Afterlife Academy (21 page)

No, Riley. Think of how bad you’ll
feel when you and Wade are back together at home and you’ll always know in the
back of your mind that you kissed another boy. Not that Wade seems to care that
he’s having sex with Sophie behind my back.

“Me too,” Anthony interrupts my
thoughts. “I’m glad we’ve had a chance to get to know each other. If someone
had said to me two weeks ago that I’d be asking Riley Richardson to a dance, I
would have laughed in their face. Come to think of it, if someone had told me
I’d be going to a dance in a ghost school, I’d have laughed in their face too.
But I guess the teachers are right when they say time changes everything.”

“Yeah,” I admit.

If someone had told me I’d be
considering that Wade maybe isn’t that great after all and that the boy we’ve
spent years making fun of is actually really sweet and funny, I’d have died.

But Anthony does not need to
know that.

I shouldn’t even be thinking
this kind of thing. I have to get out of here and go back to Wade, stop him
humping Sophie, and pretend this never happened. My life was perfect before and
I did not want this. Okay, maybe this whole Afterlife Academy thing isn’t quite
as bad as I first thought, and maybe Anthony is really nice. And if we don’t
find that secret exit, then I’ll have to keep trying to get expelled and then
I’ll have to go back without Anthony. So I probably shouldn’t get too attached
to him.

Yeah. It might already be too
late for that.

“Okay,” Anthony says, grinning
like I’ve made his day. “I’ll catch you later sometime. Maybe in the canteen
for dinner?”

“Yeah, sure.” I feel warm inside
as I grin right back at him. “See you then.”

CHAPTER 25

I’ve decided to pull another prank. It’s harmless, it
probably won’t get me into much trouble, and it’s hopefully a lot more fun for
everyone than a fire drill at two in the morning. I read about it on the
Internet and it’s just too good not to try.

I just have to make sure
Narcissa is out of the way first.

The thing is, Narcissa is never
out of the way. She never leaves. Why would she need to? She has a microwave
that can deliver (hopefully) anything she wants at a moment’s notice. Plus I’m
not exactly sure what is out there in Death World. Maybe no one ever leaves
this school. It didn’t exactly look very lively when we came in.

So I wait until night time and
hope Narcissa sleeps really, really well.

I completely ignore the rule
about being outside at night. I figure it doesn’t matter because there’s only
about ten feet between the dormitory and the back door of the canteen. And if I
get caught outside at night again, maybe it’ll just fast-track my expulsion.

I climb out the bedroom window
again. This time I stroke Charlie on my way past and he doesn’t growl so much.

Maybe he’s learning to like me
too.

Too bad I’m getting out of here
soon.

I climb down the same way I did
when I was meeting Anthony and eventually end up on the ground. I’m hidden
around the back of the building and I hope that there won’t be any teachers
prowling around here.

Or anything else, hopefully.

I push open the canteen window
and climb in.

The place is deadly silent at
this time of night, and as I creep towards the counter and slip down the secret
stairs behind it, I can hear soft snoring.

Surprising for someone with fire
breath.

I creep over to the microwave.
It seems to be asleep too.

Two weeks ago I would have been
shocked at the thought of a sleeping microwave, but now nothing surprises me,
especially considering my roommate has a pumpkin that would bite you as soon as
look at you.

I tap the microwave lightly on
its side and one of the green lights on the front illuminates. I pull the door
open and whisper, “Three live pigs,” to it.

I close the door again but a red
light flashes on the front and it doesn’t start.

I stare at it for a moment.

Maybe it’s trying to tell me it
can’t do it.

But if it can materialise
anything, then surely a couple of pigs won’t be a problem. I’m sure it can do
bacon, after all.

Maybe three pigs are too much
for it.

I open the door and whisper,
“one live pig,” instead, and this time when I close the door, the microwave
starts.

A few seconds later there is a
medium-sized pink pig inside the microwave as it pings.

It’s a bit of a squash in there.
The pig is sitting down with its legs squeezed in and its head bent over where
it touches the top of the microwave.

It snorts softly as I open the
door and reach in to get it out.

It’s the cutest little thing
ever. Whoever thought I would be saying that about a pig?

The pig struggles in my arms and
tries to jump down onto the floor, but I tuck him under my left arm. I wish I’d
thought to bring something to put them in.

With one pig under my arm, I
repeat the same process with the microwave as I ask it for another pig.

A few seconds later, the door
pings again to reveal another cute little pink pig inside.

I tuck the second pig under my
right arm and honestly, they’re a bit of an armful. Two pigs and I still need
another one yet.

They’re making quiet little
squealing noises and aggravating each other. I really wish I’d have thought to
ask the microwave for a basket or something to put them in. Somehow I have to
get back outside with these.

I lean down—no easy task with a
pig under each arm—and ask the microwave for the third and final pig.

The moment I shut the door, the
light in the room is switched on and I jump so much that one of the pigs
shrieks and squirms its way out from under my arm and lands on the floor.

Narcissa is standing in the
doorway staring at me.

“Oh my god,” I yelp as I somehow
catch the second pig and hoist him back into my arms at exactly the same moment
the microwave door jumps open and the third pig inside starts squealing.

“Sausages have to be dead before
you can eat them,” Narcissa says.

“They’re not for eating,” I say.

“Riley…” she starts.

“I can explain,” I say. “I’m
sorry. I know I’ve broken into your house, but I need these pigs and I knew
you’d never agree if I asked you. I didn’t mean to wake you up.”

To say that she’s pissed off
would be an understatement.

“At least it’s you and not some
random thief who’s found out about my microwave.”

“I’m not stealing,” I protest.
“It’s not like I’m hurting anyone.”

“You could have just asked me. I
thought we were friends.”

“We are! I just didn’t think
you’d understand. I’m sorry.”

My arms are aching from carrying
the two squirming pigs, and the one still inside the microwave has just
amplified its squealing by a few decibels.

Eventually Narcissa stops
glaring at me to walk over and take it out of the microwave.

“Aren’t you a cute little
thing,” she says to it. “Such a pretty little piggy wiggy. Would you like a drink
of water, darling? Of course you would. I’ll get you all something to eat,
lovely little piggies.”

“So… you’re a pig person,” I
say.

“Oh, they’re just the sweetest
little things.” She smiles at the pig. She is definitely not smiling at me. “I
heard you coming from the moment you jumped out of the dorm room window. I
pretended to be asleep to catch you in the act. When I heard you ask for three
pigs I had to stand back and see where it was going. What are you doing, Riley?
Performing a re-enactment of the three little pigs and the big bad wolf?”

I can’t help but giggle at that
despite myself.

“Here.” She sets down a
newspaper and a water bowl in her kitchen. “Put your pigs down. I’ll make them
something to eat. You can make us a cup of tea and explain what the hell you
think you’re doing.”

“Are you mad at me?” I ask as I
put the pigs down on the newspaper and wash my hands. I don’t know why I asked,
it’s obvious that she is.

She shrugs but she’s banging her
cupboard doors a little too loudly as she looks for something to feed the pigs.

“I just wish you’d have asked
me, Riley, rather than sneaking around in the middle of the night. Mainly I’m
relieved it’s you and not some other little rat who’s found my secret weapon.”

“I didn’t tell anybody,” I say
as if it helps my case.

“That’s not the point, is it?”

I sigh as I set about making two
cups of tea. Normally I’d say something snarky like ask the microwave to do it,
but I don’t think I’m in any position to be asking the microwave for anything
right now.

“Are you going to tell Eliza
Carbonell about this?” I ask.

I know I’ll probably get
expelled for it and save all the trouble, but I still don’t like the idea of
getting caught doing something bad.

Narcissa sighs. “As it’s you,
Riley, no. I’m not going to tell anyone, but I’d appreciate you asking me next
time you want something. I don’t even mind you coming down to get it yourself.
I just don’t like you sneaking around my apartment in the middle of the night
doing God knows what with these poor pigs. Ri, you remind me of myself. I liked
you from the first time I served you. Times like these I find myself wondering
why I do, but I know that you’re going through a hard time at the moment with
being recently deceased and what’s happening with your boyfriend and everything
else, but you could have asked me if you needed something. I’d be in big
trouble with Eliza Carbonell myself for letting a student use the microwave for
their own purposes.”

“I didn’t know that,” I say
honestly.

“No harm done. But that said, I
do think the very least you owe me is an explanation. An honest one at that.
Not some bullshit you’ve just thought up. If this is some ploy to make yourself
popular again or—”

“It’s not,” I interrupt.

“Well, whatever it is that
you’re up to that involves three live pigs, I would dearly love to know.”

I pour milk into both our cups
and set them on the table as Narcissa tips something into a bowl and sets it
down in front of the pigs.

They make appreciative snorting
noises as they attack it like they haven’t eaten in a year.

“Now then,” Narcissa says. She
takes the seat opposite me. “What are you doing?”

I sigh.

“I’m trying to get expelled,” I
admit finally.

“Expelled?” she asks like it’s
the most ridiculous thing she’s ever heard.

I nod, feeling increasingly stupid
by the minute.

“Good God, why?”

“Because I have to go back to
Wade,” I admit. “This place is messing my head up. I love Wade. I have for
years and I can’t just let that go.”

“I thought Wade was cheating on
you? With your best friend, no less.”

“Thanks for reminding me,” I
mutter. “But if I go back, I might be able to go back to before the crash, to
before Wade and Sophie started up a thing. I can change it.”

“Oh, honey, you can’t change
anything. I don’t see why you would even want to. No matter what you had or
thought you had with this boy, the fact is that he’s cheating on you. If he can
do it once, he can do it again.”

“Yes, but I’m dead, aren’t I?
Maybe it doesn’t count as cheating if one party is deceased. He wouldn’t do it
if I was there. Neither would Sophie.”

“What about your nice friend,
Anthony?” she asks. “You’re just going to leave him?”

“You don’t understand,” I moan.
“He’s one of the reasons I have to get out of here. I’m completely devoted to
Wade, but the more time I spend with Anthony, the more I’m starting to see that
Wade has some flaws, and Anthony is… Well, Anthony is… I don’t know. He’s just
Anthony.”

“I know you don’t want to hear
it, but that sounds to me like you need to spend more time with Anthony and
less time fixated on the person who is jumping into bed with your best friend
less than a fortnight after he caused the accident that killed you.”

“What I need to do is go home,”
I tell her. “Go back to my life. Back to how things were. Everything was just
perfect until it all got so messed up. I need that back.”

“So you’re trying to get
yourself expelled?”

I nod sullenly.

“Dare I ask what three little
pigs have got to do with that?”

“They’re just a prank,” I say. I
pull a marker pen out of my pocket and hold it up.

“I was going to write on them.
Label them numbers one, two, and four and then let them loose in the school.
The teachers will spend all day looking for number three.”

Narcissa stares at me for a
while, and I think she is going to go mad. She is going to think I’m cruel to
animals and report me to the head teacher or possibly fry me with her fire
breath.

Then she bursts out laughing.

She keeps laughing until she is
gasping for air and snorting almost as much as the pigs.

“That is one of the funniest
things I’ve ever heard,” she breathes out eventually.

“So you’re not mad?”

“I think you’re crazy, Riley,
but that’s an excellent prank.”

“Thanks, I—”

“They won’t expel you though,”
she says. “They
can’t
expel you.”

“Why not?”

“There’s nowhere for you to go,”
she says. “You can’t go back home, no matter how much you want to. Getting
yourself thrown out won’t happen. It can’t happen.”

I’m about to protest but she
continues, “There’s no body for you to go back to in your old dimension, Ri.
Your physical body is in the ground. There’s nothing else. You can’t see what’s
outside of these grounds until you graduate from Afterlife Academy. The only
way out of here is to graduate. Trying to get expelled won’t work. It could get
you in a lot of trouble though. Kids have been in detention for months for
doing much less than releasing some pigs.”