A Witch Alone (The Winter Witch Trilogy #3) (18 page)

‘And your family cut you off?’

‘Completely. It was like I died. They mourned my death. I haven’t spoken to any of them since the day they kicked me out. I have no family now, except Simon.’

‘When … how old were you?’ I whispered.

‘It was a long time ago. I was sixteen when I met Rachel. Seventeen when she died.’

‘Oh Abe.’ I shut my eyes in the darkness, shutting out the picture of a seventeen-year-old boy alone with nothing but his grief and the clothes on his back, as he’d once told me.

‘It was a long time ago,’ he said again. And he put a hand up to his face, wiping something away.

I leaned across the car, awkwardly, and I put my arms around him. At first it felt like holding a stone statue, but then his arms crept up, almost in spite of himself and his hands touched my back, uncertainly, as if he was feeling his way. I put my hand on his chest, feeling the hot skin beneath his still-damp shirt, the curve of his ribs, the thud of his heart. And I sent my magic down, deep into his skin and his bones and his heart, trying to heal the unhealable.

At last he spoke, his voice shaky.

‘You should go. It’s getting late. D’you want me to come in? You know, check the house?’

Ever since the night masked men had come to snatch me from my bed, I’d felt uneasy being alone in Wicker House. It was hard to fall asleep in the dark and silence, waiting for footsteps and the scrunch of gravel in the porch. But it wasn’t going to get any easier if I relied on Abe to protect me.

‘No – but thank you.’ He let his arms drop and I sat up, raking the hair off my face. He watched me, his face bleak and sad. A lump rose in my throat and I kissed him gently on the cheek, and he sighed.

‘All right. You know best. God shield me from an independent woman.’

‘I’m sorry – for everything.’

Sorry about Rachel. About me. About this whole screwed up everything. I couldn’t put it all into words, but I didn’t have to. Abe knew. His eyes were sad as he leaned forward to return my kiss.

‘Goodnight, Anna,’ he said. ‘But whatever else, I’m coming. OK?’

‘To Russia?’

‘You can’t go to Russia alone. You’ll be eaten alive. You want to find out about your mother? Well, don’t cut off your nose about this – if you want to succeed, you stand a better chance with me.’

‘I know.’ I said. It was hard to admit, but it was the truth and we both knew it.

Abe nodded, just once. Then I opened the car door and climbed out, and he drove away.

‘E
mmaline! This is a nice surprise.’ Dad looked up from reading the paper at the kitchen table as Emmaline slung her school bag on to the counter and slumped on to the settle. I hung my coat on the peg beside the back door and started up the coffee machine.

‘Coffee, Dad? Em? Oh –’ I dropped a sheaf of letters on to the table ‘– these were on the mat.’

‘Yes please to coffee,’ Dad said. He began to sort through the post. ‘Haven’t seen you over here for a while, Emmaline. Been busy?’

‘Well, you know. Revision and all that – I hardly leave the house these days,’ Emmaline said. Dad folded up his paper and shot me a look.

‘Really? Anna seems to be barely home. She’s up and down from London every other day. I’m amazed she’s getting any revision done at all.’

‘Look, Grandmother had a stroke. What do you want me to do?’ I snapped. ‘I’m sorry she timed her collapse so badly. I’ll be sure to tell her to schedule her next stroke more considerately.’

‘Hey, hey!’ Dad held up a hand. ‘I know you’ve had a lot on your plate. And of course you need to see Elizabeth. Just – you know. I worry. It’s only a couple of weeks until your exams – I just want you to do yourself justice. Is that a crime?’

Guilt griped at my stomach. The exams
were
just a fortnight away – but I still hadn’t told Dad that I wouldn’t be here to take them. I hadn’t been revising either – instead I’d used the time up in my room to scour the Internet for cheap flights and apply for visas. Abe knew the truth, of course. Emmaline knew, Marcus knew, my grandmother knew – it seemed like everyone knew except for Dad. And it was killing me – but I wanted to have everything in place before I told him. I didn’t trust myself to hold firm in the face of his reaction. Telling Dad was going to take all the courage and resolve I possessed. I didn’t want there to be even the slightest chink of an exit for me to back out.

The flights were booked for ten days’ time. I was expecting my visa any day now. After that there would be nothing to do but tell Dad. Which was partly why I’d invited Emmaline over tonight. A kind of farewell dinner. Before everything hit the fan.

For the moment though, Dad was opening his post.

‘Another bill,’ he sighed. ‘Bloody water board. It’s a basic human right – shouldn’t it be free?’

‘Yeah,’ agreed Emmaline. ‘I’ll tell those damn Ethiopians to send back that artesian well kit the school paid for; you clearly need it more than they do.’

‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit,’ Dad said loftily. ‘Credit card bill – oh well, not too painful this month. Oh, thank you, sweetie.’ He took the coffee I handed him and took a scalding gulp. ‘Hmm, what’s this?’ He was looking at the back flap of the next envelope. ‘Russian Embassy? That sounds a bit more exciting at least!’

My heart jumped into my throat and words stuck there, jostling to get free, but trapped. Dad’s thumb moved to the flap and ripped open the envelope and, before I could do anything more than squeak a faint, ‘Dad!’ he was reading the letter.
My
letter.

‘The embassy have approved my application for a visa to visit Russia?’ Dad’s face was blankly astonished. ‘How very bizarre!’ Then he looked more closely at the address line. ‘Hang on – it says
Ms
Winterson. The embassy’s approved
your
application, Anna? What’s this about? You can’t go to Russia – you’ve got exams!’

‘Dad …’ I croaked, but no more words came. One look at my face and he was round the table, standing in front of me, his hands on my shoulders.

‘Anna?’ He looked into my face, his expression alarmed. ‘What is all this? Please, tell me this is some kind of mistake?’

‘It’s not a mistake,’ I managed. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, I was going to tell you—’

‘What! When? You’re trying to tell me you’re planning to ditch exams you’ve been working towards for
two years
and swan off into the blue, alone?’

‘Not alone,’ I said, and then instantly realized that was a mistake.

‘With who?’

‘With Abe.’

‘What?’ Emmaline said, her voice a startled echo of Dad’s shock.

‘Yes, I’m going with Abe – not like that, Dad,’ I said as I saw his face. ‘As friends.’

‘But you can’t,’ Dad said, shaking his head as if he could dislodge this crazy notion, shake it free. ‘You’ve got exams! Why now? Why not in a couple of months, for the love of all that’s reasonable?’

Because we might not be here in two months! Because at the current rate, Elizabeth would probably be dead. Because, left to run amok, the spy was going to bring the Ealdwitan to their knees, and London alongside.

But I couldn’t say any of that – not to Dad. I could only shake my head, trying not to look at the bewildered, angry hurt in his face.

‘I forbid it,’ Dad said, and suddenly his voice was stony. ‘I am your father and I will
not
allow this.’

‘I’m an adult,’ I said. ‘I’m eighteen, remember? I can do what I want now. What are you going to do – lock me up?’

‘You’re a child! And that man – that bloody Goldsmith he should know better. You are
not
going to Russia alone and you’re certainly not going alone with Abe Goldsmith. If he tries I’ll … I’ll … I’ll have him prosecuted!’

‘For what, Dad?’ I said tiredly. ‘For being my mate?’

‘Anna, be reasonable!’ Dad said, desperately. ‘What do you want me to say? Yes, it’s fine, jack in your exams, go to Russia with a man I barely know and trust less, here’s my blessing?’

‘First, I’m not going to pass my exams,’ I said, trying to make my voice as steady as I could. ‘Dad, you don’t know what it’s been like – I went off the rails a long while back. Seth … Grandmother … everything. It’s all been too much. It’s better this way. I’ll come back –’ at least, I hoped I would ‘– I’ll resit next year with a clear head and I’ll reapply for university. I won’t gain anything by flunking out now. And second—’

‘Second,’ Emmaline interrupted, ‘she’s not going alone with Abe. I’m going too.’

‘Em?’ I gasped.

‘Shut up,’ Em said sternly. ‘Thanks for not dropping me in it with your dad, but there’s no point in keeping it a secret any longer. I’ll tell my mum tonight. Anna didn’t tell you because she didn’t want me to get into trouble with my mum,’ she said to Dad. ‘We knew neither of you would be pleased. But you can rest easy because Abe’s not going to be jumping anyone’s bones. Anna and I will be sharing a room.’

‘Emmaline, stop this,’ I said desperately. I couldn’t let her throw everything away, but how could I argue my point with Dad standing open-mouthed across the kitchen table? Dammit, Em had known I wouldn’t let her do this – and she’d deliberately made it impossible for me to fight my side. ‘Please, Em …’

‘Anna.’ Em put her hand on my arm and I felt her magic prickle across my skin, trying to tell me that it would all be OK, wrapping her love and support and steadfastness around me like an invisible hug. ‘I appreciate you trying to protect me, really I do, but it’s better that your dad knows the score. He’s not going to let you go alone with Abe, is he?’ Her dark eyes beseeched me to keep quiet. ‘So telling him this – it’s the only way.’

Telling him?
I spoke inside her head.
You’re just
telling
him, right – to shut him up? Please tell me this is just a line to get me out of trouble and you’re
not
actually coming. Em, you’re
not
coming. That’s my final word.

‘I’m coming,’ she said firmly and aloud. ‘I’m going to defer my place at LSE and do resits in the autumn. It’s all settled.’

Dad looked from me, to Emmaline, and his face set into a kind of mulish determination. Then he stood and got down a frying pan. As he set it on the Aga, his whole back radiated obstinacy and denial.
We are not done here
, his posture said silently
.

Well, I was his daughter. I could do silent obstinacy too.

After supper I walked Emmaline as far as the coast road and then started back. My watch said almost midnight and I had an automatic twinge of guilt as I remembered it was a school night. Then I laughed out loud feeling, for the first time in days, a lightening of my heart. It didn’t matter any more.

The house was in darkness when I got back and for a moment, I thought I’d dodged the bullet and Dad had gone up to bed. But when I set my foot to the stairs, the kitchen door creaked open and Dad appeared, silhouetted against the light.

‘Dad—’ I began. He shook his head.

‘No. Let me talk. I am
not
happy about this. And I’m going to be speaking to Maya about it tomorrow because frankly I can’t believe she’s going to let Emmaline get away with this. I’ve been thinking about what you said – that I can’t stop you, that you’re legally an adult. And it’s true, I admit it. But you have to tell me
why
, Anna – why would you do this?’

I stopped, with my hand on the carved, blackened newel post, groping desperately for some explanation that would come close to the truth, but protect him at the same time. I couldn’t think of anything.

‘Is it Seth?’ he asked at last. ‘Because I know the break-up hit you pretty hard – but sweetie, running away isn’t the answer. And throwing all your prospects away over some bloke who was too stupid to appreciate you …’ He stopped and then started again. ‘Listen, I know the move to Winter – I know it wasn’t what you wanted. And I’m sorry if I seemed to take you for granted, you’ve always been so steady, so good at coping with stuff – I should have listened to you more, taken your problems more seriously. I just never thought …’

I wanted to say something; tell him it wasn’t Seth, it wasn’t Winter, and most of all, it wasn’t
him
. I wanted to say that I’d have given anything to stay, to be the daughter he wanted. But the hurt and bewilderment in his face tore at my heart and I couldn’t reply. I thought of how he’d feel if I didn’t come back and our last words had been angry. And for a moment my whole body yearned to cast a charm, one that would leave him happy memories instead of bitter ones.

But they’d be false. No better than happiness bought with drugs or alcohol. Not even my mother had done that – and she’d stopped at little else. She could have given him a happy ending, a story to tell to me, a memory of her that wasn’t of heartbreak and betrayal. But she hadn’t, and perhaps, after all, the heartbreak of real memories was better than a happy fog of false ones.

So what
could
I say? I couldn’t promise him I’d come back and sit my exams. I couldn’t even promise him that he’d see me again.

‘Dad,’ I said, ‘you have to let me go. Please. You
have
to let me go to Russia.’

I could never tell him why. I could never inflict this darkness on him. I’d seen what the knowledge had done to Seth – the danger I’d put him in from the Ealdwitan, from the Malleus, and the bleak pain I’d inflicted on him with the understanding of my power and all it could do. Seth knew the gulf that lay between us. And I couldn’t bear for Dad to look at me and see anything other than his daughter.

But as I looked at him, pleading with my eyes for him to understand, something in his gaze flickered. Some memory of my mother, perhaps. An understanding, even if he chose not to recognize it, name it.

He took a deep breath, opened his mouth to speak – and then he seemed to deflate, as though some fire in him had gone out.

‘OK.’ His face was sad and he put his hand to my cheek. ‘If it means that much to you … I can’t pretend I’m happy about it – but there’s not much I can do. I’m not going to put you on house arrest, I know when I’m beaten. So … OK.’

He blinked and a tear ran down his cheek, on to his collar.

‘Do you understand?’ I asked. I wasn’t sure what I wanted the answer to be.