After the Before (12 page)

My phone vibrates in my pocket, distracting me from Jasmine and Andrew. I probably need to stop staring at them like a freaking stalker
, before people start to notice. Flipping the phone open, my screen reads Carlos.

“Carlos.
Qué pasa?”

“Nada. What time are we hooking up with Angeline and her friends? I want to get some supplies before we get together.”

“I’m not sure. I haven’t called her back yet.” I finish off my coke, my food no longer appetizing.

Carlos laughs. “Alright, that gives me enough time to get the party supplies.”

“What kind of supplies?” I ask, intrigued.

“The party kind.” Meaning beer and
weed.

“Fine, but n
obody gets stupid.”

“They know, jefe.”

I roll my eyes at him. I’ve told him several times he shouldn’t call me boss all the time. “Stop calling me that.”

“You’re the boss, man.”

“I’ll call her after I’m done with lunch.” I assure him. He was getting way into one of Angeline’s friends when I was ready to leave last night. Since I’m the boss, as he says, they leave when I leave.

“Let me know.” He says and hangs up.

I put the phone back in my pocket and glance at Jasmine, only to find her and Andrew’s table empty. They left while I was talking. I groan to myself, irritated that I missed them leave.

Mierda. I am a stalker.

I push my uneaten plate of food away and leave the hotel, dialing Angeline’s number as soon as I hit the sidewalk.

She answers right away. “Alex! Hey. I was waiting for you to call.” Of course she was, they all
do…

‘
Except for Jasmine.’

“Hey
, what are your plans tonight?”

I can hear her giggle excitedly. It sounds like her friends are surrounding her while she talks on the phone, their giggles coming through the line
as well. “Whatever you want to do.”

“Meet us down at the beach. There’s a spot a few miles away from the hotel, it’s supposed to have nice swimming. You up for a swim
, mamacita?”

“Yeah, I am. I know the spot. What time?”

“Sunset.”

I can hear the other girls whispering in the background. “See you there, novio.”

She calls me boyfriend, and even though there is no way in hell that will ever happen, I neglect to correct her and hang up the phone instead.

Chapter Twenty-One

Jasmine

Andrew
asks me to lunch around nine in the morning. I’m still lying in bed after being kept up last night, listening to Molly sweet talk some guy on the phone, when I received his text. Andrew may be easy on the eyes, but extremely irritating most of the time. He’s showing his true colors by being overbearing, and it is so obvious what his agenda is with me. Little does he know, that will never happen.

Our l
unch ended in disaster. I’m not even close to enjoying myself with him, but I play the game and keep a smile on my face. Andrew is annoyingly handsy, kissing me, touching me whenever the urge strikes him, and I hate it.

‘
I thought I could withstand a year of this? It’s not even close to possible.’

Every time
he tries to kiss me, it feels… I don’t know, creepy, slimy. The true description eludes me, the emotion hard to describe.

During lunch, Andrew excuses himself to use the restroom
, giving me time to think. Alex invades my mind every second. He texted me around eleven thirty, asking what I was doing for lunch. My fingers itched to text him back, to tell him I’d meet him somewhere, but I already agreed to go with Andrew. I have to let it go.

I’ve also thought a lot of
Jace since getting here. If he were still alive, he would be on this trip with me right now, and I wouldn’t have to try to find someone to enjoy this amazing trip with. Hawaii is supposed to be a blast, so why am I so miserable?

I know the answer, I’ve just been trying to avoid it. Margret could talk to any of
my classmates, and they would tell her anything she wanted to know, thinking it would be fine because after all, she is my mother. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past her to seek some of them out. She could already have someone watching me now for all I know.

We’re almost finished with lunch when I notice Alex at the bar,
looking at his untouched food in front of him, on the phone smiling. He’s probably already found a harem of girls to choose from during his stay here. He’s probably on the phone with one right now, and that thought ignites so much jealousy inside of me, making me want to throw my glass of ice water at him to get him off the phone.

“Let’s go.” I tell Andrew when he comes back.

“You don’t want to eat your food?”

“No. Not hungry.” I wave it off and stand to leave.

“Where do you want to go?”

“
Let’s walk downtown and see what they have going on. I hear they have all kinds of things for tourist to do.”

“Alright.” He leads me out of the hotel toward
the center of town, which is only a couple of blocks from us.

There are entertainers spread
out along the street. Some are doing tricks, others making music, or dancing Hawaiian dances. The entire place is euphoric. From the people, to the smell of the ocean – everything about it is gorgeous. It’s hard to keep a smile from my face, so I let myself relax.

Andrew takes my hand as we enter a bathing suit store called Skins. The name is rather funny.

I brought enough money to have fun. I plan to do what I want, buy what I want, and I need and want a new suit.

“Do I get to see you model them?” Andrew raises his eyebrows up and down at me.

The gesture is cute, making me laugh. If cuts and bruises didn’t adorn my body, I would have said yes.

“Sorry, no free
bies.” I say, trying to sound seductive.

“Do you know what you’re looking for? Or are we going to pick out a montage of outfits?” His smile widens.

“I have no idea. My favorite color is green, so maybe something in that color.” I shrug and finish walking through the door.

There are about a dozen people already in the small space,
and finding a suit is proving harder than I thought. Andrew has three already hanging over his arm. I want to pick out a few and try them all on at the same time.

The store has a friendly atmosphere. Bamboo covers the walls, real plants and flowers decorate the room. An incense is lit somewhere in the store, filling it with a sweet fragrance.
They even have these funky, spiral racks that hold different styles of swimsuits. 

By the time I find five suits, the store has cleared out, all except a handful of girls around our age at the dressing room. Andrew hands me the suits and tries casually to check out the Mexican girls next to us. They are trying on swimsuits, speaking half Spanish, half English. Marisol used to talk like that sometimes when she was really excited. By the way these girls are laughing and squealing, they are definitely excited. I
can see that Andrew appreciates it, with the girls bouncing around and jiggling in all the right places.

The dressing room is a make
shift room with three walls, and a dark green curtain that barely reaches either edge of the door. I pull it as tight as it will go before I begin to change.

The first suit I try on is black. It makes my butt look nice, but the top squishes my chest down to
o tight, giving me pancake boobs.

I describe it to Andrew and he laughs.

I put the second suit on, a sky blue two-piece. Andrew whistles at me when I describe it for him, which causes me to blush.

The other girls are right next to us and they are gorgeous.
All three are tall, tan, with legs that go on and on. I know they are hot, because Andrew is having a hard time keeping his eyes off them. I wouldn’t consider myself all that great looking. I have scars as recent as last week on my arms, and old ones from surgeries. My leg scar, where my bone protruded out, is probably the worst. Fortunately for me, the doctors were able to stitch me back together fairly well, leaving only minimal scaring.

The third suit is a light purple, both this one
, and the blue one, wash out my skin, making me look even paler than I am, which I thought was impossible to accomplish. I try on the fourth one, which has a red and black swirling design, reminding me of the carpet in our hotel room.
Not
appealing.

I turn to look in the mirror, but
get distracted when I hear Alex’s name from the exotic Mexican girl next to us. I peek out through the slit in my curtain, and she’s looking in a mirror like mine, wearing a barely there two piece. The top covers her nipples, maybe an inch beyond that, and her bottoms are cut high, hugging her butt. There is no doubt that I’m envious. There is no way that I could look that good in something like that.

I laugh to myself. Why would she be talking about my Alex? I’m being paranoid
, and it’s showing me how crazy I am, freaking out about someone saying his name.

As I continue looking in the mirror, pretending not to listen to their conversation, I hear her say school trip and my stomach drops.
Was
she talking about Alex?

I change into the last suit
; it too looks ridiculous on me, and I refuse to tell Andrew about it. His protests are non-existent since he is eye screwing the girls next to us. I change back into my clothes and sit on the bench collecting the suits slowly, listening to the other girls talk.

The more I listen to their conversation, the more I realize
that yes, they are talking about my Alex.

“I can’t believe you called him boyfriend on the phone, Ang.” Pretty girl number three says.

Ang must be pretty girl number one, because she answers. “Well, I figured I’d go for it after the night we had last night.” All the girls giggle.

“You are so bad.” Pretty girl number two says.

“If you want to keep someone like Alex pleased, you need to be a little naughty. Besides, it’s not like I don’t do it all the time, anyway.” I can hear the smile in her voice. I’m convinced now that Alex had sex with this girl last night.

A lump forms in my throat and tears sting my eyes. I take a deep breath and get myself under control. What is wrong with me? Why should I even care?
I can’t have him, and why the hell would he want someone like me when he gets gorgeous girls like
Ang
?

“What’s going to happen tonight?” Number three asks.

“We’re going to finish where we left off. I’m bringing a blanket, this suit, and a few condoms. Hopefully we’ll be out all night.” This receives more giggles, and even a few,
oh my’s
. “What about you and Carlos? You two were hot and heavy.” She asks number two.

“Yeah, he’s so hot. He said he had to leave when Alex did
, because he’s the leader.” The tone of her voice sounds as if she‘s in awe over them.

That’s when I’m positive she’s talking about Alex Navarro. Who else is a leader
in a gang and has a friend named Carlos, who is also here on a school trip.

I gather my strength.
I shouldn’t care that Alex is hooking up with girls here. That’s what he does, at least that’s what they say at school, anyway. A part of me feels rejected, hoping in some way that his emotions were playing the same tune as mine. Apparently, I was wrong, but I can’t say I’m innocent here, I mean, I am messing around with Andrew, right?

I step out of the curtain and Andrew is practically drooling. You’d think I’d care, that I’d be
jealous, but I don’t have it in me when it comes to him. I could care less if Andrew is checking them out.

Returning the suits to their racks, I decide against all of them.
They all seem to do funny things to my skin tone. I stop in the middle of the store and let my body just sag. I want a new suit. I feel like I’m on a quest for a fresh start… beginning with the perfect bathing suit. My mission makes no sense, since bruises cover my body, making it impossible to wear one here while on vacation, but I feel I need to start with something.              

Most of the buckle wounds have scabbed up
; gross, I know. Thank goodness they were small, or they would have lasted a lot longer. The bruises will remain for at least most of the week or longer. I don’t know if I should feel lucky that she didn’t have enough strength to leave welts, but she was strong enough to give me bruises in the shape of a belt marks. They were going to be impossible to hide.

I’m just about to walk out of the store and leave Andrew ogling the other girls
, and that’s when I see it. Instantly, I know I have to have it.

I walk up to the green and white tie
-dye suit and find there is only one left…. in my size. God, I love it when that happens, because it rarely ever does.

I use another dressing room on the other side of the store, away from Andrew
. After I put the suit on, I turn to look in the mirror. It fits perfectly and snug in all the right places, and it’s risky for me. I’ve never worn anything like this, but as I’ve been saying, how many times am I going to be in Hawaii?

The bottoms are low cut, snuggling below my hipbones. There is a large two-inch fold, creating the
illusion of a waistband. On the left hand side, a silver ring holds the bottoms together.

The top is the same mix of green and white tie-dye. The cups spread wide, showing off a lot of inner bust set in a halter
. Silver rings hold the top of both cups up, making my breasts look fantastic. They’ve never looked this big and perky. This is definitely the one. Not being able to help myself, I think of what Alex would think of me in it.

I turn slowly, not only looking at the way the suit looks, but at all the discolored areas still lingering on my body. Margret really did a number on me. Without the discolored areas, I’d have a nice body. I was husky before the accident, not fat, but muscular. Now, most of the muscle is gone. I’ve gained ten pounds since I started my eat everything diet, filling out my body and hiding all of the bones that used to protrude
after the accident. Now smooth, curvy skin stands before me. I have to admit, I look great… other than the bruises.

I poke my fingers against my bluish green bruise on my rib cage and wince. They are
still pretty painful, and still hurt when I breathe in deeply.

Realistically, I’m getting ahead of myself
by buying this suit, but as I stare at it, I know I have to have it. I can wear shorts and a shirt over it to hide the bruises. That should work fine, as long as I swim in them. On the other hand, if we swam in the dark, no one would notice, even if the suit was all I wore.

The register dings when the wom
an takes my cash. I am halfway out the door when Andrew catches up to me.

“Let’s see what you got
.” He says, as if he didn’t just spend half our time in the store looking at other girls.

I give him a look that says just that.

“Don’t get jealous, Jasmine. I’m here with you, right?” Does that line actually work on other girls?

“Right.” I say,
then continue to walk back to the hotel.

“You’re still going to go out with me tonight, right?” His voice is pleading, but it holds an edge of desperation.

I think about it for a minute and then remember the dreamy girl at Skins… and Alex. The whole thing makes me sick to my stomach. “Why yes, Andrew. I wouldn’t miss it.” I find myself saying.