Aleksey's Kingdom (5 page)

“Why not? You love the forest at night.”

“Must you question everything I say? Why can you not just accept my words for meaning exactly what they mean! I have no hidden agenda in this, Aleksey. I want to return. It is getting dark.”

I wriggled back away from our vantage point and stood up, then returned to Xavier, who naturally enough had not been all that happy at being tied to a tree in the proximity of bears.

Aleksey came up to Xavier too and put his hand on my arm. “I am not returning with you unless you admit what is wrong.”

“And pray tell me—where would you go? You do not know where we are.”

“Actually, I do. I am not as stupid and helpless as you seem to think I am. I would follow this river downstream to the coast, and then I would turn south, and the colony would be a few miles farther on at the entrance to the big river.”

Huh, he was right. He had clearly given the route to the colony some considerable thought. “Go, then.” I swung up into the saddle and pulled Xavier’s head to leave. Aleksey was holding my bridle. “Let go.”

“That river will freeze over first.”

“Aleksey—” I did not finish the sentence or the thought. Somehow he unseated me. To this day I’m not quite sure how he did. Perhaps he does not either, for he has not repeated the trick, and it was so successful that I am sure he would have done had he known what he was doing. But being unprepared, I was entirely winded when I hit the ground. It didn’t help that Xavier reared and accidentally clipped me on my forehead with one front hoof. Human scalps bleed fiercely out of all proportion to the amount of blood you would think would be in them. A bright red flow poured immediately over my face, and as I was so badly winded I lay like… well, like death. Which is what Aleksey thought I was. He genuinely thought he’d killed me. He’d pulled me from my horse, heard me hit the ground, and seen Xavier kick me in the head; then, when he’d secured the horse, he’d discovered me covered in blood and lying still. The howl he sent up unnerved me. I think it must have driven off every bear in the vicinity. I opened my eyes, and then he fell upon me, kissing and shaking me and shouting angrily. I may not have attended the new medical universities to become a doctor, but I did know that jolting and screaming at a concussed man was not a good idea. The kissing was all right; that, I was sure, would improve my condition. Eventually I sat up, with Aleksey pressing a piece of his shirt to my head wound. It was still bleeding spectacularly and hurt like all manner of unpleasantness, given pain was relative to me now after my experiences in Hesse-Davian dungeons.

Aleksey shook me one more time. He looked as if he wanted to hit me, and I winced slightly in expectation of this. “Why did you do that? You stupid fool, Niko!”

I think my jaw dropped in outrage, and he smirked. I snapped my mouth shut, annoyed at being teased, given I was in pain, confused, stunned, and heartbroken. He dabbed at my wound until I held his hand off and climbed unsteadily to my feet. I leaned against the tree for a moment and felt his arms come around me, his lips to my neck. “Tell me what is wrong. For I thought I had murdered you. And that would have upset me no end. I would take days to get over killing you so.”

“Would you?”

“Well, a couple of days. I am not hard-hearted.”

“But you are a liar, aren’t you? You have deceived me.” I turned in his arms and held him off.

“What do you—”

“Don’t. It’s beneath you.”

He held his head. And in that one moment I saw all my folly. I had only been playing with the thought of his betrayal. I had not really believed it. If I had, I would not have carried on a normal day—brought him to see the bears, brought my new bow. If I had truly believed he had betrayed me, there would be no familiar days again. For either of us.

The realization hit me like a blow, and I staggered, more wounded than I had been from the fall or the blow to my head. He looked up, startled, and caught me, his eyes wide with fear. “God, what is wrong? You are entirely white! Sit down!”

I collapsed more than sat, my heart beating so rapidly I was surprised I could not see it moving the fabric of my shirt. “You have lied to me!”

He nodded sadly, kneeling alongside me. “I’m sorry, Niko. I didn’t mean it. Truly I didn’t. But the temptation was too strong. I couldn’t resist! How could I? I mean… given what you are.”

Oh God, he killed me, and then he stabbed me again to hurt more. “What I am? Am I that terrible?” I had imagined him tempted by the irresistible—not running from something repulsive. The first, I could forgive, understand—after all, had I not already reasoned he was only at the beginning of this journey and had all such temptation ahead of him?—but to tell me he found me abhorrent and was running from me… that was too awful to hear.

He moved to sitting cross-legged and put his hand on my thigh. “You know you are, Nikolai. I just could not resist. Do you see?”

I looked off into the distance at the darkness of the forest. “Do you think I will just acquiesce? Do you understand me so little after all we have been to each other?”

He lowered his eyes. “Well, I expected some grumpiness and complaining, but then you are grumpy about everything and complain about everything. But I knew I’d be able to talk you round. I did not expect you to throw yourself off your horse and injure yourself for sympathy, however.”

I creased my brows in disbelief, which made my scalp bleed again. “You think this is funny? You joke about this?”

“Well, you are a little bit comical, yes. I wish I could get to the water. Your face is awful now. They may be there when we return, and though I want them to be terrified and in awe of you, I do not want them to run screaming! Although that would be very amusing to watch.”

I thought the blow to my head had done more damage than I’d realized. I could make no sense of this at all. He was leaving me. That was all I could focus on. I grabbed his arm before he could rise. “He is coming here? To fetch you? From me?”

“Huh? Well, yes, I was going to tell you. But you have been bad-tempered with me all day, and so you made me feel guiltier than I already was for agreeing to this without telling you, so I did not tell you. If you see what I mean.”

I did not. “Aleksey. You are leaving me for someone you met in the colony, and he is coming here, to our cabin, to take you from me? Is that what you are telling me? Because if it is, I will kill you both—and I will not do it quickly.”

His eyes widened, and he was silent for a long time, thinking back, I assumed, over everything we had said and done that day. Finally he ventured, “I think we have been talking at cross-purposes.” Then he flared into anger, just as quick a mood change as I remember from Hesse-Davia. “You thought I would leave you?” He punched my arm, then did it again, harder. “You thought I betrayed you! You don’t trust me! My God, you don’t trust me!” Then his face crumpled, and he stood abruptly and gathered up the horses’ reins.

Suddenly he came back and aimed a kick at me, which I thought was a little unfair, as I was injured and not as quick as I usually was to dodge his fury. I winced as his boot caught my unprotected thigh but snagged his ankle and twisted him to the ground, then lay over him, one sure way that, being much heavier than he, I could keep him trapped. “You agreed you’d lied to me, Aleksey! This is not all in my mind!”

“Oh, whore’s breath, Nikolai. Get off me! I lied about the party we are putting together to go to the falls.
Get off me!
I have
already
agreed we would
both
join them—but I am not going anywhere with you now, because I do not like you.
Get off me
!” I rolled to one side but kept hold of his arm, despite his very real desire to be away from me. I couldn’t entirely blame him for wanting this.

“You have volunteered us for this rescue party. That is it? That is what has made you guilty and silent and to get out your jewels and play with them.” I frowned. “That sounded more wanton than I intended.”

He chuckled, and I felt his whole body relax. “They will probably be there when we get back. I said they could pick us up on the way. I am glad you thought I was leaving you, because now I do not feel guilty at all. I cannot believe you thought that—when I told you only last night—actually I am not going to repeat that, for you do not deserve to hear it ever again.”

I pulled him a little closer and whispered, “I know.” Then I added in an even lower tone, “But I
need
to hear it once more.”

He snorted and shifted away. I bit my lip, then clenched my jaw. “You tell me I am stupid, Aleksey, because it amuses you, but I think you are right. I am such a dullard that one telling of this wonder is not enough. How could anyone love me? That you do is—no one has ever—” My voice became unsteady, and I could not proceed. Aleksey apparently did not need me to. He returned to my side. I do not do contrite very often with him, so when I do, it tends to undermine his anger—justified or not—exceedingly quickly. He laid his hand upon my thigh, then swore, leaned over, and kissed my cheek.

I swallowed. “Would saying I’m sorry—” I could not continue, for warm, smiling lips pressed to mine. I’m only surprised Aleksey recognized my words as apology, so rarely did he hear such from me.

Apparently Aleksey was well able to interpret other emotions I habitually kept from him as well. At a small shudder from me he pulled his mouth off, then cried, “Niko. Don’t…
please
.” His own eyes welled with tears at seeing streaks in the blood upon my cheeks. “Oh, don’t. I forgive you. There? Is that what you want to hear? You were entirely justified in thinking I was betraying you. Death is exactly what I deserved.” He paused here for a moment, seemingly deep in thought. “Wait, did you threaten to… you did!
Slow
death?”

Before I could defend myself from this latest accusation (which would have been difficult, as in my extremity I may have mentioned such a fate) or comment on this suspiciously swift change to his forgiving mood, he added thoughtfully, “No, you are quite right. Nothing less would suffice. It’s almost noble to think on.”

Oh God
. “You sound as if you would like to put me to the test! I do not think your idea of a slow death would coincide with mine! I’m not talking about lingering on a comfy pillow, Aleksey.”

“Well, we could do it in the high Roman fashion. I knew there must be a good reason I had to sit through all those hours and hours of tedious lessons as a boy. You, of course, won’t know what I am talking about, because you are little more than a savage who can barely read and write, and most certainly has never read Shakespeare.”

“I beg your pardon, I—”

“Do not even mention being a doctor! The only examinations you carry out these days are illegal.”

“You seem to enjoy them well enough.”

He had the audacity to smirk at this, but just as quickly his mood swung once more. “I allow you to do such things, but
still
you do not see that for what it is.” I then confess I let him take similar liberties with me. He was owed this final surge of anger, and I needed physical demonstration of my genuine contrition. I let him turn me forcibly and was meek as he lowered my breeches. I let him part me with his hands and enter me without preparation. I let him smack me until my flesh below was as painful as that upon my head, and I made no murmur of complaint except the ones he wanted to hear about how big he was and how much it hurt to be thus thrust into when not ready (which was true, so I was not entirely lying for effect).

When he was done, I think he was the first to wonder about the bears. But once articulated, the realization that we had lain so unmindful only a few feet away from such a large gathering made us dress quickly and mount our restless horses. Xavier was quite flighty and difficult on the way back, blaming me for making him kick me, I suspect. My horse and my lover often expressed guilt in the same way.

We continued our very pleasant discussion on the way home, going over once more who had said what and why and what he had really been thinking. We had made something of a specialty of these posthurt examinations, and both enjoyed them immensely. It did occur to me briefly that this level of enjoyment encouraged initial misunderstanding, but then I remembered the moment when he had confirmed to me that he had lied, and knew I would not wish another such moment upon my poor senses if I could help it.

It was during this very pleasant ride home that he told me what he had actually lied about, and I finally understood him. Not only had he volunteered us both for a rescue party to the doomed colony and fort, he had told the other members of the group to meet us at the cabin this very day. After digesting this news, I asked cautiously, “What have you told them about us, Aleksey? How have you… explained us?”

“Well, yes, that was… I was going to tell them we were brothers, but then… that would be ridiculous, as we look so different. I was tempted to tell them the truth and dare them—oh don’t look like that. I did not, of course. No one would believe me anyway—that was uncalled for. So, anyway, I might have let slip once something about being at court, and this was seized upon, of course, so I might have given the impression that I was a nobleman, and they then naturally assumed I was from one of the exiled—”

“Aleksey….”

“I told them I was a displaced noblemen and that you were my doctor.” He twisted Boudica’s mane, frowning. “Which is true, in a way. If you think about it. Oh, do stop looking at me like that! I had to tell them something—admit you exist. I could not say I lived out here all on my own, could I? Why would I do that, when I could have a very comfortable house in the new town?”

“Our cabin is not comfortable enough for you, Your Majesty?”

“I’m not going to dignify that by responding to it.”

“You just did.”

He shut me up by leaning over and kissing me, which was not easy to do on horseback.

Of course, I had no intention of accompanying anyone to a remote (and apparently now empty) colony or fort, and I wasn’t going to let Aleksey go on his own with a pile of soldiers, obviously, so I wasn’t especially worried about having to then listen to his enthusiasm over the whole plan: who was in the rescue party, what provisions they were to take, which colonist families were joining in, and other such things. I interrupted as gently as I could. “Who is going to care for the horses if we join such a force? We have foals, mares in foal. We cannot just up and leave them.”