A Wedding Quilt for Ella (28 page)

“Then perhaps we can speak of this again when some time has passed and when you’ve healed some more and have considered my proposal. Perhaps six months? I know that seems like a long time, but it will pass quickly. At the end of that time, would you consider then whether your heart is prepared to love again? I would consider it an honor if at that time you would speak with me. I will come to you, and we will speak again.”

Ella’s mind raced, but there seemed no other possible answer, and so she nodded again. Perhaps, she decided, between now and then she would find the strength to say no. Now, the strength simply wasn’t there.

“It is agreed, then,” he said as if he closed a church matter properly decided in his favor. “I will come again at that time.” Then he got up, touched her arm lightly, and walked out. The basement door closed behind him, and the lights of his buggy soon went past the window. Ella sat frozen, unable to move, until her mom’s footsteps could be heard coming down the wooden basement stairs.

Thirty-three

M
amm approached Ella and laid her hand gently on her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t rightly know,” Ella said

“You didn’t send him away for
gut,
did you?”

“Nee, he suggested waiting six months, and I agreed.”

“Then he’s a wise man, yah?”

“I don’t want to marry him,” Ella said, her voice firm now.

“You don’t have to. But it’s wise to wait until later when you can think more clearly.”

“But you and Daett want me to marry him.”

“Yah, we do, and I don’t think you could go wrong with Wayne. But that will be for you to decide all in its good time, of course. I’m just glad you didn’t send him away for
gut.
The decision doesn’t have to be made tonight. It can be made in six months. By then things might look different. Really, Ella, outside of Aden, I don’t think a better match for you could ever be found. Bishop would make a
gut
husband, as
gut
as you can do now.”

“I’m not going to marry,” Ella said.

“Now, now, don’t think about it, at least not tonight or even in the days ahead. Let’s go on with your life.
Da Hah
will move in your heart as He sees fit.” Her mom took her hand and helped her stand.

“Is the kitchen work done yet?” Ella asked.

“Dora and Clara are about done, and I can help them. You best go up to your room for the night. It’s been a hard evening for you. Just remember that
Da Hah
has His own plans for your life, and all we can do is submit to them.”

“Do they know who was here?”

“Yah, we told them, and they understand.”

“I feel ashamed,” Ella said, a deep blush spreading over her face. “It’s as if this is all my fault.”

“It’s the way of men and women.” Her mom grasped her arm. “It’s
Da Hah’s
doin’, so there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Even in your pain, you must not forget that. This is a great honor, the young Bishop Miller himself—here so soon—to seek your hand in marriage. You must not let your eyes be blinded, Ella. Many, so many of our girls, they would consider this a
gut, gut
thing.”

“Then I’m not one of them.”

“Ach, that’s why you need time—time to be healin’, to think, and to see the ways of
Da Hah.
Come now, a good night’s sleep will do you wonders. Get some sleep. Our day’s work is full tomorrow, as always.”

Ella followed her mom upstairs. Dora, soapsuds on her elbows, caught her eye from the kitchen sink. She smiled a weak, sympathetic smile, and Ella squeezed back the tears.

Daett stood when she came into the living room. He came over to take both her hands in his. “This is hard on you,” he said in earnest. “My heart is hurting for you tonight. I wish you could have been spared, but so soon it has come. No matter how much we wish it otherwise, it simply was not to be. Perhaps we can help you bear this burden in some way. This sorrow of yours, I wish we could…”

Ella could only nod.

“You did decide to wait for some time?” Daett asked.

Ella whispered, “Yah.” It would have broken his heart if she hadn’t. But in another six months, his heart will be broken anyway. The impossibility of the situation was so complete, so undoable whichever way she turned.

“It has been too much already,” Mamm said from behind them. “She should rest for the night.”

“You shouldn’t have been asked to bear so much,” Daett conceded, “but you have also been offered a great honor. That is how
Da Hah
works. He gives and He takes away. We will pray for your strength to return.”

Ella gathered herself together and found the knob to the upstairs door even though her eyes were blinded by tears. In the comfort of her own room, she lay on the bed and sobbed till exhaustion came.

Dora woke her when she tiptoed in the room. With darkness outside the window, Ella knew she had been asleep for some time.

“I just thought I should be checkin’ on you,” Dora whispered. “You’re still dressed. Here, I’ll help you get in bed.”

“I’m not a
bobli
anymore,” Ella said, but Dora wouldn’t take no for an answer. Dora wouldn’t consider leaving until Ella was undressed and tucked under the covers.

Seated on the bed, Dora held her hand until Ella laughed. “Now you make me feel like a real
bobli.
”

“You are one—right now at least. And I’m going to take
gut
care of you, poor little girl. What a rough time you’ve been havin’.”

“Don’t make me cry all over again.” Ella propped herself up on the pillow.

“He really asked to marry you?” Dora’s eyes were wide in the starlight.

“Not in that many words. He would have if I’d acted open, so he just wants time. He wants me to wait for a spell.”

“Then he came just in case someone else comes with that same interest?”

“Somethin’ like that.”

“Bishop Wayne actually said that?”

“Yah.”

“My, you have a chance to be a bishop’s wife, and not just any bishop—Bishop Wayne Miller. My sister will walk with the great man of the church. Can you imagine that, Ella? Your children will be the mighty people in the land. No one will be able to punish you for anything you do.”

“You have fallen sick,” Ella said. “My own sister is betraying me in my own bedroom. I’m not going to marry him.”

Dora laughed, “Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away. But you will forgive me, I know you will.”

“Yah, I already did,” Ella said, knowing her words had fallen on deaf ears. Dora’s mouth was wide open, a look of pure delight on her face.

“Oh,
lieber Gott im himmel.
Is this not something? I know it’s hard for you to see, especially right now, but believe me! Mamm and Daett are right. This could not be a better turn of things. It was terrible that Aden passed away, but this is a sign
Da Hah
has not forgotten you. Oh, Ella, just wait, and you will see it. I know you will. Before many days have passed away, you will surely see it.”

“So where’s your usual gloom and doom?” Ella asked. “No troubles ahead, have we? No clouds with thunder and lightning? Can’t you understand this? I’m not going to marry anyone.”

“Oh, Ella,” Dora said, moving closer and grabbing her arm. “There’s not a cloud in this sky. But you are so wonderful and so loyal, and that makes this so much the better. If you could see what we see, but you can’t right now, and that’s okay. Time will bring this all out for the best.”

“What if it doesn’t? What if I refuse in, say, the six months the bishop has set?”

Dora shuddered. “I guess Mamm and Daett wouldn’t understand, and I don’t know that I will.”

“Don’t you think we ought to sleep?” Ella was weary of the conversation. She felt shaken but not enough to change her mind. A solid night’s sleep might help restore her resolve. Apparently she would need all she could get in the days ahead.

“I suppose so,” Dora said, getting up to go and shutting the door gently behind her.

Ella laid back and tried to nod off again, but sleep had fled. Her future stared her in the face. Her parents wouldn’t force her into any marriage, but they would be troubled, and concerned if she refused the bishop. They would be heartbroken if she rejected what they considered such a blessing from
Da Hah.

In desperation, she lit the kerosene lamp, put on her heavy housecoat, and found her way downstairs. Even with the usual squeaks on the steps, no one seemed roused from their slumber. She carefully opened the basement stair door and made her way downstairs as the quilt drew her. Whether it was the memory of Aden or its connection to him, she didn’t know. The need to quilt, to run the needle through the cloth, to make beauty out of the mundane gripped her. Perhaps comfort and sleep could be found in action.

With the lamp lit and set close by and her hands busy, she let her thoughts run over her possible future.
Should I allow myself to become the wife of Bishop Miller?
Her stomach churned at the thought. She told herself to remember what had been said all night about the need to wait, but would that really make it any better?

My decision will not be any different in six months than it is now. Aden’s love was real, and I won’t settle for anything less than that. There was but one Aden, and one love we shared. That life could produce another such love seems unlikely
—
it certainly didn’t come with the Bishop’s visit.

Her body weary, her mind distraught, the thought that came to her didn’t register at first. But then Ella paused in amazement, dropping her needle and slowly running her fingers over the quilted outline. “That would make sense,” she whispered.
So is this my answer? Do I really dare…have my own house? I wouldn’t hurt Mamm and Daett, then, at least not as much. And they wouldn’t feel as responsible if I was out of the house.

Her mind ran back and forth over the idea until she was satisfied. The last reason, which made the whole thing fall in place, was Eli. In a wild flight of fancy, she imagined the romance between Eli and the
Englisha
girl discovered and Eli forced away. He certainly couldn’t stay at home for very long, and she could give him shelter with her own house.

But is Daniel really serious about the house?
The question raced through her mind.
Yes, he is surely serious.
Now that the solution was so obvious, she was gripped by the fear that it might be taken away from her like Aden had been.

“Dear
Gott,”
she prayed, “have mercy on me. Let Daniel mean what he said. Surely You wouldn’t break my heart all over again. Please remember me.”

Feeling comforted and having hope that sleep would now come, she took the lamp and went upstairs. Apparently her mom had heard something because she came out of the bedroom.

“I’m going back to bed,” Ella whispered. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“What were you doing?”

“Quilting just a little bit.”

Mamm nodded. “Good night, then, and sleep good.”

Ella managed a smile and shut the stair door behind her. In bed, excitement ran through her and prevented her sought-after sleep.
There is so much to be done! I have to speak with Daniel as soon as possible. Is there time yet? Six months seems like enough, but is it? Winter is just ahead, and the house will have to be completed before the Bishop calls again.

Downstairs the clock struck one o’clock, and then Ella remembered nothing else until Dora knocked loudly on the door.

Thirty-four

W
hether it was because she just felt better or because she had found a way out of her bishop dilemma, Ella wasn’t certain. Whatever it was, Ella surprised herself on Friday night.

“I’m going along,” she announced.

“You’re comin’ to the youth gathering at widow Miller’s?” Dora asked in surprise.

“Yah,” Ella said without any hesitation. “Eli still needs looking after, but Mamm can handle him.”

Dora looked at her strangely but decided to leave well enough alone.

Ella helped with the chores, milking extra fast. They were done early. Supper was eaten quickly, and Ella sat in the cramped middle of the buggy seat with Monroe at the reins. Once Eli was well again, they would go back to their routine of taking two buggies. For now, the ride had to be what it was. Amish frugality demanded the choice. Two buggies for three people would be extravagant.

Ella hadn’t yet mentioned her house plans to anyone. She had high hopes Daniel would be at the gathering tonight. Such an event usually brought out a fair-sized crowd. The garden planting for the widow Esther Miller should be attended by the youth from several districts. Her eight children could have put her garden in, but the fun was greater this way. The work would give the youth a reason to socialize and a break from volleyball games.

Monroe pulled into the driveway and Ella noticed several boys were already out with hoes, hard at work. From the looks of things, they planned to form the beds by hand. Three girls with plants in their hands waited for the completion of the first row. Esther was in the garden, her hands waving around wildly, giving instructions on where she wanted things planted.

Behind them a line of buggies dotted the road. Ella jumped down, shook the wrinkles out of her dress, and took a deep breath. This was her first youth gathering since the funeral. From the beat of her heart, she knew this wouldn’t be the easiest thing to do. Yet her heart felt comfort and purpose in the evening. It would not be wasted. She was here to talk with Daniel.
Is this how time goes on and how life begins again after having been torn apart? Does it start with an unexpected reason and a sudden purpose such as this?

Ella removed the hoes from the back of the buggy as Dora stepped down. Monroe barely gave Dora time to clear the wheel before he pulled forward with a jerk. Dora stuck her tongue out at the back of the buggy, which brought an unexpected but welcome laugh from Ella.