After The Wedding (3 page)

I know that when I get home, I’m a little exhausted too, but my exhaustion is different from Justin’s, and I do understand that he has a very different type clientele from mine, who are quite demanding, that causes him to listen very intently and sort out so many details related to each case.  I am constantly having to remind myself of this, and still try to communicate to keep the marriage in a good place and show him that I am very interested and concerned about his work and do love him very much, but he’s making me feel that I have fallen short on something and wondering what it could be. I never thought the honeymoon would last forever, but I also didn’t think that the marriage would go cold so quickly or the possibility of it ending.

I have ventured into a very different part of the life that I had as a single woman, and its name is “marriage.” I am not familiar with it, because I’ve never done it before, but I’m trying to learn along the way and had hopes that Justin would do the same, because it is new for him also. I want it to be a learning experience that is happy and healthy for both of us and don’t want to do it alone. I don’t quite understand what’s happening, or if it will stop and just fade away.  I’ve carefully thought about it and clearly see that I did not cause this; I have done my complete best in every way.  I just need Justin to realize the same and work on our marriage with me. 

Is the
going to be over so soon, before it barely began?  We just got married for goodness sake and   something has to give!  If he continues to act differently for the next couple or three days, I’m going to confront him calmly and ask a few questions.

Two days have passed and his attitude is totally different, getting worse by the day.  I’ve rushed home and cooked a great meal, served with wine.  Okay, let me compose myself, he’s coming through the door. “Justin, honey, how are you, how was your day?” “You’re late again, what’s going on now?”  “Are you still bogged down with paperwork?” “Hmm, have you changed colognes, because this one smells a little different?” I haven’t bought him a new one lately and he doesn’t buy his own and he usually calls me by my special name that only he uses, which is Liz, now he calls me Elizabeth and says that he’s tired and will just eat, shower and go to bed.  What did I do? I only asked him about work. He never mentioned anything about the meal, whether he enjoyed it or not, just no comment at all, not even a thank you.

He was so caring and loving and very attentive while we were dating and on our honeymoon.  What has happened?  Actually, I’m afraid to focus on it, for fear that I might read too much into it, but I really need to know what’s going on in order to know how to approach the problem and if it can be helped.

I just won’t go to the business tomorrow, which is Tuesday and since it’s the beginning of the week, it’s also a little slower, so after Justin leaves for work, I’ll call him at 9 or 9:30. Tuesday couldn’t get here quick enough. I can’t seem to take my eyes off the clock, so I will make the call now, since it’s almost 9:30.

“Hi honey! I thought I’d give you a call to see if you’d like to have lunch with me today and just enjoy ourselves like we used to,” (up until a few weeks ago).  Now, he’s a little too busy for lunch and says he’ll just see me at home after work, and hung up the phone, never saying once that he loved me, which should be understood, but it also helps to hear it. “Well, I love you to!”  He always had time for me, on any day, and it didn’t matter what his work load was, something is wrong!  I decided to leave home and do some surveillance work that I was not accustomed to, not knowing how it really works, but I’ll do my best, because I’ve got to find out what’s going on in Justin’s life, other than work. I found a discreet parking area and will find something to do until Justin leaves his office. I will just look around in a few shops near his office and afterwards, go across the street from his building to the deli, and have lunch at a table that gives a good view of the building.

I sat down and said “Oh, waitress, will you bring the house special, it looks very good, with ice tea, three lemon wedges, and a straw please.” Before I could finish, I glanced up for a second and out comes Justin, but he’s not alone and who is the woman with him? I don’t recognize her; I thought he was too busy for lunch.  My mind tells me to stay calm and don’t approach him, just leave and follow them, trying not be seen.  I parked a few blocks away and had to run, thinking that I might lose them before getting to my car, but Justin drove slow, and I finally got them in sight.

After thirty minutes or so of driving, Justin turns into a hotel drive-way, the Hilton, we never came here!  I guess, because it is a little off the beaten path. Justin leans over and kisses her; I feel sick and at the same time wanting to get out of the car and attack him, wondering who the woman is, but I have to follow them into the lobby.  Justin goes to the front desk and gets a card key.  Somebody made reservations.  I want to sit down, because I feel so sick, but I can’t, I’ve got to follow through with this.  I wonder what name he used to check in, I guess it doesn’t matter now, because it’s after the fact.  I can’t take it, and it looks like they’ve gone to the 5
th
floor, I’ve got to get out of here.  I’ll wait in the car, no matter how long it takes. It’s 1:00 pm now, and I know what’s going on without thinking about it and certainly not the lunch that I had in mind. It’s 3:30 pm and they finally emerge, with him all over her, he took his tie and jacket off, and unbuttoned his shirt. He’s suddenly sexy again. After two and a half hours, I’m screaming inside, trying to hold myself together!  When is he going to stop kissing her and start the d…… car?

I started to get out, but he started to drive off. 
I’ll call him on his cell. Let me compose myself.  “Hi honey, I hope I didn’t call at a bad time, I just miss you and really wanted to have lunch together earlier.”  “No, it’s okay, you didn’t call me at a bad time; I’m just finishing up the paperwork on this case that we’ve been working on for a while, and haven’t had time to fit lunch in.  I’m so exhausted from the whole case.  I love you and I’ll see you when I get home.”

He hangs up the phone again, and didn’t say he loves me, but I can only assume that he didn’t want his woman to hear him, and might not know that he’s married. He’s such a fool, not knowing that I’m parked behind them, actually two cars behind, and she’s almost pushing him out of the door. You lying bastard, I’m looking right at you and you won’t like it when you get home! I need to compose myself. No, I’m not going to do anything today. I’m too upset and might do something that I’ll regret for the rest of my life. I’ll deal with it on another day, some other way.

I need to talk to someone before I burst at the seams! Jessica has always been very supportive as a friend and we’ve known each other for over ten years. I phoned her, and she listened to every word, all of the nasty details and couldn’t believe that after a short time being married, Justin would do this to me, disrespecting our marriage vows, and she suggested that we meet for lunch to give some insight on how to handle it, which isn’t very clear right now. At this point, I’m devastated!  She and I met for lunch, but I came very close to canceling it because of not feeling rational enough to talk about it again, but after meeting, we both decided that the best way to handle it was to observe for another week to see if this has developed into a routine for him with the same person at the same time and place.

Two weeks passed and I hired a real investigator to follow Justin, because it was too much for me. The investigator phoned and I went to his office and was given the report, which showed that he met several different women at different hotels and have driven some to motels, with addresses and photos, that weren’t worth spending my time or looking at. The investigator said that there’s no reason to continue to follow him any longer, because, it seems as though he will never run out of being with different women and I will only be wasting my money, which is a lot. I paid the investigator $15,000 and thanked him as he tilted his head and said good luck.

CHAPTER 13

A strange awakening

Since Jessica and I met, I’ve been feeling a little strange in the mornings and sometimes in the early afternoon, with a feeling of exhaustion. I phoned Jessica and she suggested that I buy one of those over the counter pregnancy kits. If I’m pregnant, it will put a different light on everything, and I’ll never get him out of my life if this marriage isn’t going to survive, and right now, survival looks very far off and dim. I called my mother Tennie, and asked if she could come to New York. I didn’t want Justin to know, so I made reservations at a hotel downtown for three days in her name.  She was very happy to see me, since we’ve only talked on the phone since the wedding. 

Well, I bought the test kit, but was so nervous, that I misread it and didn’t know whether I was pregnant or not, so I made an appointment with my doctor, taking my mother with me.  After a few tests, I was warmly surprised to hear that I was not pregnant, just stressed in a big way.  I knew I was stressed, but didn’t know that pregnancy was similar. He prescribed rest for a few days and suggested that I drink warm milk nightly before going to bed.  Instead of going to my business, I left each morning to visit my mother at the hotel and spent the day with her, giving her the details on what was happening between Justin and me.  She understood how I felt and offered any support that she could give, short of going to Justin’s office or calling my dad, because if he handled it, it would be done the old fashioned way, then I would be forced to hire the best attorney in the state, to save him from prison or a death penalty, so it was best that he never knew, or if anything, nothing more than getting a divorce, and no more. I felt stronger just being near her.  She came on a Tuesday and left on Friday evening.  She was a blessing to me.

CHAPTER 14

Trying to survive

I am on my usual routine with work at the boutique and home life, even though the thought of what happened is hurting me so badly.  Justin comes home from work, eats his dinner, that I had delivered and threw the containers away. He never notices that it was not home cooked, he actually thinks that I cooked like a house maid for most of the day in the kitchen, not a chance now. He kisses me on the cheek or forehead and says he’s tired, then showers and goes to bed routinely. 

What happened to pulling me into his arms, kissing me passionately and making wild and crazy love to me?  I think it’s more than over now. I bought a beautiful black lace teddy for our honeymoon, and he couldn’t stay away from me.  I put it on the night we got back home and he never noticed, he only kissed me good night and stayed in one position all night, with his back to me. We barley make love anymore.  I didn’t know why at first, but after everything that has happened, now I do. What happened to the man who couldn’t keep his hands and body off me? I never changed any of the things that I did that were so exciting to him, things that gave him signals and made him very hot.

I know my reason for marrying Justin, but what was his for marrying me? I thought it was mutual love for both of us, or was I just something to be conquered or some kind of notch on his sex ass? I can’t focus like I should. I am so low right now, feeling embarrassed and humiliated. Whoever said “who could feel so low with so much money,” must be from another world.

I decided to follow again, off and on for a week and he’s doing the same thing, and again, with different women. I’m married to a sexual pervert!

I think it’s time to confront him as soon as he gets home today. I always thought that if something like this happened in marriages, it always happened later than sooner, but not in this case. I think I let his body and sex overtake my mind, and of course I was pre-planning a wedding before I met the right man and had everything ready for it, and as I look around, I have no one to blame but myself, but we all have our weaknesses.

With all of this, I can’t concentrate, and have put my business on the back burner without realizing it.  I can’t go on this way. My clientele are wondering where I am, and if I don’t get myself together, there’ll be gossip and my sales might plummet.

CHAPTER 15

Losing it

I hear Justin coming through the door, “Hi honey, did you have a busy day?” “What are you talking about, I’ve been working.” I responded with “Working at what, screwing around?” I saw you walk out of your office building with a woman that I am sure is not one of my friends and when I saw you kissing her, I was certainly sure she wasn’t anyone I know. (But thinking to myself, for some strange reason, she looked somewhat familiar, but I just can’t fit the link in right now)  Justin asked, “What are you talking about?”  I’m screaming at the top of my voice, saying “Don’t try to lie and get out of it, I followed you and the b……to the Hotel and waited outside for more than an hour, when the two of you finally came out, and I hired a private investigator, who later told me that there was no use to continue to surveillance you, because I would be wasting my money, because of all of the different women, from all over the place!!!”  “I just want to know why you wanted to get married!!!” “I thought you really loved me Justin!” He then says in an arrogant voice, “Well now, since you really want to know why, I’ll tell why right now!!!” He was screaming at the top of his voice. “I was trying to marry before my friend, Sam, got married!!!” It was all a dare and I won!” “You know, I liked you, but just didn’t and still don’t love you like I know I should have and I don’t love anyone, not now anyway and can’t be tied to one woman and I don’t expect you to understand!” “I’m relieved and glad that you saw us, because she’s not the only one, she’s just one of many, as you and your investigator discovered!!!” “You’ll accept me for what and how I am or you won’t have me at all, and I don’t think you’d like that very much!” “I’ll do whatever I want, whenever I please and that’s it, end of discussion.”!!!