Above the Noise (20 page)

“Ow! Calon! That hurts.” She tried to push my hands away from her face.

“Becki, just let me wipe the blood away, so I can see how bad this cut is. What happened in there anyway?”

“I remember getting real dizzy and nauseous, so I bent over to try and sit down. That’s all I remember. I guess I passed out and fell the rest of the way down, taking the curtain and curtain rod with me.” She smiled and rolled her eyes.

“Well, if that’s how it happened then this cut is from the faucet, which means you didn’t hit it as hard as you could have if you’d have passed out standing straight up. The cut isn’t all that bad. I was more concerned that you had a concussion from hitting the edge of the tub or something.”

“I’ve been dizzy and faint all night. I puked up my own and someone else’s guts at the show tonight. I guess the stress got to me, and then the heat in the shower with no food in me is what caused me to faint. I’m so sorry I scared you, Calon.” She sat still long enough for me to get a Band-Aid from the complimentary toiletries stash. I carefully placed it across her cut, and she leaned forward and wrapped her arms around my neck. Water droplets from her arms soaked through my thin shirt and gave me chills.

“You puked? Honey, are you okay? Are you coming down with something?” I rubbed her face with the back of my hand and kissed her gently. “You don’t taste like puke.”

“I brushed my teeth, Calon! And, yes, I’m fine. I used to throw up all the time in elementary and middle school when I’d get really stressed over something. School plays, chorus concerts, and any kind of event that had a lot of details mounting up to the final presentation. Always… that last day I’d puke over the moon.”

“That’s hot.” I laughed and kissed her again. “I hate that what you’re doing for us made you sick. We have to figure out how to remedy that.”

“I just need to stay off the stage. It’s too fucking hot up there. And, I didn’t eat dinner. I need to have a water bottle with me when we are out and I’m publicity-ing.”

“Pub-what?”

“You know what I mean.” She giggled and yawned. “Staying cool, drinking lots of water, and making sure I ate is what got me through high school without so much as one puke fest. Even though I had to take public speaking and curate my own art show, I kept it all under control.”

“Okay, well that sounds like a plan. Now, since I’m positive you don’t have a concussion, I think we should both get some sleep. You need to get some rest. I’ve read that you’re more likely to have anxiety if you’re tired, and we’ve been running you ragged.” I helped her get under the covers. “I’ll go refill your water bottle.” She smiled up at me with that smile that melted me from the inside out. I couldn’t believe she was mine. I couldn’t believe I could possibly deserve something as perfect as she was. I was in awe of what we were together. It felt so good. Just being in the hotel room with her wiped away all the hell from earlier. Albeit, temporarily.

“You okay if I take a quick shower?” I handed her the water bottle and started to strip off my sweaty clothes from the gig when I realized I’d need to reattach the curtain rod, before I could even think about washing the night’s sweat from my skin.

“I’d like to take one with you.” She winked and smiled another sexy smile.

“I’d like that, too, but you are banned from showers for the night. I’ll be quick, and then I will wrap myself around you and keep you safe all night. Deal?”

“Deal.”

She was sound asleep when I came out with the other fluffy white towel around my waist. She looked so peaceful. I had just stopped shaking. I didn’t want her to know how badly her fall had freaked me out. I was afraid she’d start keeping things from me if she thought it would upset me. She was everything to me, and if anything ever happened to her because she was trying to protect me from discomfort, I would never forgive myself.

“What are you thinking?” Her voice stopped my heartbeat for a fraction of a second, and I sucked in a breath so sharp it choked me.

“Geez, Becki.” I shook my head and climbed under the covers with her. I knew I had to keep my promise and always answer that question honestly, but I didn’t want to. I’d already burdened her with enough of my demons just telling her the story of Kate.

“Come on, what’s going on in that pretty head of yours?” She rolled to her side and tucked her arm under her head.

I took a deep breath and rolled over to face her. I gently laid my hand on the side of her neck and rubbed her cheek with the pad of my thumb. She was so incredibly beautiful, and if I told her what I’d been thinking about, the soft gaze she blanketed me with would turn to sorrow and pity. But I’d promised.

“Becki, there’s been a lot of abuse in my life, and, as much as I want to share all of me with you, I think it may be better if those details stay within me. I don’t want to put those images, the things I wish I could forget, in your mind.”

“Calon?” Worry lines spread across her forehead. “The abuse. Who was abused?”

“Becki, do we really wanna go there? This has been a really shitty night. I’d really rather not open up this topic after everything that’s happened tonight. Ya know?” I knew she wouldn’t let it go. Becki was terrible at patiently waiting… for anything.

“Calon, just tell me. I can’t put it out of my head unless you answer my question. I don’t need you to give me details. I just want you to answer what I asked. Who was abused? Please.” She ran her fingers through my hair, which was something she could do all day long, and I’d never tire of it. My whole body relaxed, and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a couple seconds.

“After Kate left, my mom just wigged. She was a mess. She started dating this guy, Carver.” Just saying his name lifted the hair on the back of my neck. “Carver hit me and my mom when he’d been drinking. Mostly me because I always tried to keep him from getting to my mom.”

“Shit, Calon.”

“Yeah.” I slid my right arm under the covers and around her waist. The fluffy towel that covered her body was warm and inviting. I wanted to rip it from her and make love to her, but I knew she needed to sleep. “Babe, you need to sleep. Let’s get some sleep, all right?”

“Okay.” Her voice was barely a whisper, and her eyes fluttered closed. She took a deep breath and wiggled herself as close to me as she could get. “Calon, I’m sorry he hurt you.”

I pulled her in close, and her head tucked into my neck. Her breath on my neck and chest was enough to win me a pair of blue balls for the evening, but I could be satisfied with just holding her for now. She fit so perfectly in my arms. It was like she was made to be mine.

As I lay there, lyrics formed in my mind. It was how I wrote the music for the
Fallen
album. I would just lie awake at night and get inside an emotion. My heart would just spurt words and phrases, and I’d write them all down on a pad of paper I kept next to my bed. I propped myself up and looked around the room. There was tablet with a few sheets of hotel letterhead and a pen on the side table. I reached over Becki and grabbed it. Becki rolled away from me and snuggled into her pillow. I rolled over and just started writing.

So much of my life has been darkness

But you handed me the sun

Brought to me as a gift

Baby, you’re the one.

Your heart came at me like the tide

Each wave coveting more

Now you’re completely inside

And, I’ll never leave your shores.

I want to be your habit

I want to be your vice

I want to lose myself inside you.

Be the reflection in your eyes.

So much of my life has been darkness

But you handed me the sun

Brought to me as a gift

Baby, you’re the one.

The one who lights my fire

Who turns me inside out.

The one whose body tempts me

Leaves me breathless and spellbound

So much of my life has been darkness

But you handed me the sun

Brought to me as a gift

Baby, you’re the one.

I want to be your habit

I want to be your vice

I want to lose myself inside you.

Be the reflection in your eyes.

I want to be

I want to be

I want to be your habit

I want to be your vice

I want to lose myself inside you.

Be the reflection in your eyes.

I laid the pad and pen back on the table and pulled Becki into me again. She mumbled something I couldn’t understand, tilted her head back, and pressed her back into me. Even in her sleep she loved me.

JUST BEFORE WE
played on the main stage at Summer Fest, we announced we were headed to LA to go on tour with the Turkeys. Becki jumped up on a bench or something and said she’d be our publicist. We kind of hired her on the spot, right there while we were still on stage, more as our manager than publicist. Of course, for her to tour with us she needed to take a leave of absence from UTK, pack up all her belongings and put them in storage until she returned. That was kind of a big deal for a spur of the moment decision. It was then that I knew she wasn’t just diggin’ me for my hair.

We’d talked for a long time in her sparse dorm the night before we left, because I needed to make sure this was the best decision for her. I wanted to know she’d thought about all the pros and cons. But that night, as she sat cross-legged on her bed in huge sweats and a tank top with her hot pink bra straps distracting me, I made a move I hadn’t made thus far.

“Calon, I’m really excited about this opportunity, please don’t think I’m making a rash decision.” She cocked her head to the side and smiled.

I walked over and sat across from her, one foot on the floor and one folded in front of me. I took her hands in mine. “Becki, listen. It’s a big deal for you to drop everything and head across the country in a van with a bunch of guys you barely know.” I rubbed her hands with my thumbs.

“Look, Calon,” she tore her hands from mine and shot up off the bed and began to pace and wag her finger at me, “if you aren’t interested in having me as your manager then just say so. Grow a pair. Don’t sit there and make it sound like you’re doing me a favor by second-guessing your public decision to hire me on the spot. That’s a dick move!” She was pissed and something about that made
my
dick move.
God, this girl.

“Becki, listen—”

“No! You listen, rock star! Don’t make this about me when you just don’t want me tagging along. I get it. Having me along for the ride would put a damper on all the groupie-fucking you were looking forward to.”

“Becki, it’s not like that!”

“Shut up. Listen. Let’s just call it a mistake, and you can walk away, no hard feelings. I’m sure I can get an internship locally or something, so I don’t have to go through the mess of undoing all the leave of absence paperwork.”

“I want—”

“I really thought we were moving toward something, Calon. You had me snowed. Completely. And FUCK if that doesn’t piss me off! I don’t let my guard down, but you seemed different. You seemed—”

I grabbed her face and crashed my mouth into hers. She gasped, and I felt her rigid body go slack. I closed my eyes and moved my lips against hers, as if I was trying to memorize them. I kissed each corner of her mouth. She let out a soft whimper and slowly started to kiss me back. I slid my tongue between her teeth, she bit down gently, like she wasn’t going to let me any further. That lasted less than a second. Our tongues softly explored each other’s mouths. What started slow and gentle turned fevered and then back to tender over the next handful of minutes. When the tiny pecks slowed enough that she could speak, she whispered in true Becki form.

“That is the hottest way anyone has ever told me to shut up.” She continued to kiss me softly.

“I don’t want to leave you behind, Becki. I want nothing more than to have you on this journey with us—with me. I mean that with all my heart. You’ve got to believe me.”

“Well, I do,
now
. Next time, can you just start with that, please? It would save us a whole hell of a lot of trouble.”