Abigail Jones (Chronicles of Abigail Jones #1) (23 page)

TWENTY-EIGHT

I hunted Hux down in the conservatory. The lush, glass-enclosed space adjoined the breakfast room and offered a serene view of the gardens behind the house. The scent of orange blossoms and the tinkling of an indoor fountain added to the soothing ambience. But the peacefulness of the surroundings did little to assuage my agitation.

He was sitting at a table amidst the foliage, looking pensively out the windows into the fields beyond. Curls of steam rose from the untouched coffee by his hand. When he saw me, he rose immediately and despite my tumultuous state, I experienced a rush of incredulous pleasure at the sight of him. In a rich blue jacket the same celestial shade as his eyes, Hux radiated potency and virile charisma. That such a man could want me—I still could not credit it. He approached in quick strides, his smile fading as he registered my distress.

Taking my cold hand, he pressed the back of it against his lips. "What is it, my love?" he asked quietly.

Hardly able to believe his gall, I yanked my hand away. "You know very well," I cried. "How
could
you, after what you promised?"

"How could I ... what?" He spoke with caution, in the manner of a man traversing a field of tar pits.

"You told Mrs. Beecher to have my things packed," I said, my voice pitched with accusation. "You told her I was leaving on the morrow. You told her you were sending me away."

He had the grace to look repentant—for approximately five seconds. "I believe we discussed this yesterday. In the stable ... before we got distracted."

I refused to give into his charming cajolery. "We did not
talk
about this at all! You told me you were sending me away, and I refused. Then we ... after you and I ... I thought we came to an understanding," I sputtered.

"One of us certainly came, such as it were." The wicked gleam in his eyes suffused my skin with instant heat. Ignoring the warm rush, I kept my gaze stony upon his. He sighed, his hand going to the back of his neck. "As for the understanding, I thought it was clear. You are mine now, Abigail. You belong to me, and I will protect you as I see fit."

"But you asked me never to leave you—" I said desperately.

"You are not leaving me." The possessive conviction of his tone reassured me somewhat, although his next words did not. "You will merely be waiting for me to join you. You'll like Yorkshire, I think, and I want you to see the family seat. To see what you've gotten yourself in for."

Though my heart fluttered at the implication, I nonetheless demanded, "But what will
you
be doing whilst I am exiled to the country?"

In the sudden tautness of his expression, I read the answer. He meant to go after Lilith in my absence, to complete his perilous quest. In the burning stillness that followed, an anarchy of feelings flooded my chest. Terror at the thought of him coming to harm. Guilt for all I kept from him. And most of all, love: for his boundless courage, for the warrior that he was. The emotional hodgepodge was overwhelming, driving tears to my eyes. I bit my lip, tried to keep the hot moisture from spilling over.

"Abigail ... are you
crying
?"

Shaking my head, I pressed the heels of my hands against my burning eyelids. "I-I'm fine. Just n-need a minute," I choked out.

He was there at once, taking me into his arms. Beneath my ear, his voice vibrated with pure male helplessness. "Don't cry, my love. Please. I can't stand it."

His admission only released the floodgates. "I c-can't lose you, Hux," I sobbed. "I love you so much. I don't kn-know what I would do i-if ..."

"Shh, little one, you won't lose me." His hands roamed desperately over my back as his lips brushed against my hair, my temple. "I'll do anything in my power to make you happy. Anything at all. Just don't cry, please my darling ..."

My pulse skittered. I lifted my drenched eyes to his. I had to find a way to stay.

"Anything?" I whispered.

His forehead lined with strain, he wiped my cheeks with a snowy handkerchief. His movements were uncharacteristically maladroit, as if the sight of my distress undid him completely.

"Anything," he vowed roughly. "Please, Abby, I cannot bear to see you this way."

"Don't go after them. After her." The words burst out of me before I could think more clearly. Once said, they could not be taken back. And I didn't want them back—I wanted
him
safe.

He stilled in the process of drying my tears. His chest moved in rapid, shallow surges. Slowly, his hand fell to his side, the linen crumpling in his fist. "I cannot promise you that."

"You said anything," I insisted.

After a terse pause, his eyes narrowed into glowing slits. "I have never known you to be a watering pot, Abigail. Those tears just now. Were they a blasted ploy to manipulate me into abiding by your wishes?"

I refused to give into guilt. "The tears came naturally enough when I realized you intended to go on a suicide mission."

"I don't intend to get myself killed," he said shortly.

"Think of the danger, Hux," I pleaded. "Going to those dangerous places, h-hunting the demons. And for what? To s-summon an evil that no one man could possibly defeat alone."

"Damnit, Abigail. I never lied to you about who I am and what I need to do." The edge of his jaw looked capable of slicing diamonds. "And the next time you think to use your feminine wiles on me, remember I've played this game far longer than you have."

"Trust me," I said sullenly. "I am more than aware of that fact."

I kept my eyes trained on the mother-of-pearl buttons of his waistcoat as thoughts rioted in my head. How could I keep him out of harm's way? In my heart, I had known he could not be deterred from his vengeance, but panic had spurred me to try anyway.

Fingers lifted my chin. His lips held a grim line, and his eyes were storm-ridden. "Is that what the problem is? The games you think I will be playing whilst you are away?"

Actually, 'twas the tip of the iceberg of problems—but I nodded anyway. Anything to convince him to avoid mortal danger. Though, come to think of it, the thought of him touching another woman—even for express purpose of destroying the demon that possessed her soul—made every muscle in my body tense in denial.

"Abigail," he said in a gentler voice, "I think there is something you should know. Come and sit with me for a moment."

I let him lead me to an alcove made private by verdant foliage. Shielded by miniature potted trees of citrus and fig, the space offered a bench appropriate for a snug
tête-a-tête
. Instead of assisting me to the seat, he sat first and pulled me onto his lap. I kept my spine stiff, afraid to give into his seductive charm. His spicy clean scent mingled with the freshness of orange blossoms to create an intoxicating aroma. My senses reeled from the euphoria of his proximity, the hand caressing lightly down my arm, the muscular ridges beneath my bottom.

"Little one," he said softly, "you need not worry that I will betray you. You have bequeathed me a gift—and it changes everything."

"Not enough to stop you from risking your life, apparently," I muttered.

"You understand me as no one ever has. So I think you must also understand why I must pursue my quest to its end." He looked at me and waited.

"I do understand," I admitted miserably. "I just don't like you exposing yourself to Lilith and her spawn. When I think of the perils—"

Taking my hands, he placed a kiss in each palm. "I must hunt, Abby. But I want you to know that I will do so in a manner that does not shame the love we share."

I gave him a quizzical glance.

"I won't seduce them, Abby," he said solemnly. "Not any longer. I will find some other means to force the demons to relinquish their human bodies."

My heart ticked up a beat. "How?"

"I will think of a way." His wide shoulders hefted with apparent insouciance. "Lust was always the easiest and most direct route, but mayhap eliciting other strong emotions would work as well. In the past, I've tried angering them, for instance. The results were somewhat ... unpredictable, but I could try again."

My breath stuck in my throat. Angering the already vicious devils? Was he
mad
? Though the sweetness of his gesture made my eyes blur, I could not allow him to make such a sacrifice for me.

 "No, Hux. I do not want you to put yourself in more danger than is necessary. Already, the jeopardy is far too great. If you must use your ... carnal skills, then so be it." Lifting my chin bravely, I said, "I will not blame you for any pleasure that comes from it."

"Pleasure?" He looked at me blankly.

"From, you know ...
consorting
with them," I said in a tight voice.

Hugging me closer, he rested his chin against my hair, murmuring, "Oh, Abigail. I thought I told you. There is no pleasure for me in fornicating with demons. There never has been."

"Well, I know that you do not
want
to do so—"

"You are not listening." Pulling back slightly, he looked at me, his eyes direct and clear. "My encounters with the Lilin have never resulted in the usual outcome."

Not understanding, I tilted my head.

His mouth took on a wry bent. "When I say there is no pleasure in it for me, I mean it in the literal sense. I use sexual means to entice them, yes, but I do not participate for myself. To be blunt, there is no conclusion for me."

My brow furrowed as I tried to grasp what he was telling me. "You mean you don't—"

"I do not spend, Abigail," he said succinctly. "It has been several years since I have experienced that particular pleasure with another person involved."

Several ...
years
? I could not help but stare at him. A flush glazed the high crest of his cheekbones, making his eyes all the more vivid. All of the sudden, I remembered him as I saw him that long ago night in the library. Sitting at his desk, the loneliness of what he had been doing by himself ... At the time, I had thought it an excess of carnality that had led him to indulge in self-pleasure; now I understood the enormous willpower, the control with which he managed himself. All that sexual energy put into play and yet no relief—

"Was it very difficult?" I blurted.

"Not in the sense that I had no desire to bed with the demons. Though I could, of course, perform the necessary actions,"—his color deepened—"I saw myself as playing a part. Much as an actor does when treading the boards." He paused. "'Tis an apt analogy, actually."

"You mean to say that a play is analogous to hunting a demon?" I asked in a dubious tone.

"Precisely. The First Act was all about luring the Lilin to a private locale. By the Second Act, I could usually surface the Lilin and proceed to the exorcism." His mouth curved with faint humor. "There was never a need to carry on to the climax, so to speak."

I put my hand to his jaw, and the muscle trembled beneath my palm. "But other than the Lilin, you did not ... not with anyone else?"

"Not since Lilith," he said simply.

"But why?" I asked. Having read the salacious correspondence, the numerous invitations sent his way, I knew there had been no dearth of available lovers. Why hadn't he sought out their company?

"I could not trust any of them," he said, as if reading my mind. "The truth was, after what I had gone through with Lilith and my marriage, I lost all faith in women. I no longer believed the fair sex capable of being honest and worthy of trust. Not until I met you." Pausing, he tucked a wayward strand behind my ear. The infinite gentleness of his touch made my chest ache with shame. "Everything that I am, Abigail, I give to your safekeeping."

Sweet heavens, how had it come to this? Despair lodged in my throat. I had never meant to lie to him, yet I was discovering that deception proliferated like ivy. From one falsehood sprang vines that now tangled over my heart, my tongue, so that with each passing moment the truth grew more and more obscure. I could no longer see my way to telling him what I was; I could only think to forge onward and try to head disaster off at the pass. I had to keep him safe, away from Lilith until I could think of a better plan.

"Prove your love for me, then," I blurted.

At my audacious demand, a notch formed between his dark brows. "We've already been through this. What you are asking of me—"

"I'm not asking you to relinquish your vengeance forever. I just want more time. With you." Cupping his jaw in my palms, I kissed the firm seam of his mouth. I moved my lips over his, a gentle movement that nonetheless wrought a quiver over his large frame. "Stay with me a while, and court me as you promised."

His eyes flared. "I am going to woo you, Abigail, and soon. When the business with Lilith is done—"

I cut him off with another kiss. Knowing what hinged upon it, I poured my love, my desire for him into that soft yet reckless merging. At the end of it, we were both gasping for breath.

I spoke first, in a husky, coaxing voice I did not quite recognize. "Lilith has enslaved you for six long years. Could you not take a slight break from this madness? Let me love you, Hux, before you go rushing off to her again. Let me tend to you, give you a taste of the happiness you deserve."

"God, you do beguile me, Abigail." His words gusted hotly against my temple. "I wish I could. I wish I could ignore it all and take you away. To some safe, private island where it would be just the two of us, and I would make love to you all day and all night." That led to another searing kiss, which he broke off with groan. "But I cannot. Lilith's power is growing. The Lilin are propagating—"

"I'm not asking for forever. Just a pause. A breath to regain your strength. You haven't even healed fully from the last battle, have you?" Running my fingertips down his arm, I felt the soft padding of bandage beneath his sleeve. I held his vibrant gaze, said steadily, "I want only to make you whole and stronger, my love. After I'm done with you, you will be in better shape to fight Lilith, to exterminate her once and for all."

I could feel his inner struggle in the rigid tension beneath my bottom, the way his arms tightened compulsively around me. He wanted me, yet his soul clamored for revenge. Finally he said in rust-hinged voice, "How long do you want?"