Abruption (35 page)

“Don’t worry about it,” I reassured her. “You did the right thing. Ignore it, you saw it before I did, Maya’s not acting like herself. Look at how she reacted when my mom insisted she take the week off. I think everything with Finn has been overwhelming for her and it’s just working its way out.”

“I know, but she might be feeling a little sensitive too. Maybe she needs a little reassurance that she can still be a constant in your lives, that the kids aren’t going anywhere. And I’m not swooping in to sweep the rug out from under her. She’s taken care of them for four solid years. It seems normal she would be attached and protective.” Jules was right. Albeit she was young, Maya had been the only consistent female role model my kids had ever known. “Or maybe she has a problem with me, or me
with
you, for some reason. But we’ve always gotten along great.”

I’d dare to find someone who had a problem with Jules—the very idea was crazy. Not as ludicrous as Maya caring about who I dated.
I’d have a crush on you too.
Nah, no fucking way. My radar might have been disengaged before Jules walked into my life, but I wasn’t blind. I would have sensed that vibe.

Not wanting Jules to ruminate on it a second longer, I said, “I’ll talk to her.”

“No, forget I said anything. She’s probably just having a bad day … we all have them. Besides, you better go. Don’t you have a case? I’ll figure out the logistics and text you as soon as we’re on our way home with a sparkly bill of health. We’re thinking pizza for dinner, right, handsome?” She rested her cheek on Finn’s head as he nodded. Thicker than thieves.

I felt one side of my face scrunch. “Sparkly?”

Jules shifted a giggling Finn to her other hip and pretended to ignore me. “Thinking Daddy’s not getting any pizza tonight.”

“Oh, Daddy’s getting
some
all right.” I winked, and Jules dissolved into her own fit of giggles. As much as I wanted to stay put, my conscience told me it was time to get my ass back upstairs. “Got to run, left Bryce to start. We’ll negotiate exactly what I’m getting later.” I kissed them both again and asked, “Who loves you?”

Jules’ eyes melted, and Finn mumbled past his pop. “Love you, Daddy.”

Bryce was wrong—I didn’t feel better.

I felt a whole hell of a lot better.

Maybe the guy upstairs was feeling generous with favors today after all.

“I
think you should wait to tell him until he’s out of his case,” Dr. Guillroy suggested, referring to Finn’s latest test results.

But I knew Guy.
You see me
,
doll
. If I procrastinated, he would know something was wrong and possibly envision the worst, although I wasn’t sure what could be much worse. I remembered my vow and took a deep breath to calm the turbulence that was my insides before I began to freak out.
You’re not alone, Guy. I promise I’m here.

“I appreciate that, but I need to text him,” I responded.

Dr. Guillroy’s face read uneasy.

Meet us in the PICU.

Getting admitted :(

Guy either left his cell with his circulating nurse so she could read his messages for him, or he left it on vibrate in his back pocket so he’d know I texted. I prayed for the latter.

“I’m discontinuing his anti-seizure medication immediately, but I have to be honest, I highly doubt it is responsible for elevating his liver enzymes to this extent. I’m actually surprised he’s not jaundiced yet.”

“What else are you thinking?” I asked, racking my brain for an explanation.

“As I told Guy this morning, his hepatitis panel came back negative, as did his toxicology screen. With this age group we always worry about accidental Tylenol ingestion, but that’s not the case here either.” Of course it wasn’t, Finn was never out of our sights. “I’m concerned there could be an underlying liver disease process we may be missing. Unusual in children, yes, but in light of Finn’s symptoms over the past few months, we might have to rule it out.”

Oh God, here we go again
.

“Meaning?” Deep in my subconscious I knew exactly what he meant, but there was a reason it was unethical to treat your family members. Medical judgment goes out the window when your loved one wore the hospital gown.

Guillroy cleared his throat before he answered. “Meaning, we might be looking at a liver biopsy if the repeat labs I ordered don’t show improvement.”

The thought of Finn undergoing another procedure scared the hell out of me. But the possibility of what they might find and what that could mean terrified me. I rocked back on my heels and rubbed my arms, trying to take it all in. I felt his presence at my back before I heard his gravelly voice.

“Where’s my boy?” Guy asked, all the levity from earlier gone from his eyes.

I tangled our hands together and squeezed.

I promise I’m here.

“Room four.” Guillroy pointed to the room two down.

Guy outstretched his other hand and said, “Thanks, Brian.”

With nothing more to say, Guy led us down the hall.

“You heard?” I whispered before we walked in, not that it was necessary to ask. His face said he heard every word.

“Yeah, I heard.” He kissed my forehead, and we walked into Finn’s room.

Cara was sitting next to an engrossed Finn, legs crossed, with a familiar white book propped in her hands. The characteristic black-sketched cover stopped me in my tracks and stole my breath away. My heart ached as memories flooded my mind. Every night, after I bathed her, I would rock with Gemma in our oversized glider and read from Shel Silverstein’s
Everything On It
.

My lips unconsciously began to move, and I quietly whispered along to the words Cara read aloud. Words that would be forever ingrained in my mind.

“
There are no happy endings.

Endings are the saddest part,

So just give me a happy middle

And a very happy start
.”

I wished with all my heart I would have known how short my
middle
with Gemma was going to be. I would have savored her smell, her touch, her cry even more than I did. God, I missed my sweet baby girl.

Lost in beautiful memories, I never felt Guy release my hand or notice him switch spots with Cara until she was beside me. “Hey, you okay, sweetheart?”

Staring at my boys snuggled together pointing at the book drawings I had memorized, I answered her truthfully. “I have to be. They need me.”

Whatever was going to happen, no matter what the next round of tests showed or the round after that, this was our
middle
and I vowed to treasure every moment.

Wanting to be close by when Finn’s results came back, Maya had opted to take Max to the playground across the street after school, which made the hand off convenient. Since Guy was done with his cases for the day and camped by his son’s side, I thought some one-on-one girl time with Max would be just what the doctor ordered.

When I surprised her at the bottom of her favorite twisty slide, she was excited to see me, but I could tell she was eager to see her little brother even more. Like father like daughter. Until Finn was in her sights she wouldn’t rest easy.

Max was struggling with the
whys
lately. Everything we said, whether statement or question, prompted the infamous game.
Why can’t dogs go to school? Why are vegetables good for me? Why do you and Daddy have a different bedtime than us?
Her inquisitive brain was soaking up new information, but Guy and I also pondered if this was also a plea for attention. And we couldn’t blame her. Finn, unintentionally of course, was drawing most of our attention. We had decided just the other night that we both needed to make the effort to carve out special time with her.

It was difficult for her to wrap her four-year-old head around how her brother was sick enough to have to stay at
Daddy’s work
again when they were giggling and watching
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
together hours earlier.
Makes two of us.
It was especially troubling for her because he’d been sleeping on her colorful heart sheets since his last admission.

Finn hadn’t been thrilled with his sister’s insistence, to say the least—pastels were not his favorite. But after her solid five-minute ramble on the “luckiness” of rainbows, pots of gold, leprechauns, and four leaf clovers, she had him convinced. She had us all wanting to believe.