”
 

“Don’t worry. It’s already done.”
 

She nods as she looks at my rigid body void of any emotion. What I don’t expect is the slap that rings across my cheek. I don’t feel it, though; it was more the shock of her hitting me than the pain.
 

“That was for Ethan. Don’t you ever betray his memory again.”
 

“Yes ma’am,” I say.
 

She walks out of the room apparently having nothing else to say, or maybe she can’t stand the sight of me any longer. It just reinforces my decision to move back to New York. I don’t belong here. I have no family here. Nothing worth staying for.
 

I go back to the ballroom and make small talk like I’m supposed to. I dance with several older gentlemen and retell made-up stories about Ethan and me together. I recount the fairy tale love story. The story of when we met and how I was broke, homeless, and living on the streets. I would have had to turn to prostitution if it wasn’t for Ethan. He saved me and then we fell in love. It’s a beautiful story, but it’s just not mine. My story starts and ends with the accident. Nothing else exists for me.
 

The night doesn’t end until well past 2:00 am. The limo takes me home to a lonely condo that has never felt like mine. I have nothing, so it’s certainly no home. I make my way into the building intending to go upstairs and start packing. I won’t be able to sleep. I could maybe even catch a plane tomorrow and get out of here before anybody would think to look for me.
 

I pause my step when I see Landon sitting on the white couch in the lobby. I’m not ready to face him again. I’ve had enough. I intend to walk past him, head straight for the elevator, and pretend he isn’t there. As I begin walking, though, he stands up, and that’s when I realize it’s not Landon sitting there. It’s Drew. Landon sent his brother to try to get me back. The guy has no boundaries.
 

“I’m not talking to him, Drew,” I say passing him quickly. He catches up to me in two steps.
 

“I can’t find him. I’m hoping you’d know where he is.”
 

I look at Drew my eyes wide with surprise. “Why would I know where he is?”
 

“Because you love him.”
 

I move my hand to slap Drew, but he grabs my hand moving much faster than Landon did. Or maybe Landon could have moved just as fast, but he chose not to.
 

“You’re not ready to admit that yet. And I used to think you were nothing but another gold digger out for Landon’s money and fame, but I was wrong. You’re good for him. Whatever happened between you two last night, you need to fix it. He’s worth fighting for,” Drew says.
 

“It doesn’t matter if I love him or not when he’s still in love with Caroline.”
 

Drew laughs at that as if I’m crazy for even considering thinking that. “He’s not.”
 

“How do you know?”
 

“I just do.”
 

“How original,” I say sighing. This is getting us nowhere.

“He is the one who hurt me. He is the one who brought Caroline. He is the one keeping the secrets. Not me.”

“You have secrets just like he does. He’s been hurt before, by Caroline, by other women. He just needs you to fight for him.”
 

“Yeah, well, I’m not interested anymore.”

“Just tell me where he is, Alex, and then I’ll leave you alone.”
 

“It’s Alexa, not Alex. It was never Alex, and I don’t know. He left after our fight.”
 

“Shit,” Drew says pulling out his phone.
 

“What?” I say genuinely curious as I see the concern grow on Drew’s face.
 

“I just need to find him before he does something stupid.”
 

“What would he do?”
 

“Nothing you want to know about,” Drew says before walking out the door.
 

Fuck my life
. I follow Drew out and climb in the passenger seat of his Mercedes.
 

***

We pull up at Fire and Ice. The only place either of us knows to look. I climb out while Drew goes to park the car. There is no line outside, and I make my way inside easily. I feel my heart beating fast in my chest. Drew didn’t tell me what happens when Landon drinks, but from the look of terror in his eyes, I know it isn’t good. I search the club, but I don’t see him anywhere. The bar is mostly empty for a Saturday night, but I still can’t spot him anywhere. I take a seat at the bar hoping the bartender will be able to tell me where he is.
 

My heart immediately sinks. Just when I’m about to give up, I see a man stumble out of the bathroom.
My man,
I think before shaking my head. I try to turn my heart back to the ice it was before, but it’s hard when I’m just thankful he’s still alive.
 

He continues to stumble over to the bar and asks for another drink. I slowly make my way over, expecting him to make a run for it when he spots me. He doesn’t look up at me until I take a seat on the barstool next to his.

I almost wish he hadn’t looked at me. Gone is the sparkle, the look of lust and admiration. His eyes are empty except for a tinge of anger. Landon downs his glass of whiskey. He could be angry with me all he wants. I just need to keep him here until Drew arrives to help me. Landon indicates to the bartender to get him another.
 

“Don’t you think you’ve had enough?” I snap at him. He’s obviously had a lot to drink, and that’s not good for a man who claims he doesn’t drink.
 

He glares at me with his bloodshot eyes. “I’m fine,” he says with surprising clarity.
 

“You’re not fine. You wouldn’t be here if you were fine.” I turn to get the bartender's attention. “Two waters, please. And we would like to close his tab.”
 

The bartender nods his head at me and quickly brings us the two glasses of water. “Drink,” I say to Landon.
 

“I’m fine,” he says again.
 

I roll my eyes at him and take a drink of my water. The bartender brings over the check and Landon’s card. Landon takes the pen to sign but then just stares blankly at the check. “Are you going to sign?” I ask. Landon doesn’t look up at me as he says, “I’m fine.” Landon’s face is starting to turn rather red, and I notice him swaying slightly. He looks like he’s about to puke. Drew needs to get here fast.
 

I take the pen out of his hands and scribble his name quickly. No wonder he feels this way; the check has too many items to count. I turn in time to see Drew making his way over. He takes one look at Landon and says, “We need to hurry before he pukes.” I nod my head in agreement. Drew tries to get Landon to stand up, but instead of standing, Landon falls to the floor. Crap.
 

With the help of two other men, we get Landon into the backseat of Drew’s car. I took the time to grab a trash bag since I wasn’t much help in moving Landon. I climb into the backseat next to Landon and hold the bag out in front of him. As soon as Drew starts moving, Landon retches. I gently rub his back. Damn, how easily my feelings of anger subside when I see him hurting. Between heaves, he speaks. “You … came … back … for … me … I …”
 

Then he passes out. I look at Drew, who is staring at me in the rearview mirror, but he doesn’t say a word. God, why is this so hard for us? Why can’t we just date like normal people? My heart flickers beneath the ice that was hardening around it. I have no idea how to feel anymore. I’m still mad at Landon. That won’t go away, but neither will the need for him. The ache that won’t subside. It just makes it even more imperative that I leave right away before I let him back in.
 

Yeah, I’ve fallen for you

Yeah, I might just love you

My head is pounding as I stand in the hallway outside her condo waiting. My eyes are barely open, squinting at the bright light. The hallway is quiet, but that doesn’t stop my pounding headache. My stomach churns ready to spill its contents at any second.
God, I just want to go back to bed!
But standing here in the hallway waiting to apologize to her is more important. I don’t remember much about last night thanks to the alcohol, but I do know I was an ass. And if I don’t fix this now, she’ll leave and I’ll never get a chance again. I know that much about life; it doesn’t give second chances.
 

I hear a slight scream coming from her condo.
Shit, I wasn’t expecting her to scream
. I bang on the door, but I can’t get in. I press my ear up against her door trying to decide if I should break it down, pick the lock again, or call the police. I can’t hear her over the siren going off in her room. I decide to pick the lock when the door suddenly opens. Standing in front of me is Alex. Barely awake with a shirt and shorts on. Her hair is a disgruntled mess on top of her head. Her eyes are wide staring at me while her lips have parted just barely revealing her shock.
 

"Good morning, sleepyhead," I say. I kiss her softly on her cheek before sneaking past her to turn off the smoke detector blaring in her kitchen. She remains frozen in her doorway as I quickly turn it off.
 

"What the fuck are you doing?" she says.
 

“Turning off the smoke detector so we can go workout,” I say flashing her a guilty smile.
 

"Wait … you pulled the fire alarm to get me out of bed at 5:00 am? So you could get me to work out with you? Don't you think that's a little harsh for the other people who live in this building? And illegal?" she says.
 

"It's not when the alarm only went off in your room,” I say.
 

"How?" she says.

“I’ve picked a lock or two before.”
 

“I’m going back to bed,” she says, turning around in the doorway to head back inside.
 

“I don’t think so. I have to spend the day groveling at your feet and you owe me one ass whipping,” I say.
 

“Landon, it’s done. We just need to go our separate ways, and I don’t want to kick your ass.”
 

“Yes, you do. I believe you issued me a challenge shortly after we met that you would kick my ass when you got rid of those crutches. It’s time to do some ass kicking, baby,” I say.
 

I already see the fire growing in her eyes as I issue the challenge. She won’t back down. I knew it would work before I came here. Just like with the cars, she can’t back down. “Fine. Let the ass kicking begin.”

Alex follows me slowly out of our condo building and onto the dark, empty beach. I don’t care as long as she’s still following me. I’m no doctor or therapist, but I know the sand on the beach is probably not the best place to start running again. But at least it’s soft if she falls. I know she won’t let me catch her.
 

We both sit down on the sand. I begin to stretch and grab her running shoes to hand to her. She puts them on, moving even more slowly now. She finally ties them then looks up at me. Worry covers her face. “I don’t even know if I was a good runner before my accident. I have no idea. I may have never run a day in my life.”
 

I can’t help but grin like a goofy teenager at the worry showing on her face. I scoot closer to her on the sand. “You were a runner. These shoes on your feet are quality running shoes that have been worn in. Your body is still strong and lean despite months of non-activity. You have the incredible fighting spirit of a runner. You’ll remember how to do it. The only thing stopping you is your head and maybe that leg of yours.”
 

She thinks for a minute as she starts stretching on autopilot. “You’re right.”
 

I long to kiss her softly on the lips, but I don’t. I just need to find a way to stay in her life. “Let’s go,” I say breaking the images flooding my mind. I stand and extend my hand to her to help her up. She doesn’t take it. Instead, she gets up on her own - refusing my help again.
 

I start walking down the beach, and she falls into stride next to me. I start with walking slowly to warm our muscles up and to ensure she gets used to the uneven surface. I laugh when she starts to move ahead of me, always a stride in front of me. I increase my walking speed until we are almost jogging. She matches my speed. Her breathing increases slightly, but otherwise, she shows no outward sign of increased difficulty.