Act of Will (56 page)

‘You know I am, my Chris-Chris.’

‘Are you sorry I can’t have any more children? Would you have liked another child, Alex?’

‘No, Kyle is quite enough,’ he said, and then groaned in mock horror. ‘Imagine two like her.’

‘Be serious.’

‘I am… it’s fine the way it is, darling. As long as you’re happy, Christie. You are, aren’t you?’

‘Yes, I am. Are you sorry we never had a son? You know, a son as in son and heir…’

‘No, and anyway, we have a daughter and heir and that’s sufficient for me.’ He sensed her smile and he bent over her, moved her head slightly, brought his face down to hers.

He found her mouth with his and kissed her gently. And slowly and gently he began to make love to her, touching her breasts and stroking her body, letting her know how much he loved her and telling her in a thousand different silent ways that
he
would never hurt her.

And with precision and delicacy and great expertise he brought her to new heights of passion; as she stiffened he took her to him, entered her swiftly, and made her his. Not only for tonight, but for always.

Kyle, Audra and Christina

1978

‘I don’t want to paint dresses like she does, I want to paint pictures,’ Kyle said, staring hard at her grandmother.

Audra flinched at these words. There’s nothing like getting to the heart of the matter, she thought, but oh, the brutality of the young. She said, ‘I know you’ve wanted to paint, to be an artist, for the last couple of years, Kyle dear, but I’m not sure you’ve gone about this in
exactly
the right way—with your parents, I mean.’

‘It’s not Daddy, he doesn’t care whether I go into the stupid business or not. It’s
her
!’

‘Now look here, Kyle, I won’t allow you to speak about your mother in that tone of voice. You
are
being unfair, you know.’

Kyle threw Audra a half-apologetic look, but her mouth settled into sulky lines. ‘Anyway, I can’t imagine why I’m defending Daddy, he’s always on her side. He always has been. For as long as I can remember it’s been the two of them against me… even when I was little I felt left out. They were the best team. That’s what they always said, and it
was
just the two of them, Gran. I wasn’t included.’

Audra looked at Kyle in astonishment and sighed heavily. She wanted to shake her granddaughter and if they hadn’t been in the restaurant of the Carlyle Hotel,
having coffee after lunch, she would have done so. ‘You’re quite wrong, Kyle, in that assumption. I can distinctly remember when you came to England in 1965… you were walking around, singing, “we’re the best team, the best team Mommy and Daddy and me, we’re the best team”. I remember it so well because it was the year your parents bought High Cleugh for me. You were six. And your parents have never shut you out.
Never
. You’ve been included in everything. They’ve been wonderful parents and they love you very much.’

‘They love each other more than they love me.’

‘Don’t be so ridiculous,’ Audra snapped, genuine anger surfacing. ‘Of course they love each other—they’ve never been anything
else
but very much
in
love, as a matter of fact. And you should thank your lucky stars they have, Kyle. What do you want to be? The child of a broken marriage?’

‘I didn’t mean it that way,’ Kyle answered swiftly, a chagrined expression flickering on her face. ‘It’s just that I’m so upset, Grandma. I hate the fashion business and everything about it. I don’t want to design clothes and sit behind a desk and do shows and cope with imbecilic models who starve themselves to anorexic death and primp and pile ten pounds of icky goo on their faces every day. I want to paint what I see.’

Her young face suddenly became gloriously alive, lost its petulant look, and all of her rebelliousness seemed to fall away from her. Kyle sat forward eagerly, and her dark eyes shone. ‘I want to paint landscapes and seascapes, like I did last summer when I was in Yorkshire with you, Gran. Oh it was lovely, being there at High Cleugh with you, going to Robin Hood’s Bay and the Dales, and sitting with my easel and being quiet and putting beauty down on canvas, as I saw it my particular way… through
my own special angle of vision. I was so happy last summer with you, Grandma. Happier than I’ve ever been. And then I had to come back here to New York and go out with Mom on the road. Stupid trunk shows! I detest them. And I detest the Fashion Institute.’

Audra reached out and took the girl’s hand. ‘I know things have been difficult lately, dear.’

‘I’m getting so that I can’t function properly any more, I’m so frustrated and unhappy.’ Kyle took a deep breath. ‘All it would take to make me happy is to be allowed to go to the Royal College of Art in London for a couple of years and then become a landscape painter. But she’ll never understand
that
. All she’s interested in is making money.’

Audra’s eyes welled with tears. ‘Oh Kyle, that’s not true,’ she said and stopped, found her bag on the banquette, opened it, groped for her handkerchief.

Kyle was distressed and she squeezed her grandmother’s arm. ‘I’m sorry, Gran, I didn’t mean to sound nasty. I’m sorry too if I’ve hurt your feelings. After all she is your daughter.’

‘And she’s your mother, Kyle, and the best mother in the world,’ Audra exclaimed. ‘Take my word for it. She only wants the best for you. Why, she’d give her life for you. I’ve been on your side all along, but I’m not going to be much longer if you play the spoiled child, and speak of your mother in this unkind and disrespectful way.’ Audra fixed her piercing blue eyes on Kyle. ‘Do I make myself clear?’ she asked in a stern and reprimanding voice.

‘Yes, Gran,’ Kyle replied meekly. She had always been a bit afraid of Audra.

‘Very well. Now listen to me, and you’d better listen very carefully… and perhaps when I’ve finished you’ll
understand your mother’s motivations, understand her, understand why she loves her business so much. All right?’

Kyle nodded.

‘Your mother was a landscape painter, and she sacrificed her art for the business. She once had what you want so badly right in the palm of her hand. And she was talented, Kyle, gifted, brilliant. But she gave it all up for
me
… to make money for
me
… to give
me
the comforts and luxuries she thought I was entitled to have.’ Audra grasped Kyle’s hand, held onto it tightly. ‘I’ll tell you about it… Christie should have told you but she hasn’t… so I shall tell you now.’

Kyle gave her grandmother her entire attention and as Audra continued to speak much of the anger and irritation with her mother which had been building for the past year dissolved. And when Audra had finished Kyle’s eyes were moist too. ‘What an extraordinary thing Mom did for you, Gran. I wish she’d told me.’ Kyle bit her lip. ‘Do you think she misses painting? Do you think that’s why she doesn’t have much of her own work around in the New York apartment and the house in Connecticut? I mean, you have most of it at High Cleugh, and Aunt Janey has some. Perhaps she doesn’t want to be reminded too much about what she gave up.’

Audra winced. Kyle’s excruciating honesty was unnerving at times. ‘Perhaps she misses it… I don’t really know. We never speak of it. We never have actually, not even in the beginning. But I’ve been wrong, Kyle. We should have talked, she and I.’ Audra settled back against the banquette, looking reflective. I was always afraid of saying the wrong thing, of upsetting her, Audra thought. Yes, I was wrong and in so many ways.

‘I don’t know what to do, Grandmother,’ Kyle muttered.
‘I feel awful. I’ve been mean to Mom for months and months. I must have hurt her dreadfully.’

Audra patted her hand. ‘You won’t have any problems with your mother… I know my daughter very well. She loves you so much. You’re her only child, and she’ll accept your apology and forgive you at once.’

‘Do you think so, Gran?’

‘I
know
so.’ Leaning closer, Audra smiled for the first time in days. ‘I think I’ve come up with a compromise for the two of you. I’ve been wracking my brains all week, and I think I have the solution, Kyle darling.’

‘Oh God I hope so, Grandma. What is it?’

‘I’m going to talk to your mother again when we get back to the apartment. If she’s still insistent that you go into the business, I’m going to ask her to give you a sabbatical. Mind you, Kyle, you’ve got to promise to give her three years in the business later, if she gives you three years now, allows you to come back to London with me next week. We’ll apply at once to the Royal College, and in the meantime, until you’re accepted, you can live with me at High Cleugh and paint to your heart’s content. So… what do you think?’

‘Gran, it’s brilliant! Brilliant!’

‘Do you agree to keep your end of the bargain?’

‘Yep. I do! I do!’ Kyle’s face glowed.

***

When they left the Carlyle Hotel they walked down Madison Avenue a short way.

It was a pretty Saturday afternoon at the end of May and the lovely weather had brought many people out to gaze in the windows of the elegant boutiques and browse in the art galleries.

‘I think I’d like to go up to Park Avenue and take a cab back to the apartment,’ Audra said, reaching for
Kyle’s arm. ‘There are too many people about now.’

‘Are you all right?’ Kyle looked at her grandmother worriedly.

‘I feel a bit tired suddenly.’

Kyle hailed a taxi on Park Avenue and helped Audra inside, and within ten minutes they were alighting in front of the apartment building on Sutton Place where the Newmans lived.

‘Now let me do the talking,’ Audra insisted firmly as they went up in the lift. ‘Keep that busy tongue of yours still for once. And when I’ve said my piece, you can apologize to your mother for your recent behaviour. And you must do that, Kyle, whatever happens. Understand?’

‘Yes.’

Audra was disappointed when they let themselves into the hall.

The huge apartment was deathly quiet and seemed deserted. She knew Alex had had a luncheon engagement to keep, but she had expected her daughter to be home. Then Audra heard footsteps echoing in the marble gallery adjoining the foyer.

Suddenly Christina was standing there, smiling at them, looking impossibly young in a pair of blue jeans and a white silk shirt and lots of heavy gold jewellery. She was positively radiant. The worry and anxiety and rage which had been etched on her face for the past week had completely washed away. She was like a new person. Or rather, like her old self.

‘Hello, you two,’ Christina said brightly, coming forward eagerly, smiling. ‘Did you have a nice lunch? A good talk?’

‘Yes, thank you, we did, Christie.’ Audra narrowed her eyes, wondering what had wrought the change in her daughter.

‘I am glad, Mummy,’ Christina said.

‘I’d like to talk to you,’ Audra announced rather abruptly.

‘Then let’s go into my study.’ Christina spun around and walked down the long gallery in the direction of her den.

Kyle looked at her grandmother and raised a brow. Audra shrugged in answer to the unasked but obvious question. They were both puzzled by the marked difference in Christina and hurried after her, riddled with curiosity.

She stood in the centre of the study, waiting for them. ‘What do you want to talk to me about, Mother?’ she asked.

Kyle went and perched on the arm of the sofa, and Audra sat down in a chair. She said, ‘Christie, I think I’ve come up with a solution to Kyle’s—’

‘Just a minute,’ Christina exclaimed, holding up her hand. ‘Before we go into that, I want to tell you about the plans I’ve made for your birthday next week, Mummy. Your seventy-first birthday—’

‘Really, Christie,’ Audra interjected crossly, ‘I’m not interested in my birthday. I’ve better fish to fry this afternoon. Kyle is much more important than—’

‘I
insist
on discussing this first, Mother,’ Christina cut in, her voice strong and firm. ‘And I also want to give you two of your gifts today.’

Audra was furious and her mouth tightened. But she knew better than to interrupt.

Kyle was also annoyed but controlled her own flaring temper, watching, waiting. Whatever her grandma said to the contrary, her mother
was
impossible.

Christina walked to the fireplace, and stood next to it, resting one hand on the mantel. She said slowly, carefully,
‘My first gift to you, Mummy, is the thing I know you truly want the most in your deepest heart… a granddaughter living in England and studying at the Royal College.’

Audra and Kyle stared at Christina and then at each other. They were stunned.

‘I’ve done a lot of soul searching in the last few days, and I know how wrong I’ve been about Kyle—’ Christina glanced at her daughter, smiled warmly. ‘Kyle must have her chance to follow her own lodestar. As you put it to me years ago, and then again the other day, a child is only ever lent to you. And so I want her to do whatever she wants with her life… it
is
hers, after all.’

Audra stared speechlessly at her daughter.

‘Mom! Mom! Do you really mean it?’ Kyle shrieked, jumping off the sofa, running to Christina, grasping her arm.

‘Yes, darling, I do. I shouldn’t have tried to push you into the business against your will.’

‘Oh Mom, I’ve been rude and cruel and impossible. I’m so very
sorry
. Can you ever forgive me, Mom?’

‘There’s nothing to forgive, Kyle. I simply want us to be friends again and I want you to have what makes you happy.’

‘Mom!’ Kyle flung her arms around Christina and kissed her, and they pulled away and looked at each other and laughed and hugged again.

Audra watching them both, thought: Thank God, thank God. Everything’s going to be all right after all.

Christina exclaimed, ‘And now for your second birthday present, Mother, I’ll just go and get it for you.’ She hurried across the floor.

‘Why do
you
think she changed her mind, Gran?’ Kyle
asked the minute they were alone. She was flushed, excited, could hardly contain herself.