After Eden (23 page)

I did quite well. I watched the second hand make three complete revolutions before I went outside. I didn’t run. I walked calmly through the yard and around the back of the garage.

Directly in front of me, a huge translucent disk vibrated and shimmered. Through it I could see a blurry vision of a gray vehicle. The disk vibrated faster and the image beyond it blurred further. After a few seconds the disk appeared to stop vibrating and the blurry image disappeared. A flash of light blinded me. And then the disk collapsed inward until it vanished. All that remained in front of me was the lawn.

I walked back to the front yard and our apple tree and sat beside it. My watch told me that it was thirty seconds after midnight. In another ninety seconds he would be back in his own time. I watched the second hand of my watch tick away. At precisely two minutes past midnight I gazed up at
the clear night sky. High above me was the constellation Perseus with its demon star Algol. Out there somewhere was Eden, the birthplace of the most perfect boy in the universe. Ryan was gone. And it would be months before I would once again see the constellation Orion, his name written across the sky in stars. I shut my eyes and breathed in deeply. Where was he now? Was he thinking about me? I liked to imagine him sitting in the yard beside me, separated only by time.

I woke early, the cheery sunshine bringing me back to the depressing reality of the rest of my life. I was sixteen. I wouldn’t live for another hundred and ten years, no matter how well I took care of myself. And if, by some miracle, I did live for a hundred and ten years, I would be the crinkliest, most wrinkled old woman on the planet. I would be one hundred and twenty-six. He would be seventeen.

I made another calculation. If I Iived until one hundred and nine, I would be around when he was born. I could see him as a baby. Of course the chances of living to a hundred and nine were not much better than living to one hundred and twenty-six. And the whole idea was, frankly, sick.

There would be no happy ending for Ryan and me.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes and I knew that if I didn’t take steps to pull myself together now, I would end up wallowing in a full-on pity fest.

I heaved myself out of bed. My green dress was in a heap on the floor. I draped it on a hanger and hung it on my closet door. At some point I would take it to the dry cleaner’s.

I threw open my curtains. The rising sun was like a wound, staining the clouds a deep red and slowly spreading
across the horizon.
Red sky in the morning, shepherds’ warning
. That meant bad weather would be arriving later. It didn’t look like bad weather. In fact, it looked sunny and hot—perfect beach weather. After breakfast I would call Connor and make plans for the day. Then with a shudder I remembered the night before. Perhaps he wouldn’t want to talk to me. I put on a short blue beach dress and then, since Cornish weather typically changes direction several times a day, tied a warm hoodie around my shoulders.

The smell of fried bacon was drifting up the stairs, the only smell that could still tempt my vegetarian taste buds after six years of abstaining. Travis. He had started staying over on the weekends recently and he loved a full English breakfast on Sunday mornings.

I dragged myself downstairs into the kitchen. I wasn’t hungry. I wasn’t in the mood for Travis’s sarcasm, and I didn’t think I could stomach Miranda’s cheery questions about the ball.

Miranda was standing at the stove, pushing food around a hot, oily frying pan. Travis was standing just outside the back door, a half-smoked cigarette dangling between his lips. He removed it when he saw me and smirked.

“I’ve been led to understand that a greasy fry-up is the perfect hangover cure,” he said.

“That’s not funny, Travis,” said Miranda. “You know she doesn’t drink.”

Travis winked at me, as if to suggest that he didn’t believe that for a second, but was willing to keep it just between the two of us.

He stubbed out his cigarette on the doorstep. “I was merely offering you a fried breakfast. Miranda’s cooked enough for a family of ten.”

I shook my head. “I’m sure it will involve too many slaughtered pigs for my taste.”

“Why don’t you make an exception?” he said. “You can’t deny that this smells good.”

“I don’t want to feast on the misery of another being.”

“You don’t know how to enjoy yourself,” said Travis. “That’s your problem.”

I grabbed a cereal bowl and a box of muesli and plunked myself down at the table.

“So tell us all about it,” said Miranda. “Was it wonderful?”

“It was a lovely evening,” I said as I splashed milk into the bowl.

“Did you take lots of photos?”

“I didn’t take my phone, but Megan’s mum took some before we left her place and Connor took loads. I’ll get copies.”

Miranda served up two steaming plates of bacon, eggs, sausage, mushrooms, and fried bread. The smell of hot grease made me feel queasy.

“Did your boyfriend leave last night?” asked Travis. “He was due to leave after the ball, wasn’t he?”

“Yes, he left,” I said. “But he isn’t—wasn’t—my boyfriend.”

Miranda and Travis smiled at each other over the table.

“You said you were in love with him.” Travis dipped the end of a sausage into the runny yolk of his egg.

I groaned to myself. It was one thing to confess to being in love when it was dark and I was still a little drunk. It was quite another to talk about it now in front of Miranda and Travis. Especially when I was doing everything I could to not think about Ryan.

“Yes, I did. But that didn’t make him my boyfriend. We were just friends.”

Travis looked at me. I had the vague recollection of telling him that I had no plans to stay in touch with Ryan. That must have sounded weird.

“We can keep in touch via e-mail,” I said. “But I doubt we will. You know what they say: out of sight, out of mind.”

Miranda laughed. “You have no heart.”

“What are your plans today, Eden?” asked Travis.

“I’ll probably meet my friends at the beach. It looks like a hot one.”

“There’s a storm coming in later,” he said. “Late afternoon according to the forecast.”

“We’ll probably spend a couple of hours at the beach and if it gets cold we’ll go to the arcade or somewhere like that.”

“Who’s going to be there?” he asked.

“Why do you care?”

Miranda glared at me. “Don’t be rude.”

“Just making conversation,” said Travis.

“Connor and Megan and probably Amy and Matt.”

“Do you want a lift into Perran?” asked Travis. “I need to pop home this morning.”

“No thanks. I probably won’t go in until later.” I
pretended to be interested in Miranda’s fashion magazine and hoped they’d just leave me alone.

With some trepidation, I dialed Connor’s cell. I knew he would still be mad at me, but Ryan was right. We’d been friends for too long for him to hate me forever. It went straight to voice mail. He was probably still sleeping. While I’d gone to the farmhouse with Ryan, they had probably partied into the early hours. I would have to wait a couple of hours before I got to talk to anybody.

“Hey, Connor, it’s me,” I said to his mailbox. “Call me when you wake up. Please.”

I threw the phone on my bed and looked around my room. Miranda hadn’t picked up the Sunday newspaper yet so there was no crossword to do. But I could play Scrabble against the computer or do a jigsaw or read a book.

I went down to the living room and chose a jigsaw from the games box. I cleared the coffee table and began to sort through the box, looking for corner pieces and edges. I heard Travis slam the front door and then the deep growl of his car engine rumbling to life. In the kitchen I could hear the crashing of plates as Miranda washed up the breakfast dishes.

At ten o’clock Miranda popped her head around the door to tell me she was going to Marks & Spencer.

“Do you want to come along?” she asked. “We could get a snack.”

I shook my head. “I’ll just stay here. I’ll go to the beach later.”

Miranda shuffled around with her jacket and keys in the hall and then I heard the door slam.

Silence.

Our house in Penpol Cove was only a half mile from the sea, but it was just far enough inland not to be plagued with the shriek of seagulls. The only cars that ever drove past our house were our neighbors on their way to work on weekday mornings and on their way home on weekday afternoons. I hadn’t realized how quiet the days could be in Penpol Cove. Outside, just the hum of a distant lawn mower. Inside, just the quiet, rhythmic ticking of the clock.

I tried Connor again. Straight to voice mail. Surely he was awake by now. I left another message asking him to call.

I looked back at my half-completed jigsaw and with a sweep of my arm, flung the pieces to the floor. Why the hell was I doing a jigsaw?

Until Ryan came along, my life had been timid, like a mouse scurrying amid the long grass. I’d hidden safely in the quiet routines of school and home, filling the empty hours with jigsaws and chess and crossword puzzles. My dreams had been small—studying A levels at the local college, learning to drive—and my expectations low. Falling in love had changed everything. The ground had been torn up from under my feet and I felt like I had been grabbed from the sanctuary of a summer lawn and hurled into the jungle. My old life seemed like a whisper in the face of a roar.

I couldn’t live my old life anymore. I picked up the pieces and shoved them back in the box.

I called Connor’s house phone. Mrs. Penrose picked up.

“Hello, Eden, did you have a lovely time at the ball?” She didn’t give me a chance to answer. “What time did you get home? Connor rolled in around three in the morning.”

“I was home just after midnight.”

“Very sensible. I’m just taking the phone up to him now. Connor?” I heard her knock on his door. “It’s Eden.”

I heard Connor grunt something at his mother. “What?”

“Hey, Connor. I tried you on your cell but I guess the battery’s dead.”

“Hmm.”

“Look, I’m sorry about last night. I don’t know why I behaved that way.”

“Whatever.”

“So, what’s the plan? Are we going to the beach?”

“I dunno.”

“Shall I come to your house? We can decide when I get there.”

Connor said nothing for a few seconds. I could hear him breathing into the phone.

“Connor?”

“Look, Eden. I’m busy today. I’ll call you later in the week, okay?”

“Connor,” I began, but he’d already hung up.

So he hadn’t forgiven me yet. I knew he’d be mad at
me, but I’d expected him to give me the chance to explain. I called Megan.

“Hi, Eden,” she said wearily.

“Did I wake you up?”

“No, I’ve been awake for a while.”

I lay back on the living room carpet. “Did you have a good time last night?”

“Brilliant. The best night of my life.”

I shut my eyes. At least Megan wasn’t holding a grudge. “I’m so glad. Look, I’m sorry about my meltdown last night.”

“You were really strange,” said Megan.

“Too much vodka combined with a mixture of excitement and sadness,” I said. “It’s well known to cause bizarre behavior in susceptible individuals.”

“I didn’t know you were drinking.”

“Oh yeah. I had quite a bit. I think I must have made a fool of myself.”

“To be honest, I was worried that you didn’t like me and Connor hooking up. I thought perhaps it might be an issue?”

“It’s not remotely an issue,” I said. “I think it’s great the two of you got together.”

“What time did Ryan leave?”

“Midnight. They wanted to take advantage of the empty roads.”

“Are they flying out of Heathrow?”

“I think so.”

“Has he called you today?”

“No. We’re not going to stay in touch. Neither of us believes in long-distance relationships. They never work out.”

“Really? Why? The world is getting smaller all the time, Eden.”

“This is for the best.”

She sighed. “You’re probably right. You were never more than friends, were you?”

“No,” I said. There was no point in telling her we had kissed. She would probably try to persuade me that we must keep in touch.

“I’d better go,” said Megan. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Don’t you want to do anything today?”

“Well, the thing is,” she said. “I’m kind of spending the day with Connor.”

“Right. I see,” I said. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

I hit the end call button. So this was the way things were going to be now that Megan and Connor were a couple. I didn’t think I could stand it. Not only was Ryan gone, but I was stuck in a silent house on my own while my best friends hung out together without me.

Dusk was still several hours away, but the sky was already darkening. The wind blew wildly and the sun was obscured behind the low, glowering storm clouds gathering in the west. I pulled my hoodie over my dress, slipped the key to my car and the key to the farmhouse in my pocket, and headed down the lane.

I’d hoped being with Connor and Megan would help
take my mind off Ryan; with neither of them available, Ryan was all I could think about. His name was like a charm. Ryan. Two syllables, like a heartbeat. Orion. Three syllables, like “I love you.”

I paused at the entrance to the farmhouse. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t come down here yet, but I needed to connect with Ryan in some way. This was the only place I knew for sure he would visit, the only place where we might be separated, not by space, but just by time. I wanted to sit under our apple tree and feel him nearby, in the future.

My sandals crunched over the gravel. The lawn was still neatly cut. The silver car was parked in the driveway. Maybe I would give myself a driving lesson later. I walked across the lawn to the apple tree and sat beside it. We had planted it well. Although its trunk bent in the wind, it was going nowhere. I hugged myself. It was too cold to enjoy sitting outside.

It was strange, unlocking the door to the farmhouse and just going inside. Walking into the kitchen, I could still smell the coffee from the night before. The table and chairs were just as we’d left them. The floor had been swept clean. I opened the cupboard where they kept the mugs. All of them were still there, stacked higgledy-piggledy on top of each other. I’m not sure what I expected. When Ryan said they’d cleaned out the farmhouse, I’d assumed they’d have gotten rid of everything. I checked the fridge. It had been cleaned out and turned off, but there were a few bottles of beer left inside.