Addictive Nightshade (4 page)

Frowning, my own reading rears its head and I argue, employing it to stave off fear, “But Valhalla is for the fallen. It's not Asgard or Fólkvangr.”

“
But it is peaceful, Emma. Valhalla is known for its tranquility and for shining brightly, with the golden tree as its distinctive attribute. The eagle is above the doors of Valhalla, and that is where Eagle went. This location isn't Valhalla but its our version of it, it's a home away from home for the Raven clan.”

He offers me a tumbler, picking up his own bigger version, indicating I should drink now. Worming up to rest against the suede headboard I accept my thimble, staring again into the golden drink, unsure if I'm going to cry. Emotions are welling up inside me and I think I might be the human about to crack under pressure. Misery is cloaking me, loss weighs heavy, this situation is shredding my subconscious and surrendering without a fight.

He affectionately tucks my hair behind my ear, saying intimately, “This is the drink of Valhalla, from the golden tree Læraðr. It cannot be compared to mead but it is close to ambrosia, we call it by its simplest description,
arcana
. It was this that the Argonauts and their buddy Jason went treasure hunting for. For good reason. But enough history for one night, how are you feeling?”

“
I think this is a dream and I'll be sorry when I wake up.”

It's true and shocks even me to admit it. He doesn't feel like danger incarnate. I'm worried because I like this crazy delusion, I like the hallucinations of whatever someone spiked into my beer. It's nuts, but it's a journey into something I couldn't make up if I tried. Giants wanting my company when humans spurn it, how enticing is that? It makes me feel both fragile and essential. I guess I did want to be needed for something after all. Purpose. Guy would call it purpose.

“Why? What about this would cause you regret if it is just a dream?” he says.

The timbre of his voice has dropped to husky and it's enough to distract me. “Uhm, 'cause I like this weird reality. I love that cave we were in, and er.... you're nice too.”

“I'm nice? Even though I marked you with the seal of acceptance?”

“
Ah huh,” I nod, nibbling my lip and focussing wholeheartedly on my drink, forcing myself to take another sip of the intriguing cocktail. Anything not to meet those eyes and experience the phenomenal magnetism in them.

My hand has stopped throbbing and I lift it as a distraction, offering it to him to unwrap, “It feels okay now.”

Unbinding the cloth, he twists my hand, examining it, pleased with the black ridge staining my palm in a Valhalla triangle. Hey, he's no longer wearing gloves.

“
How come your hands are normal? This is insane dude.”

Closing his free hand into a big fist, he flexes the fingers out and shows me his palm, “It only raises in the presence of our own who is unmarked. It was confirmation of my suspicions about you. My blood wanted to recognize yours and bring you into the fold. It recedes when no longer required.”

Narrowing my eyelids because of the heat of his stare, I scramble for mundane ground, “What would have happened if I'd chosen the spiky circle to shake?”

“
The right hand thwarts enemies. The spikes inject toxins into you, erasing your memory of us in its entirety, marking your palm with pustules until death.”

And you were willing to do that to me? Without even a warning?

“It's prudent, Emma. We've lived long enough to know better than to give enemies the benefit of the doubt. You are either with us, or against us. There is no maybe.”

“
Are you a giant then?” I blurt, instantly shocked at my lack of tact, diving back into my drink for a big gulp of potion.

“
I'm like you, half half. I think I knew your father before he left out of loneliness. We lose more men to the desire for female companionship than anything else.”

Almost dropping my glass, I peg upright, “You knew my dad?!”

The nugget is so precious to my heart that tears bludgeon my eyes into submission again.

I knew dad would have understood me. I'm nothing like my mother, nothing at all. She blamed me for all his transgressions and ran off with her boyfriend, abandoning me to be raised by old Mrs Carter who had too many cats. I grew up fast and moved out at seventeen. I send her flowers sometimes, but can't gather up the courage to go back for a visit.

My drink is stolen and warm arms wrap around me, pulling me close, “It's okay, Em. You're home now.”

It feels so good, so right, I lean in, surrendering weakness.

Chapter 5

This is why I've never managed to acclimate to society. I've never managed to fit in, slotting into the big machine that churns children into slaves to the system. I've forever been dissatisfied, yearning for more, in my heart knowing there
has
to be more. This surely couldn't be 'it'.

Sobbing out of nowhere, my heart is breaking, my pain having a source, my mind finding closure in this information. Dad was one of them, and I'm a freak.

He holds me inside sturdy strength and my nose clogs with my surprise tear attack while squashed against a black button. A comforting hand strokes my back and I move to draw air, to sniff, to wipe my tears, to wrestle my mouth out of torment.

Relaxing his embrace he lets me pull away, fumbling in the bedside table cupboard and unearthing a box of tissues. I bet I know what they're in there for.

He bursts out laughing and I'm immediately shamed.

“
Emma, what am I going to do with you?”

“
Tell me everything about my dad,” I hiccup to bury my thought faux pas.

Why does my heart hurt so bad?

He loses the smile, staring into me as if he can see right into my subconscious to examine the pain buried behind the walls.

“
Emma, I know the world can be a lonely place. For you it's been exceptionally hard, but here no one wishes you harm. Honestly, I swear on my oath that you are with kindred folk. There's no shame in being different. So many are lost in this world, craving to be complete but not knowing where their dissatisfaction stems from, it's normal and we're trying to locate our lost brethren. When your compassion is bigger than a city the pollution wounds it, the crime violates it, and you withdraw, sucking your soul into the space of a tiny seed to preserve it for a season when you can water it without fear. This is your season now, Emma. I will water your soul and show you how magnificent you are when unrestrained by hardened humanity.”

“
Don't make promises you can't fucking keep,” I mumble through the fourth tissue.

“
Do I seem like the kind of man who speaks insincerely? I do not jest because you have
my
mark on your palm, you heard my voice within before you heard it without. I would not abandon you now or play frivolous games with your mind.” He picks up my hand, staring into the palm when he lays it on his lap, softly tracing around the inflamed area of the sigil, “We are more than strangers with a connection, we are destiny now sealed.”

It shocks me stupid when he lifts my hand and kisses a soft promise onto my palm. Er... awkward... nice, very, but how am I supposed to react to that?

Hang on.

Instinct rears its brutal head, firing all cylinders to leap off the bed in one graceful movement without even stepping on my hem. My heart is having a seizure it's pounding with such adrenaline, “What do you mean
your
mark? You said it was the mark of your clan, of friendship! You lied!”

My hand is tight over my heart, pressing, I'm quivering again, I just want to flee.

The moment is crushed and I grip the bedpost for support, panic gonging through my head and slashing my ability to breathe in less than wheezed chokes.

He hold up both hands in the gesture of pacification, “Calm down. It
is
the clan mark but each one is personified. That is my mark as much as it is Raven's.”

Shoving fingers through his hair again he looks perplexed, sighing heavily and standing too, hooking his hands in his back pockets when he turns to face me with the left eye much brighter than his right, “Emma, this wasn't the time or the place, but I.... I'm drawn to you, so... took a liberty. If you were anyone else I would have taken you straight to Kake, our clan leader. You would have chosen one of his hands instead of mine, in which case you'd have worn the clan mark of most initiates. But... I offered you
my
hand to see if you would take it, your intuition didn't lead you astray and I know this because you didn't challenge me, you accepted the offer. You didn't argue or stand your ground. If you were violently opposed to me you'd have fought for fair play and you didn't, giving me a clear indication that in your heart you accept me without question. It is the right course of action for you to wear my unique mark on your palm.”

My limbs are wobbly jello and I need to sit, and the urge to pee comes back strong. Where the hell is the bathroom in this place?

Daring to perch on the edge of the bed, my defenses still up, I challenge, “What does that mean exactly?”

Swiveling in a sudden change of direction he heads back to his drink, picking it up and draining it, wiping his hand across his mouth when he replaces the emptied vessel to face me. “The men in our lineage share a gift. It's the gift of knowledge which you saw in Arghin's eye. I confess now, we all have an eye like that, and with it we see all of you. You can't hide a thought, a feeling, your past, your memories, it's open to us. What we read in you is broadcast in our left eye. When I look at you, when any of us do, you have no secrets. We are truth bearers. We keep it safe, we don't exploit what we learn...”

I'm damn glad I'm sitting down or I'd be a puddle on the floor now. That's why that eye is lighter behind the contact lens.

You knew what I was thinking this whole time? Gawd! This isn't happening. Fuck!

“Do not be ashamed, it pleased me greatly to know you are as drawn to me as I am to you. I wouldn't have brought you here or offered you the seal of friendship otherwise.”

“
And that's why you made me shake your hand? So you can lay some barbaric claim to me?”

“
I didn't force you to do anything.”

“
You forced me to come here!” My voice warbles hysterically and I know I'm mentally avalanching.

“
The bathroom is through there,” he says, giving me space to escape, pointing at a hollow in the cave wall. Turning away from me he walks out the opposite dark cavity, “I'll get you something to eat while you have some much needed privacy.”

And like that, he's gone, vanishing into the shadows with as much silence as a snowflake falling in predawn.

Collapsing back into the pillows fright manifests in a loud shaken sob. I don't have the mental fortitude for this kind of shit. I need a hug, and a good sleep, and a big dose of insipid self-pity.

Why can't my life be normal? If it wasn't for the sore scarring on my palm, turning pitch, I'd think this was just a mind trip, and tomorrow I'll wake up in my boring little life with nothing more than a hangover.

Intervention rings insistently with the call to urinate and I dizzily push up, getting off the bed and shuffling to the hole in the wall.

I'm afraid, confused, and in desperate need of reprieve.

Entering the bathroom I'm surprised at the modern facilities and inspired by the materials. Hewn rock constitutes the walls, the tub is carved out of a huge slab of rose quartz, the shower manufactured by a conglomeration of translucent stone blocks, the floor a mosaic of sea shells shining mother of pearl in every direction, and the lighting comes from wall sconces seating fat beeswax candles which scent the air with a sweet subtle perfume.

The toilet is porcelain with a striated stone lid and seat, and I head straight to it needing to do my business before he returns because there is no door.

Sitting down I stare directly at the mirror framed with carved wood, at the amber basin with bugs still stuck in it, and at the quaint faucets fashioned out of metal to look like war axes.

Having a quiet pee, the draw of his bathroom cabinet is irresistible. Staring at the raw cotton towels and the single woven mat in front of the shower, I wonder how long these people have been hiding in caves, undetected by mankind.

At least they have some modern amenities like toilet paper. Concluding, I pull my panties up and face the toilet to flush it, only to be stumped. The cistern is also porcelain but there's no handle. No button. No lever. For fuck's sake!

Sighing, I fumble all around it feeling for a latch or something. Leaning against the wall on my hand to look down behind it, the entire area depresses under my weight, sinking into the rock.

Flabbergasted I pounce back, terrified I've fucked something up. The toilet flushes, the air filling with an immediate infusion of orange blossom.

The wall stays stuck in and I'm really panicking now!

Flitting about, I look left and right. Help!

Shit! The shower wall has slipped into the rock, exposing a doorway beyond it. What did I just do?

“You okay in there?” reaches faintly to me. He's trying not to lurk which is very sweet but... uhm...

“
I broke it!” I yell back.

“
May I enter?” speaks much closer.

Fuck, he's going to do his nut! I can't exactly hide this epic screw up.

“Yea...uhm... sure!” I answer, wishing for a slice of normal in a world turned on its head.

He walks in, filling the entire exit. In such confined quarters it's easy to see his giant gene wearing itself on his sleeve.

Looking at the wall, he frowns, stalking to it to peer inside. “How did you do this?”

“
I was trying to flush the damn toilet! Where's the lever?”

“
It's voice activated,” he says, glancing at me with amusement flashing briefly across his features. “Flush.”

And just like that the toilet flushes, stalling conversation until the noise abates.

He launches back at me and I flinch against the basin, exhaling slowly when all he does is open the cabinet to get a flashlight. Returning to the gap in the wall he flicks it on, “You didn't tell me how you did this.”

“
I leaned on the wall to look behind the toilet to find the flushing mechanism and the wall gave in under my weight, and the next second the wall was missing!”

Cut me some slack here dude! This isn't exactly familiar territory.

Flicking the light in his hand off he turns to face me with a severe expression, “Congratulations on finding a hidden tunnel I didn't even know was there. Did you wash your hands?”

“
N..no. I was too busy dancing around cardiac arrest city if you don't mind!”

Turning his back to me he presses the indentation above the cistern, “Well hurry up, our dinner is getting cold.”

The wall slides back to enclose the shower and he saunters off as if this is perfectly average on any given day.

Pegging around to face the basin I turn the right axe with my heart still thumping, switching on water, using the soap left on the honeyed rock for this purpose. Sandalwood wafts up to soothe my nerves, foaming luxuriously over my skin, burning the shit out of my wound. God dammit!

Slamming the cabinet door with my knee so I can gingerly towel my hand dry, I'm no longer interested in snooping.

Done in his den I go stomping to the entrance, walking around the corner, bumping right into the solid shadow covering the foot long passage to the bathroom.

I'm about to scream when it clamps around me, squeezing tight. God!