Adam’s Boys (10 page)

He ditched his shoes and walked quietly up the stairs and into Henry's room first. His younger son was flat out on his back with both arms splayed across the bed, his mouth open as he breathed heavily in peaceful slumber. Adam leant over to run his hand over his fair hair and kiss his warm cheek, reeling yet again at the gift of this beautiful child before making his way into his elder son's room. But as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he could see that the bed was empty. Adam wondered whether Pete had stumbled into his own room, but he wasn't in there either—he had to be with Abbie.

The moment Adam walked into her room he could see in the clear but fragile moonlight shining through her window that there were two sleeping figures in her bed. He stopped and watched them both, guessing that one of Pete's nightmares had woken him up and he'd gone in search of an understanding adult to comfort him.

And with a powerful surge of gratitude—and several other feelings he couldn't decipher right at that moment—Adam sat down next to Abbie on the bed.

He wished she'd wake up.

He desperately wanted to talk to her tonight, because although he'd dismissed Justin's counsel to his face, it had troubled him for the rest of the evening. He was now thinking his mate might be right.

He should have told Abbie about his rock-solid commitment to go back to the UK at the end of May. And although he'd been on the verge of telling her several times, something had always held him back—the feeling that his news might become the time bomb on their whole ‘happy families' charade, as Justin had called it.

At last she stirred and rolled onto her back. Her long hair was strewn across the white pillowslip and her skin looked like alabaster in the moonlight against her pale pink satin nightdress. Lifting her dark lashes, she revealed two pools of unreadable darkness.

“Hi,” she said tentatively.

They hadn't spoken beyond necessity since their blow-up last Monday night; he could tell she was unsure what to expect from him.

“Hi,” he answered, struggling in vain to stave off the sudden onslaught of almost unbearable longing to gather her up in his arms and hold her close, just like on Monday night.

“How was the dinner?”

“It went pretty well. Justin and I sat next to the CEO and the chairman for most of the night—now we'll just have to wait and see if any work comes out of it. Thanks for what you've done around the house.”

“That's okay. The boys helped me,” she explained as she sat up, her hair falling about her narrow shoulders. “In between making cubby houses out of the boxes,” she added with an uncertain, sleepy smile. She was clearly taking refuge in courtesies and trivial details given the awkward silence that had reigned between them since Monday.

“I can imagine,” he agreed with a small smile back at her.

“Pete had a nightmare. Is it okay that he came in here? I wasn't sure how you normally handled it.”

“Just like that. Trying to reason with a terrified four-year-old at midnight is never my preferred option.”

He watched as Abbie nodded, gazing up at him with lustrous eyes and looking dangerously enticing in the dim light.

“I know this is not a great time but can I talk to you about something?” he asked.

“Sure. I'm having trouble sleeping anyway.”

“I phoned my parents this morning and told them about you and Henry.”

He could see she was biting down on her bottom lip as she turned her head to look at Pete, still fast asleep and nightmare free.

“How did they take it?” she murmured, keeping her gaze on Pete.

“Well, they were shocked of course. But shock soon turned to a fever to meet Henry as soon as possible.”

Abbie nodded but didn't reply.

At that moment Pete stirred and groaned in his sleep.

“Hang on. I'll be back in a minute.” Adam got to his feet, walked to Pete's side and scooped his son up in his arms. Within minutes he was strolling casually back into Abbie's room, having tucked Pete, still fast asleep, into his own bed.

But as he entered her room, he stopped in a dead halt. He thought he'd heard something.

He had, and there it was again: Abbie was crying.

In an instant he was at her side. She'd drawn her knees up to her chest and was hugging her legs, her face buried in the sheet that covered them.

“Abbie,” he murmured, laying his hands on her heaving shoulders, her skin velvet soft under his touch. He badly wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her, but he didn't know whether he could trust himself if he held her like that. Meanwhile, Justin's warnings about her not being as tough as he thought were clanging like discordant bells in his ears.

She sobbed inconsolably—exhausted sobs that sounded as though her world was coming to an end. But he didn't press her for an explanation, and after a few minutes the heartache subsided and she accepted some tissues from him.

“I am so, so sorry for hurting you and Henry,” she offered in a husky whisper, sounding utterly low as she raised her dark, dewy eyes to meet his.

“I know you are. I only have to look at you to see how much you're punishing yourself over it.”

“I've done so much damage—more than you know.”

“Look, Abbie. I'm going to say something now that I've wanted to say for a couple of days. The thing is, I don't want you to beat yourself up over keeping Henry from me anymore. Despite what you think of me, grudges are not my thing. And the bottom line is that it won't do any of us any good when what we should be doing is forgetting the past and concentrating on the boys' futures.”

Abbie stared at him for a few moments before speaking. “You know, no matter what happens between us, I will never, ever stop being grateful to you for saying that. But the problem is that you really, truly don't understand the damage I've done. Henry's frightened and unhappy, you see. I came up earlier to kiss him goodnight and he was crying in his bed.”

“About me,” Adam whispered, his heart sinking.

“He said that having a father meant that I would go away and he'd never see me again.”

“What?” Adam breathed incredulously. “Why would he think that?”

Abbie wrung her hands together and stared off into a dark corner of her bedroom before turning to him again.

“I've been lying here trying to put myself in his shoes—to see the world and what's happening to him from his eyes. He's not used to having a father. He has no idea how they fit into his life. He doesn't understand that you can become a part of it without him having to give up something else that's special to him—me.”

“I can tell him then, or you can,” Adam blurted in a rush, glancing towards the door and fighting a sudden urge to go and wake Henry right then and there. “We've got to convince him that I'm not going to become some evil presence in his life.”

“It's not as simple as that. Adam, listen to me,” Abbie beseeched as she took his face in her hands and turned it back towards her. “He said that if he'd needed a father, I would have found him one a long time ago. He said …” Abbie stopped and took a deep breath as though trying to draw strength from it to continue.

“What did he say?” Adam pressed as Abbie dropped her hands into her lap again.

“He said that I didn't like fathers, and that if I didn't like them, then he didn't either.”

Adam stared at Abbie in disbelief and then covered his face with a moan. “Oh God, how do I come back from that? It's hopeless. He'll never accept me. Never.”

“Don't say that!” Abbie protested, prising his hands from his face and holding them tightly in her own. “I'll show Henry how to accept you.”

“Sure you will!” Adam scoffed bitterly as he contemplated the endless months that stretched ahead of him as he tried in vain to win his son's trust. “Somehow you'll rid him of his revulsion for a father in his life, because that's how deep it must lie within him.”

“Henry will follow my lead on this,” Abbie replied with steady resolve. “You've got to believe me. Until tonight I didn't fully understand the influence I'd had upon him. Maeve and I have talked about fathers and husbands in a very negative way sometimes because my father walked out on me, as did her husband on her when he discovered she wasn't able to have children. Henry must have been listening to us, soaking up our negativity like a sponge.”

“I don't understand,” Adam shook his head in frustrated despair, pulling his hands from hers to drag them through his hair in frenzied frustration. “I thought he liked me.”

“As Pete's father he does like you. The problem is that now you've put a hat on as his own father—he believes that changes everything. But I'll fix it, I will.”

“How?” Adam tossed at her, the hopelessness of his future with Henry looming up before him like the north face of K2 on a bad day. “I know you think you can do anything that you set your mind to, Abbie, but this time it's too late. There's too much damage done.”

“No, just listen. If we're able to declare a truce on the cold war between us, then I think I'll be able to show him that I accept you as his father. No, I'll do more than that, I'll show him that I want and need you to be his father. His trust in me is stronger than his distrust of you. I owe you this and more, Adam, and I'm determined to sort this out.”

Adam gazed at Abbie staring back at him with a look of such stalwart resolution that for a passing moment he almost believed she could do it. But then that moment passed and the futility of her pledge swamped all hope within him again.

“I have an idea about where I can start with this,” she went on resolutely. “Are you able to get away from work for a week or two?”

“To do what?”

“To travel to England.”

“You want me to go home?” Adam asked baffled.

“Yes, and take Pete, Henry and me with you. I'd be okay with you taking Henry on your own, but I think that would put you both under too much pressure. And anyway, I need to help you win Henry's trust.”

Adam guffawed with an admixture of amusement and disbelief.

“What?” Abbie asked, clearly wondering what he could possibly find amusing at that point of their conversation.

“Just this afternoon I told Justin I wanted to take you all to the UK but he said you'd never agree to it.”

“Henry needs to see you in your own space with your own family. And he needs to see you interacting with your own father. But most of all, he needs to see me accepting you as a part of my life as well as his. I won't pretend I'll look forward to the visit though. It'll be unspeakably awkward. Lord knows what your family thinks of me. I may as well wear a scarlet letter on my forehead.”

“My parents want to meet you as much as they want to meet Henry,” Adam explained, surprised to hear a brighter note in his voice than just minutes before—Abbie's optimism was nothing if not infectious. “And I promise I won't let anyone make you feel uncomfortable about our past.”

“I'm counting on that.” Abbie gave him a weak smile. “But are you happy to declare a truce so that we can put the past to one side for now and concentrate on these boys?”

“Absolutely,” Adam replied with a reassuring smile back. “And if you need some breathing space while we're there, you and Henry can stay in a cottage I own in the village, just down the road from my parents' house. I know it's vacant because it's been renovated recently, and I haven't told the letting agent to relist it yet. How does that sound?”

“Perfect,” she replied in a tone of confidence that failed to distract him from the apprehension in her eyes.

“Okay then,” he said in simple reply, and restless to escape the heady allure of Abbie in nothing but a satin nightie and a very big bed, he got up and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?” she called out from behind, seeming surprised at his hasty exit.

“Online,” Adam called back. “I've got four flights to England to book.”

As always, Sydney Airport's international departures area was a heaving mass of humanity. Hundreds of people with luggage in tow were milling about in ordered chaos as far as the eye could see. With growing apprehension, Adam scanned the crowd before glancing at his watch and shifting his carry-on luggage from one shoulder to the other.

Abbie was twenty minutes late; he was beginning to get worried.

Could she have caved in to second thoughts about the trip? He knew she'd been plagued by them over the last few days. But he also knew her well enough to be sure that if she promised something she wouldn't back down from it. And she'd never let the boys down at the last minute, so what was he worrying about?

In vivid confirmation of his final conclusion she swung into his line of vision. Hurrying through the crowd her eyes swept around in search of the three of them. She looked breathless and flustered. Adam guessed she'd been held up at work by a last minute problem.

But the most important thing was she was there. With that knowledge, relief settled upon Adam like the first snow of the season as he took in the sight of her dressed in the black suit she'd headed off to work in that morning. She clearly hadn't had time to change into more comfortable clothes for the flight as she'd planned on doing.

She caught sight of him and smiling in relieved recognition, she waved. At that moment the breath caught in Adam's throat as he grappled with a sudden attack of second thoughts.

God, was he really doing the right thing taking them all back to the UK like this?

Perhaps he should have insisted they stay in Sydney for a while until they got used to their new living arrangements and settled in together. After all, his and Abbie's relationship as co-parents was still so fragile. It wouldn't take much to knock it off its rails.

Turning away to check that the boys were still within eyesight, Adam ran a visibly shaking hand through his hair—he was in uncharted waters. For Coopers didn't normally do self-doubt. His family was a ‘who's who' of British judges, Queen's Counsel and members of parliament, and they hadn't reached those dizzy heights through self-doubt. He couldn't afford to have doubts now. Not when there were only two objectives for the trip: win Henry's trust and convince Abbie they must raise their boys together in England.