Abruption (28 page)

“Now up into warrior 1, do you remember this one, Max?” My mother’s voice killed my vision, but not before I made an important mental note.
Store this flexibility for later.

“Yes. Don’t show me, Nana.” Max was back to serious. It really was so adorable. She lunged into one leg and shot both arms back up into the air.

“Very nice, ladies,” Reina said brightly.

“Bravo,” I said in my deepest voice.

Finn giggled and chanted, “More, more.”

Max leaped into my lap and wrapped her arms around my neck, giggling along with Finn.

“You looked beautiful.”

“Thank you, Daddy. That was so fun,” she cheered.

Jules squeezed herself next to us on the couch. She seemed so much better. I wasn’t sure if better was the right word. Maybe relieved. Or more at peace. Whatever it was, she seemed content here with us. Beaming at Max, while pulling Finn onto her lap, she said, “Your Nana is a great teacher.”

Max nodded so vigorously her pigtails whipped against my cheeks, one landing right in my eye and making me laugh. Oblivious to my tearing eye, she shook her pointer finger at Finn. “Finny, next time you can learn yoga too. Daddy says practice makes perfect.” Then she directed her attention to Reina and batted her huge blue, puppy dog eyes. “Nana, can we learn more poses, pleeeese?”

“Of course, we can arrange that for tomorrow. But tonight Nana is exhausted. She had a long flight.”

“Daddy says you had to get red eyes. But Nana, you have blue eyes.”

The women went hysterical. Jules’ laugh, the one I missed like crazy, filled the room. This was exactly the lighthearted evening I hoped I would walk into.

Thankful that Finn had been seizure-free since yesterday morning and his EEG was normal didn’t make it any less of a weekend of marathon emotions and devastating truths. After we had left the chapel, emotionally shot, Jules went home for a quick shower and a change of clothes. Maya and Max had left as well, to get some fresh air. Finn had finally fallen asleep, giving me a chance to speak on the phone with my mother before she boarded her plane. She was the one person in my life that had always been a constant. The one I could talk to about everything, often giving me the wider perspective. Jules’ loss stunned her. It took her several moments to collect herself before she provided me with a response that left me speechless.

“Ask her about her baby, honey. Tell her you want to know about every moment of every day of Gemma’s precious time here on earth. Her newborn smell, every gurgle and giggle, her first smile and first tooth. Let her replay those stories over and over for you. Gemma was her life, even if it was only for four beautiful months. Jules may struggle at first, it may be too emotional, but you wait patiently, eventually she’ll let you love Gemma too. And honey, you will, you’ll love her as much as you love Max and Finn. Because Gemma is a part of her. A huge part. Losing her daughter has made Jules the woman she is today. The woman you would have never crossed paths with if this tragedy never happened. The woman you have fallen in love with.”

Her moving words had filtered in and out all day long. Baby Gemma at the forefront. Of course I wanted to know Jules’ little girl. I wanted Max and Finn to know her too. Did she have Jules’ big brown eyes? And long lashes? Did she have her perfect smile and radiant glow? I’d be patient and wait forever for her to bring her baby girl to life for us. But what couldn’t wait was us, alone, out of the hospital. I needed to
show
her that I wasn’t going anywhere. That she was my world. Our world. That we may have been broken apart, but together we were whole.

“Nana’s definitely going to have red eyes if she doesn’t get her beauty rest,” my mom replied with laughter still in her voice.

“Beauty rest?” Max asked, giggling.

“Anyone in the royal family needs lots of sleep to keep healthy and happy.”

Max’s eyebrows spiked and her eyes bugged. “Nana, you’re a princess like Cinderella and Jasmine? Jasmine is my favorite. Daddy says I can be Jasmine for Halloween, and Finny can be Aladdin.

“No. I Powya Ranger.” Finn fist pumped into the air. This was only a topic we’d addressed too many times to count, and it wasn’t even officially spring yet.

“No. Aladdin. Finny, you promised.” Max’s lip puffed out in a pout.

“Red Powya Ranger.”

I gave him mad props for slipping in the color the second time, like that would convince Max to cave. I glanced over at Jules who was taking in the brother/sister showdown with a little smirk on her face. Leave it to the kids to shift the atmosphere even if just temporarily.

“Aladdin.”

“Powya Ranger.”

“Hey, hey. Princess Max, Finn can be whatever he wants. Besides, Halloween is a long way off—you may both change your mind by then. How about a nice warm bath, and then I’ll read you a story and get you tucked in. Let’s give Daddy a chance to relax and eat some dinner.” My mother’s powers of diffusion were impressive. I needed practice.

“How about my peanuts show me some love first?” I asked then received. Sloppy, soft kisses and matching tight hugs. It never got old. “Who loves ya to the moon and back?”

“You do. Why do you always axus that, Daddy?” Max giggled, kissing and hugging Jules too then taking off after her Nana.

“Always checking!” I yelled behind her. Finn slid off the couch but didn’t move. He had to be exhausted. “What is it, bud? Want a piggyback?”

“No, JuJu. JuJu make me better.”

“Ah, handsome.” Jules swung him on her hip without missing a beat. She kissed his head and disappeared down the hall.

This was far from the first time my kids showed Jules affection, but this time I could tell she was battling her emotions. She had this. And in a blink of an eye, it was gone. The pain in my chest for her was indescribable. Something between a burn and a bone crushing ache. Hers had to be times a hundred.

I slunk back on the couch and rubbed along my sternum. “You’re right, buddy.”

JuJu does make everything better.

T
wo hundred and four. That’s how many munchkins I’d physically held over the past seven years. To comfort, examine, change or feed. I’d never admit that number to anyone because I knew how it sounded. Sad and pathologic. It wasn’t like I intentionally started keeping count, it just kind of happened. I’d chosen a career in pediatrics, so it was inevitable. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t terrified the first time I picked up another child … but Corrine wasn’t my Gemma. Neither was Jason or Blake or Emma Kate or the hundreds that followed. I found solace in realizing that no other child could warm my soul with their touch or melt my heart with a single look the way my sweet girl did. That unconditional love was reserved only for her.

Until now.

Finn and Max were both so generous with their love, each in their own way. They’d literally knocked me off kilter and taken my breath away on occasions.
Now
being one of them.

I cherished the way Finn reached for me tonight almost as much as I loved being his JuJu. I tried my best to swallow back the multitude of emotions threatening to unglue me and focus on the task at hand. Tubby-time.

As we made our way to the bathroom, Finn giggled and tugged on my new bracelet. Seeing the shiny pendant within his baby grasp brought me back to this afternoon.

Shortly after lunch, while the kids quietly made movies and played on their electronics, I joined Reina for a cup of tea. I was looking forward to getting to know her, hoping to make a good impression and put her mind at ease. Assure her that I genuinely cared for her son and grandchildren. But the only person doing the talking was Reina. Her grace and sincerity overwhelmed me.

She dove right in. “I know we’ve just met, but I feel like I know you already. Guy has been shouting about you from the rooftops. And it is obvious my monkeys are completely smitten.”

I laughed at her enthusiasm, feeling my cheeks heat. “Thank you, Reina. That means a lot to me.” No wonder Max and Finn couldn’t get enough of Nana, she was an easy woman to love.

“To me too, darling, to me too.” She sipped her tea, all the while regarding me with contemplative eyes. “These past few years have been a real challenge for my son. He’s shouldered more than one person should have to, and he’s done it surrounded by a haze of bitterness and loss. At his core, Guy is gentle and loyal. But he is fiercely protective, and if I had to find a flaw, he can be a little stubborn. I’ll have you know that he gets that from his father.” I watched a serene glow wash over her as soon as she mentioned her husband. “I lived a very similar life when my Finnigan passed away, so I understand what it’s like to be a single parent. What my son
doesn’t
understand is that moving on alone was never a decision or a choice. Finnigan
is
my soulmate and he
always
will be. There could never be another. And I’m okay with that until we meet again. And while I believe Guy and Brittany could have had a beautiful life together, I don’t think they were soulmates. Jules, darling, since you’ve entered Guy’s life, he has come alive again. You’re the breath of fresh air he has been starved for. It’s clear as a bell how much you mean to them and how much they mean to you.”
She has no idea
. “Only a very special woman would jump head first into life with a father. You are special, Jules. A beautiful soul both inside and out.”

“Thank you, but I’m the lucky one. They’ve welcomed me with open arms, and I wouldn’t want to imagine my life without them. I can honestly say they’ve made me happier than I’ve been in years.” For some unexplained reason, opening up to Reina was effortless.