Aaron Connor (10 page)

The actors who star in the
American version are all geniuses! Wayne Brady is literally the
maddest and most talented man I’ve ever seen. He can do all kinds
of voices, dances, sings and does a wicked Michael Jackson
impersonation. Ryan Stiles is tall and is fantastic when doing
pieces in which he has to play it straight, people are endless
commenting on his taste in huge clown like shoes. Colin Mochrie is
a piñata for a lot of jokes about his baldness, his height and
Hawaiian shirts. Colin’s always made to play the women in the scene
but is hilarious when working together with Ryan. All in all it’s a
fantastic show, it’s such a shame that they’re no longer making new
episodes.

All three of us were laughing
at the show heartedly. At one point I turned my head to look at
Lizzie who suddenly looked quite sad. She got up and went to the
bathroom. I followed her. Nick was watching the show happily and so
didn’t even notice that we’d left.

Lizzie was sat on the toilet
seat’s lid and crying softly. Once I saw that she was crying I
closed the door behind me. I could hear the program and the sound
of Nick’s laughter muffled behind the wood. I knelt down in front
of her on the fuzzy bath mat. I placed my hand under her chin and
lifted her face up. Her eyes were bloodshot and red. Her lip was
wobbling.

“
What’s
wrong?” I asked,

“
It’s only
just hit me what we’ve done” she said through sniffles, “we’ve
runaway. We’re on our own now. I’m just…scared”

“
There’s
nothing to be scared of” I said, holding her hand tightly, “I won’t
let anything bad happen to you. I promise. You’re my reasonability
now”

“
And your
mine” said Lizzie with a weak smile

We laughed and I looked down
shyly. She sniffed, grabbed some toilet roll and dried her eyes. As
I looked down I could feel her hands running through my hair
affectionately. She took her hand and lifted my head up under my
chin, like how I did to her. Before I realised what was happening,
she leaned forward, closed her eyes and kissed me on the lips. I
closed my eyes and kissed her back. I could feel my hand reach up
and rest on her cheek where I stroked her face with my thumb.

“
Oi Stan!”
screamed Nick, who we now found was standing in the bathroom
doorway, screaming down a phone, “I told you they were a couple.
I’ve caught them snogging in the bog mate! You owe me a bottle of
Pepsi!”

Nick hung up the phone and
stood in the bathroom doorway, leaning against the wooden frame. He
was looking in at us with a look of mischief on his face. That grin
grew wider then any I’ve ever seen on a person’s face before this.
We couldn’t help but smile back. Nick began to laugh. This made me
and Lizzie laugh too.

“
No point
hiding secrets from us” said Nick, “because we’ll bloody well find
out about it! It’s getting late. I think you two kids need to get
some kip, I know that I need some as well. Come on,
lovebirds”

We got up and walked back into
the bedroom. Nick switched off the light and the television. Nick
was singing Puppy Love to himself, as he went across his room to
get something from his suitcase. He opened his case and found his
pyjamas. The pair of pyjamas was a blue onesie or adult romper
suit. These onesies have become so popular recently. Since seeing
Nick’s onesies I’ve have in fact bought my own. I’m wearing it now
as I’m writing these words. They really are the most comfortable
thing in the world! Don’t knock them until you try it!

I and Lizzie hadn’t done any
packing so we had no pyjamas. That reminded me what I wanted to ask
Nick. We got changed first until we were both in our underwear. I
was wearing basic boxers whereas Lizzie was wearing a fancy black
and pink bra and matching pair of panties. I looked at her with a
raised eyebrow.

“
Who were you
planning to meet?” I asked,

“
No one” she
replied, “just doesn’t hurt to look nice, does it?”

“
Guess not” I
asked with a smile, “Nick, can I ask you something?”

“
Fire away
chap” he replied, zipping up the front of the onesie,

“
Can I and
Lizzie do anything for you guys for money?” I asked, knowing how
rude it must had sounded, “We’re kind of broke”

“
Mmmm” said
Nick in thought, “don’t know mate, I’m sure we can think something
though. I’m sure when we get to the gig, we’ll find you something
to do”

“
Thanks man” I
said, before snuggling up into bed with Lizzie and soon falling
asleep.

CHAPTER EIGHT

The following morning, the
light of the early morning sun shone through the wooden blinds of
the hotel room. The streams of light shone across my face, it was
this that woke me. I opened my eyes to be looking up at the white
ceiling. Turning over in the bed, my eyes fell on Lizzie who was
sleeping soundly. She looked so peaceful and serene.

I never understood why people
in them romantic films always go on about watching other people
sleep. It’s always meant to be romantic, but actually it just
sounded creepy and stalker like. While looking at Lizzie’s closed
eye lids and slightly parted lips, I finally knew the beauty of it.
The bed sheets rose and fell as she breathed slowly and deeply. The
sound of her breathing was almost hypnotising.

I knew that if she saw me doing
this, she would have thought I was a freak. I didn’t care though. I
hadn’t felt like this before in my life. My chest felt light and
fluffy. My heart was beating away like bongos. Even though I had no
way of proving it, I knew that I was in love. I know it’s soppy
like. I don’t care though. Love does that to you. It makes you stop
caring. Nothing matters, other then the one you adore. I knew then
that whatever happens on this road trip, I would do all I can to
protect Lizzie.

I reached out my hand and moved
a strand of white blond hair away from her eyes. I found my hand
stroking her cheek with one finger. Her eyes opened. She fluttered
her long eyelashes at me and smiled.

Blimey, those eyes were
incredible. Perfect. Dazzling. Mesmerising. I’d never seen eyes as
beautiful as that before. I don’t think I’ll ever see a pair of
eyes that will take my breath away like Lizzie’s do. Even now they
make my heart flutter and my spirit soar. They were like diamonds
shining in the moonlight.

“
Morning” she
said sweetly, “I can see that your trying to be
romantic”

“
Am I
succeeding?” I asked with a laugh,

“
Not too bad”
she replied, “but a little practise wouldn’t hurt”

“
Fair enough”
I replied, “I’m still a beginner”

Lizzie laughed and covered her
mouth with her hand. She lowered her hand and looked into my eyes.
She turned her head slightly as did I. We came closer together and
kissed. I loved the feel of her full lips against mine. We pulled
away. We rested on each other’s heads and looked downwards. I
looked up at her to once again see those wonderful eyes looking
back at me. I was a bloody lucky guy.

“
Could you not
eat each other in front of me” asked Nick who had now stirred, “at
least wait till breakfast”

We laughed at that. It’s always
a comfort to have someone with a good sense of humour. It’s rather
pleasant to have someone to comment on the situation and lighten
it. There’s no reason to be so serious about everything. We’re only
on this planet for a sort amount of time, so there’s always good
reason to add comedy to life’s experiences. That is, as long as
it’s in good taste and used at the right place and at the right
time. Unless you’re one of the professional edgy comedians like
Bill Hicks, Frankie Boyle, Ricky Gervais, Jimmy Carr or Matt Stone
and Trey Parker. It’s probably best to keep some jokes to yourself.
There are some waters that are best left untread, that is if you
don’t have the courage to face the consequences.

Nick shuffled around in his bed
and reached for the television remote. He picked up the remote and
clicked on the telly. On came B.E.N talking about some murder,
accident or some other depressing rubbish. Nick knew that this was
a bit downbeat for first thing in the morning and flicked on. On
the next channel was a children’s show. It was meant to be a kid’s
show, but the three of us weren’t quite sure about that.

On the screen was some blue
thing with red hair and a face like an abstract painting. One of
his eyes was lower down then the other one, his smile was on the
side of his face and his head was the shape of a kidney bean. He
was dancing around in a flowery field with some toy train running
around his feet. A posh sounding man was singing a song to go with
the dance. The problem was that he wasn’t actually singing it but
saying it, as if it were a poem. It was the creepiest thing I’ve
ever seen. This was supposed to be for KIDS!!

All three of us were in the
bed, watching the show and pulling strange faces. Our lips were
curled, our frowns were pulled down over eyes, our mouths were
slightly ajar and our eyes were wide open. There was complete
silence for a few moments. The silence was finally broken when Nick
bellowed out a comment, which described exactly how we all felt
about this strange show.

“
What the
bloody hell are we watching?” he said, “It’s disturbing. It’s
wrong. It’s unpleasant. And yet I can’t stop watching
it”

“
Change it!”
said me and Lizzie in unison “Change it!”

“
I can’t stop
watching him dance around that toy train!” he said, “It’s like,
hypnotising! Sod this!”

In one powerful snatch, Nick
picked up the remote and switched over to a morning chat show.
There was a collected sense of relief after that. We spoke no more
about the weird show, I don’t think we even wanted to think about
it at the time. I think it probably scared us a little bit.

I’m not saying what that show
was called, as I’d rather not be sued over something as silly as
that, but British people reading this will know bloody what Kids
Show this was. I’m moving on now. Just thinking about that
programme is making me feel a bit wobbly.

Now on the screen, were two
pleasant looking people sitting on a brown couch. They were in a
lit TV studio. The large window behind them looked out onto the
South Bank in London. I could see people wearily walking to work
across the bridge, boats floating along in the Thames, red London
buses whizzing by and I could also see St. Paul’s Cathedral
standing tall in the background. Even at this hour (8:00am
according to the little digital clock in the corner of the screen)
it still looked quite dark in London.

The woman (who was so heavily
covered in make up that she looked almost bright orange) was just
introducing the first guest of the day. The guest was a contestant
a TV talent show which was looking for young dancers. The guy was
quite young (I’d say around my age) and yet his face was even more
orange then the presenters. This phenomenon has seemingly come out
of nowhere. Since when was it considered beautiful to have a bright
orange face. Seriously! I don’t get it. Where did that come from?
We watched him for a little while. I don’t think I’ve ever seen
anyone say the phrase “at the end of the day” as many times as he
does. Almost every sentence began with it and it began to get
embarrassing. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I got up and went to
the bathroom for a shower.

I went into the shower and
discovered that it was an extremist shower. If you hadn’t heard of
this term before, this is basically what it means. Even though the
shower presents you with a dial that can twist all the way round,
you only get two options of temperature. You can have it either hot
or cold. You have to choose between being frozen and being scolded.
I’d always go for freezing if this situation ever arose. I think
it’s always better to be cold then to be too hot. You don’t burn,
you don’t dehydrate, you don’t get headaches, you don’t sweat and
you don’t stick to the leather couch if you stay there too
long.

I was having the cold shower
when the door opened, Nick entered with a book, lifted the toilet
seat, pulled his trousers down and sat on the toilet. I looked at
him in-between the curtains in shock. Nick, it would seem, had no
thought to what he was doing as if it were completely normal. He
was happily reading his copy of Trainspotting by Irvine Welsh while
he emptied his bowels. Showers are meant to be relaxing places. I
couldn’t exactly be relaxed when this was going on outside of my
curtain.

“
Nick?” I
asked,

“
Oh hello
mate!” said Nick talking in a casual way, it was almost as if he
had no idea that he was taking a dump right in front of me, “have a
nice sleep?”

“
Yeah it was
alright” I replied, deciding that I wouldn’t draw any attention to
it, “were you hot last night?”

“
Yeah I was
hot” he said, I shuddered when I heard a distinctive “plop” sound
from the toilet bowl, “I had to put my leg out at one point I was
so hot. I knew that there was something going on between you
and…what’s her name again?”

“
It’s Lizzie”
I replied, “But nothing was going on with us before last
night”

“
What?” he
asked, “you mean she only just kissed you?”

“
Yeah, pretty
much”

“
Rock
on!”

I smiled back at him before
closing the curtain and going back into the shower. I heard the
toilet flush and the lid fall down a few moments later. Nick left
the room and closed the door behind him. I finished up in the
shower, got out and dried myself off with a complimentary towel. It
was a nice towel. Then I began to wonder; Does THIS count as a
freebie? I’ll ask Lizzie later.