Aberration (16 page)

"Fine," I say blatantly. "Go to my desk chair and sit down."

He chuckles. "I don't remember you being this demanding in Boston." Naked, he walks around me to my desk chair, spins it toward me, and sits.

"Second drawer," I tell him.

He opens the second drawer of my desk and smiles when he finds what I'm directing him to. "Always prepared?" he asks, pulling out a condom.

"Always."

He rips open the wrapper and rolls on the condom. His erection juts upward and I think of every way I want him to push it inside of me.

I stand and slip my panties down. "We weren't together for long in Boston, remember? You ran away."

I walk to him, straddling his lap. He grabs my hips and looks at me seriously. "You never punished me for that."

"I'll think of something, but not tonight."

There's only one thing I want to do tonight.

I slowly sink down onto him. My eyes roll back at the feel of him stretching me, filling me. He rips off my shirt and I roll my hips frantically, not wanting to wait anymore, to be teased. I wrap my arms around his neck and meet his lips. His slick tongue glides over mine.

"I want to fucking scream your name," I murmur against his mouth.

He growls and sinks his fingers into my hips
,
taking control as he guides me up and down quick and rhythmically, our skin slapping together. Suddenly he stops, holding me to him. I try to squirm but his strength keeps me still.

"Ever thought about being in front of the camera?" he asks me breathlessly.

"Hell no," I gasp
.

Kissing me gently, he says. "I have. With you, I mean. What it would look like from a third perspective, with me inside of you. Where we'd be, what position."

He guides my hips, rolling them slowly. It's sheer torture. "Tell me."

He wraps his arms around me and stands. With him inside of me, I cling to him with my legs as he carries me to my bed. We separate as he drops me onto my back. My ratty hair is splayed everywhere. I realize now I'm still wearing my glasses.

"You like how sexy I dressed for you?" I ask smugly.

He pulls my knees apart and slides between them. "You dressed exactly how I wanted you to dress."

"Psychotic?"

"I was thinking like yourself, but psychotic works too."

"Ass—” my word is cut off by a gasp as he slides into me again.

"Raise your arms above your head." He commands. He's playing the director character in this scenario. He's playing me.

"Arch your back. Show me those perfect fucking breasts. There you go." He rocks into me at the same time his hands roam over my chest. He rolls both of my nipples between his fingers until they're pebble-hard. He thrusts into me again, harder.

"You haven't thought of our scenario," I mumble, barely coherent at the feel of him moving inside of me.

"Childhood friend meet-up at parents' house fifteen years later." He thrusts again. "One of them is an
asshole." And again. "The other is a mouthy bitch."

He fucks me at a glorious, steady rhythm, and I'm at loss for any witty comeback.

"The mouthy bitch seduces the asshole, of course," he gasps. "Mainly because the asshole is too terrified to make a move. She's way too good for him. Successful and confident and adorable. Loves making the asshole feel vulnerable. Loves sex. She's a fucking goddess."

One hand slips between my legs, and his thumb strokes my clit. The only word I can manage is his name
.

He picks up his pace, and I bite down hard on my bottom lip. Minutes pass before he gives me my next instruction as a model beneath his fake camera. He slows, holding my legs open in a V.

Still inside of me, he says, "Touch yourself."

I release a surprised breath. "What?"

"Touch yourself like you did those nights when you were a teenager, thinking about what it would be like to fuck me. I want to see it. I want to watch you."

Fucking hell, I could come right now.

I never thought being on display for anyone would be fun, but Jaime's eyes are feral, hungry to watch me. I bring my hand to my mouth, sucking on two fingers slowly, even though I'm more than wet enough. I do it for show, to watch him lose his mind.

He keeps himself inside of me, but he's motionless as my hand trails through the valley of my breasts and past my navel. I shut my eyes for effect. My fingers roll over my clit and I arch my back, my lips parting. I try to pretend I'm alone, that he isn't here, watching me. I try to think back to what it was like six years ago, when I did this to myself while thinking of him. I was ashamed of myself, but I couldn't stop. I wanted a wild night of abandon with Jaime, but I'd only let that happen in my head. No one could know my deep-seeded lust for him.

I increase my pressure and my pace when his hips begin to rock again, slowly, like he's incredibly distracted.

With my other hand I palm my breast, rolling my nipple slowly between my fingers.

"Tell me what you're thinking about," he says huskily, rocking his hips into me again.

"You at eighteen, oh God... you'd knock on my bedroom door, like you knew. I would tell you I wanted you."

He groans. "Why did this never happen?"

"It did." I moan in frustration. "Fuck me, Jaime. Hard."

He grips my legs and thrusts into me. I open my eyes and watch him as he loses himself, my worker, my tormentor, this glorious boy. It almost doesn't feel real, until it does. The pressure builds and I move my fingers faster. I tell him I'm going to come because I want him to watch me. I want him to know what
he does to me.

My whole body shudders and I whimper my orgasm, trying to be quiet and failing so miserably. He lets up for a second to flip me over and pull my ass up, crawling onto the bed and fucking me from behind. With my cheek pressed to the mattress, the only things keeping me in place are his hands on my hips. I nearly tear the sheets off the bed as he rewards me with his total abandonment.

He groans, slowing his pace and gasping for air. When he slips out of me, I roll over, sighing happily, wiping sweaty, frizzy locks of hair away from my forehead.

We don't exchange words. He kisses me softly before leaving for the bathroom. When he returns, he crawls on top of me, resting his head on my chest. I feel his body move against me as the breath leaves and enters him.

"A year," I whisper. "Why has it been almost a whole year since we've done this?"

"Because I don't deserve you." The answer seems easy for him. "Every time I think about being with you, I can't help but wonder if I'm taking advantage of you."

"Is that why you made me come twice this summer before screwing me?"

"No." He kisses my neck. "I just like getting you off. I needed to watch you. And taste you. I wanted you to remember that you own me. My career... and other sappier things."

"Your heart?" I giggle.

"Yeah. That thing."

I want to ask if he means it, but he doesn't give me a chance.

"I need to tell you something. About Cam."

My parents never knock before entering a room. It's been that way since I was a little kid. It was a rule of the house. Don't do anything in our rooms that we wouldn't be able to do in common rooms. Change in the bathroom. Smoke weed in the bathroom. Don't leave drugs or porn or dirty notes tucked in drawers or beneath mattresses. Mom and Dad will find them. Sure it was screwed up, but I never had a problem following the rules because I was never stupid enough to own any troublesome paraphernalia. Or bring boys into my bedroom.

When Mom walks into my room, Jaime's hand is between my legs, his fingers inside of me. He's been that way all morning. I try to hide him beneath the sheets, but it's too late. He pulls his hand from me and sits up before he even realizes what's happening.

Mom would probably get over finding a boy in my bed, considering I am twenty-two years old and a college graduate and, for the love of God, old enough to be having sex. But the boy is Jaime.

And the first word uttered from my mouth is "fuck."

She doesn't say anything when I pull the sheets to my chest. Her eyes widen to the size of saucers, and she looks as though she's seen a ghost, or maybe Satan himself. She quickly slips back out of my room and shuts the door.

A string of expletives leaves Jaime's mouth. "Did she even knock?"

"No." I hop out of bed, grabbing my t-shirt and underwear from the floor, and then search my drawers for a pair of sweatpants. “She never knocked when I was little. Probably a force of habit. They don't expect to find a naked man in my bed." I start tugging on my clothes.

"I'm not just a naked man, Brit." Jaime says slowly, flustered. I've actually never seen him look this panicked before.

"I know you aren't." Mom knows that I slept with Jaime. Jaime Rivera, who has been Cam's hellion of a friend since they were kids, who Dad fired for embezzlement, who is trying to make nice with my family again.

"I'll fix this," I say.

"No you won't." He tugs on his dress pants and shirt from the night before. "You've done nothing wrong and you shouldn't have to defend yourself to them. Let me talk to them."

"Tell me how well that went last time," I say harshly.

"About as well as it's going to go this time, but that doesn't mean I'm not going to do it." And with that, he leaves me alone in my room.

I pace for a while. Then I text him to ask him how it went, before realizing that his phone is probably dead.

I remember that I told my editor I'd send a rough draft of Andrea's story along with the raw photos I chose for the storybook. So to distract myself, I sit down at my computer and work, scanning through my prized photos, my accomplishments. Pictures of gorgeous, naked people. This is my life.

And Jaime is part of my life too.

I compose the file and am in the process of sending the email when someone knocks on my door. It must be Cam.

He doesn't wait for me to say anything. When he enters, I can tell he's livid. "Family meeting," he spits before shutting my door again.

He has no right to be angry.

I shut my laptop and make my way downstairs. Mom and Dad are already sitting in the loveseat. Mom's nursing a Bloody Mary, and I don't know if it's because of what happened last night or what happened this morning.

I choose the chair farthest from them and sit.

Dad has put on his mean face. He's only ever put on his mean face to discipline Cam, because Dad really hasn't ever been pissed at me before.

"I am..." he begins before taking a deep breath, "disappointed, to say the least."

Why does sex have to be so dramatic?

"You guys remember that I'm twenty-two, right?" I say. "If you thought I was still a virgin..."

Mom interrupts me. "I think you need to be quiet right now, Britain."

"This isn't about Jaime," Dad says darkly. "This is about your choice in career."

Oh. Shit.

"Although Jaime being in your bed this morning can't make a father too pleased either, considering that last night you were on the arm of and in a relationship with another man. But I guess sexual decency isn't something that you value." Dad's face is red, and Mom's face is white. She takes another sip of her Bloody Mary.

"How did you..."

He cuts me off. "Find out? Oh, I'll tell you, it wasn’t a pleasant moment for me. It was my vice president of my own fuck—” he takes another deep breath, "
freaking
company. A month ago. Said he read an interview with you somewhere online. And me, being the idiot who thought knew his daughter, told him that he had to be mistaken. I was afraid to look, Brit. Afraid my own daughter was hiding something from me. And I let that fear hold me back from Googling your name until all your pretty friends started to arrive. Your models." He huffs and huffs, and I start to worry that he's about to have a heart attack, but finally he settles down, sitting back.

"I don't know what you want me to say," I tell him.

"What I want you to say?" I can see the vein throbbing in his temple, and as much as I hate to admit it, sadness swells inside of me. This is why I've kept my life a secret from my parents for so long. As much as they're ready to shame me the second I step off my course, I don't want to lose my family.

"I want you to tell me that you're done. I want you to tell me that you're done being a deviant, a
pornography maker
, an adulteress, and that you're ready to grow up. That you're ready to go to graduate school and close your legs and only look upon the naked body of your future husband."

Tears sting my eyes, but I do a damn good job of holding them back. "No way."

"
Excuse me
?"

"You don't own me. I'm an adult now and I make my own decisions. I come back here and stay with you every year not because you have a hook in me with my inheritance, Dad. I come back here every year because you're my family, and I love you. But just because I love you doesn't mean that I'm going to quit a job that makes me happy."