Above the Noise (5 page)

“Yeah, I like my body the way it is… not fat. I like to spend my time the way
I
want to. I’m impulsive and love to do spur of the moment things. Kids kinda disrupt all of that.”

“Yeah, I guess they do.” He brushed the hair from my neck and let his hand gently fall there. Goose bumps prickled over my entire body, and I hoped he didn’t notice.

“Besides, when I was twelve, I got really sick and was diagnosed with Leukemia. I had to have chemo as part of the aggressive measures to rid me of what lurked inside my body. The doctor said I would most likely never conceive because the kind of chemo I had pretty much leaves you sterile. So, I’ve grown up with the mindset that kids aren’t part of my future, which is just fine. I look forward to all the shit I can do that all my preggo friends won’t be able to. They’ll be jealous.”

“You’ve got it all figured out, don’t you?”

“I like to think I do.” My eyes fluttered. I was so tired, and it seemed the more personal and intimate our conversations got, the more exhausted I felt.

“Well, be careful what you’re absolutely sure of. Because life has a way of throwing you into situations you never dreamed of.” He kissed me on my nose and climbed out from under my blankets. “I should go. Lock the door behind me, okay?” He winked and then was gone, and all I could think about was what it would feel like to make love to his tender soul. I was falling. It was way too soon to let down my walls.
Shit fuck.

WATCHING HER SLEEP,
I could barely breathe. It was weird. I let my guard down that first night I walked her home, and it was like Becki completely took up residence inside me. Everything about her left me splayed open. I would be remiss to think I could’ve ignored it. There was no hiding what I felt for her.

After Chloe died, my heart became guarded and didn’t let anyone in. Sure, I entertained groupies, but, unlike a lot of musicians, my entertaining was done with my clothes
on
. Recently it started to feel like my heart had a mind of its own and all this time had been revving up just waiting for me to let go, so it could throw itself at someone. Well, my heart apparently has good taste because it would be hard to find someone more perfectly attuned to my soul than Becki. It was unbelievable. Quite simply, I was overwhelmed by how hard I slammed into what felt like love. The feeling was so strong it hurt sometimes, and there was no turning it off. I just wondered if she felt anything near what I did. It was way more than just sexual attraction for me.

Becki and I had gotten accustomed to staying up and talking all night long when I walked her home. It really was inconvenient that we had been surrounded by Bones, Manny, and Spider since we left Knoxville. Her dorm was artsy and cozy. It was rare for me to be so at ease with someone so quickly. Traveling across the country with the whole band wasn’t conducive to those late night talks.

I always left her dorm before I fell asleep, except for the night she passed out, and at that moment we were sharing a bed for the first time. I was afraid if I closed my eyes, she’d disappear. The guys were completely passed out. Bones and Spider in the other bed, and Manny on the pull out couch. It took every ounce of willpower I had to let Becki sleep.

“Stalker.” She peeked up at me through one squinted eye then rubbed it with the heel of her hand. “What time is it, Calon? Why aren’t you sleeping?” A sleepy smile spread across her face.

“Because you’re here.” I brushed some hair from the side of her neck.

“You can’t sleep with someone else in your bed?” She crossed her arms over her chest and rolled into me with a deep breath.

“Apparently, not tonight.” I draped my arm over her and pulled her into me. “I’m having trouble taking my eyes off you.” And my mind couldn’t get over the predicament the guys found us in just a couple hours earlier. I was so unbelievably attracted to her and feeling her body react to mine, hearing her soft grunt when she felt how hard I was, would replay in my mind for days. That is, unless we outdid that scenario, then an even hotter memory would replace it.

“Well, no sense in you staying awake alone.” She reached under her pillow and pulled out her ear buds, which I assumed were attached to her phone. She fumbled blindly with her hands then gently pressed one of the buds into my ear and one into hers. Music filled my head.

“You listen to Yeah Yeah Yeahs?” For some reason I didn’t peg Becki as an indie rock fan.

“Why does that surprise you?” She looked up at me with sleepy eyes.

“I don’t know. I just wouldn’t have thought you’d like ‘Skeletons’.”

“So, you’ve been pigeon-holing me? You think you know all about me, Mr. Calon whatever-the-hell-your-middle-name-is Ridge?”

“James. My middle name is James. And, I’m shocked that, after all the time we’ve spent talking, you don’t think I could figure out some of your details on my own.”

“What’s my favorite food?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Vegetarian Chili.”

“Nicely done.” She propped herself up on her arm, all full of herself and ready for a good challenge.

I licked my finger and made a tally on her forehead.

“Eww. That’s gross.” She kept her voice low and hushed and rubbed my spit away. “Let’s see… what’s my favorite band?”

“Let me think about this one.” I thought back to all the times we were in her dorm. She always had music playing, but what band played the most? “The Cure.”

“Dammit!” She was so cute when she was mad. Becki had this don’t-mess-with-me vibe that I think most people fell for. I knew better. I could tell someone had hurt her in the past. Her outward demeanor was just a tough front. “Where do I want to go someday?”

“Los Angeles.” I knew that wasn’t the right answer, but I had no idea, and LA seemed like a good guess since we were there.

“Exactly.” She rolled her eyes cluing me in that she was lying through her teeth. Her mouth flew open, and she sucked in a huge yawn.

I laid my head on the pillow and pulled her into my chest. She snuggled in, as though it was a familiar position, and I kissed the top of her head. I really wished we had our own room. All this skin and closeness was driving me mad.

“G’night, Becki.”

“Goodnight, dork.”

My phone blared an obnoxious alarm up through the pillow and into my brain. I flailed to shut it off. For a second I thought I was still in my apartment in Knoxville, but then I remembered I was in bed with Becki, and my dick flinched with morning wood accentuated by Becki’s presence.

I looked down at Becki, still curled up tight against me. I ran my fingers through her hair and kissed her on the forehead. We hadn’t moved from the spot we fell asleep in. Everything that happened for the band over the last couple months had us all spinning. Slowing down was a nice change, even though everything was about to speed up again.

There I was in a hotel room with the three guys I’d known since fourth grade, and we were getting ready to go on tour. We’d formed a band just so we could beat Alan Simmons in the talent show. He kept badgering us that he would win because girls loved the saxophone. He didn’t bug us much after we won first place with our original punk rock song “Say No to Sax”. That was the day I signed my first autograph, and Manny got his first kiss. I’d been through everything with these guys; we survived detention and some serious brawls together. We got drunk for the first time together with Spider’s older sister, Beth. And Spider, Manny, and Bones physically held me up seconds after Chloe died. We were closer than brothers.

“What are you thinkin’?” Her voice moved me in a way I couldn’t begin to describe.

“Are you a jealous person, Becki?” The words fell from my mouth before I could second-guess them.

“I’ve busted up a bitch over a guy, if that’s what you’re asking.” She said it so calmly, like it would be no surprise to me, and it wasn’t. “Why do you ask?”

“You asked what I was thinking. If you can handle it, I will always tell you the second you ask. But you have to promise the same.”

“Deal. Hit me. I can take it.”

“I was thinking about the day Chloe died.” My heart still stung when I said those words. “I was just thinking about how these three idiots and I have been through a shitload of stuff together. Big stuff. It’s amazing that we haven’t killed each other.”

“Calon, I am so sorry I’ve never asked you about her. I was afraid to make you sad.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me as close to her as she could get me.

“I’m sad she’s gone, but I keep the happy memories close to drown out the sad ones, if that makes any sense.”

“It does. How long had you and Chloe been together when she…” She moved her head in a way that finished her sentence for her.

“Four years. Chloe and I grew up together. We were neighbors. When we were younger, we were more like siblings. Digging in the creek together, looking for crawfish, laying in the grass watching meteor showers, and stuff you do with your grade school friends, ya know?” Becki looked up at me as if I was telling her the secrets of the world. She smiled, letting me know it was alright to continue. “One summer, I think we were fourteen, we were hanging out on her back porch, and her mom and dad got into it. We could hear them screaming upstairs and things breaking, doors slamming. It was awful. Chloe lost it and ran inside to the kitchen and dialed 911 and let the phone off the hook on the counter. She took off into the woods, and I followed her. We ended up at our favorite little grassy knoll by the creek.”

“Oh, God. What happened with her parents?” Becki was glued to the glimpse of my memory of that night.

“We could hear the sirens from the woods. Her dad busted up her mom’s face pretty bad. She was in the hospital for a little while, and he went to jail for a couple months. But that night, Chloe and I made a pact that we would be together forever, because we’d never let anyone hurt the other. We turned in our v-cards that night, too.”

Becki’s mouth moved, and she took a couple staggered breaths, but no words came out. Her eyebrows arched and dove into some pretty crazy shapes. I couldn’t tell if she was just overwhelmed by Chloe’s home life, or stunned that I lost my virginity at fourteen.

“Becks, you promised.”

“Calon, I don’t have a problem with you telling me your first time was with Chloe. It’s just the story as a whole just took my breath away. It’s like one of those movies you sob through.” She shook her head and pushed herself up onto her elbow. “I’m sorry, that came out all wrong. I didn’t mean—”

“Relax, I know what you meant. It’s okay. It was an honest answer. That’s all I ask. That you’re honest with me.”

“I don’t pull punches, Calon. I tell it like it is. Sometimes, it’s my biggest fault.” She let her head fall back onto her pillow, as if she was preparing for me to see it the same way.

“It’ll never be a fault to me.” I leaned down and kissed her on the forehead.

“Calon, what is this thing we’re doing?” She motioned between us with her hand.

“What do
you
think it is?”

“I asked you first.” She smiled and snuggled back into my chest.

I rubbed her back and sucked in a deep breath and prepared to blurt it all out. “Becki, I think this is something big. This might make me sound like a freak, but ever since you introduced yourself to me in the basement of Mitchell’s, a strong connection has been building. Like a force far bigger than we are knew we needed each other.”

“Yep, you’re a freak.” She kept a straight face and looked directly into my eyes.

I stammered for something else to say, and she burst out laughing. “I’m kidding. I mean, you
are
a freak, but, honestly, I’ve felt like something bigger than us was hard at work to get us together. I’ve never felt drawn to someone the way I’m drawn to you. I know that sounds super sappy, but it’s the only way I can explain it.”

“Look at us, Freaky and Sappy. What a pair we are.”

“Gag! If the bottle of Jack doesn’t give me a hangover, you two will. Shut uuup! Go to sleep.” I squinted to see through the dark. Bones hadn’t moved anything but his mouth during his rant.

“We were whispering, weren’t we?” Becki spoke through her hands that had slapped into her mouth when Bones scolded us.

“I’m pretty sure we were. Guess we’re going to have to be quieter if we want to keep talking.” We situated our bodies so we faced each other as closely as we could possibly get and still focus on the other’s face.