Alex (30 page)

I’m uncomfortable, sitting here in the front row, right on the glass to the left of the Cold Fury’s bench. I didn’t want to come to this game. Hell, I don’t want to go to another hockey game ever again, because the memories are too bitter.

And damn that Garrett Samuelson. He sent two tickets to Glenn, which I thought was the sweetest gesture ever, and assumed Jim-Dad would go with him. But Glenn begged me to go.

I resisted at first, telling him I had just lost my interest in hockey. I certainly wasn’t going to tell him my heart was broken and I didn’t want to be anywhere in the vicinity of Alex Crossman. But he kept at me, finally threatening to give the tickets away to friends if I wouldn’t go with him.

And of course, I capitulated. I didn’t want Glenn to miss this opportunity because—let’s face it—Garrett was going to fade out of the picture. He developed a pretty great bond with Glenn over Thanksgiving and has been in touch with him a few times, but now that Alex and I are over, I’m sure Garrett’s attention on Glenn will dissipate.

I tried to surreptitiously find out from Glenn if he was upset at all that Alex wasn’t around anymore, and he surprised me by showing anger. I had been honest that Alex had called it off, and that’s apparently all Glenn needed to know in order to cut ties with his hockey idol.

He didn’t understand all of the underlying issues. He had merely said to me, “He hurt you, Sutton. I don’t like him anymore.”

So here we sit at the Cold Fury’s arena, with Glenn’s face pressed up against the glass waiting for the teams to come out for a warm-up. Just to show he really had cut ties with Alex, he didn’t even wear his jersey that Alex had given him, choosing instead to wear a simple black Cold Fury sweatshirt to the game.

I, on the other hand, had no problem showing my support for Alex as a player and wore the jersey he gave me. I was here to see a hockey game with Glenn and “when in Rome”…

Loud rock music blares from the speakers and a small cheer goes up from the visitors’ fans when the other team takes the ice for warm-ups. This starts my pulse pounding because I know within just a few minutes, the Cold Fury will be out and Alex will be just feet away from me.

I don’t even think I can bear to look at him, and I sure as hell hope he won’t see me. I doubt it. Even though we are sitting at the glass, most of the hockey players don’t even look at the fans as they are so focused on their game.

Still, I sit back in my chair and keep my eyes on my cell phone while I browse Facebook and Twitter, trying not to acknowledge the frantic pounding of my heart.

You will not look at him, you will not look at him,
I tell myself over and over again.

A deafening roar goes up from the Cold Fury fans, and I know that means the team is coming onto the ice. From the periphery, I can see Glenn banging on the glass and yelling out Garrett’s name, so I know he’s at least on the ice now. I manage not to look up, but I sure as hell don’t see a damn thing on my cell phone as my vision is a bit blurred from trying to restrain my eyes from involuntarily seeking out Alex.

I start to realize something isn’t quite right when Glenn goes still and is no longer yelling. Even as I peer hard at my cell phone, I can see his body turn to look at me, so there must be something wrong if he’s not focused on the ice action.

Then I hear a rapping sound…it’s one I’ve heard before…a stick beating on the glass. And if I thought my heart rate had been racing before, now I can hear the thunder of its beat pulsing deep within my eardrums.

The rapping sound comes again, quicker…more insistent.

Against my better judgment, against the pledge I made earlier to myself not to do it, I drag my eyes slowly upward and look at Alex Crossman standing on the ice directly in front of me.

His gaze is soft and his brow is furrowed just enough for me to know that he is worried. About seeing me, about communicating with a “fan” rather than warming up…I’m not exactly sure, but he looks ill at ease.

He just looks at me, in such an intimate way, that the sounds of the arena seem to die out and there is only blessed silence cocooning the two of us.

I have no clue what he wants. I search the emotion on his face and I try to figure it out, but I just don’t get it. He’s an enigma to me, bewildering me so profoundly, I can do nothing but return his stare.

Movement to the side causes our gaze to break and I slide my eyes over to see Garrett skate up and come to a stop a few feet from Alex. He rests his arms on top of his stick and looks at me with a sly grin.

Then Alex moves and my attention is back on him. He throws his stick and gloves down to the ice and bends down at the glass, doing what, I have no clue. For a brief second, he’s gone from view and then he stands back up. He skates backward a few feet and I’m stunned to see he’s holding a stack of poster boards in his hand.

He smiles at me and my face flames red as I realize that he’s getting ready to do something in a very public arena in front of several thousand people. I look quickly left and right, and sure as shit, everyone in the vicinity is looking right at Alex in curiosity.

A brief look at Glenn shows him grinning like a fool, and I realize that I’m probably going to murder my little brother later. My gaze slides back over to Alex, and it’s clear he is patiently waiting for my focus to remain on him.

Holding the boards up in front of this chest, he pulls the first one away and tosses it to the ice, revealing a board underneath with writing on it.

It says,
I’m sorry for letting you go.

My eyes shoot up from the board to meet Alex’s and I can see the apology swimming there as well. He pulls that board away, slinging it to the ice, and I read the next board underneath.

I stole this idea from the movie
Love Actually
.

My eyes rise again to meet his, and now I see him grinning at me. I can’t help it that my lips curve upward in response.

He reveals the next board to me, and my smile gets even bigger.

Garrett—big girl that he is—had seen the movie and recommended this as an idea to win you back….

Laughter from the fans who are watching this breaks out around me and I have to chuckle too. I look over at Garrett and he’s glaring daggers at Alex, who returns a sheepish grin to him before turning back to me.

He pulls that board away and drops it.

My heart slams inside my rib cage when I read the next message.

I love you and I was a fool to let you go.

I can’t even raise my gaze to meet his, reading the board over and over again, hungrily soaking in the message and vaguely aware of the fans starting to clap.

Alex takes the board away, revealing the one underneath.

I will do whatever it takes to get you back.

The clapping gets louder and people start cheering. I don’t even have time to read the message a second time or look up at Alex before he reveals the next board.

I’ll fight hard for you.

And the next board.

I won’t give up.

And the next board.

Because you are the most important thing in the world to me.

The cheering has now started to make its way around the arena as everyone is now watching what is going on. I look over at the players’ bench and the coaches are watching, none too happy about this display, but they don’t stop him.

Alex throws that board to the ice, and I’m looking at what I believe is the last message he’s got for me tonight.

Please say you’ll give me another chance.

Before I can even comprehend Alex’s request, Glenn is diving under his seat and he pulls out two poster board cards, slightly smaller than the ones that Alex has on the ice. I take them from his hands, noting that his smile is lit up with excitement.

“You’re in so much trouble,” I growl at him, but he just grins wider.

Looking down at the cards, I see one says “Yes” and the other says “No.”

I do a slow look around me, and most of the people are smiling at me as they clap. A chant starts up,
Yes, yes, yes, yes
.

Standing up from my seat, and looking down at the cards, making sure I have the right one, I hold it up for Alex to see.

Yes.

His face breaks out into a smile filled with relief and happiness. I can tell by the look he is giving me that this is a choice that I will never regret.

Surprising me further, Alex pulls his last message away, revealing another underneath.

Do you still love me?

Tears start to fill my eyes. I nod my head as I hold the
Yes
card up again, and the crowd roars in approval.

I’m shocked when Alex drops that card to the ice and the next one says,
You won’t regret it.

Before I can even look up at him so he knows that it’s not even possible for that to happen, he drops that board to the ice.

Don’t you think Garrett is a big girl for watching
Love Actually
?

The crowd goes nuts and it’s at this point that I see this whole scenario is being shown on the Jumbotron above. I give Alex a disapproving look and hold up the card
No
for him to see.

To show how well Alex knows me, and knew what my answer would be, I can’t say that I’m all that surprised when he drops the top board and his next one says,
Great. Guess I’ll have to watch it with you at some point.

I nod my head at him with a smile, not even bothering to hold a card up for him to see.

Alex skates forward, coming up to the glass. I step forward to rest my hands beside my head and get as close to it as I can without fogging up the smooth surface.

Before reaching me, he drops another board and I look down to read the next one,
Gotta go play hockey now.

Okay,
I mouth at him.

He drops the last card and his hands are empty. Coming right up to the glass, he places his hands opposite mine and I swear I can almost feel his touch even through the barrier.

Alex stares at me with such love, my legs feel like jelly. The sound of the crowd dies down again, not because they have stopped cheering, but because I have chosen to focus only on Alex.

I’ve chosen to look at this man, who loves me and whom I love in return, and I’m overwhelmed with the knowledge that nothing else matters except what we have.

Holding my gaze for just another brief moment, Alex mouths the words
I love you
to me before giving me a wink and skating off.

I don’t even get to return the words before he is gone.

That’s all right. I’ll make up for it tonight after the game.

“Oh, Alex,” I moan as he sinks into me with one sure push, my hands gripping his shoulders hard. This is going to be some stellar sex, I can tell. Not only have Alex and I reconnected and claimed our love very publicly, but the Cold Fury kicked some major ass tonight, winning 6-2. Alex had two goals and two assists, and yes, I’m really proud of him.

Leaning down, he gives me a soft kiss then pulls back just enough to look into my eyes. He’s lodged deep within me but he doesn’t move a muscle. “I love you.”

He doesn’t give me a chance to reply with the same, because he’s kissing me again. A little deeper this time but still in a leisurely fashion. He hasn’t moved an inch otherwise.

I taste myself on his lips, because when I opened my front door to him tonight, he made short work of carrying me to my bedroom and stripping me naked. After he pushed me back onto the bed, he pushed his face between my legs and didn’t surface again until he had made me come twice.

Then he pulled himself up my body, sank into my wetness and told me he loved me.

Now his kissing is becoming a little more urgent and a whole lot deeper. He makes a tentative move of his hips and damn…he goes just a little deeper still.

Pulling back once more, he looks at me again. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” I whisper and place my fingers against his lips. “It’s all forgiven.”

He looks down at me from above, his dark hair hanging forward and his eyes glittering in the soft glow of my lamp. Tilting his hips back, he pulls out of me and then pushes back in slowly…all while holding my gaze.

He does it again…pulling farther out, pushing back in just a little deeper.

Each time, some air is expelled out of my lungs and my heart pulses in response.

Alex is gentle with his pace, matching the emotion in his eyes. When I get close…when my body starts to tingle, and tighten, and my veins are pounding with blood, Alex goes just a little bit faster to help propel me over the edge.

A strangled sound comes out of my mouth as I splinter apart, just as he sinks slowly into me one more time, holding his body still and staring at me tenderly while he comes.

Propping himself on his elbows above me, Alex gives me a warm smile before leaning down and kissing me on my forehead. He then rolls to the side, taking me with him and tucking me in for a cuddle.

“I love you, Alex,” I tell him, because he said it last and never gave me a chance to reciprocate.

Squeezing me closer, he says, “I can’t believe you’re lying in my arms right now. I thought I had lost you for good.”

“Why did you change your mind?” I ask, immensely curious as to what prompted his turnaround.

“I think I knew within five minutes of walking out your door I’d made a mistake, but I was too stubborn to admit it. Every day that passed, I started to accept it more…that I was wrong to let you go. But every day that passed, I convinced myself you had moved on. That I had hurt you too bad.”

“I understood why you did it, Alex. I didn’t agree with it, but I understood.”

“What did you understand?” he asks me, with just a tinge of unease, because he’s asking to be put under the microscope.

“I understood that you were struggling with concepts that were very foreign to you, especially after having been raised in an atmosphere where you were to eschew all outside interference with your career. You were waging years of training and molding against just a few weeks of getting just a glimpse of what love could be. I think most people would have had a hard time taking the shot at love and not just going back to what they knew…safety.”