Alexander Outland: Space Pirate (20 page)

“Had some problems right after we left.”

“We heard. And smelled. Did you fall into the big tank?”

“No, but it’s a long story. One of my crew was attacked, I had to go rescue her, wrongful imprisonment, you know the story.”

“Yeah. You want to hide out here, right?”

“Honestly? We want to stop stinking here.”

She laughed. “Okay.” I let go and she turned around. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” I was willing to give myself up for the cause.

She flashed a wicked grin. “We get to have fun with your other crewman.” She pointed to Tanner. Who blushed bright red.

“Tanner? You want to fool around with Tanner?” I managed not to sound overly shocked. It wasn’t Randolph, after all.

“Yeah. He’s cute. And new.” She laughed again. “We like new.”

“What’s wrong with semi-new?”

“Nap!” Slinkie didn’t sound happy.

I used the opportunity to look at the girl’s nametag. “Just making sure Suzie and her girls are happy.”

“You’re in luck,” Suzie said. “We just locked up. Only the five of us girls who work here and you three.” She sniffed. “And, I can really understand why you want to take a bath.”

“You have no idea,” Slinkie growled.

“I can smell, so good idea. Come on.” Suzie grabbed Tanner’s hand and dragged him off. Slinkie and I followed.

“Did you tell them we were married or something?”

Slinkie snorted. “Sorry. Guess they weren’t all that impressed with ‘the Outland’.”

I thought back. “No. They were very impressed.”

“We just like new,” Suzie tossed back over her shoulder. “No insult to you, Captain. You were great. But we’ve all had you. Time for fresh meat.”

Tanner looked at us over his shoulder. He looked panicked. “I
don’t know if this is a good idea.”

“You like girls?” Suzie asked. “Or boys?”

“Girls.” Tanner sounded firm on that. Why he wasn’t firm on the entire idea, I couldn’t fathom.

“Then, don’t worry, baby. You’ll enjoy your first time.”

“I’m not a virgin!” Now he sounded offended. A little too offended.

Suzie laughed again. “Right, baby. Whatever you say.”

Suzie called the other girls out, and they were all interested in the kid. He looked like he was going to faint. Clearly, he’d found me just in time. “Tanner, if you can’t handle it, just say the word.”

“I can handle it.” He didn’t sound overly convincing, but I let it pass.

“Gee, Nap. You’ll be stuck with me. How awful.” Slinkie’s voice was back to diamond-cutting level.

“Slink, if I thought for one minute that I’d actually get to have you, I’d have a very different attitude.”

She snorted. “Right.”

Suzie and the rest of the bath girls dragged Tanner off to the women’s baths. This left me and Slinkie with the men’s. I was tired, I knew she had to be, and we both could still smell ourselves. Why not be a gentleman? “So, you want to go first?”

Slinkie looked at me like she’d never seen me before. “That’s it? No innuendo, no suggestions, no come-on attempt. Just, do I want to go first?” She looked hurt. I felt a little bit better.

“We all stink. Maybe the girls are going to wash the kid up first, maybe they’re not. But I can’t imagine that you’d be interested in kissing me, let alone anything else, smelling the way we both do.”

Slinkie reached up and felt my forehead. “Are you okay?” Now
she looked worried.

“Thanks. And I feel fine. Kind of confused, but fine.”

“I don’t think it was a comment on your abilities, Nap. I heard the girls while I was waiting for you—they all seemed impressed. But, like Suzie said, they like fresh meat.” She still looked worried. Wow, Slinkie was trying to reassure me about my sexual abilities? Maybe this being a gentleman thing was worth it.

“I’m not confused about that, Slink. And, trust me, if you want me to pursue because this is the exact moment when you want to finally admit the truth, I’m good with it. I just sort of thought us smelling like the bottom of the biggest bird cage in the galaxy was going to be a turn-off for you.”

“Well, it’s not exactly a turn-on, I’ll give you that.” We went into the baths. “Um, I guess, yeah, I’ll go first then.” She was looking at me out of the sides of her eyes. She seemed shy, which was odd, because Slinkie wasn’t really the shy type.

“You know, Tanner doesn’t really look like most Aviatian males I’ve ever seen.” This wasn’t my standard romantic comment, but it had been nagging at me for a while, the girls fawning all over him had brought it to the fore, and Slinkie being shy was making me feel funny.

“He’s not a pure-blood.” Slinkie said this like it was obvious.

“You sure? I mean, clearly the girls think he’s attractive.”

“He is attractive. I’m sure he’s from Aviatus and I’m also sure he’s got some other planet’s genetics mixed in, since he’s also very cute.”

“Really? Tanner is cute?” I guessed so. I mean, cuter than Randolph was a given. “Cuter than me?”

“You’re not cute, Nap.”

I wasn’t? I checked the mirror. Still me, no disfigurement. “What do you mean?” I tried not to sound hurt of offended.

Slinkie laughed. “You’re handsome, Nap. Okay? Tanner’s cute, you’re handsome. Feel better?”

“A little.” A lot. “So, um, go ahead and bathe and I’ll wait here.” I looked around. There were lockers, a couple of mirrors, and a lot
of hard, uncomfortable benches. “Better yet, I’ll keep watch.”

“Thank goodness you’re the leader and all. Because one of us being on watch while the other two were naked and unarmed would never have occurred to me.”

“Sarcasm is such an ugly trait, Slink. You do make it look good, though.”

“Thanks. Nap?”

“Yes?”

“Get out now.”

“You sure? I mean, if you want me to scrub your back or anything, I’m willing.”

“Now that I know you’re okay? Yes. Fly off.” Slinkie looked like whatever had been wrong was all better now. Clearly, she liked my pursuing her.

I wandered out and checked the place over. I figured the girls were going to have to do a lot of air freshening once we were gone, but I assumed they’d be up to it.

All doors securely locked. I slid chairs under any outer doors, other than the front. The front door was thick glass and even the stupidest military goon would wonder why a chair was under the handle. The door opened in, so I jammed in a doorstop. Sure, it was actually a bar of expensive soap they sold for customers to take home, but it was the right shape and would do in this particular pinch.

Checked the phones. Did what the Governor had taught me and used an intergalactic law enforcement code to verify the last calls in and out. Nothing out for the past couple of hours, the only incoming calls were from some people cancelling appointments due to the sewage issue. We’d really made our mark on Herion this trip.

Did another night watchman once over of the place. No one hiding out. I slipped into the women’s area and checked to make sure no one was hiding in the locker room or other areas. All safe and secure. I heard a lot of noises coming from the bathing area. Did a fast check, just in case. Tanner seemed fine. And like he was about
to “have a moment.” I decided I didn’t need to watch that. Ever.

Wandered through again. Still no intruders. The reading matter was both uninteresting and I couldn’t safely turn the lights on outside of the baths themselves. Due to my overriding concern that Slinkie could slip and hurt herself, I went back to the men’s baths.

I was a pro at spying on Slinkie while she was bathing. Oh, sure, I couldn’t manage it every time, but I got in my share. Since she knew it, I had to figure she liked it. Ergo, she would probably be hurt if I didn’t take the opportunity here and now. Women were touchy about odd things, after all.

Therefore, my going in would be the right thing to do. Right? Of course right.

I was prepared to see a lot of things. Slinkie lathering herself up. Slinkie covered in bubbles. Slinkie walking out of the water like a goddess.

What I wasn’t prepared for was to see no Slinkie at all. I’d just come from the locker room. The only other in and out option was the staff door. I pulled my laser gun and moved quietly through the bath area. I had to be careful—there was a lot of water spread around the floor. This boded, and not well.

Slipped and slid over to the staff door. From what I remembered, this room connected to the women’s baths and the front desk area, so the girls could easily get in and out to give their patrons what they needed.

I opened the door, gun leading the way. Moved into the room. Floor was still wet, but not as bad as by the baths. I heard a sound around the corner, where the towels were stored. I steeled myself for whatever I was going to be facing and moved around the corner. “Freeze!”

“Aviatian’s Nest, Nap!” Slinkie was standing there, towel around her head, one around her waist, one clutched to her chest.

“Who’s got you?” I looked around. Didn’t see anyone, but they were clearly pretty damned tricky to have avoided me all this time.

“No one.”

I looked at her expression. Maybe she was trying to give me a sign. “You sure?” I gave her a slow nod.

She stared at me. “I’m back to wondering if you’re feeling okay.” She was trying to protect me. Sweet. She was the Chief of Security, after all. But my job was to take care of her, in all ways, if I could swing it. And saving her from the latest goon would have to add on some points in my favor.

I moved fast, grabbed her, and flung her behind me. “It’s okay, Slink, I’m here.”

“Nap, seriously, I’m worried. Did you get some of that sewage inside you or something?”

I moved forward and checked the rest of the rooms. No one. Ran back to Slinkie. “We need to move, he’s probably going for Tanner next.”

Slinkie grabbed me before I could head for the women’s baths. “Nap, seriously, there’s no one here.” She was starting to sound close to hysterical. “I forgot to take a towel. I got out and looked for one, got cold, got back in the water. I did that a few times before I saw the staff door. When we were here, the towels were out where patrons could get them easily. That’s all.”

“Slinkie, does he have a gun on us, is that it?”

“Alexander Napoleon Outland, will you listen to me?” She sounded just like Great-Aunt Clara—angry, annoyed and all business. That tone of voice I was trained to focus on.

“Yes. Did he hurt you?”

“Nap, there is no ‘he’!” She grabbed my shoulders and shook me.

“Will you snap out of it? There’s no one here but us!”

I snapped. Mostly because, in order to shake my shoulders, Slinkie had dropped her towel.

I
stared. I’d seen them before, but never quite this up close and personal. Slinkie truly had the greatest rack in, quite possibly, the galaxy. “Jiggly.” I wasn’t much for coherency at the moment.

“What?” Slinkie looked confused, looked down, let go of my shoulders and attempted to cover up with her hands and arms. “Stop staring at me.” This was hissed. Didn’t matter. She was actually sexier trying to cover up than when she’d just been standing there.

“Ahhh… can’t….” I couldn’t. Literally. My eyes refused to look elsewhere. The rest of me was suggesting that the towel around her waist hadn’t looked all that secure. I managed to stop myself from grabbing at it, or any part of her, but only because I was too busy staring at her.

“Get undressed.” She was back to all business. That was fine. If being in charge was what she wanted, who was I to argue?

I stripped fast, eyes still riveted to her chest. Slinkie waited until I was naked. “Nice necklace. One of your many give it to you?”

“Huh?” I looked down. Right, still had that milky disk thing of Nitin’s. I would have explained, but I was naked standing next to Slinkie. Seemed like the wrong time.

She took my hand and led me to the bathing pool. Slinkie sighed. “This is for your own good.” Then she shoved me into the water.

By the time I surfaced, she’d tossed soap and a variety of other cleaning materials into the water with me and was picking up my clothes. “I’m going to get these into the speed-clean. Be right back.” Maybe she just wanted me not to stink. I could understand that.

Soap and bath oils, shampoo and more shampoo, getting the stench off took a while. In that time, I remained alone. I was starting to prune all over my body when Slinkie finally came back—fully dressed, hair dried, carrying my clothes and a couple of towels. The towels she left on a dry spot at the edge of the bathing pool. My clothes she dumped off in the locker room. “I’ll be on watch.” Then she stalked out.

Okay, maybe staring at her chest had lost me some points. But I didn’t see how she could blame me. She’d dropped the towel, not me.

Dried off, got dressed. Didn’t stink, so that was one for the win column. Checked on Tanner. He still seemed amazingly occupied. Found Slinkie sitting in the waiting room. “Aren’t you worried someone will spot you out here?”

“Well, I could have waited in the towel room, but then you’d probably have accused me of hiding all of Herion Military in there or something.” She wasn’t looking at me.

“I wasn’t accusing you of hiding anyone! I thought you’d been attacked or taken as a hostage or something. I was trying to protect you.”

“Right.” She didn’t sound angry, she sounded hurt. And she still wasn’t looking at me.

“You know, precedent for this trip is that you’re a kidnap victim. I count at least twice that I know about.”

“Whatever.” She examined her fingernails.

Fine. I could spot a brush-off when it wasn’t looking me in the eyes. “Oh, I get it. If it had been
Bryant
coming to save you, that would have been great. But it was me. I only have impure motives, I don’t care about you at all. I’m not Mister Name of Kings. No
problem. I’ll leave you and your fantasy alone. In fact, if you hate flying with me so much, why don’t you ask Lionside for clemency when you meet up with him tonight? I’m sure he’ll find a way to keep you safely out of Herion prison.” I spun on my heel and left.