Alien vs. Alien (16 page)

CHAPTER 27

W
E DISCUSSED IT AND DECIDED TO SEE IF,
by chance, each set would go back to their original recipients. This sounded like a great plan, only the birds all looked alike.

To everyone else, at any rate. I could definitely see differences. I chose not to share this.

The others tried moving around and calling to the birds. They didn’t budge. I had a sinking feeling about this. I got up and walked toward the back bedrooms. The Peregrines got to their feet en masse and followed me.

Two of them stopped and stood by Doreen, Irving and Ezra. Two more trotted over to the Lewises. The exact same two that had gone over to comfort Rachel and Raymond earlier. The others looked at me expectantly. “Oh, good. Doreen, you get to have your set with you. Feel lucky.”

“Trying to.”

“Failing like me?”

“Pretty much, yeah.” The birds cocked their heads at her. “Oh, fine. But no being mean to our Poofs!” Everyone in the Embassy had their own Poof by now. We had plenty after all, and I felt it was a wise security measure. Besides, the Poofs were beyond cute. Who wouldn’t want one? Well, the Peregrines, based on the looks they were giving said Poofs.

Who were quite unhappy, if their continued quiet growling was any indication. They’d gone back to small, but they were eyeing the Peregrines like nobody’s business. The Poof that had attached to Jamie was perched on her, clearly ready to eat any Peregrine that came near.

“That’s right, Peregrines. The Poofs were here first, and we love them. If you want us to love you, you have to play nicely with the Poofs. And the dogs and cats. And any other birds we happened to have around. Any animal that was here first is higher on our collective totem pole than any of you. So you need to leave them alone or protect them, depending. As well as be good birdies and all that jazz.” I looked at the Lewises. “You guys okay with your new family pets?”

Kevin shrugged. “As long as they don’t attack us again, sure. If they do, I’m going to start an interstellar incident.”

“Should we be concerned that they’ve only attached to the families with kids?” Jeff asked quietly.

“No idea. At all. Naomi, Abigail, does your card give us` any clue about that?”

“No,” Naomi replied. “Our card said, ‘While these birds will be most at home in the palace, they will help you control and stretch your talents while keeping you safe. Please enjoy them with our compliments.’ So I guess either Sis and I are expected to leave ‘our’ Peregrine set here, or Alexander thinks we live here.”

“Or that you should,” Chuckie said slowly. “I’ve looked at the handwriting. The cards to Martini and White are in the same hand. All the others are in a different hand. King Alexander wrote the cards to his closest kinsmen.”

“And Councilor Leonidas wrote the rest, didn’t he?”

Chuckie nodded. “That would be my assumption, yes.”

Nurse Carter looked at the card in Naomi’s hand. “Yes, the card Richard received was in that handwriting.”

“He let you see it?”

She looked embarrassed. “It was, as he said, personal. But for the two of us.”

“Oh, one of those ‘congrats on hooking up and welcome to the family’ kind of messages.” The Peregrines all cooed at me. It was as if they were telling me they loved that I was so intuitive. I didn’t share this thought with anyone else either.

“What did everyone else’s notes say?” Jeff asked.

Kevin pulled theirs out. “Captain, these birds will form the basis of the palace’s defenses. While they can and should travel with the Royal Family and their other charges, always ensure at least two pairs remain present within the palace grounds.” He shook his head. “They’re really not clear on how things are here, are they?”

“Or they’re being deliberately obtuse for reasons we still don’t know.” Alexander I could almost buy not being able to get his head around the whole “we aren’t royalty” thing, but it was a stretch.

I was clear that Councilor Leonidas was Alpha Four’s version of Chuckie and Winston Churchill rolled into one. Councilor Leonidas I knew for sure understood our position within Earth governments, probably better than anyone else in the Alpha Centauri system. I was positive he understood it better than I did. “And whoever wrote that clearly knows what the Defense Attaché position is all about.”

Pierre nodded. “Mine reads, ‘The Concierge Majordomo’s position within the household is both honorable and perilous. These birds will assist you in your duties while protecting your person at the same time.’ They certainly are focused on the whole attack bird idea, aren’t they?”

Len and Kyle exchanged a look. “Our cards say almost the same thing as Pierre’s, only they didn’t mention job titles.”

“Amy, make sure you grab Richard when he’s done with Christopher and find out just what kind of jobs these birds are intended to do.” Jeff’s Commander voice was back on full. “I’m willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, but something that’s entire job is protection isn’t necessarily friendly.”

The Peregrines gave him a group hurt look. A couple of them looked ready to cry. “Wow, you hurt their feelings, big time.” Whoops.

“Excuse me?” Jeff said, very carefully.

Gave up. “I can see their expressions.”

“What?” Jeff was clearly verbalizing everyone’s question.

“Um, I feel like I . . . know what the Peregrines are thinking.”

“It’s like you’re on drugs. They’re birds. They have no expressions. I’m not convinced they have thoughts.”

“Bellie’s a bird, and you’re convinced she has thoughts.” The Peregrines all bobbed their heads. “See?”

“What does that prove?” Jeff aske
d. But he sounded nervous. “I think that’s a bird behavior thing. Bellie does it all the time.”

“Yeah? Well, I think it’s because she’s trying to nod yes.” I looked at the Peregrines. The full flock bobbed their heads. “Can I get a bird amen?” Peregrine wings all flapped, there were several coos, and even a couple of hoots. “Can I get a
real
bird amen?” Peregrines hooted and flapped. They enjoyed the impromptu revival meeting.

I looked around the room. Apparently only the Peregrines and I were finding this amusing.

“Wow,” Chuckie said finally, breaking the horrified human and A-C silence in the room. “You’ve become Doctor Doolittle.”

CHAPTER 28

“I
BELIEVE IT’S HER TALENT,”
White said as he and Christopher rejoined us.

“Excuse me?”

“Talent. Many A-Cs do have them, I believe you’re aware.” White seemed amused.

“True enough. But I’m not an A-C.”

White coughed while everyone else looked slightly uncomfortable. “No, you’re not. You’re also not a human any more, either. And you’ve always been good with animals.”

“Well, sure, but the cats and dogs have been my family’s pets for years.”

He pointedly looked at the Poofs. “And yet, the Royal Pets don’t really obey anyone. Other than you. Supposedly Poofs will only obey their owners. And the head Poof.”

“Harlie’s the head Poof.”

“True enough. However, I’ve seen Harlie do whatever you want, whenever you want it, unless you weren’t phrasing your request in a way that would ensure Jeffrey would remain safe.”

“It’s a nightmare,” Jeff said. “Fine, let’s worry about this later, and by later I mean tomorrow.”

“Wait, we haven’t seen what Christopher and Chuckie’s cards said.”

Christopher looked as though his world was still spinning. Amy took the card out of his hand. “Congratulations on your recent nnuptials. We wish you many happy years of fruitful marriage and hope these birds will serve you well as you take your place within Earth’s hierarchy.”

“That’s nice.”

Amy shook her head. “There’s more. That first part was on the front of the card. This was on the back. ‘As the Primary to His Royal Highness, we would like to warn you that we fear a threat against our mutual friend from a common enemy. Please take all due precautions.’ It’s not signed, but it’s in different handwriting from what was on the other side. It matches the handwriting on Tito’s card.”

“The Primary?” This was a new one.

“It’s an Alpha Four title,” White answered. “Chief Councilor, which is Councilor Leonidas’ full title, would correlate for Earth into a position similar to that of the British Prime Minister. The Primary, however, is different. Primaries tend to be a blood relation of some kind to the King, but the function is similar to that of the U.S. Vice President. It could also technically correspond to Christopher’s role here, as Chargé d’Affaires.”

“So, if Alfred had been crowned King of Alpha Four, the Primary might have been Stanley Gower?”

“Exactly. Well done.” White looked pleased with my insightfulness. As did the Peregrines. Go me.

Amy, however, looked upset. “It’s got to be my stepmother and Al Dejahl,” she said to Jeff.

Jeff shook his head. “Why not just say that? They told Tito what the birds were for, they told Walter and Kevin and everyone else how to use them for security—why be cryptic to Christopher? Particularly about a threat?”

“What do you think, Christopher?”

He blinked. I got the impression that Christopher was still thinking about the fact that his father was romancing Nurse Carter. “Same as Jeff. I’ve got no idea why they do anything they do. I don’t see any reason to be sending us hidden messages attached to attack birds.”

“Possibly because they were worried about the birds or the messages being intercepted,” Chuckie said. “If the threat to ‘our mutual friend’ means Martini, it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibility for them to be concerned that something would happen with the deliveries.”

My throat felt tight. “Someone’s out to hurt Jeff?”

“Possibly,” Jeff said. He sounded irritated. And tired. “But right now, let’s just get the last message to Reynolds and go back to bed.”

Chuckie looked at his card. “Huh. You’d think they’d have said something similar on mine.”

“What does your message say?” Jeff asked.

“Mine’s like what Naomi and Abigail got. ‘Please consider taking up residence with the rest of the American Centaurion diplomatic mission. Your skills will be needed within far more than without.’ It’s Leonidas’ handwriting.”

“Well, that’s ominous.” I looked at the Peregrines. “That’s why they sent these birds now.” Sure enough, the flock all bobbed their heads.

“I’m livinI’m g in a zoo,” Jeff muttered. “Fine,” he said in his normal voice, “so we have a new threat. Nothing we haven’t had before, I’m sure.”

“Common enemy sounds like my wicked stepmother,” Amy said for the third time. I hoped this didn’t work like
Beetlejuice
and her mentioning LaRue three times meant she’d show up. I waited. No puff of smoke, no evil villainess standing in the room. I allowed myself to be relieved.

“Could be,” Kevin agreed. “But we have other common enemies. And since none were named specifically, I wouldn’t limit our thinking at this stage.”

“Are you going to do what he asks, Chuckie? And by you, I mean you, Naomi, and Abigail. You’ve all stayed here before.” If Councilor Leonidas thought we needed Chuckie and the Gower girls living here, then we probably needed Chuckie and the Gower girls living here.

Jeff and Chuckie looked at each other. “You’re here so damn much anyway,” Jeff said finally. “You already have your own room.”

Chuckie laughed. “True enough. So do Mimi and Abby.”

They nodded. “I think you need us right now,” Naomi said. “So we’re staying. Like Chuck, we’re here a lot anyway.”

“But it looks like the Peregrines are only going to go with those of us with children,” Doreen pointed out. “I don’t understand why, or how they’re going to be protecting anyone if they’re all with Kitty.”

Considered this. As well as all the notes, the ones to Christopher and Chuckie in particular. “Maybe we have the majority of the birds because we have Jeff.”

“Or Jamie,” Denise said quietly.

“You think they’re after my daughter?” Jeff said with a growl.

Denise shrugged. “Weren’t they before?”

“Yeah, they were. And now we have more hybrids, too.”

“Raymond and Rachel aren’t hybrids,” Kevin pointed out.

“But they’re kids, in the Embassy. And, let’s be honest—you and Denise are both great looking enough to pass as A-Cs. I wouldn’t want to bet that whoever the Peregrines were sent to protect us from would ignore them.”

I realized we were saying this in front of the children, and Raymond and Rachel were old enough to understand we were talking about scary people stealing them in the night. A quick glance at their expressions proved I’d indeed freaked them out. I wanted to do or say something to reassure them, and fast.

Before I could open my mouth, their two Peregrines both cooed. At the Poofs. Several Poofs growled back. The Peregrines squawked quietly. The Poofs mewed. This went on for a while.

Jeff sighed. “What’s going on?”

I gave up and didn’t even pretend I had no idea. “They’re arguing. The Poofs don’t want to do what the Peregrines are suggesting.” The male Peregrine I knew was ours, specifically, looked straight at me. “Oh. Um, Poofies? I know you’re all jealous. But the Peregrines are clear—Poofies were here first, and everyone loves the Poofies, so the Peregrines will berines wi good. But my Poofies have to be good, too.”

Several Poofs detached from the Poof side of the room and bounded over to the Lewises. “We already have our own Poofs,” Denise reminded us.

The Poofs jumped onto their shoulders, purred, and disappeared. “Um, now I think you have more. So that Raymond and Rachel won’t need to worry. They’ll have their Peregrines and several Poofs. Nothing’s going to get any of the kids, not with Poofs and Peregrines on the job, right?”

There was much head bobbing and wing flapping from the flock and a lot of purring from the Poofs.

“Well done, Missus Martini,” White said. “Now, children, it’s late and we were all awakened rather rudely. Let’s deal with everything else in the morning, including moving new residents in more permanently and so forth.”

“Dulce will continue to monitor the Embassy,” Gladys shared. I’d forgotten she was still on the com. “Will alert Embassy personnel if the Peregrines attack. Or if any more show up.”

“Great, Gladys,” Jeff said. “Thanks. And good night.”

“Dulce out.”

Everyone took this as their cue to go back to their beds. Walter’s Peregrines went with him, which was interesting. He wasn’t a little kid, so I figured they were the flock’s version of Security. Which potentially meant the pair with Walter were even more badass than the rest of the flock. Something to contemplate. Tomorrow.

Jeff, Jamie, and I walked down the hall to one of the smaller bedrooms, meaning it was easily as large as my entire apartment had been, back before it had been blown up by my first megalomaniac enemy, aka Ronaldo al Dejahl’s father. The remaining members of the flock followed us.

“Peregrines, in here. You sleep in here. Don’t destroy anything. Use the toilet. Flush. Or something.” Jeff shook his head. “I’m reduced to giving orders to birds. How did we end up here, baby?”

“No clue. Can we go back to bed now?”

The Peregrines filed into the room, flew on top of the bed and settled down. All but one that was clearly on guard duty. Jeff started to close the door and the bird screeched.

“Huh.” Jeff closed the door. All the birds started screeching. Great soundproofing or not, apparently a flock of Peregrines could be heard no matter what. He opened the door. Instant quiet. “Wonderful. If I find you’ve destroyed or messed on anything, you’ll all be dinner.”

We went back to our bedroom and checked on our Earth animals. They were all huddled together, other than Bellie, who was clinging to her perch. “Wow. The pets don’t like the Peregrines, do they? I wonder why not. They’re really just big birds.”

Bellie looked up. “Bigger birds are coming! Bigger birds are coming!” She didn’t sound happy about it. At all.

“Bellie, is that one of Daddy’s secrets?”

“Daddy’s secrets will help bigger birds! Bellie loves Jeff.”

“Jeff loves Bellie,” he said soothingly. He moved the Poof Condos back into os back iur room, taking time to pet each Poof. While I held Jamie, Jeff got the cats and petted them, then put them into the biggest Poof Condo.

He ended up picking up each dog, too, even Dudley—and picking up a Great Dane was never for the faint of heart or weak of back—and putting them into their beds. I’d never seen my animals this scared.

Bellie’s perch was the last to move. “You okay with her being in the room with us?” he asked me.

I didn’t care much for her, but it was obvious the bird was still terrified. “Yes, it’s okay. She’s too scared to be out in the living room, and I don’t think she should be in the nursery alone, either. I assume Jamie’s going to spend the rest of the night in bed with us?”

“You know it.” Jeff put Bellie’s perch next to a Poof Condo. “Bellie needs to be nice to all the other animals,” he said to her.

“I’m not positive the cats won’t try to eat her, though.”

Jeff coughed. “Ah, they tried that already. She’s a lot like you—quite the fighter.”

“So that’s why the other pets got moved out of the bedroom?”

“Somewhat.”

“You know, I’d argue about this, but since we have two dozen Peregrines, give or take, down the hall, I’m just going to opt for going to bed and hoping our Animal Kingdom remains peaceful.”

We got into bed. Jeff put up a pillow barrier on one side so that
Jamie couldn’t roll off the bed. Then I wrapped around her and he wrapped around me.

“You know, this was an insane day and an even crazier night, but it’s so nice to be snuggled together like this again that I frankly don’t care about all the rest of the crap.”

Jeff chuckled. “And here I’d thought you’d only missed the great sex.”

“Oh, trust me, I missed that more than anything. In fact, I’m kind of bitter that tonight’s events have ensured we can’t fool around a little more right now.”

Jeff kissed the side of my head. “That’s what tomorrow’s for.”