Against the Odds: A Love Story (18 page)

Why am I suddenly letting the pains of the past come back to haunt me?

I had never had a jealous streak before, and at that moment I was completely surprised by my thoughts. I also knew I needed to stop them before they went any further. I sighed and murmured against his chest, “I'm okay with it, Hayden. Really.”

“Well, I'm not okay with it,” he growled. “But I guess I have no choice.” He held me a little while longer and finally said, “I'd better get going so I can get back here and do some work. And I want to be close by just in case you need me.” He lifted my chin and kissed me. “I promise I won't be there long.”

I forced a smile. “All right.”

Once Hayden was dressed, he made breakfast and brought it in to me. When I had finished, he cleared everything away and sat with me for a little while longer. I knew he hated having to do this.
I
hated that he had to do it.

“Are you gonna be all right?” he asked, squeezing my hand.

“I'll be fine,” I answered with a cheerfulness I didn't truly feel.

“Well, Caroline should be here to check on you soon, but if you need anything before then, call her, all right?”

“I will.”

He looked completely miserable as he stood to leave. Feeling the need to assure him that I was all right with everything, I grinned and said, “Tell Debra we can fix her up with Tom if she'd like. He's available. A tad more mature but available.”

He grinned back. “True, but Tom is my friend. I wouldn't do that to him. Shoot, sugar, I wouldn't put that on my worst enemy, except . . . maybe Jerome.”

I laughed and squeezed his hand. “You are so bad!”

“I know, darlin'. That's why you married me. Well, that and my great abs.”

“This is true,” I agreed with a chuckle.

He sobered. “I have to go.”

“I know.” I glanced down at my hand between his. “I love you,” I said, looking up at him again.

He leaned down, pulled me into his arms, and kissed me warmly and slowly. “I love you too, baby.” He straightened. “I'll see you later.”

“Okay.”

Staring down at me for a moment longer, he leaned down again, kissing me once more before he left.

I quickly discovered that sometimes being left alone with your thoughts is not a good thing. Sometimes thoughts can be very dangerous to your piece of mind. They can lead you down a path you don't want to go, a path you don't even want to explore. Such was the case as I sat in bed through the morning. Hayden still hadn't come back and despite my best efforts, I was beginning to worry.

As I gazed out the bedroom window, my mind unconsciously drifted to Mama and her situation with Daddy. And subsequently from there my thoughts went to Jerome's infidelity. Just as Mama had trusted Daddy, I had trusted Jerome, but he had tossed that trust to the wind, leaving me wary of ever trusting again. And I hadn't, until Hayden.

Trying my hardest not to let these thoughts dwell, I closed my eyes and shook my head against the various mental images my mind began to conjure up. I refused to put Hayden in the same thought sphere as Jerome and my father. He was nothing like either of them, and they could only wish they could be the kind of man he was.

Keeping my mindset in that mode, I reached over and took a stack of magazines from the bedside table.

I flipped through a fashion magazine, and as usual I gasped at a few of the photos, thinking I wouldn't be caught dead wearing some of the stuff being modeled. I didn't think anyone could pay me enough to don some of those outfits. Some of them were clownish, and some bordered obscene. True, I had modeled some clothes that I would never choose to wear myself, but the outfits I modeled did provide ample coverage. If the outfit wasn't modest to some degree, I wouldn't model it. Thankfully, I did have a little say-so in that department.

Bored with the magazine, I was about to close it and reach for another one when a photo of a busty, blue-eyed blond jumped out at me from the page. Instantly, the woman made me think of Debra. I released a low growl and tossed the magazine on the floor. It was at that moment that Caroline came into the bedroom.

“Well, what's got your feathers all ruffled?” she asked, picking the magazine up from the floor.

I quickly smiled and swallowed my feelings. “Nothing. Just a little frustrated.”

“Honey, if you're this frustrated about being in bed
now
, you're gonna explode before you have that baby.” She smiled. “That's gonna be kind of messy, don't you think?”

I grinned and laughed, which is what I knew she had intended. I decided to let her go ahead and think my frustration was over being confined to bed rest. I wasn't about to tell her the real reason.

“Has Hayden been back yet?” Caroline asked, putting the magazine beneath the others on the bed.

“No,” I answered in a monotone voice, trying not to give away my growing feelings of anxiety over that fact.

“I'm sure he'll be here soon. Are you ready for some lunch yet?”

“Sure,” I answered, grateful for all her help.

“All right, I'll go and fix you something now.” When Caroline reached the door, she turned back to me and said, “Hayden can handle her, Raine.”

I looked up in surprise. I hadn't said anything, yet Caroline knew what was on my mind.

“You own that man's heart, girl. Completely.”

I smiled and swallowed hard against the sudden emotion rising in my throat. “I know,” I replied softly.

“Good.” She smiled back and left the room.

It was almost dinner time when Hayden finally came through the front door. Hearing his footsteps coming down the hall, I felt butterflies inside. I had missed him terribly, even more so than normal. I looked up as he entered the bedroom. He smiled, but it didn't seem to reach his eyes.

“How are you doing, baby?” he asked, leaning down to kiss me.

“I'm okay.” My voice belied what I felt inside. I was happy he was home, but at the same time I wanted to ask him why he hadn't come to me before now. Instead I asked, “How did things go today?”

He slipped the dirty t-shirt over his head, sat on the edge of the bed, and pulled off his boots. “It went fine,” he finally answered, not looking at me. He stood and headed to the bathroom.

My heartbeat sped up a little. It wasn't like him to be so quiet. Not around me, anyway.

“Hayden?” I said, just as he was entering the bathroom. “Is . . . is everything all right?”

He smiled and came over and kissed me again. “Everything is fine, darlin'.” And without another word, he went to shower.

I squeezed my eyes shut, determined not to let my imagination run away with me. I trusted Hayden. If he said everything was all right, then I would believe him.

Hayden was unusually quiet that evening. He was loving and attentive as always, but something was wrong. I knew it deep in my soul. Something had happened.

It wasn't until he undressed and got in bed that I finally gathered the courage to bring the subject up. Inside I was still nervous. Actually, I was more than nervous. I was scared to death he would tell me something I didn't want to hear.

“Hayden?” I said as he reached over to turn off the lamp. He paused in his actions to look at me, and the wariness in his gray eyes increased my uneasiness.

“Yeah, darlin',” he answered. When I hesitated he said, “What is it?”

I looked at him for another moment without speaking. Suddenly everything I had planned to say completely left my mind. “Talk to me, Hayden.” When the wary look in his eyes increased, I asked, “What happened this morning? And don't say nothing. You promised to be completely honest with me and I promised you the same.” I lifted a hand to his face and he immediately squeezed his eyes shut. “Talk to me,” I repeated.

He finally opened his eyes and I was startled as I witnessed a mixture of anger and sorrow sweep through them. Tears began to sting my own eyes. “Hayden, please. Don't leave this to my imagination. I have already done that enough today.”

Tears filled his eyes. He gently caressed my face and it was another full moment before he spoke. “I'm so sorry, Raine,” he finally said.

“About what?” I managed to get the words past the painful emotion in my throat.

His bottom lip began to tremble. “I just feel so ashamed.” He paused and looked into my eyes. “That's why I didn't come back by today. I went straight to work because . . . I couldn't come home yet, Raine. I felt ashamed.”

By now hot tears were streaking my face. “Ashamed of what?”

He silently stared at me for a moment before he spoke again. There was so much pain in his eyes, I feared what he was about to tell me. I found myself bracing for his words as a familiar ache began to creep inside me.

“Never in my life have I ever hit a woman. I never let myself get that angry before. But today . . .”

My heart began to hammer in my chest, but for a different reason now. I pressed a hand to his face and caressed his beard. “Tell me what happened, Hayden. Nothing you tell me will change my feelings for you. I promise.”

He took a deep breath, his eyes pleading for understanding, which I was determined to give to him.

“As soon as I got to her place and started unloading the hay, she came out.” He grimaced, as if it pained him to even think about her. “Just like I expected, she started right in on me marrying you. She said a lot of things I don't care to repeat, and some things that aren't worth repeating. I got angry and told her to go back into the house and leave me alone. I said a few other things too that I probably shouldn't have.” He stopped and looked away.

I sat up a little and took his face in my hands, urging him to look at me. “Tell me, Hayden. Tell me everything.”

He gently pulled me back down and wrapped me tightly in his arms. “I'm so sorry, Raine. I didn't mean to do it, but I was so angry . . . and she wouldn't leave me alone.”

“It's okay,” I said softly. “Just tell me.”

He took another deep breath, pulled back a little and again looked into my eyes. “When I opened the door to get back in the truck to leave, she grabbed the front of my shirt and tried to kiss me. She said . . . she said she could satisfy me in a way you couldn't. And I . . .”

I felt his muscles suddenly tense up. “You what?”

“I pulled her hands from my shirt, but she grabbed me again. I . . . I finally shoved her away from me and she fell. I flung her like a rag doll, Raine, and she fell hard. She hit her head.” He paused and wiped his eyes. “I felt awful. I was about to tell her I was sorry and ask if she was all right, but she jumped up and started yelling, calling me every name in the book. Then she started in on you again. I finally got in the truck and left. If I had stayed there any longer . . . I would've really hit her, Raine. I know I would've.” His eyes filled with sorrow again. “I've never completely lost my temper before. I can't believe I did it.” He closed his eyes and turned away.