Absolution (The Protectors, Book 1) (21 page)

Mace

I had my knee on the woman’s back to hold her down when I heard Jonas shouting my name. The bodyguards had finally reached me and one began cuffing the woman as the other took possession of the gun that I handed him. But one look at Jonas had me scrambling off the woman and shoving past the bodyguard.

Jonas was covered in blood. Cole’s blood.

“Call an ambulance!” I screamed to anyone who would listen as I reached Cole’s side.

“Cole, hang in there, okay?” I said even though his eyes were closed. Jonas’s hands were soaked in blood where he was pressing on the hole in Cole’s side but when blood starting pooling beneath Cole on the floor, pure panic flooded through me.

Jonas kept saying my name but I knew I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t do anything except watch the life blood of one of the men I loved seep out of him while the other man I loved begged me not to let it happen.

“Mace, you need to move back,” I heard someone say. I knew in the back of mind before I even turned that it was Ronan but I couldn’t comprehend what he wanted. And then he was grabbing me by the chin, his hold gentle. “Mace, let him go so I can help him,” Ronan whispered.

Ronan never whispered. He never touched anyone unless it was to inflict pain.

I moved back and watched as Ronan pushed Cole up onto his side. Blood soaked through the back of Cole’s shirt. “Mace, help Jonas keep pressure on his front. We need to slow the bleeding.”

Ronan spoke with such calm authority that I found myself moving to Cole’s other side. I put my hands on top of Jonas’s and pushed as hard as I could. I felt Cole’s body being pushed against us as Ronan applied pressure to Cole’s back. People were running around us crying and shouting but all I heard was Jonas’s harsh breathing. I couldn’t look at him because I knew I wouldn’t be able to hold it together if I did. But even when the paramedics arrived and pushed us both out of the way, I didn’t want to touch Jonas.

Because I’d failed him.

I’d failed Cole.

I’d failed.

Again.

* * *

It was Ronan who rode in the ambulance with Cole because he’d somehow managed to stem the worst of Cole’s bleeding and had refused to release his hold on Cole even when the paramedics arrived. In fact, he was the one who’d begun barking orders at them and I knew from the things he’d said that he’d been holding out on me. I’d just assumed he had some type of law enforcement or military background but from the moment he’d taken charge of Cole’s care, I knew he was much more than that.

I’d managed to snap out of my cocoon of paralyzing fear as soon as the ambulance had pulled away from the building. One of Jonas’s bodyguards had directed us to a car and I’d climbed in back with Jonas. We hadn’t touched or spoken at first because we’d both been too numb from the shock but when Jonas’s fingers finally linked with mine, the contact unlocked my brain and I pulled him against me. I could feel his hot tears against my neck and I had no doubt he could feel mine as well.

Ronan was nowhere to be found when we arrived at the hospital, but a nurse directed us to a private exam room so Jonas and I could wash our hands while we waited for someone to tell us what was going on. While I logically knew we’d only been in the room for a few minutes, it felt like hours and as each minute dragged by, I grew more frantic that Cole was already gone and the doctors were just trying to get up the nerve to tell us.

I’d given up on trying to stand still and began pacing the small room as Jonas leaned back against the wall, his arms wrapped around himself.

When the door finally opened, I felt the bottom of my stomach drop out. Ronan stepped into the room, his face grim and I automatically reached for Jonas’s hand and drew him next to me.

“He’s alive,” Ronan said. The words should have brought relief, but it was the way Ronan said them that had me biting so hard into my lower lip that I felt blood coat my tongue.

“He’s in surgery now. The bullet hit his liver and he’s losing blood as quickly as they can get it into him. If he survives the surgery, it will be touch and go for a while. You need to prepare yourselves.”

I felt Jonas turn into me just before a sob engulfed him. I automatically wrapped my arms around him but any words of comfort I wanted to offer escaped me because I couldn’t get past Ronan’s last statement.

You need to prepare yourselves
.

How the fuck were we supposed to do that? The only thing we were supposed to be preparing for was figuring out how to make a life for ourselves…a life we’d been given a glimpse of in our secluded little farmhouse in the middle of nowhere.

“I brought you guys some scrubs to wear,” Ronan said uncomfortably before he put them on one of the chairs. “I’ll be outside if you need me.”

Jonas was shaking violently against me and I knew I wasn’t faring much better. I pushed him gently back and lifted his chin so he had no choice but to look at me. “He’s strong, Jonas. He’ll pull through this.”

“I’m sorry, Mace. I thought I was doing the right thing. It…it should have been me.”

His words infuriated me and I shook him hard. “Don’t you say shit like that to me, do you hear me? This is not your fault!”

But I knew Jonas didn’t believe me. And I knew in that instance if we lost Cole, Jonas would never forgive himself.

Just like I had never forgiven myself.

And as I drew Jonas back against my chest, I knew what I needed to do.

Jonas

I’d lost all sense of time and my surroundings after the shooting. The only thing that registered for me was whenever Mace spoke to me, which wasn’t often, and whenever a doctor or nurse appeared to give us updates on Cole’s condition. We’d spent hours waiting in the Surgery waiting room before a doctor finally came out to tell us that Cole was still hanging on and that they’d had to remove part of his badly damaged liver. They’d finally gotten the bleeding stopped but not before Cole’s heart had arrested on two different occasions. While the news that they had started the process of closing Cole up was positive, the doctor hadn’t held back any punches when he said that Cole might not survive the night.

As we waited for Cole to be moved to the ICU where we would be able to see him, I felt Mace’s fingers wind through mine where my hand rested on my thigh. I struggled to accept his touch because I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve any kind of comfort because it was my actions that had put us here. It was my body that should have been lying on the operating room table, my insides exposed, my tired heart struggling to keep me alive.

I was glad when Mace’s hand released me a moment later but when I heard a woman’s soft cry, I looked up and saw an older couple standing a dozen feet away, their hands clutching each other’s as they stared at Mace who’d risen from his chair. The woman had her free hand pressed against her mouth and tears were streaking down her face. I guessed the couple to be in their late sixties or early seventies. I knew instantly they were Mace’s parents because the man looked so much like Mace that it was eerie. Mace’s mother was tiny compared to the man she was standing next to. Her black hair was streaked with generous shades of silver and she was wearing a pair of white slacks with a floral print blouse.

If I hadn’t felt so numb inside, I would have taken pleasure in watching Mace walk slowly up to his parents before wrapping his arms around both of them. It was a moment I’d hoped for since Mace had admitted to me that he hadn’t spoken to his parents in years but I couldn’t find the strength to share it with him.

I dropped my eyes back to my hands and felt the need to wash them again even though I knew no trace of Cole’s blood lingered on my skin. I could still feel it though, hot and slick and relentless as it seeped past my fingers.

“Jonas, baby,” Mace whispered as his big hands settled over mine. He was kneeling in front of me but I couldn’t make myself look up. He did it for me by putting his fingers under my chin and lifting my head.

“I need to go and get Cole’s father. He needs to be here in case…”

In case Cole didn’t make it.

I managed a nod even though the idea of facing Cole’s father and admitting I’d failed both his children made me want to throw up.

“Jonas, I’m so fucking scared,” he whispered suddenly. His admission and the pain behind his words had my eyes filling with tears.

“Me too,” I managed to say.

“I need to know that if the worst happens, that I won’t lose you.”

I swallowed hard. I couldn’t fathom a life with Mace that didn’t include Cole. But I also couldn’t stomach a life without Mace either.

“If you still want me after all this is over…”

Mace leaned in to kiss me and whispered, “I will always want you, but that isn’t what I meant. I can’t lose you to yourself.”

I dropped my eyes because I understood what he was asking and I couldn’t promise that.

“I need you whole, Jonas.”

I flinched as my own words were flung back at me. He wanted for me what I’d wanted for him. He needed me to forgive myself. And I knew that no matter what happened to Cole, he would want that for me to. Because they both loved me even when I couldn’t love myself.

I nodded and then forced my eyes up. I didn’t know if I could manage it but I owed it to him and Cole to try. I owed it to myself.

“You won’t,” I said firmly. “Go get Cole’s dad.”

Mace smiled and then he was dragging me into his arms. “Love you,” he whispered against my ear as he clung to me. We held onto each other like that for a while and then he said, “Come meet my folks.”

* * *

Mace was able to see Cole for a few minutes before he had to leave for the airport to catch his flight to New Haven. We’d known that Cole wouldn’t be able to talk to us but the sight of him lying in the hospital bed, still as death, his pale skin almost as white as the thin blanket that covered him, was frightening. But nothing scared me more than the sight of the ventilator. Somehow the idea of knowing Cole couldn’t breathe on his own scared me even more than all the blood that had poured from his body.

Mace had kissed me gently before he left and then he’d leaned over Cole and whispered something into his ear before kissing him on the forehead. That had been almost four hours ago. The nursing staff had brought Mace and me some chairs to sit in, and I’d drawn mine up as close to the bed as I could get it, and then covered Cole’s hand with one of mine while I let my eyes settle on the up and down motions of his chest. The whooshing sound of the ventilator was strangely soothing and I didn’t realize I’d fallen asleep until a hand settled on my shoulder.

“Cole?” I said hoarsely as my eyes flew to his face only to see he was still out.

“Sorry,” Ronan murmured as he settled in the chair next to me. “I got you a latte from the coffee shop downstairs,” he said. “They wouldn’t let me bring it in here so I left it out at the nurse’s station for you if you want to take a break.”

I shook my head tiredly. “Did you help them find me?” I asked after I settled my hand back over Cole’s.

“Yeah. They called me from a resort a few miles from the farmhouse. They weren’t sure if you’d left with a certain destination in mind or just left,” Ronan said.

I looked over at him in surprise. Had Mace and Cole really thought I’d left them because I didn’t want to be with them?

“I kind of figured it was the former so I had one of my guys hack the airlines’ databases until they found you. Once we realized you were in Chicago, I figured I’d tag along to make sure they didn’t get themselves into too much trouble getting you back. They aren’t the most…diplomatic when it comes to you,” Ronan said with a slight smile.

“How did you know what to do to help Cole?”

The smile disappeared and Ronan actually dropped his eyes to his hands. He began tapping the pads of his fingers together one by one. The nervous gesture seemed so out of place for such a brash, confident man.

“I used to be a trauma surgeon,” he finally admitted.

The answer surprised me and I wanted to ask how he’d gone from saving lives to taking them, but I doubted he’d answer me.

“Thank you for what you did,” I said. “He wouldn’t be here if you hadn’t stepped in,” I said softly and I placed one of my hands over his still jittery ones. He froze at the contact but didn’t jerk away from me like I would have expected. But he clearly didn’t like to be touched so I withdrew my hand.

“I do give a shit about him,” Ronan said, his voice so low I struggled to hear him over the noisy machines surrounding us. It took me a moment to realize Ronan was talking about my accusation that he hadn’t cared about Mace and that he’d used and exploited his vulnerabilities to get Mace to work for him.

“Ronan, I was upset…”

Ronan shook his head. “I didn’t offer him the job to take advantage of him. I could have found dozens of guys willing to do what he did for the right amount of money. I knew he wasn’t going to forgive himself for what happened to his son so I gave him another outlet for his hate. It worked for me so I figured it would work for him.”

Ronan’s statement was telling. He’d clearly suffered some unimaginable loss just like Mace had. “
Did
it work for you?” I asked.

But Ronan didn’t answer me so I turned my attention back to Cole. “I’m going to take a few sips of that latte,” I said as the exhaustion began to settle over me again. “Would you stay here with him?” I asked Ronan.

Ronan nodded.

I started to pass Ronan but then stopped and did something I knew he wouldn’t like but that I felt compelled to do. I leaned down and wrapped my arms around Ronan and hugged him. “Thank you for saving both of them.”

Ronan felt as stiff as a board in my hold so I quickly released him and left the room without looking back. I found the latte at the nurse’s station and took a few sips but as I was putting it down, the top popped off and some of the warm liquid splashed all over my hand. I grabbed some tissues from the end of the counter and cleaned up the mess I’d made but I knew the stickiness on the back of my hand would bother me until I cleaned it off so I looked around for my bodyguard to let him know I was going to the bathroom. Only one of the men had stayed with me after the shooting. The other one had presumably stayed behind to work with the police to deal with the shooter who’d started shouting almost immediately that she’d done it because Eduardo had threatened to kill her if she didn’t.

I finally spotted the big man talking on his cell phone at the far end of the hallway. I waited for him to turn around but figured it would take just as long to get his attention as it would take for me to go and wash my hands so I walked down the opposite hall until I reached the men’s room. There was only one other man in there when I entered and he nodded at me as he walked out. I washed my hands and then leaned my face over the sink so I could scrub my face. The cold water worked wonders to soothe my tired, pained eyes.

I was in the process of wiping my face with a paper towel when I noticed someone approach me from behind. The man, presumably a nurse or orderly based on the scrubs, didn’t move to one of the other sinks, and before I could move out of his way, my head was slammed forward against the mirror. Pain exploded behind my eyes at the contact and then a hand wrapped around my throat, and I was dragged back several feet until my back hit the wall at the far end of the bathroom. Blood dripped over one of my eyes but I was still able to make out Eduardo’s face with the other.

The man didn’t look any different than he had nine years ago when he’d held me down and told me to be a good boy for him and it wouldn’t hurt as much. His long, greasy black hair was slicked straight back and his pockmarked face made his beady eyes look too small for his face. His putrid breath washed over me even before he started speaking.

“I knew from the first time I saw you that you were going to cause me all sorts of problems, you little shit,” Eduardo sneered as his fingers dug into my throat, cutting off my air supply.

Tears stung my eyes as my body began to yearn for air and I tried kicking out at Eduardo. All I managed to get was his shin and he punched me in the stomach with his free hand, stealing what little air I had left in my system.

“Such a shame,” Eduardo murmured as he pressed his mouth against my ear. “You were my favorite fuck. A little bit of tears, a little bit of fight. I still get hard every time I watch our movies together…the way you kept begging me not to hurt you.”

Eduardo’s fingers eased off my throat just a fraction, enough for me to suck in a tiny bit of air.

“Beg me like that again, Jonas. Beg me not to hurt you…”

I wouldn’t have said the words even if I’d had enough air to speak so I spit in his face instead. Rage mottled his features and his fist slammed against my cheek. Then both of his hands wrapped around my throat and any scraps of air I’d managed to pull into my lungs disintegrated and I began gasping desperately as I clawed at his arms.

And then he fell away from me and I collapsed into a heap on the floor. As I tried to draw in breath, I saw Ronan striding towards us, a gun in his hand. Eduardo was just feet from me, screaming in pain, holding on to his knee which seemed to be gushing blood. It took me a second to realize that Ronan had shot Eduardo there to force him to release me.

I expected Ronan to hold Eduardo there until help came, but he stepped past the moaning man and came to stand in front of me, his legs blocking my view. I closed my eyes when I heard the gun discharge again. I opened my eyes just in time to see Ronan using what looked like a piece fabric to place a knife in Eduardo’s lax hand and then he was flexing Eduardo’s hand around the handle. Then Ronan knelt in front of me and put his hand on my chin as he examined my face.

“It’s over,” he whispered and then he stood and placed his gun on the bathroom counter and held up his hands. My only thought after the chaos that ensued as security guards stormed into the bathroom, was that I needed to get back to Cole.