After the Before (16 page)

Looking in her beautiful blue eyes, my heart stops, along with it
, my breathing. Did I just hear her right? Did she just say she loves me? I can’t say it back, even though on a subconscious level, I feel the words circulating through my veins.

Again, she reads my panic. “I don’t expect you to say it back
, or even feel that way toward me. I just wanted you to know.” Her smile melts my insides.

“You still didn’t answer my question, Ja
s. Who hurt you?”

She averts her eyes. “My mom.” Her voice is barely over a whisper,
but I hear it, and I jump when I understand what she has said, startling her and she begins to cry. “She warned me the first time.”

“The first time?” I want her to clarify.

“I came to class and you asked me what happened.” I nod, remembering the cuts. “Margret threw a glass liquor bottle on the floor. It shattered, and she dragged me by my hair through it, and then slapped me across the face to drive her point home.” She reaches up and touches her cheek, remembering.

I’m speechless. Actually shocked. I knew Margret favored Jace, but beating her
own daughter, using me as the excuse to do it?
Come on.
How could she hate Jasmine so much she would hurt her? I look into Jasmine’s eyes and try to find the answer, “And the next time?”

“Andrew came over after school to drop off my math book. When he left
, he said, “have fun with Alex,” or something like that, but he said your name and that I was going to see you. She had already warned me once.” She breaths in deep and takes so long to finish, I think she has fallen asleep. “She punched me in my ear.” She points to her discolored ear. “Threw a glass vase and hit me in the head. That’s what the gash is from.” She touches the side of her head tenderly.

“The marks on your back
… what are they from?” I’m not sure I can tolerate or hear anymore, but I have to know.

She swallows back her emotions. “She took off her belt…” but then she cracks and starts crying again.

I pull the box of hotel tissues over to me and hand her one, while clicking the pieces together. Her mom hit her with the buckle, several times by the looks of things. “Jas, did your mom hit you with the metal part of the belt?”

“And that’s not the worst part.” She sniffles.

‘
How is that not the worst part?’

“She said if I talked to you again, she would smother my dad in his sleep. That’s why I’ve been
trying to stay away from you. I want to think she wouldn’t, Alex, but she has so much hate for me that I believe she would take him away from me, because she knows how much I love him. She would do that just because she hates me that much.” Her body is shaking next to mine.

“
Dammit, Jasmine. You need to tell someone… you should have told
me
.”

“I can’t. I shouldn’t have told you.
Remind me to never drink, because I obviously get diarrhea of the mouth.” My strong girl is trying to make a joke.

I smile at her. If she hadn’t been such a blabbermouth, we might not be here together
right now. “Alright, let’s get some sleep. We can sleep in as long as we want, especially since I don’t have a roommate anymore.” The thought places a smile on my face.

“I thought Andrew was your roommate. What happened to him?” Jasmine looks over at Andrew’s side of the bed, noticing for the first time that it’s empty.

“I took care of it. Believe me, if he stayed in here after you told me what he did, he’d get several bloody noses throughout the day, every day. Let’s just say getting him out of here is me helping him out.” She smiles. Her hair is dangling over me, framing her face. Her eyes are glassy, bright blue. “Eres hermosa.” 

She pulls her bottom lip
between her teeth, and at that moment, it’s the only thing I’m able to concentrate on.

“What does that mean?” Her voice is seductive. She’s making it extremely hard for me not to take her right here.

“You’re beautiful.”

She leans down, pressing her lips to mine almost desperately. Leaning toward her, I wrap my arms around her lightly, careful not to jostle her injuries. Turning her slowly, I place her unde
rneath me, leaning my body halfway over hers, our lips never parting.

My fingers glide over the curve of her hip, to her waist,
and continue along her rib cage; each little divot driving me closer to the edge of insanity. I trace the curve of her breast, sensuously with the tips of my fingers, then cup the side in my palm.

Her hands are wondering up and down my back and sides, tickling me when she reaches my
midsection. I’m completely aroused being this close to her, breathing in her scent; I’m fighting to maintain control.

When her fingers snake into the waistband of my briefs and slide around to the front, my heart pounds harder. She reaches in, wrapping her hand around my
erection, halting my breathing completely. I almost release at the feel of her skin on mine. The only noise I hear is the quiet moan that crosses my lips against hers, and I feel her smile.

Some of my senses are coming back to me.
We shouldn’t be doing this, but it’s impossible for me to stop touching her, having her touch me.

N
ow that I have tasted and touched her soft skin, I couldn’t fathom not being able to do this. She’s like a drug to me; how I resisted her this long is mind boggling.

Finally, the rational part of my brain wins out and I pull away from her. My breathing is heavy and I have to swallow more than once before I can form words. “Jasmine.” I whisper in her ear as she trails kisses down my neck. She ignores me.

“Jasmine.” I repeat. This time she looks at me and I think, ‘
maybe it was a bad idea to have her look at me.’
That face could get me to do anything she wanted.

She’s beautiful
. Her lips are wet and plump from our kissing, her cheeks flushed with anticipation, and her eyes are staring at me with all the trust in the world.

‘
How could I let her trust me?’

I feel like I’ve already let her down in some way. The glassy gaze in those same eyes show me that she’s too drunk to be having any kind of physical encounter.

Normally, I would take advantage of a night out drinking with a girl, as long as she knew beforehand what we were getting into. I would never take advantage of a girl, especially not Jasmine… I care about this girl too much.

“We can’t do this
, precioso. We’re both too messed up for this tonight, and regardless of that, I wouldn’t want it to happen this way. I want both of us to remember every second of it.” Mind you, this is extremely hard to express while she’s still handling me; they are the last words I want coming out of my mouth at this moment.

She stops
, but slowly slips her hand from my briefs. “You want to just go to sleep?” Her voice is sweet and silky in this dark room.

“Yeah.
Is that cool with you?” It worries me that she will feel like I’ve rejected her.

“
Yeah.” She says, and snuggles up to my side, placing her head on my chest.

“Alex?” I can hear the nervousness in her voice. “I’m a virgin.” She pauses. “I just wanted you to know.”

              Relief floods through me. I’m so thankful that I stopped our progress. It needs to be perfect for her; not like this in a hotel room, drunk, after some other jerk tried to have his way with her, and especially after divulging that her mother beats her for talking to me. No, tonight is not the night for such an occasion.

I remain silent. I mean, what do you say to that? My only instinct is to pull her closer to me. She wraps her legs around me, propping her hip half way on mine
.

“Goodnight,
cariño” I say, with my lips pressed to her hair.

“Night, Allleeexssss…” Jasmine begins to fall asleep, slurring out the end of my name.

Falling asleep is an easy task, with my angel in my arms and the fresh feel of her lips on mine… I am at peace tonight, for the first time, in a long, long time.

Chapter Twenty-Five

Jasmine

When I wake up with a smile plastered to my face, all I can think about is my dream. My very, very good dream. As warm sensations begin filling my body, I become aware that the blankets have nothing to do with it. The dream I had was not a dream at all. I am in Alex’s room, in his bed, wrapped in his arms. I refuse to open my eyes, afraid the moment will end.

“Jasmine,” His deep voice vibrates against my ear. “You awake?”

I smile against his chest. “How’d you know I was awake?”

“Your breathing changed.” How long has he been awake listening to me breathe?

Suddenly, becoming very aware of how close we are and the little amount of clothes that separate us, I begin to become self-conscious. Had last night only happened because
we’d been drinking? Did he want me to leave, but wanted to avoid being rude? Feeling all kinds of emotion, I try to pull away from him.

He tightens his grip, preventing me from moving. “Don’t.” He whispers in my ear. “Stay with me.”

“You really want me here?” I want him to say it again, to make sure I heard him right the first time.

“Si. I want you here. In fact, Andrew moved out for the rest of the week. Why don’t you move in?” I look at him,
thinking about his offer. “You don’t have to sleep with me. We can get housekeeping to put new sheets on that bed.” He strokes my hair, looking over at Andrew’s old bed. “I would much rather you choose to sleep with me though, ‘cause I am really liking this.”

Tilting my head, I offer
him my lips. I want him to make the first move, since my confidence left my system, just like the alcohol.
Liquid courage… HA! More like liquid stupid.

He seems to understand what I’m offering and leans down to press his lips to mine. His kiss is even better now that the numbness is absent from my lips. His hands stay in one place, seeming worried to travel my body. Giving him approval, I trace my fingers over his side and dip the tips of my fingers in his waistband. He’s excellent on picking up my signals and slips his hand under my borrowed tank. His fingers are warm against my body, tracing slow searing patterns along my ribs. His tongue glides over the part in my lips, enticing me to open them. I protest and tease for a moment before meeting my tongue with his. When they touch, softly and slippery, a soft sigh escapes me, encouraging him to pull me closer to his hard muscular body, a place that I very much enjoy. If I died right now, the
After
wouldn’t seem so bad.

Right then, a flash of Margret smothering my father flashes before my eyes, causing me to pull away from Alex and gasp.

“Alex. I can’t do this.” I’m shaking my head, on the verge of crying again.

“Si, we can.” He nestles me to him, tight against his body. I do
n’t struggle against him. When he touches me, I turn to jello.

“What if she finds out?” Saying her name hurts too much, but he knows who I mean.

“A couple of my guys are the only ones who know I helped you home. Nobody even knows you’re in my room right now.” His smile is mischievous. “No one needs to know. We can be a secret if you want, at least until we figure out what to do about your mother.” He growls the word out.

My mind is spinning. If I stayed in Alex’s room the entire week, Molly will surely blab. She has no idea where I am, but she could also tell one of the chaperones I’ve been missing and they would check into it.
If they called Margret and told her about it, my father would be doomed.

“Ja
s, you’re overthinking things.” he speaks into my ear, reading the worry on my face. I can’t believe he’s not taking this as serious as I am.

Before I think about my words
, they’re out into the air. “You’d be overthinking it too if it was your dad being threatened to be killed!”

My mouth drops open,
and instantly, I’m ashamed of my words. That was not how I meant that to sound.

He moves me off his chest to turn away from me and sit up on the side of the bed. One of my hands is still touching his back. I scoot to him and straddle his back, as if we were
on a motorcycle together. I wrap my arms around him and place my cheek between his shoulder blades. I can hear the way his breathing has changed from slow and even to quick and agitated.

“Alex… I’m so sorry. I cannot believe I just said that.
You have to know that is not how I meant it. She is threatening to smother my dad to death to get back at me. Please understand what I mean?” My words grow thick and uneven. “Please, Alex. I’m just so scared.”

He turns to me, picking me up somehow and placing me on his lap, my legs wrapping around him
. I place my face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in, wondering if he’s going to kick me out now.

I feel a tear escape my eye and run down his chest like a raindrop. He pushes me up so he can see my eyes. “It’s alright. You’re safe now. We’ll figure something out together about Margret.”

“Are you mad at me… for what I said?” Searching his face, I see no anger or animosity. All I see is desire, lust, and maybe something else that neither one of us is ready to admit. On that thought, flashes of last night begin to bombard me, and I suck in a shocked breath. Did I really tell Alex that I loved him? I think I also might have told him I was a virgin.
OH. MY. GOD.
I am an idiot.

He notices the sudden change,
and looks at me curiously, “What’s wrong? You look startled.”

“Do you remember last night?” I ask
almost bashfully.

“Si. Do
you
?” His eyes are playful and he’s smiling.

What else did we do? I know we kissed, a lot. I know we touched, a lot
, but what else am I missing?

“Not all of it.” My voice is embarrassed. “Can you fill me in?” I look at him
, and he seems to understand.

“We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re worried about. I would
never do that to you… at least not while you’re drunk.” His smile is ear to ear, and I think I catch a bit of pink on his tan face.

“That’s part of it.” I put my face in my hands, the warmth already consuming my features. “I’m such an idiot.” I shake my head back and forth.

He laughs, pulling my hands down at the same time. I’m glad he finds this so amusing. It’s not like I drink, as in, ever. The last time alcohol touched my lips, Jace told me it would be fun. I ended up throwing up all night.

“Don’t hide from me
, mamacita. You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything with me.”

I study him
, and I know he means it. His face is serious. “What did I tell you?” There’s more than one meaning in that question.

He laughs again. “Would you like a recap of the night?”

I nod, hiding my face against his neck again. “Yes, please.” I laugh softly. “I remember Andrew, walking on the beach, running into someone and trying to get around him. From there, it’s only glimpses, most of them have you in them.”

“Alright, I’ll start from when I kicked Mario’s ass for messing with you.”

“You did what?” I remembered some of it. Some guy trying to… I’m actually not sure what he was trying to do.

“I warned him and everyone else not to touch you again
… Ever. He failed to listen to an order, and that’s how we take care of business.” He’s waiting for me to protest, but I know nothing about his world, so I stay quiet, waiting for him to finish. “Well, after I took care of him, you went over and slapped the shit out of the girl I was with.”

I couldn’t help it. I start laughing hysterically. “I can’t believe I actually did that.
You know, I’ve always wanted to do that to someone.”

He’s laughing with me, jostling me around on his lap. “Yeah, I’m surprised you didn’t yell out, ‘I’m Rick James bitch!’ and
then
slap her.”

My laughing slows as I think about Alex with another girl. I’m definitely jealous. The girl from last night is the same one from the bathing suit store, the one that was talking about him, sexually.

“Alex, can I ask you something?”

“You know you can.”

“Did you have sex with her, the girl at the fire?” I explain before he starts to answer. “When I went to get my new suit, she was there at the store. She was talking to her friends, telling them about what you two had
accomplished
, I guess you can say. I just…” I just, what? I have no control over him. He can do and be with whoever he wants.

“No, muneca. I didn’t sleep with her.” He pauses and looks directly in
to my eyes. “I couldn’t stop thinking about
you
.” He traces his pointer finger from the bottom of my ear, down my jaw, and softly traces my lower lip.

I breathe out a sigh of relief. I may have been holding my breath, I’m not sure at this point. “
Okay.” Is all I can think of to say.

“So
, after you slapped her silly, we went for a swim.” My eyes grow wide. “Hey, you’re very strong willed. I tried to talk some sense into you, but you went in anyway.” I look at him with a warning glare. “Don’t worry, I went in after you. I mean, you did strip your shirt off and tell me to come and save you.”

“Oh,
no! Can last night get any lamer at this point? I’m so sorry… for all of it.” I feel like a total dumbass.

Alex leans back and lifts my chin. “Don’t be shy with me.” His smile reveals more than his words ever could
, and then he has to ruin it. “I mean, who would have thought the first time I’d see you topless would be while you were wasted and in the ocean swimming.”

I slap his chest. “Stop teasing.”

He laughs, “Let’s see… where did I leave off at? Oh, yeah, you topless in the water.” He smiles again. “We stood in the water for a while, then…” His smile falls fast remembering something from the night before.

“That bad?” I ask.

He pulls me close and absent-mindedly rubs my arms protectively. “Then I saw your bruises. Looking at you like that…”

T
ears begin to well up in my eyes. I look down, ashamed. “I’m sorry.” I whisper.

“Jasmine, look at me.” I meet his eyes without hesitation. “This is in no way your fault.
”

“No Alex,
I could have stayed away. I could have avoided talking to you.” I’m a whimpering mess. 

“No. I don’t think you could have.” A small sad smile lifts up the corner of his lips.

I know he’s right. Something pulls me to him; I have no self-control over myself when he’s near me. “So, what else happened?”

He th
inks for a moment before continuing. “I gave you my shirt and had Carlos kick Andrew out for the rest of the week.”

“I remember that.”

“When we finally made it back, I gave you the clothes you’re wearing now and tucked you into bed. I was going to offer to sleep on the floor, but you didn’t want me that far away from you.” He pauses. “We enjoyed each other’s company for a while before I stopped it because I knew we were too drunk. Then, you told me you loved me, and that you’re a virgin.”

My face is be
et red. I am so going to die. At least that’s what it feels like. I can see the headlines now, GIRL DIES FROM EMBARRASSMENT!
So dumb.
“I’m sorry you had to deal with me last night. I don’t drink.”

“You think?” He teases and laughs. “Even though there were a lot of people getting beat up and slapped around,” He smirks. “I wouldn’t have changed it for the world. I’m glad we ended up here.”
The look on his face proves to me that he means it.

“Do you really mean that?” I’m insecure
, and I hate feeling as if someone else has control over any part of me. Alex has control over more than I would like.

“Si.” His voice is low, seductive. He leans me back, slipping me off his lap and pressing his body to mine as he kisses me.

I close my eyes, wanting to live in this moment forever. The warm tingling that’s filling my body, makes me feel like I’m floating. When he pulls away, it’s too soon. Any time he pulls away will always be too soon.

“So, w
hat time is it?”

He rolls to the side of me and flips a pillow out of his way. “Wow. Its
1:42 pm.”

“Oh, no.” I sit up.

“What? You have somewhere you need to be?”

It’s hard for me to think, staring at his bare
, tan, muscular chest. “No. No place but here.” I run my fingers down his chest suggestively, leaving a fiery trail of goose bumps behind. I’m only satisfied when I elicit a shiver from him.

“I was hoping you’d say that.” Flipping my hair off my shoulder, he examines my still lightly swollen ear. He kisses my cheek softly, and then my jaw
, and right after his smooth lips kiss my wounded ear he whispers, “I will always protect you. No one will ever hurt you again.”

A small whimper leaves my lips. I’m caving already. “I
do love you, Alex. I’m tired of fighting it and I don’t want to hide it. To me, life is too short to waste by not being honest with the people in your life, so I love you, and I’m glad you came back into my life.”