Afterthoughts: A Charity McAdams Novella (The Charity McAdams Novellas) (2 page)

“
S
o
,
if he asks you tonight, you’
ll say no?”
She dares.

I sigh
. To be honest, this e
ntire line of questioning seems
pointless as I’
m pretty sure that James ha
s no such plans. But I suppose
it’s
a good questio
n. On the off chance that he does
ask me
,
what would I say?

“I guess I would just tell him w
hat I told you. That I think it’
s too soon.”

“So,
let me get this straight,
he’s in a suit, down on o
ne knee in the middle of this perfect
restaurant with a giant ring and the promise that he will love you forever and you would say ‘try again in six months?’”

“
Ashley
, enough!
He is not going to propose to me. Can we please
just drop it already?” I snap
, bordering on yelling.

Ashley
s
inks back into her seat and fixes
her eyes out the front windshield.

A tense silence
settles
between us for the next twenty minutes. The nearest mall is about thirty miles away from our small town world. As much as I
don’
t want to con
tinue this
conversation, I want
to go shopping with a cranky best friend even less.

“I’m sorry,
Ash
. I shouldn’t hav
e yelled at you. I guess I don’
t have a good answer to your question. If J
ames does propose I really don’
t know how I would react. I’ve been engaged before and we both know how well that turned out…”

She turns back toward me.
“I know you’
d be scared
Charity
, I get that, I just don’t want to see you sabotage a really good relationship because of what happened before. Don’t make
James pay for Brandon’s mistake
.”

I know she’
s right. It’s the same pep talk I’ve given to myself a million times over the
past nine months since starting to date James. However, the logic is
having a hard time making it
from my head to my heart. I really care about
James. I trust him and
how he feel
s about me. I can admit that I’
m
probably
falling for him but
there is still a piece of my heart that I am not ready to let go of completely.

Brandon was my high school sweetheart. We
stayed together in college
and got
engaged after our first two years were over
. I spent six months planning our dream wedding and everything was perfect through the rehearsal dinner.
But things took a
turn and by the end of the night the wedding was off and my dreams of happy ever after were smashed to pieces.

Brandon moved to Hollywood to pursue his lifelong dream of being an actor and I stayed behind and started building some serious walls around my heart.

Fast forward three years and Brandon is busy
making a splash as the new “it” guy, starring in two major movies and rumored to be in production on a third
.
He’s o
n the cover of every tabloid magazine photographed with h
is rumored girlfriend, actress Vanessa
Blair. And even though we live in the day of Facebook,
Twitter, email, and text messaging,
I have never heard from him since
the night he called off the wedding
.

Replaying it all in my head I can feel tears starting to build. I blink quickly and give my head a small shake in effort to wipe the memories away.

“I know,” I reply quietly.

Ashley
reaches over and gives my hand a quick squeeze.

*
*
*

Two hours of
shopping later and I am
the proud owner of a proper
cocktail dress that hugs my curves in all the right places. I splurged for
a pair of kick-ass stilettos and some new silver jew
elry to complete the look. I know I won’
t be happy whe
n the credit card statement comes
in the mail
,
but at this moment I feel
pretty good.

Ashley
and I had kept the conversation light as we worked our way through the shops. We stopped for a smoothie halfway through and she s
howed me pictures of the
new jewelry pieces she was working on.
Despite the day’s earlier drama, things seemed to be back to normal again.

By the time I ge
t
back to my townhouse I only have
two hours to shower, dress, and try to tame my naturally curly hair into a sleek chignon (which I
can
assure you is a lot easier said than done).

When I hear
the doorbell ring I quickly put on one fin
al coat of hairspray and rush
,
as much as
my
four inch heels
will
allow,
to the door. I smooth
my
hands down the front of my body hugging
dress
and pull
the door open
.

James is standing there in a suit with a bouquet of a dozen red and white roses.

My heart flutters and my stomach drops. My
previous
assurance that a proposal is the last thing on his mind flies right out the window.

Here we go…

“Hello G
orgeous
!
”
James declares as he steps into the entryway.

“Thank you.
Not too shabby
yourself
,”
I
reply
,
as I
take the flowers
from him and start towards the k
itchen. “These are beautiful
. I think I have the perfect vase.
One sec.
”

He follows me to the kitchen and leans against the doorframe as I retrieve
a vase from a shelf above the sink.
I take my time filling up the vase with water, trying to stop my hands from shaking. I can feel him watching me and I try to think of something to say but the harder I try to think of something interesting
,
the more jumbled my thoughts become.

I set the flowers in the water and throw away the plastic and tissue paper. I spend an extra moment fluffing the bouquet and picking at the arrangement.

As I pick and obsess he crosses the room and wraps his arms around me. He smells amazing and I feel myself relax into his arms.

“How was your day?
” I ask, without turning around.

“Long, I’m ready to relax.
” He leans in and nuzzles my neck. I turn into his embrace and kiss him. He runs his hands down to my hips and I silently thank God for the person who invented
Spanx
.

“I’ve been looking forward to this dinner all week,” he says, between kisses. “But I could be con
vinced to break our reservation
, if you have something else in mind.”

I laugh and take a deep breath. I knew it! If he was really going to propose he wouldn’t be offering to cancel our dinner plans.

“Nope!
You
gotta
buy me dinner first,” I tease as I pull away. “
I did not get all dressed up for nothing.
”

James laughs and backs up a couple steps. “Alright, let’s go.”

He helps me into my coat and leads me out to his car.

Dinner passes quickly with effortless conversation and quite a few glasses of
the house red. By the time
dessert is served
all my previous paranoia seems to have been in vain.
I feel rela
xed and content (although that’
s probably mostly
thanks to the wine) but there’
s still a question mark in my mind as to what the “important conver
sation” is supposed to be. We’
ve talked about James’ work, his friend’s new condo, and the baby
shower I am planning for my sister, Valerie.
I wouldn’t really classify any of that as important, at least, not warranting a fancy dinner, important.

A slice of decadent looking chocolate cake is set do
wn in front of me. I suck in my
stomach a little as I reach for my fork and silently vow to do d
ouble time at the gym tomorrow.

Well, let’s not get crazy. M
aybe I’ll do an extra
twenty on the elliptical.
Maybe.

Before I can take my first bite, James clears his throat.

Uh oh…

I set my fork down.

“
So, Charity, there is one thing I wanted to ask you before the night is over.”

He ta
kes my hands and our eyes lock
. I hope I don’t look as terrified as I suddenly feel. I honestly have no idea why the idea of a marriage proposal makes my insides turn to
Jello
, and not in the fun, tingly sort of way, rather in the unstable, mushy way.

As I study his, suddenly solemn, face
I know that I do love him and that I have for quite some time. He is thoughtful, affectionate, intelligent, and above all, super stable. Everything a girl could ask for. I know he would always treat me right and do his best to make me happy. He wants kids someday and would
be an amazing dad. And he’s cu
t
e
, did I mention that already?

As I run through this mental ch
ecklist I begin to wonder what’
s wrong with me. I should be reading bridal magazines and picking out china patterns already.

“
I’m starting to put together some plans and while w
e have a few
months until August, I didn’
t want to presume anything, but I feel like thing
s with us have been really good,
”
he begins.

I’m not sure what the month of August has to do with anything and if he thinks I can plan an entire wedding in less than three months he n
eeds a serious reality check but
I nod like I know what he is talking abou
t and try to smile, although I’
m quite convinced I just look nauseous.

James doesn’t seem to notice and continues on, “
I know we both agreed not to rush into anything and that we were going to take this whole thing slow but I have completely fallen in love with you, Charity and I think it is time to take things to the next level.
I would really love if we could--
”

“James, hold on,” I interrupt.

He looks confused but stops speaking.

“I need this to go slow, I’m not ready to get married or even start talking about getting married. Things
have
bee
n going really well between us. Trust me, you are everything a
girl could dream of
,
but I’m not ready to get serious, at l
east not that serious,” I explain, rapid fire
.

James releases my hands and leans b
ack into his chair. “Wow. That’
s not what I was expecting.”

“I know.
I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me. I care about you so much, I really do,”

“Charity, I wasn’t proposing to you. I was going to ask if you wanted to rent a beach house together for the month of August and see how we do if we were to live together
,
on kind of a trial basis.”

I feel like someone just dumped ice cold wate
r
over my head. How could I be so stupid? “
Oh
my gosh
.
I’m sorry, I just thought,” my voice trails off
, unsure of what to say next. “I guess the
, uh,
atmosphere
,
just made it seems like something else.”

James looks around the restaurant as if seeing the low lighting, the bottle of wine, and all the people in fancy attire for the first time. As he takes it all in he seems to have an expression of comprehension. He lowers his head and shakes it slowly. “I’m sorry Charity. I didn’t even consider that. I made these reservations weeks ago when you first read the review and mentioned you would like to check it out.”